this'll be my last post for this week...

at exactly 920am i leave the wasted land of Manila and off to B O R A C A Y



... the shores of Bora are waiting for me to read and dream on them...

"takot na ko magmahal..i know na masasaktan lang ako..." so goes the message from my friend...
MeatMarket's latest entry goes: "Can you really walk out of a relationship unscathed? If so, how? If not, how many times do you have to be hurt to give up on gambling your heart?"

love love love and all that hullabaloo...

if we know for a fact that loving someone entails that we will somehow get hurt by the person we love then why, for Hell's sake, still go through it over and over and over again like a masochist shouting "more pain, dammit! moooooreee!"

beats me, dude.

HA!

i don't think i'm the best person to ask about such things...

in matters of the heart, i'm not a subject matter expert.

but here's my singko na butas worth of thoughts...love and pain they go together. one cannot exist w/o the other. it has always been that way and always will be...if we can love someone w/o the pain that would be just swell...but pain was teamed up with love to make it human...love in itself is an emotion that is overwhelming and divine...it is an emotion that will consume you and push you to the highest heaven and deepest hell...pain is there to keep your feet on the ground. it teaches you that what you have now may be fleeting. it teaches you that love w/o sacrifice is not love at all...it teaches you that love cannot be contained but instead should be like a stream flowing steadily through every bend and rock it encounters until it finds it final destination..it teaches you to treat every day as if its your last because you never know what tomorrow brings..it teaches you to suck the very marrow of life until it yields to you its very essence....pain or at least the feeling of being and getting hurt remind us that we are humans...that in this big and crazy world we need people to make our life's journey interesting and colorful...

there is no one that I know of who have emerged from a relationship unscathed or unharmed but may it be a deep gash or a life threatening wound, I know that we will still love someone or something as we go through our miserable lives. I know that though we profess to never love again we know that the only bandage that'll soothe our hurting heart or the only medicine that will ease our pain is love...that i know for sure.

i have loved and lost many times in my life and still I am loving...or at least trying to. and it's not because I love the feeling of pain or being hurt..GAWD No!...but it's because despite all of the pain I've gone through and all of the tears that I've cried, my heart still longs for that one person who will love me ~faithfully and enduringly...it's because my heart still yearns for its better half..its because despite the cynicism in the world I still want to love and be loved in return...yes even with pain...

kung hindi ka nasasaktan ibig sabihin hindi ka totoong nagmamahal. Kung naghihintay ka nang kapalit sa pagmamahal na binibigay mo ibig sabihin hindi ka totoong nagmamahal. Ang tunay na pagmamahal hindi naghihintay ng kapalit. binibigay ang pagmamahal ng walang kapalit. ng walang hinihintay na pagmamahal in return. it may be masakit but its true. it may be corny but its true. ayaw mong masaktan pero nagmamahal ka? Nagmamahal ka kaya ka nasasaktan.

"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity."
- Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist-

drowning...

i'm drowning in your eyes under the yellow sign and the stars...
won't you cover your eyes
give me time to breathe
before you drown me with your soul seering stares...
-adnileb



...when I first knew
Was when I first looked at you
And if I Can't find my way
If salvation Seems miles away
I'll be found When I'm lost in your eyes...

"I know you can be underwhelmed, and you can be overwhelmed, but can you ever just be, like, whelmed?"

13 Random Things You Like
13. the smell of (old) books
12. the smell of dawn
11. when wave swallows my toes as if saying let go of your fears and i will wash them away for you
10. kids! babies! kids! babies! Kids!
9. being held by the man i love
8. being kissed on the forehead
7. being given a "smelling kiss"
6. unexpected and sincere compliments
5. autumn leaves falling all about
4. sunday walks in Makati
3. my sunday afternoon ritual
2. when my mom or dad calls me anak
1. slow dancing (which I have never done)


12 Great Movies
12. An affair to remember/Love Affair
11. Casablanca
10. Breakfast at Tiffany's
9. face/Off
8. Air Force One
7. Gladiator
6. Sneakers
5. Juana De Loca
4. The Negotiator
3. Red Violin
2. Troy
1. LOTR


11 Things About You
11. I still dance and sing infront of my old second hand dresser
10. I have flat feet. I compensate by wearing deee-vine shoes!
9. I'm SLO
8. I don't know how to cross the street
7. I don't know how to tie my shoelaces
6. I'm a brat
5. I'm very very sensitive but learned to hide it with a big smile and my trademark by-line : ok lang
4. I'm madaldal but secretive as hell when it comes to talking about myself
3. I'm OC but my room is a mess
2. I'm medyo deaf
1. I'm pikon


8 Favorite Foods/Drinks
8. Cadbury's Fruit and Nut
7. Mediterranean's Grilled Chicken
6. Coke
5. Cafe Breton's Mango Banana Crepe
4. My dad's cooking (sshhh don't tell my mom!)
3. Greenhills Turon
2. Cibo's La Foresta
1. Watermelon and Mango Shake


6 Things That Make Happy
6. Surprises
5. Sunrise and sunsets
4. Notes and love letters
3. shoes and bags!
2. tags and comments in my blog
1. nice photographs

One Greatest Fear in Life

Being alone...