"What does not kill you will make you more stronger and more cynical."

After my crying episode last night (na nakatulugan ko) I suddenly woke up around 2am. I haven't had a decent night's sleep for months now. Not even with the help of sleeping pills nope, sleep will not come to this tired body now...no, not yet...i tried to get back to sleep but to no avail...I cried again. My cries has not been cries of pain due to a lost love...it was more of a cry of a person wanting some relief from all the emotional roller coaster...from all the emotional punches and kicks that I've been getting lately...its like I'm in a heavyweight fight...knocked out several times but as the referee counts I get up and and raise my fists again to fight...i know that i can still fight but my body is all black and blue from all the hard hits I've been getting...

I am stronger now..much much more that I have ever been these past few months but sometimes I still feel so weak and helpless...but I am not going to stop..i am not going to let the referre stop the fight not let me count me out...and when the judges annouce their score cards, I am gonna win many times over...I am gonna come out of top...

no matter how badly your heart is broken, the world does not stop for your grief

Come on, let’s reason together
By Dr. Harold J. Sala

"For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your
sins."- Matthew 6:14, 15

To forgive someone doesn’t mean you give in, that you capitulate in weakness. But it does mean, in simple terms, that you pull the knife out of your own stomach. Instead
of turning yourself inside out with bitterness, you release the bitterness which has been gnawing at your innards, and you allow the process of healing to begin. Long ago God held out the olive branch of peace to those who had wilfully and knowingly turned against Him. He invited them to stop and reason, to think, stressing the fact that to give and accept forgiveness is not only reasonable, it is the only path to healing and
restoration. Here’s the famous text found in Isaiah 1: "Come now, let us reason together,’ says the Lord. ‘Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as
snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool. If you are willing and obedient, you will eat the best from the land; but if you resist and rebel, you will
be devoured by the sword" (Isaiah 1:18-20).

Wrongdoing or the extent of it isn’t the issue. Ok, you were wronged. "Come, now," God says, "let’s reason together." Have you ever wondered why people refuse to forgive, why they hold on to bitterness that becomes a cancer that eats them away? Medical research has proven conclusively that people who are free of bitterness and anger live longer, enjoy life more, and are more free of hang-ups than those who refuse to forgive. There is no logic in living with bitterness. Long ago the writer of Proverbs said, "There’s a way that looks harmless enough; look again–it leads straight to hell" (Proverbs 16:25, the message). The way that often seems right from a human standpoint is the way of revenge, of getting even. Jesus talked about the way that is straight and narrow, which leads to life, and the path that is wide, the well-travelled one, that leads to death.

It’s your choice. Releasing bitterness, giving up your right to hurt someone because that person hurt you, is not only good for your health, but also good for your heart and soul as well. Frankly, the best way to deal with those who hurt you is to forgive them, love them, and let God deal with them in His way, and in His time. Paul’s statement, "‘Vengeance is mine; I will repay,’ says the Lord" is not idle chatter.

Have you forgiven the one who hurt you? Jesus said that unless we forgive others, our Father in heaven will not forgive us. So just in case, since you are possibly less than entirely saintly yourself, better learn to forgive.

Say it, write a letter, make a telephone call–whatever is necessary–just do it. You’ll be the winner when you do. -

Resource Reading: Luke 16:1-13

"We are not evil, inadequate or incompetent when our relationships fail. It may have been that we were simply unrealistic in our expectations of them…the very measure of a good relationship is in how much it encourages optimal intellectual emotional and spiritual growth." (Leo Buscaglia)

Last night, I read Nikki'sblog and what was written there made me cry...not that I was sad for her..God no! I am truly happy for her...I cried for me...self pity? im not so sure myself...mababaw lang naman kaligayan ko e...i don't aspire to be someone great or someone rich and famous...my only dream was to love and to be loved in return...why is that so hard to achieve at this time?...and so I cried until I fell asleep crying and while listening to Fantasia's rendtion of I believe...it's been weeks since my last cry...i hate having "moments' kse it makes me feel depressed all over again(pop 2 pills at once)...makes me feel that I'm a bad person (good things happene to good people bad things to bad people)...makes me feel stupid (why do i still cry)...makes me sad and lonely over and over and over again...hhoooowweeee this is such a roller coaster ride and I want to get off!!! I've been trying to move on since day 1 and here I am still pining for him..putangina pwede ba belinda tigilan mo na...see! that's how mad I am na with myself ..with my heart for still holding on...please i wanna move on na...what else should I do??? get a fucking new heart...anyone who wants to donate their heart???


No More Tears

No sunshine, no moonlight
no stardust, no sign of romance
and I won't waste another tear

If you've had enough,
don't put up with his stuff,
don't you do it

If you've had your fill,
get the check, pay the bill,
you can do it

Tell him to just get out,
nothing left to talk about
pack his raincoat, show him out

(chorus:)
Just look at him in the eye and simply shout:
enough is enough is enough
I can't go on, I can't go on no more,no
enough is enough is enough
I want him out, I want him out that door now

I always dreamed I'd find my perfect lover,
but he tourned out to be like every other man
I've loved, I've loved, I've loved

(chorus:)
Enough is enough is enough
I can't go on, I can't go on no more, no
enough is enough is enough
I want him out, I want him out that door now
enough is enough is enough

Seeing life from God's view
by Rick Warren

What is your life?" (James 4:14b, NIV

How you define life determines your destiny. The way you view life is your life metaphor. It's your description of how life works and what you expect from it.

It influences your life more than you realize and determines your expectations, values, relationships, goals, and priorities

To fulfill the purposes God has for you, you will have to base your view on the biblical metaphors of life. These are: Life is a test, and life is a Trust.

Life is a test - God continually tests people's character, faith, obedience, love, integrity, and loyalty. Character is both developed and revealed, and all of life is a test.

When you understand that life is a test, you realize that every day is important. God wants you to pass the tests of life, so he never allows the tests to be greater than the grace he gives you to handle them.

Life is a trust - We are to be stewards of whatever God gives us. All we enjoy is to be treated as a trust that God has placed in our hands. The more God gives you, the more responsible he expects you to be.

If you treat everything as a trust, God promises three rewards in eternity: affirmation, promotion, and celebration.

If your life metaphor doesn't line up with God's, ask him to give you a new perspective - his

Point to ponder: Life is a test and a trust
Verse: "What is your life?" (James 4:14b, NIV)

What will you do about it: No matter what trials or tests face you today, thank God that he is using those things to build your character.

Prayer: Ask God to keep you mindful that every day is significant. Ask him to help you pass each test and be a good steward of what he's entrusted to you.

I'm Not Supposed To Love You Anymore

We Agreed That It Was Over,
Now The Lines Have All Been Drawn
The Vows We Made, Began To Fade
But Now They're Gone
Put Your Pictures In A Shoebox
And My Gold Ring In A Drawer
I'm not susposed to love you anymore

Now Sherri Says She's Jealous
Of This Freedom That I Found
If She Were Me, She Would Be, Oooout On The Town
And She Says She Can't Imagine
What On Earth I'm Waitin' For
I'm Not Susposed To Love You Anymore

Oh I Shouldn't Care Or Wonder Where And How You Are
But I Can't Hide This Hurt Inside My Broken Heart
I'm Fighting Back Emotions That I've Never Fought Before
'Cuz I'm Not Supposed To Love You Anymore

Now I'm Writin' You This Letter
And It's Killing Me Tonight
That I Agreed When You Believed It Wasn't Right
And I Couldn't Sleep Up On The Bed
So I'm Down Here On The Floor
Where I'm Not Supposed To Love You Anymore

Oh I Shouldn't Care Or Wonder Where And How You Are
But I Can't Hide This Hurt Inside My Broken Heart
I'm Fighting Back Emotions That I've Never Fought Before
'Cuz I'm Not Supposed To Love You Anymore

I'm Fighting Back Emotions That I've Never (Fade).. Fought Before
'Cuz I'm Not Supposed To Love You (Stop) ..Anymore..

Virgo Daily Horoscope
by Astrology.com

By the time afternoon arrives, that wistful look you've been wearing for the past few days will have changed. At that point, whatever you feel will be quite obvious. Prepare!
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In my last entry there was a typo: It said : "he wrote when he was asking me to take me back as a reminder" It should have been "he wrote when he was asking me to take HIM back as a reminder."

Today is my first day back from my long and much needed hiatus...tinatamad ako...i wanna go back to my bed and watch TV...Haaayyyy! I was just told by a friend that the new American Idol is Fantasia. Not bad. But my choice was La Toya London pero pwede na din...sa NBA naman po mga kababayan natalo ang Pacers kaya 2-1 against Detroit. Bwisit. That ruined my day.

I got this from Teen-teen's blog sabe nya its for me daw..aawwwww..shiyet first 2 paragraphs palang or lines na touched na agad ako

i'm a nice apple...
a good friend forwarded this email to me. it's a good one....

Women are like apples on trees: the best ones are at the top of the tree.
Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt.

Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy.......

So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing.

They just have to wait for the right man to come along - the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

Share this with other women who are good apples - even those who have already been picked!

And remember ...

Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

tinism: let's stomp the crap out of men, period.

***Imma good apple too :)***


'I'M ANGRY AS A PERSON, NOT AS A HOST'
Boy Abunda slams MTRCB memo
May 26, 2004
By Marinel R. Cruz

BOY Abunda, co-host of "The Buzz,'' said the MTRCB memo to the ABS-CBN Sunday show biz talk show made him "angry as a person, not as a host."

But Abunda also said he heard from "reliable sources that the words used in the letters were not hers (Laguardia's)."

"I could not connect the memo to the chairman because I know of her as somebody who is liberal," Abunda told Inquirer Entertainment Tuesday night. "We've gotten into some problems with the MTRCB in the past but she's one who has always been open to dialogues."

Still, Abunda made it very clear that he was very angry at the memo, "not as a host, but as a person."

"I felt insulted by the way the letter was worded, which I considered a personal attack on my being gay," he said. "Since when has a promise of love been promiscuous, unfriendly and offensive on prime time television? It's far from being immoral."

The MTRCB memo noted that the hosts of "The Buzz" had asked the couple questions like "What can you promise each other?" and that the couple told them, "We will love each other forever."

Abunda argued, "how in the world can anybody give another meaning to a simple line like 'we will love each other forever'? I don't understand why I have to be attacked verbally by anyone when I ask two people what they promise to each other. That's cruelty of titanic proportions."

He said he is saddened that "so many societies, specifically ours as verbalized by the MTRCB, have not considered the love between gays or lesbians as a form of human love. I totally resent this.

"I have lived with the same man for the past 21 years," he said. "Are you trying to say that my love and the life that I've dedicated to my partner for the past 21 years is an aberration? Given what I have done to my life or the fact that I have become a good son to my mother, a good supervisor to my employees? I think I've done pretty well."

The MTRCB memos noted that "The Buzz" and "S-Files," being aired during prime time, are watched by youngsters "who are at their most impressionable stage."

"I'm raising a 4-year-old nephew," Abunda said. "Bong and I as partners adore him. Every day of our lives, we try to be the best parents we could be. We are not always successful, but that's OK. If, by our being a gay couple, we are sending the wrong message of love and care to a 4-year-old nephew who is living with us, then I don't know what they're talking about.

"If showing two people professing love for each other would change entirely the lives of children, then what kind of parents are we?" Abunda added. "This is the role of the parents. It's a shared responsibility."

for an OC person like me, my room is a bafflement how the hell can I be a clean freak person when it is so untidy, disarranged and full of stuff that needs to go straight to the trash can-better yet, the incinerator.

I tried to fix -mind you, not clean but fix my room this morning. there's a distinction between cleaning and fixing my room. the latter needs a miracle of God the latter...just needs my attention to be able to get the guts to throw all the papers, letters and whatnots from my closet. I was able to fill 2 big grocery size plastic bags and my room is still not fix. Among the things that I threw out are letters, gifts and momentos of my relationship with William. He was the first guy who broke my heart. I read each and every one of the cards and letters he gave me, one of which is the letter asking me to take him back and that he has realized his mistakes and all that horse shit. A couple of years ago, I cried to the high heavens asking for God to bring him back and now that he is, I do not even have the minutest interest in him. such irony. I wanted to throw out all of the things I have of him but decided to retain the letter he wrote when he was asking me to take me back as a reminder. a reminder that God answers our prayers...salamat po Lord...

I watched the Kris and Korina morning chorvalu at medyo naguluhan ako no. there was no clear explanation as to what they were talking about but from the looks of it, i think it was somekindasorta about love and relationships...i think...isang oras akong nabwisit sa host (si Kris lang wala si Korina) at sa mga bobita at bobito ng guests...the saving grace of the show was presence of my boyfriend Christian Bautista and the answers of Luis "I love you lucky" Manzano and that Jodi girl...the host and and the 2 other guests namely, Polo something na ang pag pronounce sa moments is mo-ments, si heart na as usual is Trying hard. camille prats was...so-so...pwede na...their answers were all answers of a selfish person who wants all the men and women to themselves kesohadang may masaktan o wala. I expected it from heart being the ditzy stupid (understatement ito) girl that she is but from Kris...well, i should've expected it too but kse naman medyo may anak na po tayo at ilang beses nang na in love e mukha iha...wala ka pa ding utak..YOU GIVE THE AQUINO NAME NOTHING BUT SHAME...why we make tangkilik these kind of showbiz personalities are sooo beyond me...Kris even made me angrier when during the commercial break, there was a segment about what happened in The Buzz, i think. Which was Kris breaking daw with Mark Lapid on national tv. Our God, this gal absolutely has all the gal and no delicadeza whatsoever...another thing that made me shout "tanga" from where I was seated was when she agreed with what Heart said about breaking up w someone because she's not happy with that person anymore kse we she met another person who made her happy...sure, break up w someone if you think you're not happy with him or her anymore but tell that person that you've found someone new na??? Iha, you want that to happen to you? Follow the golden rule. Can we get better TV hosts and celebrities please!!!!

Kris, you've hurt a lot of people. Your kid got all your bad karma. You got some of it din, kse nagiging kabit ka lang at "sex partner"....Shape up dear. Di ka naman ganun kagandahan. yes, you may have the name and the fake whitened skin but hey...you might wanna put something inside your brain and heart, too.

Tuesday, May 25, 2004

Virgo Daily Horoscope

by Astrology.com

A surprise is due, and it's going to come about via the revelation of either a secret admirer or a behind-the-scenes guardian angel. Either way, pretend you didn't know

***sus! this is soooo long over due***

I got the survey below from Princess Charming's blog na di nya alam na binabasa ko pa minsan minsan kse naman walang tag board or that comment chorvalu.anyway highway, basahin nyo nalang :)

Survey ng mga what
What did you want to be when you grow up?
madame! una I wanted to a detective ala Sherlock Holmes (sa kakabasa ng Nancy Drew and Sherlock Books) tapos nung mapanood ko yung NAM Tour Of Duty na andun si gwapong gwapo na si LT or Stephen Caffrey, I wanted to be a soldier na coz I wanted to go to Vietnam to fight with him at syempre I didnt know na at that time peace time na pala sa Vietnam hehehehehe then because of Top Gun I changed my mind to another branch of the Military. I wanted to be a fighter Pilot!!! I went as far as to research about being a top gun to collecting model planes and ironing my denim jacket with top gun insignia. Tapos I wanted to be a lawyer tapos..during college when found out how difficult it was to be one I wanted to be a teacher coz I love kids..tapos...eto sa call center nagwwork ngayon...

What is your favorite childhood memory?
lotsa lotsa lotsa

What was the first movie that made you cry?
hhmmmm..i forgot na

If you were to become stupidly rich, what one eccentricity would you indulge in?
tatakbo ako sa pulitka at kukunin ko si juday na endorser

How did you first learn about how babies are made?
i got molested when I was young...

When was your heart first broken?
in College...he left me then and now ilang taon na syang trying to get back w me...

What was your childhood comfort food?
chicken

If you could be a groupie for any band or musician, who would it be and why?
LIVE and Nickelback

If there was one ulam left in the world what would it be?
Chicken! Chicken! Chicken!

If you were on a desert island, what is the one book, person, CD, or practical item you would bring with you?
water! item ba yun?

If you were to commission a musician to make the soundtrack of your life, who would it be?
David Foster tapos si Josh Groban and kakanta

Have you ever seen anything so beautiful you wanted to cry?
yep, a baby..everytime

What do you wish someone would invent?
a cure for a broken heart

Who would play you in the movie of your life?
Charlize Theron kse hawig kme pero sige si....sharon nalang..bwahahahahha

Who would be your leading man?
That won't be necessary, since I don't have a real-life leading man anyway. :)

What song do you wish you wrote?
Silent Night...all those royalties!

What do you do when you are mad at a friend?
wala...depends sa level ng pagka friends namin..if level 1 hay naku makakarinig ka sa akin...pero Im not galit..i'll just tell you na im naiinis tapos after a few minutes ok na ulet pag level 2, wala i wont tell you..mapagtanim ako e..pag level 3 and onwards...excuse but do I know you???

What was your favorite panalo moment?


What panalo moment do you want to have?
pag artista na ako...

What is on your wall?
pictures tsaka i dunno what u call them...

What is your favorite picture of yourself?
on a beach, with my whole universe..THEN!

Who is the best person you met in the last year?


What's the most illegal thing you've done in school?
madame..

What would your last meal on earth be?
chicken, la foresta and watermelom shake ng Cibo, coke

What is your favorite movie scene?


What is your favorite indulgence?
books, shoes, cds, dvds, bags, bling blings

What is the best way to snap you out of a bad mood?
Corny jokes. Mababaw lang kaligayahan ko

^^^

"The worst way to miss someone
is to be sitting right beside them
knowing you can't have them.....
hope you would understand..."


THE WORST WAY TO MISS SOMEONE...

There was once this guy who is very
much in love with his girl...

This ROMANTIC GUY folded 1,000 pieces of paper
cranes
as a gift to his girl...
Although, at that time he was just a small fry in
his company, his future doesn't seemed too bright,
they were very happy together...

Until one day,
his girl told him she was going to
Paris and will never come back.
She also told him that she couldn't visualize
any future for the both of them, so they went
their own ways there and then...

Heartbroken, the guy agreed.
But when he regains his confidence,
he worked hard day and night,
slogging his body and mind
just to make something out of him....

Finally with all these hard work and the help of
friends, this guy had set up his own company!
You never fail until you stop trying.

One rainy day,
while this guy was driving,
he saw an elderly couple sharing an umbrella the
rain walking to some destination.
Even with the umbrella, they were still drenched.
It didn't take him long to realize those were his
girl's parents...
With a heart in getting back at them, he drove
slowly beside the couple, wanting them to spot
him in his luxury sedan...

He wanted them to know that he wasn't the same
anymore; he had his own company, car, condo, etc.
He made it!

Before the guy can realize, the couple was
walking towards a cemetery, and he got out of his
car and followed...
and he saw his girl,
a photograph of her smiling sweetly as ever at
him from her tombstone and he saw his paper
cranes beside her...

Her parents saw him.
He asks them why had this happened.
They explained,
she did not leave for France at all...
She was ill with cancer...

She had believed that he will make it someday,
but she did not want to be his obstacle!!...
therefore she had chosen to leave him.

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you
want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you
with all they have.

She had wanted her parents to put his
paper cranes beside her,
because, if the day comes when fate brings him to
her again...
he can take some of those back with him..

Once you have loved,
you will always love...
For what's in your mind may escape
but what's in your heart will remain forever...

The guy just wept...

The worst way to miss someone
is to be sitting right beside them
knowing you can't have them.....
hope you would understand...

Find time to realize
that there is one person
who means so much to you,
for you might wake up one morning
losing that person
whom you thought meant nothing to you...

"The last thing you want is to be in love with someone you can't have. Believe me, that's
something I know."

Weblog Ethics

Weblogs are the mavericks of the online world. Two of their greatest strengths are their ability to filter and disseminate information to a widely dispersed audience, and their position outside the mainstream of mass media. Beholden to no one, weblogs point to, comment on, and spread information according to their own, quirky criteria.

The weblog network's potential influence may be the real reason mainstream news organizations have begun investigating the phenomenon, and it probably underlies much of the talk about weblogs as journalism. Webloggers may not think in terms of control and influence, but commercial media do. Mass media seeks, above all, to gain a wide audience. Advertising revenues, the lifeblood of any professional publication or broadcast, depend on the size of that publication's audience. Content, from a business standpoint, is there only to deliver eyeballs to advertisers, whether the medium is paper or television.

Journalists--the people who actually report the news--are acutely aware of the potential for abuse that is inherent in their system, which relies on support from businesses and power brokers, each with an agenda to promote. Their ethical standards are designed to delineate the journalist's responsibilities and provide a clear code of conduct that will ensure the integrity of the news.

Weblogs, produced by nonprofessionals, have no such code, and individual webloggers seem almost proud of their amateur status. "We don't need no stinkin' fact checkers" seems to be the prevailing attitude, as if inaccuracy were a virtue.

Let me propose a radical notion: The weblog's greatest strength--its uncensored, unmediated, uncontrolled voice--is also its greatest weakness. News outlets may be ultimately beholden to advertising interests, and reporters may have a strong incentive for remaining on good terms with their sources in order to remain in the loop; but because they are businesses with salaries to pay, advertisers to please, and audiences to attract and hold, professional news organizations have a vested interest in upholding certain standards so that readers keep subscribing and advertisers keep buying. Weblogs, with only minor costs and little hope of significant financial gain, have no such incentives.

The very things that may compromise professional news outlets are at the same time incentives for some level of journalistic standards. And the very things that make weblogs so valuable as alternative news sources--the lack of gatekeepers and the freedom from all consequences--may compromise their integrity and thus their value. There is every indication that weblogs will gain even greater influence as their numbers grow and awareness of the form becomes more widespread. It is not true, as some people assert, that the network will route around misinformation, or that the truth is always filtered to widespread awareness. Rumors spread because they are fun to pass along. Corrections rarely gain much traction either in the real world or online; they just aren't as much fun.

There has been almost no talk about ethics in the weblog universe: Mavericks are notoriously resistant to being told what to do. But I would propose a set of six rules that I think form a basis of ethical behavior for online publishers of all kinds.1 I hope that the weblog community will thoughtfully consider the principles outlined here; in time, and with experience, the community may see the need to add to these rules or to further codify our standards. At the very least, I hope these principles will spur discussion about our responsibilities and the ramifications of our collective behavior.

Journalistic codes of ethics seek to ensure fairness and accuracy in news reporting. By comparison, each of these suggestions attempts to bring transparency--one of the weblog's distinguishing characteristics and greatest strengths--into every aspect of the practice of weblogging. It is unrealistic to expect every weblogger to present an even-handed picture of the world, but it is very reasonable to expect them to be forthcoming about their sources, biases, and behavior.

Webloggers who, despite my best efforts, persist in their quest to be regarded as journalists will have a special interest in adhering to these principles. News organizations may someday be willing to point to weblogs (or weblog entries) as serious sources, but only if weblogs have, as a whole, demonstrated integrity in their information gathering and dissemination, and consistency in their online conduct.

Any weblogger who expects to be accorded the privileges and protections of a professional journalist will need to go further than these principles. Rights have associated responsibilities; in the end it is an individual's professionalism and meticulous observance of recognized ethical standards that determines her status in the eyes of society and the law. For the rest of us, I believe the following standards are sufficient:

1. Publish as fact only that which you believe to be true.
If your statement is speculation, say so. If you have reason to believe that something is not true, either don't post it, or note your reservations. When you make an assertion, do so in good faith; state it as fact only if, to the best of your knowledge, it is so.

2. If material exists online, link to it when you reference it.
Linking to referenced material allows readers to judge for themselves the accuracy and insightfulness of your statements. Referencing material but selectively linking only that with which you agree is manipulative. Online readers deserve, as much as possible, access to all of the facts--the Web, used this way, empowers readers to become active, not passive, consumers of information. Further, linking to source material is the very means by which we are creating a vast, new, collective network of information and knowledge.

On the rare occasion when a writer wishes to reference but not drive traffic to a site she considers to be morally reprehensible (for example, a hate site), she should type out (but not link) the name or URL of the offending site and state the reasons for her decision. This will give motivated readers the information they need to find the site in order to make their own judgment. This strategy allows the writer to preserve her own transparency (and thus her integrity) while simultaneously declining to lend support to a cause she finds contemptible.

3. Publicly correct any misinformation.
If you find that you have linked to a story that was untrue, make a note of it and link to a more accurate report. If one of your own statements proves to be inaccurate, note your misstatement and the truth. Ideally, these corrections would appear in the most current version of your weblog and as an added note to the original entry. (Remember that search engines will pull up entries without regard to when they were posted; once an entry exists in your archives, it may continue to spread an untruth even if you corrected the information a few days later.) If you aren't willing to add a correction to previous entries, at least note it in a later post.

One clear method of denoting a correction is the one employed by Cory Doctorow, one of the contributors to the Boing Boing weblog. He strikes through any erroneous information and adds the corrected information immediately following. The reader can see at a glance what Bill Cory originally wrote and that he has updated the entry with information he feels to be more accurate. (Do it like this in HTML: The reader can see at a glance what Bill Cory originally wrote and that he has updated the entry with information he feels to be more accurate.)

4. Write each entry as if it could not be changed; add to, but do not rewrite or delete, any entry.
Post deliberately. If you invest each entry with intent, you will ensure your personal and professional integrity.

Changing or deleting entries destroys the integrity of the network. The Web is designed to be connected; indeed, the weblog permalink is an invitation for others to link. Anyone who comments on or cites a document on the Web relies on that document (or entry) to remain unchanged. A prominent addendum is the preferred way to correct any information anywhere on the Web. If an addendum is impractical, as in the case of an essay that contains numerous inaccuracies, changes must be noted with the date and a brief description of the nature of the change.

If you think this is overly scrupulous, consider the case of the writer who points to an online document in support of an assertion. If this document changes or disappears--and especially if the change is not noted--her argument may be rendered nonsensical. Books do not change; journals are static. On paper, new versions are always denoted as such.

The network of shared knowledge we are building will never be more than a novelty unless we protect its integrity by creating permanent records of our publications. The network benefits when even entries that are rendered irrelevant by changing circumstance are left as a historical record. As an example: A weblogger complains about inaccuracies in an online article; the writer corrects those inaccuracies (and notes them!); the weblogger's entry is therefore meaningless--or is it? Deleting the entry somehow asserts that the whole incident simply didn't happen--but it did. The record is more accurate and history is better served if the weblogger notes beneath the original entry that the writer has made the corrections and the article is now, to the weblogger's knowledge, accurate.

History can be rewritten, but it cannot be undone. Changing or deleting words is possible on the Web, but possibility does not always make good policy. Think before you publish and stand behind what you write. If you later decide you were wrong about something, make a note of it and move on.

I make a point never to post anything I am not willing to stand behind even if I later disagree. I work to be thoughtful and accurate, no matter how angry or excited I am about a particular topic. If I change my opinion in a day or two, I just note the change. If I need to apologize for something I've said, I do so.

If you discover that you have posted erroneous information, you must note this publicly on your weblog. Deleting the offending entry will do nothing to correct the misinformation your readers have already absorbed. Taking the additional step of adding a correction to the original entry will ensure that Google broadcasts accurate information into the future.

The only exception to this rule is when you inadvertently reveal personal information about someone else. If you discover that you have violated a confidence or made an acquaintance uncomfortable by mentioning him, it is only fair to remove the offending entry altogether, but note that you have done so.

5. Disclose any conflict of interest.
Most webloggers are quite transparent about their jobs and professional interests. It is the computer programmer's expertise that gives her commentary special weight when she analyzes a magazine article about the merits of the latest operating system. Since weblog audiences are built on trust, it is to every weblogger's benefit to disclose any monetary (or other potentially conflicting) interests when appropriate. An entrepreneur may have special insight into the effect of a proposed Senate bill or a business merger; if she stands to benefit directly from the outcome of any event, she should note that in her comments. A weblogger, impressed with a service or product, should note that she holds stock in the company every time she promotes the service on her page. Even the weblogger who receives a CD for review should note that fact; her readers can decide for themselves whether her favorable review is based on her taste or on her desire to continue to receive free CDs.

Quickly note any potential conflict of interest and then say your piece; your readers will have all the information they need to assess your commentary.

6. Note questionable and biased sources.
When a serious article comes from a highly biased or questionable source, the weblogger has a responsibility to clearly note the nature of the site on which it was found. In their foraging, webloggers occasionally find interesting, well-written articles on sites that are maintained by highly biased organizations or by seemingly fanatical individuals. Readers need to know whether an article on the medical ramifications of first trimester abortion comes from a site that is pro-life, pro-choice, or strongly opposed to medical intervention of all kinds. A thoughtful summation of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict may be worth reading whether it is written by a member of the PLO or a Zionist--but readers have the right to be alerted to the source.

It is reasonable to expect that expert foragers have the knowledge and motivation to assess the nature of these sources; it is not reasonable to assume that all readers do. Readers depend on weblogs, to some extent, for guidance in navigating the Web. To present an article from a source that is a little nutty or has a strong agenda is fine; not to acknowledge the nature of that source is unethical, since readers don't have the information they need to fully evaluate the article's merits.

If you are afraid that your readers will discount the article entirely based on its context, consider why you are linking it at all. If you strongly feel the piece has merit, say why and let it stand on its own, but be clear about its source. Your readers may cease to trust you if they discover even once that you disguised--or didn't make clear--the source of an article they might have evaluated differently had they been given all the facts.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

1 With regard to points 1 and 5, I am indebted to Dave Winer for his discussions on Scripting News about integrity with regard to weblogging. Though our thinking diverges greatly, his ideas were one springboard for my own thoughts on the matter.

Referenced and related URLs

from the Weblog Handbook: Practical Advice on Creating and Maintaining Your Blog by Rebecca Blood, copyright 2002, all rights reserved

I took the Blogging Personality Quiz at About Web logs and I am...

The Patchworker
Blogging is a way for me to comment on and consolidate news, current events, useful resources, and other relevant matters. In my blog entries, I usually add links to other people's blogs or websites with original content instead of writing my own.

I read this question in Rei's blog: bakit kung sino pa ang mga nanloko sila pa ang masaya ngayon???

bakit nga ba??? bakit nga ba??? BBAAAAAKKKEEEETTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All I wanted was to love and to be loved in return...mahirap ba yun?

This is all I ever wanted:
"The wonderings of all women: what must it be like to be loved? What must it be like to look into the eyes of a lover and sees only you and finds in you all that he has dreamed of for his life 's mate."

When you are not happy where you are and you are not quite sure if you want to leave or how to leave, you are in the meantime. It's a state of limbo. You are hanging on, ready to let go, afraid to fall, not wanting to hurt yourself, afraid you will hurt someone else. In the meantime, you pray the other person will let go first so that you will not feel guilty.

The other person keeps dropping hints, letting you know that it's time to go. You deny it! Why? You don't know why, but I can tell you that the meantime is fraught with don't knows and can't do's. Don't know why I can't go. Don't know why I should stay. Don't know where I'm going. Don't know how I am going to get there, wherever there is. Ambivalence, confusion, reluctance, and paralysis are all characteristics of the meantime. If you
knew the answers to these questions you would be just fine. In the meantime, you are many things, fine is probably not one of them!

Life would be so much easier if, when we hit a snag in a relationship, any relationship, we would stop, address it, and move ahead smoothly. The truth is, in most cases, we could do just that. The reality is, we don't do it! We keep moving. We allow little insults to become raging angers, little arguments to become festering feuds, little pains to become deep wounds, and
we keep moving. In many cases, we keep hurting. When the relationship at issue is an intimate, loving one, the attempt to move forward without addressing the pain only complicates matters, further poisoning the relationship.

How can I stay and not get hurt? How can I go without hurting? You cannot answer these questions if you are in pain. What you can do is make the effort to discover the truth about love, because it is the only thing that can help you move through the experience. In the meantime, if we can remain loving of ourselves and toward other people by staying in conscious and honest communication, a disruption, snag, or delay in a relationship becomes a healing process. When we cannot, we engage in meantime behavior -- hurting, fighting, not telling the truth, and moving forward in confusion. Confusion begets confusion.

back track to last week..

6 hours of staying under the sun and I only succeded making myself one lever darker...sus! para que pa!?!?!?!

Friends to the rescue: My mom wanted to go back to Manila monday na but i swear I can't stand one more day in Batangas due to my oc-ness...i needed to be back in my old room..own bed...and be able to wash all the dirt....good thing Eric and Den (same guy who rescued me from that panget guy that I met on a blind date) went all the way to Batangas to pick me up...why? kse wala daw sila magawa...ahh such nice friends..we ate dinner at Dencio's Tagaytay...I really like the place...the view...the weather...hhaaayyy...sarap may kayakap....erase! erase! erase!...hehehehe...before we went home, we drove around Nasugbu muna...the "resorts" are nice and all but I miss the old Nasugbu....before punta fuego and all those fancy resorts there was just a couple of nice beaches that we're not that known to the whole philippines...and I miss the old Bamboo beach which has been renamed Kawayan Cove...family developed it ala punta fuego but a bit quieter coz artistas, the military and politicos are not allowed to buy lots there...its still in the process of being developed but then again, i love the old bamboo beach with its old bomb shelter and 100 plus stairs that wound down the side of the mountain, its old well which is the only source of water, the bat cave, the white sand (unlike boracay's fake sand) and of course the quietness of the place...no one could use the said beach unless then came in via boat and they can only stay in the "aplaya" or the beach front but not inside the property. the water is heavenly especially in the morning coz its warm and clear...see the pic below......aaaahhh...the good old days....

I've been semi busy the whole week...shopping...tulog...shopping..tulog...watch tv...watch dvd ( i swear I must have been buying those pirated stuff as if there's no tomorrow!)..badminton (one time lang)...fixed some papers...matulog...manood..kapihan( na dapat pala sa akin is coke-an since I dont drink coffee)...

just got myself a new cpu and some pc gadgets like a webcam kaso ke bago bago dame problema..bwisit..i have difficulty connecting to ym or to any website for that matter...ano buzzzzz......

bad trip...my cd's got fucked up...nag jjump na sya..i think its because of the sands that got lodged inside my cd case when I brought it to the beach...kainis....excuse me puro original po lahat ng cd ko... :P

i dont have the best TM that one can have but so far he is the best and I can talk to him...although others sez na they can't daw...me, I can e....anyway highway, I told him na I'll be retracting my resignation...he said na sana my vacation did some good on me and that I am in a better state than the time when we last spoke...kung si penguin yan naku kesohadang mamatay ka wala syang paki sa yo....

i can't say that I'm 100% better...all I can say is at least I don't cry na...yes, I do get lonely and sad din...melancholic....but again, I don't cry na....aaahhh when will the sadness end...will I ever be able to love as truthfully and openly as I did before...i think not....i think he took away my ability to believe...and for that I hate him...and as Myls said, he doesn't deserve my friendship...

"I was told never to expose my inner senses." (audrey hepburn)

its difficult to trust someone again with your heart when someone you gave your heart to in the past broke that trust..its difficult to make someone responsible again for a part of your happiness...to make yourself feel "unglued"..maybe after what happened I'll never love that way again...who knows its either that I never find my man ever again or that I find someone who I will love more.....who knows...who knows what the fates have in store for us...who knows what God plans for us..who knows...

just this weekend :)

back from rainy Subic...
went to Subic w Myls and "Manong", Garv, tin and Ayn...at syempre nakapag beach kme..nog nog na nga kme kse sa tagal namin nag beach..si myles ba naman e nag nude sa beach...ayan pinagtabuyan tuloy kme..si tin...ayun nag pick up ng mga boytoys sa beach...si ayn....nag jetski hanggang taiwan tapos bumalik after 2 hours ksama si Jerry at Vanness kaso pinauwi din namin yung mga ksama nya kse ang papanget e...di pa maruong mag bisaya so di kme magkaintindihantuloy...ako..ayun...nagpaka perfect lang nanaman...how boring ....actually ang totoong ginawa lang namin is kumain...matulog kumain...shopping...matulog...kumain..matulog...how exciting no!?!?!

I ASKED GOD

I asked God to send me his friends....
He sent you.

I asked God to take away my pain.
God said, No.
It is not for me to take away, but for you to give it up.

I asked God to make my handicapped child whole.
God said, No.
His spirit was whole, his body was only temporary.

I asked God to grant me patience.
God said, No.
Patience is a by-product of tribulations; it isn't granted, it is earned.

I asked God to give me happiness.
God said, No.
I give you blessings. Happiness is up to you.

I asked God to spare me pain.
God said, No.
Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to me.

I asked God to make my spirit grow.
God said, No.
You must grow on your own, but I will prune you to make you fruitful.

I asked for all things that I might enjoy life.
God said, No.
I will give you life so that you may enjoy all things.

I ask God to help me LOVE others, as much as He loves me.
God said,......Ahhhh,
finally you have the idea.

***

with my cd player, sunglasses, yosi and a book i watched the sun set...one of life's simplest gifts that I never fail to thank God for and for His part,he gave ma clear night sky that showed all my stars that the universe can hold but what stood out was the north star...i spoke to him, like what i always do and i said that "one day I will find my true north star....that one person I will love and who will love me and only me till my last dying breath...one day..."

When you love someone, all your saved-up wishes start coming out.
~ by Elizabeth Bowen (1899-1973) ~

back track to last friday:

Friday, May 14, 2004

Virgo Daily Horoscope

Step back from the brink of desire. Wanting something so much is affecting the rest of your world. You're not losing anything this way -- in fact, you're gaining a lot more than you realize.

When i went online today someone sent me this message:

J: hi honey!

sweet no? but I got a bit sad...kse no one calls me that anymore.. :(

Marc naman my foolish friend sez:

Marc : are you retrackting your resignation at our beloved people support?
ME: i dunno
ME: should I?
Marc: i don't think you should.
Marc: if your reason for quiting is this foolish guy, then i think you should stay. fuck that shit.
Marc: bakit ikaw pa ang aalis? dapat siya.
ME: e its mahirap to stay in one place where you get to see him e
Marc: the best revenge is that if he sees you're alright and that he doesn't mean anything to you anymore.
Marc: tangina belle, i know you've got more guts than that, stop being such a pussy and suck it in boy!
Marc: do it for the team!
ME: ok na sana tapos do it for the team???
Marc: hehehe
Marc: but really, ewan ko nga sayo kung bakit ka ganyan eh, the way you're acting now is not the belle i know. The belle i know wouldn't take any kind of shit from anyone.
Marc: bakit ba? did he really rock your world?
ME: i love him
ME: really loved him
Marc: let it go dude. i can't tell you when its time, but sooner or later, you have to. for your sake.
Marc: love is a two-way street. wag kang martyr.


Love is a form of hysteria. Fortunately, it always passes.


I wanted to post some pics but decided against it since it was so gruesome...pics from The Passion that was sent to me along with this caption:

As I stood outside the doors.
I tried to prepare myself for what I was about to see.
But when I entered the room I had no idea that my life would be
changed so drastically. I sat there in silence, as all did.
The room was filled with the flickering light of the screen.

As I cried, only a little bit, too shocked to move. I felt like my heart was broken inside me. I wanted to cry , but felt it hard to breathe I watched in silence. As this man demonstrated what Jesus did for me. It broke my heart and tears began to flow.
I felt helpless and I wanted to make them stop. The pain I felt was like nothing I've ever felt before. Then I began to cry out to God. I realized at that moment if He had not done this for me.
This love that I feel for Him now would have never come to be. He laid in the temple yard beaten. His face disfigured from the punches and blows. The robe he wore was covered in blood as red as a rose. With every ounce of His strength He pulled himself to His feet. Only to be knocked down again. But all that He did was for me , what greater love shown by a friend? When they lead Him away , His body was weaken by the Pain. The Roman soldiers had no pity on Him and began to beat Him again. They slapped Him in the face and knocked Him to the ground. No idea that this was all for them as well. That this man would one day rise up and reign over all man and save many from Hell. As He carried the cross on His back to the place where He would soon die. You could hear people weeping all over the room. As many in the crowd cried. We all knew what was next and it made it hard to bare. All our eyes fixed on the screen. All you could hear was the sobbing cries of the weeping. The sounds of those mourning in despair. The actor laid on the cross as they drove the nails in his hands and in his
But I could see only Jesus there giving His life for me.

The movie became real, the pain was real, the tears ,and the blood.

And then it was like God spoke to me and said "There is no greater love. My son did this for you. He laid his life down so you wouldn't have too.He traded his crown in Heaven for a crown of thorns and a beating you would never indure."

I knew at that moment that this had to be.

Even though it seemed so unfair.

But the greatest thing happened! God caused my eyes to open and see. The crucifixion became clear.

I could truly see what really happened.

No greater love was shown to me.

Than the day Christ was nailed to the tree.

(Written and copyrighted by Patricia Montgomery 3-12-04)

Got this from Femalenetwork's newsletter:

Divine Secrets Of The Pinay Sisterhood:

She wants girlfriends to hold her hands. That line from the book Divine Secrets Of The YaYa Sisterhood is probably one of those that tell how much a woman needs to have her friends around. Indeed, where would you be if you didn't have a fabulous gang of girlfriends in your life?

This month, Cosmo gives you a gal-pal manual to help you keep your friendship alive with your best buds.
DIVINE SECRET #1: Friends are everywhere.


Be open to new opportunities. New technologies (that’s Friendster to you!) and avenues are springing up left and right, allowing you to meet new interesting people beyond your ordinary social circles. Try joining more non-office activities, like being a member of a nearby gym, a charity group, or even an egroup dedicated to a particular hobby or theme.
DIVINE SECRET #2: Friends help you live longer.


We’ve all known secretly that friends are way better (and cheaper!) than going to a shrink or spending thousands of pesos on expensive aromatherapy massages and treatments. But a UCLA study actually discovered that when women run to their friends to distress, they produce higher levels of a hormone called oxytocin, which further counters stress and produces a calming effect.
DIVINE SECRET #3: Friends (and family) should always come first.


Yes, yes, we all know that you’re a modern woman, capable of holding her own among the men—but that doesn’t mean that you should commit the same mistakes they do. While work should be an essential part of your life, it shouldn’t mean that you should place it as your number one priority.

***I have been priveleged enough to find good friends...it's like finding diamonds in dustheaps...I have been truly truly blessed!***

Last night, went out with a friend that I haven't seen for the looonnngggeesssttt time...and of course, we made kwento kwento about what happened na to us and our so called life for past year or so...when I started to make kwento about what happened to me and A...something weird happened..well not really weird..just magulo...i kinda felt na parang I dunno what happened to us ...ayan pati ako naguluhan...before when I make kwento about what happened to me and A, I'd remember every fucking detail that happened...i still remember pa din naman but this time...medyo parang I have to think na what I have to make kwento e before tuloy tuloy lang kwento ko...weird? maybe I just made another step to recovery road...and I think I have...I'm better now..much better..I still love him and yes, i do miss him pa din..but I don't cry na..I don't think about him and what happened that much anymore...basta I'm on highway recovery and I'm on its fastest lane...so here I come dah-lings...

Carrie: Maybe the past is like an anchor holding us back. Maybe, you have to let go of who you were to become who you will be.

Come on, let’s reason together
By Dr. Harold J. Sala

"For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."- Matthew 6:14, 15

To forgive someone doesn’t mean you give in, that you capitulate in weakness. But it does mean, in simple terms, that you pull the knife out of your own stomach. Instead of
turning yourself inside out with bitterness, you release the bitterness which has been gnawing at your innards, and you allow the process of healing to begin.

Long ago God held out the olive branch of peace to those who had wilfully and knowingly
turned against Him. He invited them to stop and reason, to think, stressing the fact that to give and accept forgiveness is not only reasonable, it is the only path to healing and restoration. Here’s the famous text found in Isaiah 1: "Come now, let us reason together,’ says the Lord. ‘Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool. If you are willing and obedient, you will eat the best from the land; but if you resist and rebel, you will be devoured by the sword" (Isaiah 1:18-20).

Wrongdoing or the extent of it isn’t the issue. Ok, you were wronged. "Come, now," God
says, "let’s reason together." Have you ever wondered why people refuse to forgive, why
they hold on to bitterness that becomes a cancer that eats them away? Medical research has
provem conclusively that people who are free of bitterness and anger live longer, enjoy
life more, and are more free of hang-ups than those who refuse to forgive. There is no
logic in living with bitterness.

Long ago the writer of Proverbs said, "There’s a way that looks harmless enough; look
again–it leads straight to hell" (Proverbs 16:25, the message). The way that often seems
right from a human standpoint is the way of revenge, of getting even. Jesus talked about the way that is straight and narrow, which leads to life, and the path that is wide, the
well-travelled one, that leads to death. It’s your choice.

Releasing bitterness, giving up your right to hurt someone because that person hurt you,
is not only good for your health, but also good for your heart and soul as well. Frankly, the best way to deal with those who hurt you is to forgive them, love them, and let God deal with them in His way, and in His time. Paul’s statement, "‘Vengeance is mine; I will repay,’ says the Lord" is not idle chatter.

Have you forgiven the one who hurt you? Jesus said that unless we forgive others, our
Father in heaven will not forgive us. So just in case, since you are possibly less than
entirely saintly yourself, better learn to forgive. Say it, write a letter, make a telephone call–whatever is necessary–just do it. You’ll be the winner when you do. - Resource Reading: Luke 16:1-13

I have loved to the point of madness;
That which is called madness,
That which to me,
Is the only sensible way to love.
~ by F. Sagan ~

Enjoying my much deserved hiatus...this is the life...a bum's life...it makes me think...i miss my friends...the people i work with...my safety zone...i wanna go back na!!!

::Quoteylicious::

An Explanation of "Letting Go"
The experience of love is an inner state. When this is present, you are happy, alive and free. You feel good about yourself and good about life. As you bring the experience of love into your life, life works effortlessly and great things happen.

The opposite of love is fear and upset. When this is present, you close down inside. You lose your creativity and your ability to see clearly. You get tunnel vision and you interact in a way that almost always makes your situation worse.

Whether you live in a state of love or a state of upset depends, not on your circumstances, but on how your relate to your circumstances. A good way to see this is to look at upsets.

Upsets seem to be caused by what happens but they're not. Upsets are caused by your fighting and resisting what happens. To see this in your life, select a recent upset. Now notice what would happen if somehow you were at peace with what happened. There would be no upset.

There would be no upset because upsets aren't caused by what happened. Upsets are caused by fighting and resisting what happened. The moment you take away the fighting and resisting, the upset disappears.

To live in the experience of love, and to create a life that works, you need to stop the fighting and resisting. You do this through a process called "letting go."

Letting go is the inner action that releases the fear and upset. The moment you let go, everything seems to change. With the fear and upset gone, you see your situation very differently. You become creative and discover solutions that you could never have seen before.

To let go, you need to do the opposite of fighting and resisting. You need to let go of your demands and expectations for how life should be and make peace with the way life is.

Find what you are resisting. Then give it full permission to be there. If you have a fear of losing a relationship, be willing to lose it. If you are resisting the way someone is, give the person full permission to be that way.

Be willing for anything. Set yourself free inside. Then take whatever action you need to have your life be great.

Keep in mind that letting go is a state of mind and has nothing to do with your actions. Letting go is the process that removes the fear and upset so you can see what action you need to take.

In your heart, you can be willing to lose someone, but in your actions, do everything you can to make sure the person feels so loved that he or she would never want to leave.

To make letting go a little easier, there are several steps you can take. The first is trusting. Trust that no matter what happens, you will be okay. When you know that you will be okay, letting go becomes relatively easy.

Trusting is also telling the truth. You really will be okay no matter what happens. Life is only threatening when you resist. So stop resisting and trust. Trust that no matter what happens, you will be okay.

The second step in the process of letting go is to be willing to feel your hurt. Be willing to feel all the hurt and the feelings of being not okay that your circumstances reactivate. Be willing to feel the hurt of being worthless or not good enough.

The avoidance of this hurt is what makes you resist. Once you are willing to feel this hurt, the need to resist disappears. You can then let go.

For example, Robert had a fear of losing his wife Jan. To make sure she didn't leave, he hung on to her. His hanging on then pushed her further and further away. Robert was afraid of losing Jan because if she left him, this would reactivate all his hurt of feeling not worth loving. To avoid this hurt. He hung on.

Once he was willing to feel his hurt, the loss of Jan ceased to be a treat. He no longer needed to hang on and became willing for her to leave. The moment this happened he changed the way he related to her. Instead of needing Jan, he started treasuring her. Jan then felt so loved and able to be herself, she didn't want to leave.

This is what happens in life. The more you are able to let go and flow with life, the more life takes care of itself. You may not always get what you want, but you can always be free inside. You can restore both your peace of mind and your effectiveness. You can create a life that works.

"iT iS BeTTeR To HaVe LoVeD aNd LoSt tHaN To NoT HaVe LoVeD aT aLL.
YoU LeaRn To LoVe tHe NeXt PerSoN BeTTeR tHaN tHe FirSt, aNd HoPeFuLLy
iT WiLL LasT a LiFeTiMe. BuT iF yOu CaN KeeP tHe FirSt, By aLL MeAnS--Do iT!"

LoVe?LiFe?fRieNdS?FaiTh?dReaMs?GoD?
quoteylicious

Today is my last day...

should I stay or should I go? that, my friends, is the great question of my life.

a YM conversation with a friend

RA: that was my initial reaction din before when P and i broke up
RA: however, its not a good idea to fuck up in every aspect of my life just because we didnt work out
RA: gets?
RA: my work is something that i have control over
RA: if i dont have control over his heart, then so be it.
RA:but i have to control my career so as not to fall entirely
ME: ....
ME: that made sense
ME: everyone is telling me the same thing
ME: but that got to me
RA:kasi, imagine, may heartaches ka na nga, tapos magpapakabum ka pa....
RA:hindi ka ba maaawa ng tuluyansa sarili mo non?!?!
RA: at least u can say to urself na kahit la ka bf, u have money!
RA: hay naku! i can see myself in u!
RA:sa kin naman dati, sa harap ko pa naglalandian
RA: and since we became "frnds" after, he doesnt hesitate to "share"
ME: tangina..sakit nun a
ME: same thing happened to me!
ME: as in sa akin pa sya nagsabe ng crush sya
ME: bwisit
ME: he compared me pa to his other girlfriend
RA: well, i just have to take it and hope that somebody else comes along so taht i can pretend to forget him
RA: tangina! wala namang compare-an!!!!
RA: bad!!!
ME: bad sobra!
ME: kaya nga sobrang bitter ako e
ME: tsaka nahihirapan akong i forgive
RA: dont show him na talo ka
RA: and resigning is actually a sign of defeat
RA: if u cant stay numb, then be honest with him kung anong nakakasakit dahil insensitive sha!
RA: i went ahead and decided to be honest with paul before
RA:so ang ginawa nya,
RA: kng may kalokohan sha, di na nya sinasabi sa kin
RA:at least di ba?
ME: e eto he doesnt care e
ME: he knows na nahihirapan ako
ME: pero "its not my business" daw
RA:leche sha!
RA:napaka insensitive!
ME:sobra!
RA: i know its none of our business kung makahanap sila ng iba no
RA: pero wag sanang ipagdiinan at ipakita pa!
ME: true!
RA: he's flaunting na madali shang makahanap???

***that made sense...everyone's telling me not to go...I can't asnwer that right now...just let me be during my leave...I need a rest...a much deserved emotional rest then I'll let you know...I need sometime alone to recover what I have lost..myself,my life, my heart, my smile...recoup all my loses then I'll come back...

Fallin'
(Alicia Keys)


I keep on fallin in love with you
Sometimes I love ya
Sometimes you make me blue
Sometimes I feel good
At times I feel used
Loving you darling
Makes me so confused

I keep on fallin in and out of love with you
I never loved someone way that I loved you

Oh,oh,oh I never felt this way
How do you give me so much pleasure and cause me so much pain
Just when I think I've taken more than would a fool
I start fallin back in love with you

I keep on fallin in and out of love with you
I never loved someone way that I loved you (oh baby)

10 reasons why i love being an Assumptionista:

1. we speak and write in straight english...no, really! the only reason we speak in taglish is so that other people (i.e. those not accustomed to speaking straight english) can understand us. Assumptionists, of course, are concerned with proper communication and would always like to get the intended message delivered with the least amount of difficulty.

2. we appreciate good food...what other school would give superior-quality delicacies to every visitor that comes along? Yes, people...i am talking about ASSUMPTION TARTS! the ultimate in fine dining...our canteen siomais are rather good, too.

3. we dress well...while our long sleeved gala uniform leaves much to be desired during humid days, we can honestly say our everyday uniform ROCKS. Red plaid is the way to go, ladies! it's like the Burberry of school wear!

4. we are great dancers...no one can outshine an Assumptionista on the dance floor when she's in THE ZONE...whether or not she knows how to dance. It's all in the attitude, and we've got lots of that.

5. we have good teachers...who knew biology could be so interesting? and that Shakespearean comedy actually IS funny? with the teachers we have, anything is possible.

6. we make the most of our facilities...who knew a patch of grass could have so many uses? it can be a softball/soccer field, fair grounds, AND a playground!

7. We value hygiene...we have toilets that flush, soap dispensers (not necessarily SOAP, mind you) in our bathrooms, and trash cans in every corridor. now we just need to learn how to use
them.

8.We know how to have fun...at a boring party? who cares?! a true Assumptionista can have fun ANYWHERE, ANYTIME. And the Assumptionista idea of "fun" has nothing to do with drugs or
alcohol...just hanging out with friends is enough to make us smile!

9. we take care of each other...within the four (or more) walls of our school the greatest acts of compassion can be found...whether it's just providing a shoulder to cry on or organizing a school wide fundraising activity for a friend in need.

and the thing that i love most about being an Assumptionista...

10. we prioritize GOD... the constant Gospel reflections, daily morning talks, monthly masses and yearly retreats are part of every Assumptionist's life. without God as her spiritual anchor and daily companion, an Assumptionista is merely a shadow of her true self. that is why we are able to shine, no matter what we choose to do!

"THE WORLD IS TOO SMALL FOR MY LOVE." - Mother Marie Eugenie

"To meet, to know, to love, and then to part is the sad tale of many human hearts..."

I saw him...up close this time. he passed by where I was talking to someone...and as usual I just looked at him..this time steadily holding his gaze..he had that smirk on his face...a hurting smirk that means....oooohhhhh...i do not know what it means anymore...but that's what it looked like to me...after today...that's the last time I'll be seeing him...my last mind pic of him....


para akong basang sisiw...wandering...with no place to go

"If you have the courage to love, you have the courage to suffer."

how unnerving! to think the amount of time you spent with someone and only to realize that the person who you though he was wasn't the real him...how unnerving to give your heart and soul to someone...only to find out that they didn't do the same...how unnerving to think that you loved someone more than you loved yourself and only to find out that...they didn't know the real meaning of love....

"Desperately Wanting"

Past the road to your house
That you never called home
Where they turned out your lights
Though they say you'll never know

I remember running through the wet grass
And failing a step behind
Both of us never tiring
Desperately wanting

When they pumped out your guts
And filled you full of those pills
You were never quite right
Deserving all the chills
They say the worst is over
Kicked it over and ran
Then they ask what went wrong
When they turn you on again
They turn you on again.

[Chorus:]
Kick them right in the face
Make them wish they weren't born
And if they bring up your name
Well they'll say you won the war.
Baby burst in the world
Never given a chance
Then they ask what went wrong
When you never had it right

Oh the letters have dropped off
Though they say you got them all
I finally figured out some things you'll never know.
Take back your life and let me inside
We'll find the door if you care to anymore.

I remember running through the wet grass
and falling a step behind
Both of us never tiring
Desperately Wanting.


Below is one of my fave singers. forgot to post it together w the song's lyrics yesterday. self portrait of Joni Mitchell

Went to my second CLP "seminar" (if that's what you call it) last night..we had different household from the group I was with last week only 5 of us attended kagabi. Even our household leaders weren't there...sus! It was an okay meeting. Had more fun with the group from last week's meeting. Anyway highway...konti lang yung tao and as usual my radar didn't pick up any cute guys...


My horoscope says:

If you're smart -- and your sign has never been known for anything less -- you'll make plans to spend a few hours this evening with someone who's worthy of your wit, intelligence and elegant company.

---> I'm smart daw...someone worthy...hhmmmmm where are you? where you? come out come out wherever you are!!!

Last song syndrome......

Both Sides Now
(JONI MITCHELL)

Rows and flows of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons everywhere
I've looked at clouds that way

But now they only block the sun
They rain and they snow on everyone
So many things I would have done
But clouds got in my way

I've looked at clouds from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
It's cloud illusions I recall
I really don't know clouds at all

Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels
The dizzy dancing way that you feel
As every fairy tale comes real
I've looked at love that way

But now it's just another show
And you leave 'em laughing when you go
And if you care, don't let them know
Don't give yourself away

I've looked at love from both sides now
From give and take, and still somehow
It's love's illusions I recall
I really don't know love
Really don't know love at all

Tears and fears and feeling proud
To say "I love you" right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds
I've looked at life that way

Oh but now old friends they're acting strange
And they shake their heads
And they tell me that I've changed
Well something's lost but something's gained
In living every day

I've looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life
I really don't know life at all


I wasn't sure if I already did post this...but I'm gonna post it anyway ....

".....You don't have to forget someone you love. What you need to learn is how to accept the verdict of reality without being bitter or sorry for yourself. Believe me, you would be better off giving that dedication and love to someone more deserving. Don't let your heart run your life, be sensible, and let your mind speak for itself. Listen not only to your feelings but to reason as well.

Always remember that if you lose someone today, it means that someone better is coming tomorrow:
If you lose love that doesn't mean that you failed in love. Cry, if you have to, but make sure that the tears wash away the hurt and the bitterness that the past has left with you. Let go of yesterday and love will find its way back to you.

And when it does, pray that it may be the love that will stay and last a lifetime......"

"When I lost you, I was the one who loved you
most, but between us you lost more. For someday I
can love someone the way that I loved you but you
will never be loved again the way that I did."


...so to you....it wasn't my loss but yours...one thing that I take pride, when it comes into relationships, is that all of my ex-boyfriends (seryoso or not, made gago or not) they all wanted to come back...gets? labo. all of my ex-es especially the first guy who made me cry, all of them courted me again and wanted to get back with me. I don't know why. But I guess there really is something in me that they could not see with the other girls they went out with or with th girl(s) na pinagpalit na ko for...I dunno what the future holds for me and him...but....right now...I have to learn how to let go first...to forget him TOTALLY...piece of cake! NOT! how do you let go of someone you loved for the longest time? someone you gave your heart and soul to...someone you planned how many kids and where you were gonna live with? someone your heart told you is the person you wanted to be with the rest of your life...how do you let go...how....

Smile though your heart is breaking - Charlie Chaplin

I was browsing thru some of my old books last night when I found one of my fave books which is actualy a compilation of Pablo Neruda's poems...I so love this poem!!! IF i do get married this poem will be a part of the wedding chorva....the highlighted part is the part where I imagine myself placing my hand and my head on his chest as if saying...I've finally found my true north...my shore where I can rest my weary heart...my soft and easy chair...and until this very day carry a small copy of this poem in my wallet..I read it everty time I'm in my "hopeless romantic" moods...

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
Or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
In secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly;
without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way
than this: where "I" does not exist, nor "you,"
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.



In The Last 48 Hours, Have You:
01. Cried: yes yes yes
02. Bought something: food
03. Gotten sick: yes
04. Sang: yes
06. Been kissed: no :(
07. Felt stupid: yes yes yes
08. Wanted to tell someone you loved them, but
didn't: yes
09. Met someone new: no
10. Talk to an ex: no
11. Missed an ex: yes
12. Talked to someone you have a crush on: no
13. Had a serious talk: yes
14. Missed someone: yes
15. Fought with your parents: no (imma better
daughter now)
16. Dreamed about someone you can't be with: yes

Personal:
01. Who is your role model: my mom
02. Have you ever cried over the opposite sex:
yes!
03. Ever wanted to get revenge on someone because
they hurt you: YES!
04. Rather have a relationship or a "hookup":
relationship
05. Do you want kids: yes..i luurrrvvvvv kids!
06. Do you believe you know the person whom you
will marry at this point in time: i dunno..ask my
broken heart..

07. Are you happy with your life? NO!NO! NO!

[ Current Mood ]: sad melancholic depressed
[ Current Taste ]: bitter
[ Current Annoyance ]: si kups
[ Current thing I ought to be doing ]: nothing
[ Current Favorite Artist ]: vienna teng
[ Current Refreshment ]: coke mango juice coke mango juice


Got the song below from a 13 y/o's blog...

I've been trying to let him go since the time he broke up with me...but why until this very day am I still hoping and hanging on...why until now do i still love him..why I still include him and my prayers...when will I ever be able to let him go and put a period on what we had......

I can still remember yesterday
We were so in love in a special way
And knowing that you loved me
Made me feel oh so right
But now I feel lost, don't know what to do
Each and every day I think of you
Holdin' back the tears, I'm trying with all my might

Because you've gone and left me standing All alone
And I know I've got to face tomorrow On my own....
But baby....

Before I let you go
I want to say I love you
I hope that you're listenin'
'Coz it's true,baby
You'll be forever in my heart
And I know that no one else will do, yeah
So before I let you go
I want to say it.....
I love you

I wish that it could be just like before
I know I could've given you so much more
Even though you know I'd given you all my love
I miss your smile, I miss your kiss
Each and every day I reminisce
'Coz baby it's you
That I'm always dreaming of...

Letting love go is never easy
But I love you so
That's why I set you free And I know
Someday
Somehow
I'll find a way To leave it all behind me
Guess it wasn't meant to be But baby.........

So before I let you go I want to say.......it I love you...




something funny :)

sabe sa Humans For sale

You are worth exactly: $1,160,330.00.

We hope you can find somebody who is wealthy enough to afford you.

Any takers???? Mabait ako at masayahin...at marunong mag behave kung kailangan...marunong din ako humirit ng tama :)

Myles sent this via e-mail (the part below the No One Else) and Jon responded with this:

This is where Family and True Friends come in! No matter how many people you meet or how many people come and go into our lives...you will always your family and true friends to come home to anytime and anywhere you need them! So, stop looking and make them most of what you have!

Any significant other shouldnt be the air your breathe! There' more to a girlfriend or boyfriend..there's more to life!! Naks!!!

No one else
By Mark J. Macapagal

I was talking to a friend of mine and she was ruing the fact that it seemed like no matter how much she went out, or how much fun she had, she would ultimately come home and there would be this sense of emptiness. As if she had just had another evening of fun but in the end, it was really rather meaningless.


Now I had been going through something similar. As some of you readers may know, I've spent the past half year or so in the rebuilding of my life, which naturally includes dating a number of women. All of this has been going well. I have great friends, met some great women, but after all was said and done, I had that same feeling of emptiness.

:::Sana I had some of these lines memorized nung nakipag blind date ako:::

Classy things to say when stressed

1. "Okay, okay! I take it back. Unfuck you!!!"

2.. "You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing?!"

3. "How many times do I have to flush before you go away?"

4. "Well this day was a total waste of make-up."

5. "Well aren't we a bloody ray of sunshine?"

6. "Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after."

7. "Do I look like a fucking people person!"

8. "This isn't an office. It's HELL with fluorescent lighting."

9. "I started out with nothing still have most of it left."

10. "I pretend to work, they pretend to pay me."

11. "YOU!!... off my planet!!!"

12. "Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble plastic is cheap. You choose."

13. "Practice random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control."

14. "Errors have been made. Others will be blamed."

15. "And your cry-baby, whiny-assed opinion would be.....?"

16. "I'm not crazy. I've been in a very bad mood for 30 years."

17. "Sarcasm is just one more service I offer."

18. "Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed."

19. "Do they ever shut up on your planet?"

20. "I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable"

21. "Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realise you haven't gone to sleep yet."

22. "Back off!! You're standing in my aura."

23. "Don't worry. I forgot your name too."

24. "I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?"

25. "I work 45 hours a week to be this poor."

26. "Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it."

27. "Not all men are annoying. Some are dead."

28. "Wait...I'm trying to imagine you with a personality."

29. "Chaos, panic and disorder . . . my work here is done."

30. "Ambivalent? Well yes and no."

31. "You look like shit. Is that the style now?"

32. "Earth is full. Go home."

33. "Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?"

34. "I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert."

35. "A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth."

36. "You are depriving some village of an idiot."

37. "If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport."

Which poem are you? The Mad Girl's Love Song by Sylvia Plath To you, love is desperate and hateful. You're wildly passionate and wildly inventive. You're also likely to start stalking people.

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Which Rugrat are you Chuckie fearful

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Which SpongeBob SquarePants character are you? Squidward Your very mean. You hate everyone. You suck at playing the clarinet, painting, making sculptures and everything else artistic.

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Which LOTR elf are you? Galadriel Wise and beautiful. Many fall in love with you, but you merely chuckle at them.

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Which Drug Addict Are You? The Enhancement Smoker You're straight out of the movie Half Baked. You think smoking certain herbs makes everything from movies to music even to sex just that much better.

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What soda are you? Coke You are just like everyone else. Not too original, but classic.

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someone told me that I shouldn't be hiding...that I shouldn't running away...that I should stay...that I should not (do it)...

If you lived here, you'd be home now....

Yesterday was a fairly good day for me...look ma, no tears! So I thank God for that and prayed that there'll be no more bad days for me. But alas, today, when i woke up...the same shit...same pain...same thoughts...So I turned to God again and prayd for Him to vanish all thoughts from my mind...please no more pain, Lord...when will all the pain vanish? When wll all the hurt fade away? When will all the suffering end? Why must I still be in love with a man--not he was not a man but a boy-a boy who broke my heart and trampled on it?

The Trouble Tree

I hired a plumber to help me restore an old farmhouse, and after he had just finished a rough first day on the job, a flat tire made him lose an hour of work & his electric drill quit, his ancient one ton truck refused to start. As I drove him home, he sat in stony silence.

On arriving he invited me in to meet his family. As we walked toward the front door, he paused briefly at a small tree, touching the tips of the branches with both hands. Upon opening the door he had undergone an amazing transformation. His tanned face was wreathed in smiles and he hugged his two small children and gave his wife a kiss.

Afterward he walked me to the car. We passed the tree and my curiosity got the better of me. I asked him about what I had seen him do at the little tree.

"Oh, that's my trouble tree," he replied. "I know I can't help having troubles on the job, but one thing's for sure, those troubles don't belong in the house with my wife and the children. So I just hang them up on the tree every night when I come home and ask God to take care of them. Then in the morning I pick them up again." Funny thing is,"
he smiled, "when I come out in the morning to pick them up, there aren't nearly as many as I remember hanging up the night before."


You are... Grissom


Who Are You? (CSI Quiz - My Version)
brought to you by Quizilla

River of Tears!

It's three miles to the river
That would carry me away,
And two miles to the dusty street
That I saw you on today.

It's four miles to my lonely room
Where I will hide my face,
And about half a mile to the downtown bar
That I ran from in disgrace.

Lord, how long have I got to keep on running,
Seven hours, seven days or seven years?
All I know is, since you've been gone
I feel like I'm drowning in a river,
Drowning in a river of tears.
Drowning in a river.
Feel like I'm drowning,
Drowning in a river.

In three more days, I'll leave this town
And disappear without a trace.
A year from now, maybe settle down
Where no one knows my face.

I wish that I could hold you
One more time to ease the pain,
But my time's run out and I got to go,
Got to run away again.

Still I catch myself thinking,
One day I'll find my way back here.
You'll save me from drowning,
Drowning in a river,
Drowning in a river of tears.
Drowning in a river.
Feels like I'm drowning,
Drowning in the river.
Lord, how long must this go on?

Drowning in a river,
Drowning in a river of tears.