chanchananchanchanchanchan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Introducing my first 3 buttons/blinkies...i knows its nothing great but hey! link it up if you want :)

Some rules though:

1. you must be a fan of ME. why would you be here otherwise? KAPAL!!! INDULGE ME,DAHLINGS hehehehe

2. you don't have to have a site, but you do have to have a valid email address.

3. please put your city and country when applying to join. if you don't, you won't be added.

4. if you do have a site, you must link back to this ""fanlisting"" using an image or a text link. if you don't, I'll still list you, but I won't list your site.

5. if you have a site that has any tasteless material (ie: racist, homophobic, pornographic, or just plain SQUATTERY...) I'll still list you, but I won't list your site. don't be rude.

6. please do not direct link my image codes. that is considered bandwidth theft and that makes me very cranky. there are lots of freeservers out there, such as brinkster.com or photobuckets.com that you can upload the images to. i do check sites for direct linkers, and if I find any, your site will not be listed and most likely the image will be replaced with something big and more than likely vulgar.

7. if you need to update your information, just send me an e-mail (sana sabihin nyo din kung alin ang gusto nyong button/blinkie da ba?)










FOR MORE BLINKIES PLEASE GO TO:

I had a draft ready...but when a friend told me that someone's dad was dying...

I hate goodbyes. I hate people dying...

the last death in my immediate family was my when my lola ima died...she's my paternal grandmother...she left my lolo and her 9 kids after she found out that my lolo was cheating on her and since then they never heard any news from her nor saw any glimpse of her...except my dad. We saw her at times. Not too often but I remember that she always wore green when we saw her...i dunno why though...my dad's siblings saw her again when we asked her to attend my sister's christening party sometime in March or April of 1992. They all hugged her except for 2 of my dad's sibling. My Tito Allan and Tita Cel. Why? Because Tito Cel didn't recognize her (nor did my lola) and Tito Allan..well, di sya din kilala..kse when my lola left, my tito was still a baby...when she got sick, she came home...she stayed in my lolo's house sa province...di sila nagpapansinan...when her sickness worsened, my dad brought her to Manila...Cancer na pala...she stayed in the hospital a couple of days lang until the doctor told us na its best na we bring her home nlang...and so we did. she stayed alive for about 2 weeks...all of her anaks was making her silbi but they knew naman na it was my dad who mattered to her...we were there on her last night and she was still ok...weak but ok. we went back to Manila thinking of visiting her again the next day but the phone rang in the wee hours of the morning...it was my tito..my lola was dying...my dad wasn't able to go agad (forgot na why)...they said na her dying hours wasn't nice...they could hear her gasping all through out the house (mind you, my lolo's house sa province is huge!)...it was like she was fighting with the grim reaper. berating him for coming too soon...she was waiting for my dad pala...and they informed him of this nung papunta na sya...and when he got there, he immediately went to my lola's side. hugged her and whispered na he was there na and that it was ok for her to sleep na...she died right at that moment...all of my dad's siblings, cousins, my lolo and my lola's only sister, Tita Arceli, were all there crying because of what they witnessed...to actually hang on to life because of just one person...till this very day, I still cry whenever I remember that kwento...



One recent death that touched my heart was Ronald Reagan's...yeah so he was a former president thus the reason for the big hullabaloo about it but besides that...the enormous amount of grief that a lot of people felt for the man...it was astounding...what's so touching too was his wife Nancy...she never cried nor showed any emotion during the week long ceremonies...except for the time when he was about to be interred as seen in the pic above...in life, she was there for him. she was his confidant, critic and biggest cheerleader. she was his 24/7 nurse when he got stricken by alzheimer's...and in death, she was still there...

In the eulogy of former President George Walker Bush (the first Bush) he says:

"If Ronald Reagan created a better world for many millions, it was because of the world someone else created for him. Nancy was there for him always.

Her love for him provided much of his strength, and their love together transformed all of us as we've seen -- renewed seeing again here in the last few days."

Patti Davis, Reagan's daughter:

"At the last moment, when his breathing told us this was it, he opened his eyes and looked straight at my mother," the 51-year-old daughter of the late president wrote. "Eyes that hadn't opened for days did, and they weren't chalky or vague.

Reagan's wife, Nancy -- married to the actor, governor, president and then gentleman rancher for 52 years -- "managed to say to him" that one look was "the greatest gift you could have given me," Davis wrote.

"that there is nothing stronger than love between two people, two souls.

"Love opens eyes one last time, reaches past illness and the dwindling flame of life," she wrote. "It reaches past death and cradles hearts while they weep. It was the last thing he could do in this world to show my mother how entwined their souls are -- and it was everything.

They were clear and blue and full of love. If a death can be lovely, his was."

And i say...
Maybe one day I will be able to experience that kind of love..faithful..enduring and...undying love...maybe one day...

If I resign this will be my resignation letter

Dear Mr. (my manager's name),

As a graduate of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of my coworkers and me during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time.

Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know how to network computer systems, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly
attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time. You will never understand computers.

Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you
ever will.

You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring
ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle. Since this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation, however I have a few parting thoughts.

1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal for you to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.

2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I am going to publish your "favorites list", which I conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favorably by the
administration.

3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your Mother's birthday," you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd acts with a sauce bottle, but I assure you that those have been
copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please; I hate having to correct your mistakes.)

Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never f*** with your systems administrator. Why? Because they know what you do with all that free time!


Wishing you a grand and glorious day,

Belinda


Sabe ni Madam Rosa: my horoscope says that for Wednesday, June 23:

Your karma's off the hook -- all that good stuff you've been handing out is coming right back to you, but now it's even shinier. Smile -- you look terrific.

Sus! I look terrific naman tlaga e no..what else is new...

seryoso, it also says that my karma is off the hook na daw...that's what I've been trying to do these past few months..i've been trying to clean my karma..clean my slate and start anew...what happened to me is my karma...and I'd like to think now that I've paid off all of my bad karma with all the pain and hurt that I felt. That I've washed away all of my bad karma with all the tears that I cried...and I pray that I would never experience the same pain and hurt that I felt...no more like that..no more...I barely managed to survive the last one...

"I keep my ideals, because in spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good at heart." Anne Frank

"I beg you…to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions. Perhaps then, someday for in the future, you will gradually, without ever noticing it, live your way into the answer…"

I got this fromTrailerparkjesus' blog

Since I have no idea where to begin, I'm going to just jump in.

Words cannot express the pain I feel. But I hope this exercise will be more therapeutic than making a rash phone call or sending an email without thinking. Betrayal, inadequacy, nauseated, I don't know what word to use.

I wish I were more like my sister right now. I wish I could hate and focus all my energy on hating. I wish I didn't question myself, asking why did this happen, what did I do to deserve this. I don't think I'll find that answer.

Man looks into the abyss and nothing stares back. At that moment he finds out his true character, and that's what keeps him out of the abyss. Or something like that. Someone said that once, and it was repeated in a movie. I'm in an abyss. And I'm trying to find my character, but it's not very easy.

I think that people have an amazing capacity to love. I think people have an even greater capacity to insulate themselves from the pain that comes with risks of the heart. In doing so, they hurt those of us that take the risk. We don't get the chance to find the reward of the risk. But we get burned and we become more timid to put ourselves back out there. I certainly feel that way now.

Maybe true love is only meant for our kids. When we risk love for another and get hurt, we sacrifice our capacity to love.

That scares the shit out of me.

Right now I want to call and scream and hurt her so badly that she never forgets. I want to make her feel my pain. She was my friend, my lover, my confidant. Then she used all of that against me, or at a minimum, discarded the worth those things brought.

It's been 6 days since I have eaten now, and it's not that I haven't tried. I managed to get something down last night only to have it revisit me on checkout. I can still taste the remnants it left behind. And this tastes worse than anything I have ever vomited. This tastes of hurt and pain. I swear a part of my heart passed through my mouth on the way out.

I probably should avoid her like the plague, but I'm not some super-human macho man. My feelings have been crushed and it's taken the rest of me with it. I have that stomach pain that comes when you take a blow. My body aches and there's a river that flows from my eyes.

My phone has been ringing all day with offers of support. But I'm talked out, or, I just don't know what to say. I want to just disappear. I'd like to get in my car and drive with no destination in mind.

There is no way to describe this pain. I keep looking down at my stomach expecting to find a hole through which I can see my spine. I guess on the positive, at least I have a spine.

And that's why I could never do to her what she did to me.
Trailer Park Jesus at 3:22 PM

Then there was one comment that said:

Comments:
In God's time, you'll fall for the right reasons, to the right person. When that time comes, that love will be worth the long wait, the tears and pain... then you'll forget you ever waited. -- WITH ALL THE LOVE IN MY HEART

...boing boing to Ate Sienna's site and I found this :

75 Lessons that MUST be Learned in Relationships

1. If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.

2. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.

3. If you have ANY doubt in your mind about a man's character, leave him alone.

4. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

5. Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.

6. Don't force an attraction.

7. Slower is better.

8. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

9. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.

10. Have faith in God regarding your relationship, but don't let faith make you stupid. God does things decent and in order.

11. Don't settle.

12. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

13. If he keeps changing his mind about the relationship--take that as a BIG sign that he is unstable. Do you really want to be with a man like that?

14. Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not
better.

15. Honorable men take care of their business and aren't involved in a whole lot of mess.

16. The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

17. There's only one 'reason' a man dumps you; he doesn't want you.

18. Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant,
why would he treat you any differently?

19. You really do have to kiss a few frogs before finding the prince.

20. Always put yourself and your happiness first.

21. Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

22. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.

23. Like from the show Sex and the City, if he doesn't call, he just isn't that interested.

24. Be honest and upfront.

25. Know when to cut the cord, don't be strung along.

26. Don't fall for the "I'm confused role". Remove yourself from the situation to let him figure things out (but don't wait for him, move on).

27. If you want to have a clue as to how he will treat you, watch how he treats the WOMEN in his family (not just mom).

28. There's more than physical abuse, there's emotional and mental abuse. If he causes any of them...flee.

29. You cannot change a man's behaviors. Change comes from within.

30. Don't let him place rules on you that he is not willing to follow himself -- double-standard.

31. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or in a better job.

32. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

33. Demand respect and if he can't give it, he can't have you!

34. Don't compete with other woman, but be aware that men are attracted to what they see.

35. If you think he is cheating, he probably is. Confront him right away and if you feel he's lying, let him go.

36. Actions speak louder than words.

37. Never let a man define who you are.

38. Never rely on a man for compliments, look to yourself for that.

39. Never borrow someone else's man.

40. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.

41. Just because he says he loves you, doesn't mean that he won't hurt you and it doesn't mean that you are meant to be with
him.

42. To use painful hard-won wisdom -- 'get it right' the next time.

43. Know that you deserve to be the number one person in the life of the #1 person in your life.

44. Love is a verb ...

45. Learn to give up your lifelong task of trying to make someone unavailable-available, someone ungiving-giving, and
someone unloving-loving.

46. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

47. All men are NOT dogs.

48. You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two way street.

49. If you don't love self...you can't love anyone else.

50. You cannot mend someone else's broken heart.

51. You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage...deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.

52. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.

53. Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.

54. NEVER give more in a relationship than you are getting out of it.

55. Never become your man's "therapist".

56. When actions and words conflict, believe the actions. Respond to the actions.

57. A real healthy relationship requires two people. One person can end it - but it takes two to make it work.

58. Don't fall for the "I'm not the loving type"...when a man loves you there is nothing in this world (within reason) that he
wouldn't do for you.

59. Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him he takes it
for granted.

60. Give him his space...let him go out with his boys, don't pressure him to spend time with you, You cant force a man to hang out with you.

61. If you wouldn't allow your daughter to be with him you shouldn't.

62. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

63. Never move into his mother's house.

64. Provide financially for yourself and don't depend on anyone.

65. Never co-sign for a man.

66. Never believe you have the perfect guy and he is so innocent.

67. Never spoil your man; let him spoil you.

68. Never let a man mess up your credit.

69. When it's time to let go; let go.

70. Good men should be treated like good men.

71. Don't play games.

72. You can't make a whore into a housewife - or husband.

73. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

74. Compatibility in terms of educational attainment, values, beliefs, personal and career goals, and socioeconomic status, are important.

75. Never date a guy who wears colored contacts.

ouchie ouchie...

Three grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love and something to hope for.

Early saturday morning, while I was tinkering with my pc at home, I suddenly had that weird feeling of being hopeful...I'm not sure why though...hoping for what...i'm not so sure...sigh...what am I hoping for..what am i supposed to be hopeful for...


Asked about those who might be critical of her single parenthood, Barrino replied: "I feel like a good mom. I'm a strong woman now. ... Don't look down on me. Pray for me because I'm trying"

Sunday, finally got to sleep decently...well medyo decent na din albeit kulang...it was my first night na walang katabi...my mom went home na kse...well..it was sad...lonely...and I cried...cried because of the overwhelming loneliness and sadness...no one was there to comfort me... to hear someone say that they love me...to hug me...to reassure me that despite of all my pain and difficulties that I have gone through and still going through, tomorrow is another day...that all these pain will pass...i miss my mom...maybe I really should just go home...

"While you gave her flowers, you gave me thorns. While all she did was smile, all I did is mourn. While she was so happy, I felt so blue. Because while you loved her, I was loving you."

MARAMING KWENTO::::

Friday:
Went to Greenhills. 2k down the drain
Stayed home since its my mom's last night before she goes home.

Saturday:

Woke up VEERRRYYY early. Tinkered with my PC and Kazaa whole morning!!! Went to greenhills around 2pm. My mom had to go to the parlor. I read a book in Starbucks while waiting for my mom. Met up with Kaje. Did some window shopping...aahhh pure torture. No more shopping for me muna...till the next payday!



Left for the airport around 645. We waited for my mom's luggage to be weighed since we know for a fact that she's gonna go back outside to re-pack her stuff. Laging over weight kse! Fought with the kupalest airport security guard who had the gall to tell me to move from where I was standing kse I'm not a passenger. Told him that I was waiting for my mom coz she's gonna go back out. Sagot nya na "pinapayagan na namin kayo na tumayo ng matagal kaya umuwi na kayo at nahatid nyo na nanay mo." WTF!!! Angry me: Ano ho? I'm sorry but ang akala ko public domain and airport. Di ko alam na nabili nyo na pala." HA! Stood my ground at di ako umalis. Punyeta pangalawang time na nya kong ni kupal e. The first time was when my mom first went in and she and I were talking at bigla akong pinapaalis. Told him then na wag maingay at kausap ko mom ko. Bwisit! Ang mga guards tlaga. Nagka uniform lang akala mo na sila na ang hari. When my mom went out bec nga of her baggages, syempre I had to help her naman no. So pumasok ako and he, again, blocked my way coz I wasnt a passenger daw. O sige manong kayo ang tumulong sa nanay ko mag impake and gave him the cutter and packaging tape. As soon as I did that he gave it back to me and told me to go in. KUPAL KA! Forever ka lang guard! Bwahahahaha

Haaayyy so syempre, I was too damn tired na tapos, my friend and I wanted to go to Eastwood pa for Fete De La Musique. I had apprehensions kse nga A's brother told me na he's kuya was gonna be there. Pakeng shiyet. So 10000 years later, we got to Eastwood mga 1230am na ata. Met up w some office friends and Jon's friends too. Stayed till 230. The place was jampacked. Jampacked with squatters. This was the Attack of the Squatters!! Festival des squatters!!! Had me thinking tuloy why I went there. Sayang I wanted to hear Lila sing pa naman since I heard na she's good. tsk tsk...anyways, there are some kwentos pa sana kaso I cannot e...yun pa naman yung mas juicy!


I totally love this Queer_Eye_for_the_Straight_Guy. It shown regularly in etc channel.

They're basically 5 gay men, out to make over the world — one straight guy at a time. I totally like Kyan, the grooming guy. Sayang at bading sya. He's the one beside the guy in pink (Carson).

Ted: "Is he Mr Right or is he just Mr Right Now?"

Thorm: "Do you like minimalist (interior) coz this is not, this is just bleak."

Kyan: "Look at all the shampoo and conditioner sitting in one altogether. Call me old-fashioned but I like my shampoo to be shampoo..."
Jai: "Old fashioned!"

Carson: "If she doesn't want to marry you, you get to marry one of the five of us, so it's a win-win situation."

Carson, holding tiger-striped tee: "Do you think he got this off the Lion King gift shop?"

Carson: "Where did you get this?"
John: "Erm, K-Mart?"
Carson, wide-eyed: "Don't use that kinda language on me!"

Ted: "He is a real country boy..."
Thorm: "Country bumpkin is more like the word you're looking for."

Carson, passing John a pair of sunglasses: "Put that on, just kill us, just make us wish we were Tina..."

will I go ba or not to fete tonight??? Sabe ng bro ni Adrian (my jerk ex) pupunta daw sila magkakapatid..pakeng shiyet..there goes my saturday night plans..

aarrgghhhh!!! still trying to find the perfect template...i've been wanting to change my template or skin but so far I haven't found the perfect-now template...Tin said na dapat daw wag black na...pag pinkie pinkie kaya or yellow maganda...

Just in case you're going to Fete De La Musique (tama ba?)

Here's the sked that was posted in Friendster:

The Fete de la Musique organizers released a
FINAL schedule (I hope). Below is the
Alternative Stage play schedule with SunDownMuse:

Alternative
CYBERMALL
Indoor Stage

TIME ARTIST
9:00 - 9:20 Mojofly
9:20 - 9:40 Nityalila
9:40 - 10:00 Sundownmuse
10:10 - 10:30 Pinwheel
10:30 - 10:50 Coffee Shop Conspiracies
10:50 - 11:10 The Brockas
11:10 - 11:30 Playphonics
11:30 - 11:50 Bridge
12:00 - 12:20 Spongecola
12:20 - 12:40 Nancy Drool
12:40 - 1:00 Paramita
1:00 - 1:20 Narda
1:30 - 1:50 Zarah Smith
1:50 - 2:10 Session Road
2:10 - 2:30 Kitchie Nadal
2:30 - 2:50 Moonstar 88
2:50 - 3:10 Barbie's Cradle

Head on over to Eastwood, Libis tomorrow night
guys! Hope to see you guys there!



SMILE

Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
You'll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through
For you

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear
May be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on tryin'
Smile, what's the use of cryin'
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you'd just smile

Smile

throughout my brokenhearted stage, blogginh helped me a lot-a lot. He asked at first not to write anything in my blog about what happened..HA! Fat chance. You left and hurt me and you except me to do what you ask? Mag isip isip tayo a. He knows my blog site. He knows everything--from my passwords to all my number..ganyan po tlaga pag matagal kayo nagsama sa isang bahay...that's why when he left, i had to change my #s, my passwords---lahat tlaga..it was so tedious. not to mention masakit. kse it was like re-programming one's life. Parang may magpa re-image ng pc mo tapos lahat ng files mo nawala...it's something that you don't want to do but you have to...hhaaayyyy...but despite of what happened, I never gave up my blog. kesehodang mabasa nya ang mga nangyayari sa buhay ko. What happened to me was the result of your thoughtless and heartless action. In your face. Nasaktan ako so ano ngayon? I'm writing this because of what's happening to amgine...girl, you've read everything that has happened to me...from that gather strength...know that THIS TOO SHALL PASS! 4 months ago, I never thought na I'd be as strong as I am now. But look at me! Look at me. I still have my lonely moments but hey, mas madami ang happy moments ko ngayon. Gather strength from your friends, family, GOD and from yourself...its like singing. You can't sing well if you don't draw breathe from within...so just breathe...it may difficult now but one day...one day you will breathe life again...and sing.



Woman-to-Woman Encouragement

Someone will always be prettier. They will always be smarter. Their house will be bigger. They will drive a better car. Their children will do better in school. And their husband will fix more things around the house.

So let it go, and love you and your circumstances. Think about it. The prettiest woman in the world can have hell in her heart. And the most highly favored woman on your job may be unable to have children. And the richest
woman you know -- she's got the car, the house, the clothes -- might be lonely.
And the word says if I have not Love, I am nothing.

So, again, love you. Love who you are right now and let God be your barometer. Mirror Him.
Look in the mirror in the morning and see how much of God you see. He's the only standard and even when
you come up short; he will not leave you or forsake you. Smile and may God continue to BLESS YOU Real GOOD!!

"I am too blessed to be stressed and too anointed to be disappointed!"
The shortest distance between a problem and a solution is the distance between your knees and the floor.
"The one who kneels to God can stand up to anything."
"Winners make things happen. Losers let things happen."

Don't Cry Out Loud
(Melissa Manchester)

Baby cried the day the circus came to town,
'Cause she didn't want parades just passing by her.
So she painted on a smile and took up with some clown,
While she danced without a net upon the wire.
I know a lot about her, 'cause you see,
Baby, is an awful lot like me.

Don't cry out loud,
Just keep it inside,
And learn how to hide your feelings.
Fly high and proud..
And if you should fall,
Remember you almost had it all.

Baby saw that when they pulled that big top down,
They left behind her dreams among the litter.
And the different kind of love she thought she'd found,
There was nothing left but sawdust and some glitter.
But Baby can't be broken, 'cause you see,
She had the finest teacher, that was me.
I told her:

Don't cry out loud,
Just keep it inside,
And learn how to hide your feelings.
Fly high and proud.
And if you should fall,
Remember you almost had it all.

Don't cry out loud,
Just keep it inside,
And learn how to hide your feelings.
Fly high and proud.
And if you should fall,
Remember you almost made it.

Don't cry out loud,
Just keep it inside,
And learn how to hide your feelings.
Fly high and proud.
And if you should fall,
Remember you almost had it all.

"A heart can be broken but it goes on beating just the same" (Fried Green Tomatoes)

For all my "good apple" friends and new blogger (louanne, wythcgurl, francis...) friends as well...our time will come...

Something Beautiful
(Robby Williams)

You can’t manufacture a miracle
The silence was pitiful that day.
And love is getting too cynical
Passion's just physical these days
You analyse everyone you meet
But get no sign the loving kind
Every night you admit defeat
And cry yourself blind

If you can't wake up in the morning
Cause your bed lies vacant at night
If you're lost, hurt, tired or lonely
Can't control it, try as you might
May you find that love that won't leave you
May you find it by the end of the day
You won't be lost, hurt, tired and lonely
Something beautiful will come your way

The DJ said on the radio
Life should be stereo, each day
And the past that cast the unsuitable
Instead of some kind of beautiful, you just couldn't wait
All your friends think you're satisfied
But they can't see your soul no, no, no
Forgot the time feeling petrified, when they lived alone

If you can't wake up in the morning
Cause your bed lies vacant at night
If you're lost, hurt, tired or lonely
Can't control it, try as you might
May you find that love that won't leave you
May you find it by the end of the day
You won't be lost, hurt, tired and lonely
Something beautiful will come your way

It'll come your way
It'll come your way some kind of beautiful
It'll come your way some kind of beautiful
It'll come your way some kind of beautiful
It'll come your way

All your friends think you're satisfied
But they can't see your soul no no no
Forgot the time feeling petrified
When they lived alone

If you can't wake up in the morning
Cause your bed lies vacant at night
If you're lost, hurt, tired or lonely
Can't control it, try as you might
May you find that love that won't leave you
May you find it by the end of the day
You won't be lost, hurt, tired and lonely
Something beautiful will come your way
You won't be lost, hurt, tired and lonely
Something beautiful will come your way



"Sometimes I'm tempted to become a street person, cut off from society. But then I wouldn't get to wear my outfits."

Got the article below from Wytchgurl. Read through all my broken hearted friends...

When is it really over?

This is one of the mornings after another sleepless nights that I cannot help ask myself, why didn't I have a goodnight sleep again? then I would just joke myself and answer it with, maybe someone's been thinking of me all night...ha ha ha ha!

Jokes are always half meant, a friend said once. And maybe...just maybe, behind that joke, there's this wishful thinking that someone from the past would again, bounce in my head... disturb my sanity and make my day half-miserable.

What if he's thinking about me? What if he still loves me? It's just another imagination, I know. Another day of what if and maybe's. For the 9th time, I've told myself that when it's over, it's really over! there's no sense turning back or even trying to pick up the pieces again. It's time to move on and face the reality?

When it's over, is it really over?

When you decide to let go, Do you really succeed in letting go? I just heard the latest song of Sugar Ray a while ago. Here's the first few lines that caught my attention:

When it's over That's the time I fall in love again.

When it's over That's the time you're in my arms again.....

How can you possibly say it's over when you're still in love with the person you said you were over with already? I guess it's not that easy when the chain of the past locks you in the chest of false hopes and lead to a place called fantasy with Cinderella and Snow White as you best friends! The three of you gather on the hilltop and after a while three young drop-head gorgeous princess would come riding on their horses to join the picnic under a tree.

How pathetic! But, admit it or not. It's true.... The hardest part of losing a loved one is to accept the fact that they're gone and might never come back again. There are things that will always remind you of your togetherness... the places you've been, his/her favorite food you used to cook for her/him, expressions you used to hear from his/her song you both loved to sing. These are the memories that'd linger in your mind from time to time. Because you were both in love before (or so you think so), it makes you hope for another chance. You begin to believe on what others said that LOVE IS LOVELIER THE SECOND TIME AROUND and the line from Ally Mcbeal,

"Whoever said that 'plenty of the fish in the sea' thing is lying. Sometimes there's only one...trust me..."

We would desperately believe that what happens in the movies might also happen to us one day. Who didn't like the lines from the movie "Runaway Bride" where Julia Roberts told Richard Gere,

"I guarantee that we'll have tough time; I guarantee that if I don't ask you to be mine, I'll regret this for the rest of my life, coz' I know in my heart...you're the only one for me."

We tend to think that the person who left us will come back one day and say those things as trials to be conquered in order for the relationship to bloom and mature.

OuUccHh....Reality just bit me!

More often than not, these romantic movies and mushy love songs only make us long for something we cannot have... and for someone who cannot be our's again. It hurts to admit that we are just pretending. All the while we already knew the truth but we ignore it. When the damage is done, there's nothing left to do but cry... to mourn for the bitterness in our hearts. Then curse anybody who gets in the way.

I'm scared!!! Really I am.

As long as we still hold on to the past, the chance of meeting someone new may be a bit far off the field. The fear of trusting and falling in love again may also hinder us to grow and move on. We are hesitant to take the risk, afraid that we may get hurt again. Because of the negative thoughts stocked in our brains, we refuse to go out from our self made world and deprive ourselves from new opportunities, whether in love affairs or career wise.

Let's face it!

Betrayal can be anywhere and anyone can be a victim. The worst part is when one we truly, madly, deeply love is the one who will betray us in the end. Then we are left with nothing but a broken heart and wounded pride. Sad...but true!

Reality check please....

It can happen to anyone, but we shouldn't just take things as it comes. An action must be done. We should take care of ourselves from the hungry wolves in the jungle. It's matter of survival. Stand up when you fall. It's ok to cry as hard as long as you want to, just make sure that when you stop crying, you won't cry for the same reason anymore. Learn and live. LOVE IS THE MOST WONDERFUL THING ONE CAN OFFER, so be smart enough to give the love in your heart to the one who really deserve it...


I just read the article below in CNN

Can vole experiment prevent cheating lovers?

LONDON, England (Reuters) -- What would you give for a simple injection that would stop your lover from cheating?

Well, at least it works for meadow voles.

A single gene inserted into the brain can change promiscuous male rodents into faithful, monogamous partners, scientists said Wednesday.

It may not be as easy to rein in human philanderers but researchers at the Yerkes National Primate Research Center of Emory University and Atlanta's Center for Behavioral Neuroscience said their rodent results could help to explain the neurobiology of romantic love.

"Our study ... provides evidence in a comparatively simple animal model, that changes in the activity of a single gene profoundly can change a fundamental social behavior of animals within a species," said Larry Young a researcher at the university.

He and his colleagues, who reported their research in the science journal Nature, used a harmless virus to transfer the gene for a key hormone involved in sexual behavior from monogamous prairie voles into the brains of their randy relatives, the meadow voles.

After the gene transfer, the previously promiscuous meadow voles had less of a roving eye and showed a distinct preference for their current partners.

Earlier research had shown that prairie voles, which form life-long partnerships, had higher levels of receptors for the hormone vasopressin in an area of the brain called the ventral pallidum, than meadow voles.

Introducing the gene increased the natural levels of the receptor and enhanced the meadow voles' ability to form pair bonds.

Previous studies have also suggested that the receptors may play a role in disorders such as autism, and that brain pathways involved in romantic relationships also play a part in drug addiction.

"It is intriguing," said Young, "to consider that individual differences in vasopressin receptors in humans might play a role in how differently people form relationships."

The Breakup Test: Are you ready to move on?

You're Ready for Mr. Right (24-30 points)
Congratulations! You survived the breakup, but even better, you've picked yourself up and dusted off that post-relationship rubble. Maybe it took a while, but all that TLC that you've given yourself lately has finally paid off! From divvying up the stuff, to finding your place in the Newly Single's Scene, you've captured all the closure you need. Look out boys, here you come!

Went out with Marc last night. We ate at Mediterranean Cafe (i think...I forgot the name na) and their Chicken Kebab with couscous was delicious! There goes my unintentional after 6 diet! After dinner, we made tambay in Gloria Jean's (tama ba?) where their coffee and mango juice are...BLECH! walang kwenta! Don't go to that coffee shop. So not worth it!

artistahin pala ako...bwahahahaha!

when we're in Toby's, this old lady went up to me, chucked me under my chin and said "So beautiful! You wanna be an ABS-CBN actress?"

hahahaha o da ba pwede pala akong pang Star Circle ...halloween batch



A girl asked a guy if he thought she was pretty, he said...no. She asked him if he would want to be with her forever....and he said no. She then asked him if she were to leave would he cry, and once again he replied with a no. She had heard enough. As she walked away, tears streaming down her face the boy grabbed her arm and said....

You're not pretty you're beautiful.

I dont want to be with you forever. I NEED to be with you forever.

And I wouldnt cry if you walked away...I'd die...

Somebody told me that she saw my ex and his new gf...i really wasn't hurt...medyo lang...why i dunno...i guess I'm 100% over that jerk...pero bakit kailangan pa sabihin sa akin...

Tears, Idle Tears
(Tennyson)

Tears, idle tears, I know not what they mean,
Tears from the depth of some divine despair
Rise in the heart, and gather to the eyes,
In looking on the happy Autumn-fields,
And thinking of the days that are no more.

Fresh as the first beam glittering on a sail,
That brings our friends up from the underworld,
Sad as the last which reddens over one
That sinks with all we love below the verge;
So sad, so fresh, the days that are no more.

Ah, sad and strange as in dark summer dawns
The earliest pipe of half-awakened birds
To dying ears, when unto dying eyes
The casement slowly grows a glimmering square;
So sad, so strange, the days that are no more.

Dear as remembered kisses after death,
And sweet as those by hopeless fancy feigned
On lips that are for others; deep as love,
Deep as first love, and wild with all regret;
O Death in Life, the days that are no more.

bad trip..etong post na to....3 days in waiting...i didnt want to post anything muna kse..vain ako!!! karma ito! yan tuloy nasira tong post na to..bad trip..napilitan i-post at baka masira ulet

My horoscope for Saturday, June 12:

Thinking about a commitment? Great. Except if it happens, it might involve a long-distance move. If you're not ready to pack up, better formulate Plan B.

***ayayay, what is this***

I LOVE THIS GAME

One of my fave movies will be celebrating its 15th anniversary today. Field of Dreams...started my love of the game...when we were kids I remember that I bullied my older bro to play catch with me (at times hitting him with my bat or throwing extra hard). But I usually played with my younger brother cz he was a better player. We played catch at the back of the car on our way to Baguio or while waiting for our mom. We played in my lolo's pulo (manggahan). We played in Clark with the servicemen that used to be stationed there. We played in our garden (kaya nasira mga plants ng mom ko and when we blamed the rats!). We played anywhere and everywhere. I'd ask my dad to bring us to Dau where that Px "mall" used to be so that I can scrounge for used Baseball stuff. In my book, used Baseball mitts are better. I pestered my dad to bring me to Rizal Coliseum to watch our National Baseball team play during one of the SEA games that was held here. I love watching Baseball games...seems to me that I'm the only one who gets the kick out of it and finds it as exciting as Basketball pag last 2 minutes nalang...childhood dreams that we're traded for "real-life" and grown-up dreams...how I wish that i could play again...wanna play catch?


Other Baseball movies that I love are:

For love of the Game: also starring Kevin Costner


'61 (TV Movie)

Here are some quotes:

Field of Dreams:

"Ray, people will come Ray. They'll come to Iowa for reasons they can't even fathom. They'll turn up your driveway not knowing for sure why they're doing it. They'll arrive at your door as innocent as children, longing for the past. Of course, we won't mind if you look around, you'll say. It's only $20 per person. They'll pass over the money without even thinking about it: for it is money they have and peace they lack. And they'll walk out to the bleachers; sit in shirtsleeves on a perfect afternoon. They'll find they have reserved seats somewhere along one of the baselines, where they sat when they were children and cheered their heroes. And they'll watch the game and it'll be as if they dipped themselves in magic waters. The memories will be so thick they'll have to brush them away from their faces. People will come Ray. The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It has been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game: it's a part of our past, Ray. It reminds of us of all that once was good and it could be again. Oh... people will come Ray. People will most definitely come"
--
Dr. Archibald "Moonlight" Graham: This is my most special place in all the world, Ray. Once a place touches you like this, the wind nevers blows so cold again. You feel for it, like it was your child.
--
Dr. Archibald "Moonlight" Graham: Well, you know I... I never got to bat in the major leagues. I would have liked to have had that chance. Just once. To stare down a big league pitcher. To stare him down, and just as he goes into his windup, wink. Make him think you know something he doesn't. That's what I wish for. Chance to squint at a sky so blue that it hurts your eyes just to look at it. To feel the tingling in your arm as you connect with the ball. To run the bases - stretch a double into a triple, and flop face-first into third, wrap your arms around the bag. That's my wish, Ray Kinsella. That's my wish. And is there enough magic out there in the moonlight to make this dream come true?
--
Ray Kinsella: Fifty years ago, for five minutes you came within... y-you came this close. It would KILL some men to get so close to their dream and not touch it. God, they'd consider it a tragedy.
Dr. Archibald "Moonlight" Graham: Son, if I'd only gotten to be a doctor for five minutes... now that would have been a tragedy.


For love of the Game:

[repeated line - his trick for concentration]
Billy Chapel: Clear the mechanism.
--
"Jane Aubrey: What if my face was all scraped off and I was totally disfigured and had no arms and legs and I was completely paralyzed. Would you still love me?
Billy Chapel: No. But we could still be friends."

because I am vain vain vain :p


This was taken by Summer. Ang picture na andami nang nabola hehehehe :D



"I'm trying to win, coach. I ain't trying to disrespect nobody, but winning is the only thing i respect."

...for all the kiss ass people out there...how you get ahead of the rat race I will forever wonder why...

broken, bleeding and laughing all at the same time

A friend was trying to set me up w his officemate-who he could only describe with "ok lang"...haaayyy sana lang this guy's not gonna be as dumb as the last guy I went out with..remember the powerbooks incident?...hay sometimes tlaga MEN can be soooo stupid...anyways, I remeber telling my friend that I'm not looking for a boyfriend...I'm just dating...pahinga muna ako with all that love chorvalu...pahinga muna...

Worse Things in Life

A mother enters her daughter's bedroom and sees a letter over the bed.
With the worst premonition, she reads it, with trembling hands: It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm telling you that I have eloped with my new boyfriend. I have found real passion and he is so nice with all his piercings and tattoos, and his big Harley motorcycle. But Its not only that mom, I'm pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy in his little trailer in the woods. He wants to have many More children with me and that's one of my life long dreams. I've learned that marijuana doesn't hurt anyone and he'll be growing it for us and his friends, who are providing us with all the cocaine and Ecstasies we may want. In the mean time, we'll pray for science to find the AIDS cure in order for Ahmed to get better, he deserves so Much. Don't worry mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I will come visit so you can get to know your Grandchildren.

Your daughter,
Amanda


P.S..Mom, this is not true. I'm over at the neighbors house. I just wanted to show you that there are worse things in life than the schools report card that is in my desk drawer .........I love you.
-----------------
I want: peace in my heart
I have: me myself and I
I wish: my heart never got broken
I hate: HIM
I miss: ...him and my old self
I fear: being alone
I feel: HOT..mainit yung araw ;P
I hear: eVe
I crave: for Cibo's La Foresta and chocolate
I search: for my life's meaning & purpose & for my one true love
I wonder: when i'd be able to sleep peacefully and w/o interruption
I regret: falling in love
I love: ....................
I ache: to be with someone...to feel someone's arms around me shielding me from all the pain that life has brought
I long: to go back to hongkong!
I care: what other people say
I don't always: fix my room
I am not: always sad
I believe: that tomorrow will be another day!
I dance: when no one is watching
I sing: in the banyo
I cry: for love lost
I always: make sure that i don't hurt anyone
I fight: for what I believe is right
I write: to heal my wounds
I win: ....
I lose:
I listen:
I am happy: NOT!
I expect: nothing.

I am such a sissy...

For the gipper:

Patti Davis recounted Reagan's last moments in her eulogy at the burial service. "I know that at his last moment, when he opened his eyes, eyes that had not opened for many, many days, and looked at my mother, he showed us that neither disease nor death can conquer love," she said

***when will i find such kind of love...?***

2:23AM..got woken up by the TV that was left open...since I can't sleep, I decided to surf...aahhhh peace while surfing...i went through some of my old e-mails and read a letter that I wrote to someone...I posted that same letter early this year...

more later..its 3:25...i want to sleep

According to Wikipedia eto pala ang ating pambansang motto natin: National motto: Maka-Diyos, Maka-Tao, Makakalikasan at Makabansa (Filipino: "For Love of God, People, Nature and Country")..syempre ngayon ko lang nalaman na meron pala tayong national motto..yun lang..ni share ko lang...parang fyi ba..kahit na walang saysay hehehehe



"was born with music inside me. That's the only explanation I know of"
I got the pic above from
CNN...such a sad sad day...

Some day, I'll wish upon a star,
And wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where troubles melt like lemon drops,
Way up above the chimney tops
Thats where you'll find me

Relating is...
removing your personalty facades and living in the awareness of who you truly are to each other.

Understanding is...
allowing yourself to experience what the other person feels.

Loving someone is...
giving the love you have for yourself to another.

A broken heart is...
the result of failing to love yourself first.

Your better half is...
the other half of yourself.

Fear is...
not knowing what lies at the bottom of your heart.

Hate is...
the mirror of self-ignorance.

Darkness is....
the black hole in your soul.

Light is....
coming out of a dream.

Balance is....
choosing to be neutral about light and dark.

Unification is...
knowing that in every man is a little bit of woman and in every woman is a little bit of man.

A peaceful world is...
at the end of a dark tunnel.

We have just begun to enter it.

Since my fave team (Indiana Pacers)lost the eastern finals and since it so obvious who's gonna win the NBA Championship and to spite Jon (the angel)--we musn't forget the magic word...I'm posting this:



halata bang walang magawa...

Athena


?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla



You Are Flirt-able!
You are the best of both worlds - sexy and friendly, but not in either box.

Your charm is addicting, and you always have plenty of people flirting with you.

And if you want to turn things up, that's always an option for you.

You have plenty of options - without being the person everyone has already done :-)


Are You F***able?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva





Which Sex and the City Vixen Best Matches Your Sex Style?



You Attract A Good Amount of Guys
While you may not get the most offers in the room,

You've got a good thing going - dating wise

You could flirt more and dress up a bit to attract more guys

But in general, you are doing just fine!

Are You Attractive? Take This Quiz :-)


Find the Love of Your Life
(and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

the 34 y/o guy who's been courting me on-line is sooo persistent. He never fails to ask where I am, how I am, how my day was, I ate na, I'm home na and he never fails to lemme know where he is, how he is and how he loves me despite of the distance...last night, he texted me and told me that he just saw a shooting star when he was at the wharf (its a place in san fo) and that he wished that the day will come when I will tell him that I love him. Of all the wishes that he could have uttered, all he wished for was for me to love him.....

"Do you believe in love? I bet you don't, you're probably too sensible for that. Have you ever seen someone and you know that if only that person really know
you, they'd dump the perfect model they were with and realize that you are the one they want to grow old with? Have you ever fallen in love with someone you've never talked to? Have you ever been so alone you spent the night confusing a guy in a coma?" -WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING

Every move you make
by Tom Holladay

“Mark well that God doesn't miss a move you make; he's
aware of every step you take.” (Proverbs 5:21, Msg)

The 21st verse of Proverbs 5 has a chameleon quality to it: the way you see the verse is colored by the circumstances you find yourself in.

The verse is good news to me if I'm where I think God wants me to be; giving me energy to do what God wants me to do.

But for all of us there are times when the words, "He’s aware of every step you take," might make us a bit nervous.

There are times when we think, "Lord, could you look somewhere else right now?" This verse then has the feel of, "He knows if you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake!"

The truth is – God is always there. He knows everything we've done and everything we're doing and everything we're going to do. On hearing this some feel massive guilt – and spend the rest of their lives trying to escape God's "watchful eye."

Great news today! You don't have to live with that burden!! God is a forgiving and loving God!!!

The fact that he sees everything I do shows me how important my life really is. He does not watch me to condemn me, he watches me to love and strengthen me.

Live your life today with the knowledge that even if no one else notices, God does. Even when no one else understands, God does. Even when no one else cares, God certainly does.
Point to ponder: God is always watching – because he loves you.

Verse: “Mark well that God doesn't miss a move you make; he's aware of every step you take.” (Proverbs 5:21, Msg)

What will you do about it: If you’ve been avoiding “God’s watchful eye” because you’re feeling guilty or ashamed of something, confess that to God right now. Believe that he loves you and forgives you – and move on.

Prayer: Thank God that he loves you so much he can’t take his eyes off you.
---------

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you.
All you can do is be someone who can be loved.
The rest is up to them.
I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back.
I've learned that it takes years to build up trust and only seconds to destroy it.
I've learned it's not what you have in your life
but who you have in your life that counts.
I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes.
After that, you'd better know something.
I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do, but to the best you can do.
I've learned that it's not what happens to people,
It's what they do about it.
I've learned that no matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides.
I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words.
It may be the last time you'll see them.
I've learned that you can keep going long after you think you can't.
I've learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done
when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
I've learned that there are people who love you dearly,but just don't know how to show it.
I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry,
but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
I've learned that true friendship continues to grow even over the longest distance.
Same goes for true love.
I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to
doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
I've learned that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others.
Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken,
the world doesn't stop for your grief.
I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are,
but we are responsible for who we become.
I've learned that because two people argue,it doesn't mean they don't love each other.
And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.
I've learned that sometimes you have to put the individual ahead of their actions.
I've learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
I've learned that no matter the consequences, those who are honest with themselves get farther in life.
I've learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.
I've learned that even when you think you have no more to give,when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.
I've learned that writing, as well as talking, can ease emotional pains.
I've learned that the people that you care most about in life are taken from you too soon.
I've learned that it's hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice
and not hurting people's feelings and standing up for what you believe.
I've learned to love and be loved.
I'VE LEARNED ...

I learnt all of these the hard way---the very hard way. I wish that no one of you would ever go through what I went through. I would never wish the same pain on anyone else...

"Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."

For the first time in my almost 3 year stay in PS, I went to the company outing. We went to Club Manila East last sunday after my shift. The place was nice pala..shucks...sana pala I brought my stuff...sayang..but we plan to go back...da ba da ba???

Even my horoscope for last sunday agreed w me:

Sunday, June 6:

Don't even try to be dutiful. You've done enough of that. Today was made for fun, and you're definitely due. Turn off all electronic gadgets and grab your sunscreen

sows!

For Monday, June 7:

You'll definitely be in the mood for something different -- and maybe someone different, too. Don't argue with the Cosmos. Cooperate, and you'll have your choice of goodies from the grab-bag.

So..what has fate in store for me?!?!?! I can't wait I can't wait...but p-l-e-a-s-e NO MORE HEARTACHES!!! one more and I might not live through it anymore...

Whenever i pray, I always make it a point to thank God for giving me so much strenght. so much indeed. I know that I am still in love with him and I am still pining for him but, honestly, I don't feel anything whenever I see him. I don't feel anything whenever he crosses my mind. I don't feel anything whenever I hear him talking to his girlfriend on the phone. Nothing and I don't know why. But, let's not question why, let's just be thankful that I am. Maybe I really don't care anymore. Maybe I don't love him anymore...maybe maybe...we never know...Love and God...what a team...what a team...

"And when we meet
Which I'm sure we will
All that was then
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on...."..

"Deep in my heart, I'm suffering, knowing that I've lost you. On the outside, I'm living, pretending that I've forgotten you."

"Richard: I thought you said you didn’t need a man.
Ally: I don’t.
Richard: What’s this all about then?
Ally: I want one.”

..there it is..there is my need...

"I know I've got it great, really, good job, good friends, loving family, total freedom, and long bubblebaths. What else could there be?"

Growing With Someone

Years ago, I asked God to give me a spouse, "You don't own because you didn't ask" God said. Not only I asked for a spouse but also explained what kind of spouse I wanted. I want a nice, tender, forgiving, passionate, honest, peaceful, generous, understanding, pleasant, warm, intelligent, humorous, attentive, compassionate and truthful spouse.

I even mentioned the physical characteristics I dreamt about. As time went by I added the required list of my wanted spouse.One night, in my prayer, God talked to my heart :"My servant, I cannot give you what you want" I asked, "Why God?" God said "Because I am God and I am fair. God is the truth and all I do are true and right" I asked "God, I don't understand why I cannot have what I ask from you?"God answered, " I will explain.

It is not fair and right for Me to fulfill your demand because I cannot give something that is not your own self. It is not fair to give someone who is full of love to you if sometimes you are still hostile, or to give you someone generous but sometimes you can be cruel, or someone forgiving; however, you still hide revenge, someone sensitive; however, you are very insensitive...." He then said to me : "It is better for Me to give you someone who I know could grow to have all qualities you are searching rather than to make you waste your time to find someone who already have the qualities you want. Your spouse would be bone from your bone and flesh from your flesh and you will see yourself in her and both of you will be one.

Marriage is like a school. It is a life-long an education. It is where you and your partner make adjustment and aim not merely to please each other, but to be better human beings and to make a solid teamwork. I do not give you a perfect partner, because you are not perfect either. I give you a partner with whom you would grow with.

As I was walking out of Paseo Center where I heard mass, I went back and asked the priest if he would hear my confession. And so, in the middle of Paseo Center (just between seattle's and that cake kiosk..hehehehe...), the priest heard my confession. Last January was my first confession after so many month of being a wandering Catholic. I cried then. The priest wasn't that forgiving. After that, I confessed again on Good Friday. The priest was better. I cried then. Then in today's confession, the priest was good. In all 3 confessions, I confessed a lot of things but my # 1 sin was my unforgiving nature. In all 3 confessions, I cried. The priest said that, I should not be guilty that I am still unable to forgive. That I shouldn't be angry at myself for being mad and unforgiving to those who have hurt me because I am still hurting. God, he says, will heal me...will take away all of my hurts...will take away all of my pain...will take away all of my anger at the right time. That I will be healed......in time and that I just be patient.

The Scorpion Moment

There was this Hindu who saw a scorpion floundering around in the water. He decided to
save it by stretching out his finger, but the scorpion stung him. The man still tried to get the scorpion out of the water, but the scorpion stung him again. A man nearby told him to stop saving the scorpion that kept stinging him.

But the Hindu said: "It is the nature of the scorpion to sting. It is my nature to love. Why
should I give up my nature to love just because it is the nature of the scorpion to sting?"

Don't give up loving. Don't give up your goodness... Even if people around you sting.
(ah, i should tell this to myself...)


"Teach me your way, O Lord and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name. I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever" (psalm 86: 11-12)