For those who are married and those who are soon to be...

Thought I could share this discourse of E. Calasanzin the hopes that you too will gain much from his thoughts.
As an aside, Eduardo Calasanz was a student at the Ateneo de Manila University, Philippines, where he had Father Ferriols as professor. Father Ferriols, meanwhile at that time, was the Philosophy department head. Currently he still teaches Philosophy for graduating
college students in Ateneo. Father Ferriols has been very popular for his mind-opening and enriching classes but was also notorious for the
grades he gives. Still people took his classes for the learning and deep insight they take home with them every day (if only they could do something about the grades....). Anyway, come grade giving time, (Ateneo has letter grading systems the highest being an A lowest a D, with F for flunk), Fr Ferriols had this long discussion with the registrar people because he wanted to give Calasanzan A+. Either that or he
doesn't teach at all... Calasanz got his A+.


Partners and Marriage
EDUARDO JOSE E. CALASANZ


I have never met a man who didn't want to be loved.
But I have seldom met a man who didn't fear marriage. Something about the closure seems constricting, not enabling. Marriage seems easier to understand for what it cuts out of our lives than for what it makes possible within our lives. When I was younger this fear immobilized me. I did not want to make a mistake. I saw my friends get married for reasons of social acceptability, or sexual fever, or just
because they thought it was the logical thing to do. Then I watched, as they and their partners became embittered and petty in their dealings with each other. I looked at older couples and saw, at best, mutual toleration of each other. I imagined a lifetime of loveless nights and bickering days and could not imagine subjecting myself or someone else to such a fate. And yet, on rare occasions, I would see old couples who somehow seemed to glow in each other's presence. They seemed really in love, not just dependent upon each other and
tolerant of each other's foibles. It was an astounding sight, and it seemed impossible. How, I asked myself, can they have survived so many years of sameness, so much irritation at the others habits? What keeps love alive in them, when most of us seem unable to even stay
together, much less love each other? The central secret seems to be in choosing well. There is something to the claim of fundamental compatibility. Good people can create a bad relationship, even though they both dearly want the relationship to succeed. It is important
to find someone with whom you can create a good relationship from the outset. Unfortunately, it is hard to see clearly in the early stages. Sexual hunger draws you to each other and colors the way you see yourselves together. It blinds you to the thousands of little things by
which relationships eventually survive or fail. You need to find a way to see beyond this initial overwhelming sexual fascination. Some people choose to involve themselves sexually and ride out the most heated period of sexual attraction in order to see what is on the other side. This can work, but it can also leave a trail of wounded hearts. Others deny the sexual side altogether in an attempt to get to know each other apart from their sexuality. But they cannot see clearly, because the presence of unfulfilled sexual desire looms so large that it
keeps them from having any normal perception of what life would be like together. The truly lucky people are the ones who manage to become long-time friends before they realize they are attracted to each other. They get to know each other's laughs, passions, sadness, and fears. They see each other at their worst and at their best. They share time together before they get swept up into the entangling intimacy of their sexuality. This is the ideal, but not often possible. If you fall under the spell of your sexual attraction immediately, you
need to look beyond it for other keys to compatibility. One of these is laughter. Laughter tells you how much you will enjoy each
others company over the long term. If your laughter together is good and healthy, and not at the expense of others, then you have a healthy relationship to the world. Laughter is the child of surprise. If you can make each other laugh, you can always surprise each other. And if you can always surprise each other, you can always keep the world around you new. Beware of a relationship in which there is no laughter. Even the most intimate relationships based only on seriousness have a tendency to turn sour. Over time, sharing a common
serious viewpoint on the world tends to turn you against those who do not share the same viewpoint, and your relationship can
become based on being critical together. After laughter, look for a partner who deals with the world in a way you respect. When two people first get together, they tend to see their relationship as existing only in the space between the two of them. They find each other
endlessly fascinating, and the overwhelming power of the emotions they are sharing obscures the outside world. As the relationship ages and grows, the outside world becomes important again. If your partner treats people or circumstances in a way you cant accept, you will
inevitably come to grief. Look at the way she cares for others and deals with the daily affairs of life. If that makes you love her more, your love will grow. If it does not, be careful. If you do not respect the way you each deal with the world around you, eventually the two of you will not respect each other. Look also at how your partner confronts the mysteries of life. We live on the cusp of poetry and practicality, and
the real life of the heart resides in the poetic. If one of you is deeply affected by the mystery of the unseen in life and relationships, while the other is drawn only to the literal and the practical, you must take care that the distance does not become an unbridgeable gap that leaves you each feeling isolated and misunderstood. There are many other keys, but you must find them by yourself. We all have unchangeable parts of our hearts that we will not betray and private commitments to a vision of life that we will not deny. If you fall in love with someone who cannot nourish those inviolable parts of you, or if you cannot nourish them in her, you will find yourselves growing further apart until you
live in separate worlds where you share the business of life, but never touch each other where the heart lives and dreams. From
there it is only a small leap to the cataloging of petty hurts and daily failures that leaves so many couples bitter and unsatisfied with their mates. So choose carefully and well. If you do, you will have chosen a partner with whom you can grow, and then the real miracle of marriage can take place in your hearts. I pick my words carefully when I speak of a miracle. But I think it is not too strong a word. There is a miracle in marriage. It is called transformation. Transformation is one of the most common events of nature. The seed becomes the flower. The cocoon becomes the butterfly. Winter becomes spring and love becomes a child. We never question these, because we see them around us every day. To us they are not miracles, though if we did not know them they would be impossible to believe. Marriage is a transformation
we choose to make. Our love is planted like a seed, and in time it begins to flower. We cannot know the flower that will blossom, but we can be sure that a bloom will come. If you have chosen carefully and wisely, the bloom will be good. If you have chosen poorly or for the wrong reason, the bloom will be flawed. We are quite willing to accept the reality of negative transformation in a marriage. It was negative transformation that always had me terrified of the bitter marriages that I feared when I was younger. It never occurred to me to question the dark miracle that transformed love into harshness and bitterness. Yet I was unable to accept the possibility that the first heat of love
could be transformed into something positive that was actually deeper and more meaningful than the heat of fresh passion. All I could believe in was the power of this passion and the fear that when it cooled I would be left with something lesser and bitter. But
there is positive transformation as well. Like negative transformation, it results from a slow accretion of little things. But instead of death by a thousand blows, it is growth by a thousand touches of love. Two histories intermingle. Two separate beings, two separate presences, two separate consciousness come together and share a view of life that passes before them. They remain separate, but they also become one. There is an expansion of awareness, not a closure and a constriction, as I had once feared. This is not to say that there is not tension and there are not traps. Tension and traps are part of every choice of life, from celibate to monogamous to having multiple lovers. Each choice contains within it the lingering doubt that the road not taken somehow more fruitful and exciting, and each becomes dulled to
the richness that it alone contains. But only marriage allows life to deepen and expand and be leavened by the knowledge that
two have chosen, against all odds, to become one. Those who live together without marriage can know the pleasure of shared company, but there is a specific gravity in the marriagecommitment that deepens that experience into something richer and more complex.

So do not fear marriage, just as you should not rush into it for the wrong reasons. It is an act of faith and it contains within it the power of transformation. If you believe in your heart that you have found someone with whom you are able to grow, if you have sufficient faith that you can resist the endless attraction of the road not taken and the partner not chosen, if you have the strength of heart to embrace the cycles and seasons that your love will experience, then you may be ready to seek the miracle that marriage offers. If not, then wait. The easy grace of a marriage well made is worth your patience. When the time comes, a thousand flowers will bloom.

Still alone at work. Iniwan nalang ako lahat ng ksama ko and went on a 1/ 2 week leave. Saya nila no??? They hoarded all the leave allocations. Hmph.

Went home to my dad's hometown. Got to see my relatives after almost a year ata e! My 2 lolos are both weak na. Lolo daddy can't hear that well anymore. Can't stand without help and can't eat by himself na din. He hardly recognizes me too. My lolo tatay (my dad's father) still recognizes me and just was able to walk and stand, albeit slowly, a couple of days ago. He's hearing hsa deteriorated, too. He is still able recognize me (napagsabihan pa nga ko na di ako lagi umuuwi e...hehehehe)and talks to me in kapampangan as he has always done. I don't wanna be so morbid and pessimistic but I think my lolo tatay is in his final years na. He's 93 years old what do you expect. When I last saw him he was so strong and wasn't a bit sickly. His health just deteriorated during the 2nd half of the year. Baka next rotation I'll get weekends off para I can go home pag sunday to visit my lolo dear.

I filed for my first unplanned PTO for the year 2004 yesterday. What a way to start the year. Sa sunday I'll file again. Minsan lang ako magkaroon ng pamilya. Lulubos lubusin ko na

It's New Year's eve and I'm here in the office :/ I've been spending my Christmases and New Years' and all the holidays (kahit na coup de'etat pa) in the office for the past couple of years. By choice if you may wonder. That is because I like going to the office on such days. Aside from the big money ($$$$$), there is also no reason for me to stay in the house since my family except for stupid dog are all in the states. But now that they're all here I kinda wanted to stay sa house for this new year-at least but I guess its not meant to be tlaga at wla akong mahanap na ka-swap and wala na din VL allocation. bummer! Both for the 31st and the 1st :( Thinking of taking my first unplanned pTO for the year since it's been such a long time since I've been with my family and my lolo who I heard can't walk na daw.

Blessed Be Everyone!!!

My Dear dad and brother arrived this morning!!! Got to sleep around 4am then around 730pm woke up because my kuosy brother jumped on top of me. I think I almost broke my back. So now I'm sleepy sleepy sleeeeeeeeepppppyyyyyy.......zz.zz.z.z.z.z.z....

My dad got me a nice -very nice Digicam $300 daw :) The pics below are the front and back sides of my new kewl DC. For more information about it visit this site






When my dad gave it pa to me sinabi nya pa " for my favorite" and kaya when my mom heard it selos agad sya at binida nanaman si Stupid Dog ..ha! corny shoes lang nakuha nya-white shoes at that....bwahahahaha...i'm so sama tlaga pero even if he's by brother (*choke *choke* choke*) I don't feel guilty. Kse naman e -kups sya. as in! My lola gave me din another bag-DG bag ....happy happy new year na tlaga..but of course I'm happy (despite of my mom's nagging and ever present mood swings) coz my whole family is here YEY!

I noticed that I've recently been very interested with websites, html, hi tech phones and other hi-tech stuff...am I becoming a computer or techie geek?

Saw my "cousins" Meian, Beng, kaje and Emer yesterday...it's been awhile the last time we saw each other kse always busy always busy. Can't talk much about what happened at mahirap na (I learn from Meian's experience). shiyet. ang hirap magkwento when you know you can't make kwento.