For the past few months that my mom has been staying here in Manila, our relationship has vastly improved. I used to despise her to death but in the recent months she has been somone that I've grown to trust and...basta we have a better mother and daughter relationship. It was only a few backs that when I told her that Adrian and I broke up but at that time I didnt tell her the details. This morning-err afternoon pala I told her everything-as in everything. She cried a few times and I almost did, too. She suggested that if di ko kaya to work in the same area where he works that I should leave nalang and just go home. She says: uwi ka nalang. mas magiging mabuti ka pa doon kesa dito. We would be able to look after you instead of you being here with no one to take care of you. Tama na daw na I already sacrificed a lot for him. Its his turn na daw to do something and that if ever who should be doing something to correct the situation that it is him and not me.
Is it possible to be just friends with someone i have these sort of non-moderate feelings for?... Or am I doomed forever to just be in love and ultimately significantly hurt?
-Felicity
Mar 23, 2004
This headlins in MSN captured my attention:
March 22, 2004 -- The FDA is issuing a warning about the possibility of worsening depression or suicidal thoughts in people, particularly children, who take any of 10 popular antidepressants, especially at the beginning of treatment or when the doses are increased or decreased.
The FDA has sent a letter to drug manufacturers requesting labeling changes on these antidepressants -- warning of possible suicide, worsening depression, anxiety, and panic attacks in adults and children.
Antidepressants involved in this warning label request are:
Prozac (also sold generically as fluoxetine)
Zoloft
Paxil
Luvox
Celexa
Lexapro
Wellbutrin
Effexor
Serzone
Remeron
"We don't know that the drugs are responsible for these behavioral changes, but nonetheless we're telling physicians and families to be aware of this and that if the behaviors do emerge, to get treatment right away," said Russell Katz, a director with the FDA's Center for Drug Evaluation and Research, in a news teleconference today.
The proposed warning label will "include information about behavioral changes that may occur in patients who are prescribed antidepressant drugs," said Katz.
"This applies to adult and pediatric patients and involves the potential for suicidal thinking or suicidal behaviors and warns the physician and family about any behaviors that might emerge that haven't been experienced before," he added.
But the FDA stopped short of recommending people discontinue taking their antidepressants.
"We specifically decided not to tell people not to use these drugs," said Katz. "We don't think that is necessary at this point."
In addition to looking for signs of worsening depression, the following symptoms may also be a sign of a problem:
Anxiety
Agitation
Panic attacks
Insomnia
Irritability
Hostility
Impulsivity
Severe restlessness
Mania in both adults and children being treated with antidepressants for major depression
If these changes appear, treatment should be evaluated, the FDA says. Medications may need to be discontinued when symptoms are severe, begin abruptly, or if they signal a new disorder.
There also is concern for people who have bipolar disorder (manic depression) but don't know it. Antidepressants have the potential for provoking a manic episode in these people, the FDA says. Doctors, patients, and family members should be on the lookout for any symptoms of mania, including feeling extremely happy or very irritable, inflated self-esteem, not needing as much sleep as usual, talking, or being more active than usual.
Reviewing Studies of Children
The FDA has been closely reviewing studies of antidepressants in children for the past year after an initial report on studies of Paxil and other drugs suggested an increased risk of suicidal thoughts in children given antidepressants. No suicides occurred in any of the trials, the FDA reports.
The analysis has involved 25 controlled trials with 4,000 children taking antidepressants, said Katz. "Those reviews are ongoing."
Today's action "arose from an unexpected observation in some studies of an apparent excess of emotionability, a catch-all term ... that includes suicidal [thoughts]," said Robert Temple, MD, the FDA's director of medical policy.
However, closer examination has shown that the accounts are unclear -- whether certain behaviors reported were actual suicide attempts or other self-injurious behavior that was not suicide-related.
"As we've gone into the studies in detail, it's become evident that the terms used were highly varied and [the studies] not very well done," Temple said.
Experts at Columbia University in New York are providing an independent review of the studies, looking carefully at descriptions of these events to determine whether those cases represent suicidal behavior.
"We hope to have a much better idea whether these drugs are effective and whether or not they do cause suicidal symptoms," said Katz.
"There is an ongoing awareness that children are particularly vulnerable, that they need additional protection, and that we make sure that all the protections are in place," said Dianne Murphy, MD, the FDA's director of Pediatric Therapeutics.
March 22, 2004 -- The FDA is issuing a warning about the possibility of worsening depression or suicidal thoughts in people, particularly children, who take any of 10 popular antidepressants, especially at the beginning of treatment or when the doses are increased or decreased.
The FDA has sent a letter to drug manufacturers requesting labeling changes on these antidepressants -- warning of possible suicide, worsening depression, anxiety, and panic attacks in adults and children.
Antidepressants involved in this warning label request are:
Prozac (also sold generically as fluoxetine)
Zoloft
Paxil
Luvox
Celexa
Lexapro
Wellbutrin
Effexor
Serzone
Remeron
"We don't know that the drugs are responsible for these behavioral changes, but nonetheless we're telling physicians and families to be aware of this and that if the behaviors do emerge, to get treatment right away," said Russell Katz, a director with the FDA's Center for Drug Evaluation and Research, in a news teleconference today.
The proposed warning label will "include information about behavioral changes that may occur in patients who are prescribed antidepressant drugs," said Katz.
"This applies to adult and pediatric patients and involves the potential for suicidal thinking or suicidal behaviors and warns the physician and family about any behaviors that might emerge that haven't been experienced before," he added.
But the FDA stopped short of recommending people discontinue taking their antidepressants.
"We specifically decided not to tell people not to use these drugs," said Katz. "We don't think that is necessary at this point."
In addition to looking for signs of worsening depression, the following symptoms may also be a sign of a problem:
Anxiety
Agitation
Panic attacks
Insomnia
Irritability
Hostility
Impulsivity
Severe restlessness
Mania in both adults and children being treated with antidepressants for major depression
If these changes appear, treatment should be evaluated, the FDA says. Medications may need to be discontinued when symptoms are severe, begin abruptly, or if they signal a new disorder.
There also is concern for people who have bipolar disorder (manic depression) but don't know it. Antidepressants have the potential for provoking a manic episode in these people, the FDA says. Doctors, patients, and family members should be on the lookout for any symptoms of mania, including feeling extremely happy or very irritable, inflated self-esteem, not needing as much sleep as usual, talking, or being more active than usual.
Reviewing Studies of Children
The FDA has been closely reviewing studies of antidepressants in children for the past year after an initial report on studies of Paxil and other drugs suggested an increased risk of suicidal thoughts in children given antidepressants. No suicides occurred in any of the trials, the FDA reports.
The analysis has involved 25 controlled trials with 4,000 children taking antidepressants, said Katz. "Those reviews are ongoing."
Today's action "arose from an unexpected observation in some studies of an apparent excess of emotionability, a catch-all term ... that includes suicidal [thoughts]," said Robert Temple, MD, the FDA's director of medical policy.
However, closer examination has shown that the accounts are unclear -- whether certain behaviors reported were actual suicide attempts or other self-injurious behavior that was not suicide-related.
"As we've gone into the studies in detail, it's become evident that the terms used were highly varied and [the studies] not very well done," Temple said.
Experts at Columbia University in New York are providing an independent review of the studies, looking carefully at descriptions of these events to determine whether those cases represent suicidal behavior.
"We hope to have a much better idea whether these drugs are effective and whether or not they do cause suicidal symptoms," said Katz.
"There is an ongoing awareness that children are particularly vulnerable, that they need additional protection, and that we make sure that all the protections are in place," said Dianne Murphy, MD, the FDA's director of Pediatric Therapeutics.
Mar 22, 2004
If my heart could beat it would break my chest...
-Spike (BTVS)
hopes were dashed...i thought that I had already seen a ray of light...a silver lining in my storm clouds but alas.......it was naught...it was like a mirage in the desert...tama na nanaman po....medyo masakit na tlaga e.....i'm trying to put a brave and happy face but deep inside my pain is trying to break free...
i can't stand working in the same area where he is so baka mag resign na din ako...i'll just wait for the results of the promotion then i'll go na din siguro....
pinaasa mo ko sa wala...
got this from a friend:
I have a boyfriend who grew up with me. His name is Jin.
I always though of him as a friend until last year, when we
went to a trip from a club. I found that I fell in love with him.
Before that trip was over, I took a step and confessed my love for him.
And soon, we became a pair of lovers, but we loved each other in different ways.
I always concentrated on him only, but by his side, there were so many other girls.
To me, he was the only one, but to him, maybe I was just another girl...
"Jin, do you want to go watch a movie?" I asked.
"I can't"
"Why? You need to study at home?" I felt disappointment grabbing me.
"No... I am going to meet a friend..."
He was always like that.
He met girls in front of me, like it was nothing.
To him, I was just a girlfriend.
The word 'love' only came out from my mouth.
Since I knew him, I had never heard him say 'I love you' before.
To us, there weren't any anniversaries at all.
He didn't say anything from the first day and it continued till 100 days...200days...
Everyday, before we say goodbye, he would just hand me a doll, everyday, without fail.
I don't know why...
Then one day...
Me: Um, Jin, I ...
Jin: What...don't drag, just say..
Me: I love you.
Jin: ......you....um, just take this doll and go home.
That was how he ignored my 'three words' and handed me the doll.
Then he disappeared, like he was running away.
The dolls I received from him everyday, filled my room, one by one.
There were many...
Then one day came, my 15th year old birthday.
When I got up in the morning, I pictured a party with him,
and stranded myself in my room, waiting for his call.
But... lunch passed, dinner passed... and soon the sky was
dark... he still didn't call.
It w as already tiring to look at the phone anymore.
Then around 2am in the morning, he suddenly called me
and woke me from my sleep. He told me to come out of the house.
Still, I felt joy and I ran out happily.
Me: Jin...
Jin: Here...take this...
Again, he handed me a little doll.
Me: What's this?
Jin: I didn't give it to you yesterday, so I am giving it
to you now. I'm going home now, bye.
Me: Wait, wait! Do you know what today is?
Jin: Today? Huh?
I felt so sad, I thought he would remember my birthday.
He turned around and walked away like nothing had happen.
Then I shouted...
"Wait..."
Jin: You have something to say?
Me: Tell me, tell me you love me...
Jin: What?!
Me: Tell me
I put my pathetic self behind and clung on to him.
But he just said simple cold words and left.
"I don't want to say...that I love someone so easily, if you
are desperate to hear it, then find someone else."
That was what he said. Then he ran off.
My legs felt numb...and I collapsed to the ground. He
didn't want to say it easily...
How could he....
I felt that...
Maybe he is not the right guy for me...
After that day, I stranded myself at home crying, just crying.
He didn't call me, although I was waiting.
He just continued handing me a little doll every morning outside my house.
That's how those dolls piled up in my room... everyday
After a month, I got myself together and went to school.
But what made the pain resurface was that... I saw him on a street...with another girl...
He had a smile on his face, one that he never showed me...as he touched the doll...
I ran straight back home and looked at the dolls in my room, and tears fell...
Why did he gave these to me...
Those dolls are probably picked out by some other girls...
In a fit of anger, I threw the dolls around.
Then suddenly, the phone rang. It was him.
He told me to come out to the bus stop outside my house.
I tried to calm myself down and walked to the bus stop.
I kept reminding myself that I am going to forget him, that... it's going to end.
Then he came into my sight, holding a big doll.
Jin: Jo, I thought you were pissed, you really came?
I couldn't help hating him, acting like nothing had happen and joking around.
Soon, he held out the doll as usual...
Me: I don't need it.
Jin: What....why...
I grabbed the doll from his hands and threw it on the road.
Me: I don't need this doll, I don't need it anymore!! I don't want to see a person like you again!
I spitted out all the words that were inside me. But unlike other days, his eyes very shaking.
"I'm sorry" He apologized in a tiny voice.
He then walked over to the road to pick up the doll...
Me: You stupid! Why are you picking up the doll?! Just throw it away!!!
But he ignored me and just went to pick the doll.
Then...
Honk~ Honk~
With a loud honk, a big truck was heading towards him.
"Jin! Move! Move away!" I shouted...
But he didn't hear me, he squatted down and picked up the doll.
"Jin, move!"
HONK~!!
"Boom!" That sound, so terrifying.
That's how he went away from me.
That's how he went away without even opening his eyes to say one word to me.
After that day, I had to go through everyday with guiltiness and the sadness of losing him...
And after spending two months like a crazy person...
I took out the dolls.
Those were the only gifts he left me since the day we started going out.
I remembered the days I spent with him and started to
count the days... when we were in love...
"One...two... three..."
That was how... I started to count the dolls...
"Four hundred and eighty four... four hundred and eighty five..."
It all ended with 485 dolls.
I then started to cry again, with a doll in my arms.
I hugged it tightly, then suddenly...
"I love you~, I love you~"
I dropped the dolls,shocked.
"I....lo..ve...you??"
I picked up the dolls and pressed its stomach.
"I love you~ I love you~"
It can't be!
I pressed all the dolls' stomach as it piled on the side.
"I love you~"
"I love you~"
"I love you~"
Those words came out non-stop.
I...love you...
Why didn't I realize that...
That his heart was always by my side, protecting me.
Why didn't I realize that he love me this much...
I took out the doll under the bed and pressed it's stomach,
that was the last doll, the one that fell on the road.
It had his blood stain on it.
The voice came out, the on that I was missing so much...
"Jo...Do you know what today is? We've been loving each
other for 486 days. Do you know what 486 is? I couldn't
say I love you.... Um... since I was too shy... If you
forgive me and take this doll, I will say that I love you...
everyday... till I die... Jo... I love you..."
The tears came flowing out of me. Why? Why? I asked
god, why do I only know about all this now?
He can't be by my side, but he loved me until his last minute...
For that... and for that reason... to me... it became
courage... to live a beautiful life...
-Spike (BTVS)
hopes were dashed...i thought that I had already seen a ray of light...a silver lining in my storm clouds but alas.......it was naught...it was like a mirage in the desert...tama na nanaman po....medyo masakit na tlaga e.....i'm trying to put a brave and happy face but deep inside my pain is trying to break free...
i can't stand working in the same area where he is so baka mag resign na din ako...i'll just wait for the results of the promotion then i'll go na din siguro....
pinaasa mo ko sa wala...
got this from a friend:
I have a boyfriend who grew up with me. His name is Jin.
I always though of him as a friend until last year, when we
went to a trip from a club. I found that I fell in love with him.
Before that trip was over, I took a step and confessed my love for him.
And soon, we became a pair of lovers, but we loved each other in different ways.
I always concentrated on him only, but by his side, there were so many other girls.
To me, he was the only one, but to him, maybe I was just another girl...
"Jin, do you want to go watch a movie?" I asked.
"I can't"
"Why? You need to study at home?" I felt disappointment grabbing me.
"No... I am going to meet a friend..."
He was always like that.
He met girls in front of me, like it was nothing.
To him, I was just a girlfriend.
The word 'love' only came out from my mouth.
Since I knew him, I had never heard him say 'I love you' before.
To us, there weren't any anniversaries at all.
He didn't say anything from the first day and it continued till 100 days...200days...
Everyday, before we say goodbye, he would just hand me a doll, everyday, without fail.
I don't know why...
Then one day...
Me: Um, Jin, I ...
Jin: What...don't drag, just say..
Me: I love you.
Jin: ......you....um, just take this doll and go home.
That was how he ignored my 'three words' and handed me the doll.
Then he disappeared, like he was running away.
The dolls I received from him everyday, filled my room, one by one.
There were many...
Then one day came, my 15th year old birthday.
When I got up in the morning, I pictured a party with him,
and stranded myself in my room, waiting for his call.
But... lunch passed, dinner passed... and soon the sky was
dark... he still didn't call.
It w as already tiring to look at the phone anymore.
Then around 2am in the morning, he suddenly called me
and woke me from my sleep. He told me to come out of the house.
Still, I felt joy and I ran out happily.
Me: Jin...
Jin: Here...take this...
Again, he handed me a little doll.
Me: What's this?
Jin: I didn't give it to you yesterday, so I am giving it
to you now. I'm going home now, bye.
Me: Wait, wait! Do you know what today is?
Jin: Today? Huh?
I felt so sad, I thought he would remember my birthday.
He turned around and walked away like nothing had happen.
Then I shouted...
"Wait..."
Jin: You have something to say?
Me: Tell me, tell me you love me...
Jin: What?!
Me: Tell me
I put my pathetic self behind and clung on to him.
But he just said simple cold words and left.
"I don't want to say...that I love someone so easily, if you
are desperate to hear it, then find someone else."
That was what he said. Then he ran off.
My legs felt numb...and I collapsed to the ground. He
didn't want to say it easily...
How could he....
I felt that...
Maybe he is not the right guy for me...
After that day, I stranded myself at home crying, just crying.
He didn't call me, although I was waiting.
He just continued handing me a little doll every morning outside my house.
That's how those dolls piled up in my room... everyday
After a month, I got myself together and went to school.
But what made the pain resurface was that... I saw him on a street...with another girl...
He had a smile on his face, one that he never showed me...as he touched the doll...
I ran straight back home and looked at the dolls in my room, and tears fell...
Why did he gave these to me...
Those dolls are probably picked out by some other girls...
In a fit of anger, I threw the dolls around.
Then suddenly, the phone rang. It was him.
He told me to come out to the bus stop outside my house.
I tried to calm myself down and walked to the bus stop.
I kept reminding myself that I am going to forget him, that... it's going to end.
Then he came into my sight, holding a big doll.
Jin: Jo, I thought you were pissed, you really came?
I couldn't help hating him, acting like nothing had happen and joking around.
Soon, he held out the doll as usual...
Me: I don't need it.
Jin: What....why...
I grabbed the doll from his hands and threw it on the road.
Me: I don't need this doll, I don't need it anymore!! I don't want to see a person like you again!
I spitted out all the words that were inside me. But unlike other days, his eyes very shaking.
"I'm sorry" He apologized in a tiny voice.
He then walked over to the road to pick up the doll...
Me: You stupid! Why are you picking up the doll?! Just throw it away!!!
But he ignored me and just went to pick the doll.
Then...
Honk~ Honk~
With a loud honk, a big truck was heading towards him.
"Jin! Move! Move away!" I shouted...
But he didn't hear me, he squatted down and picked up the doll.
"Jin, move!"
HONK~!!
"Boom!" That sound, so terrifying.
That's how he went away from me.
That's how he went away without even opening his eyes to say one word to me.
After that day, I had to go through everyday with guiltiness and the sadness of losing him...
And after spending two months like a crazy person...
I took out the dolls.
Those were the only gifts he left me since the day we started going out.
I remembered the days I spent with him and started to
count the days... when we were in love...
"One...two... three..."
That was how... I started to count the dolls...
"Four hundred and eighty four... four hundred and eighty five..."
It all ended with 485 dolls.
I then started to cry again, with a doll in my arms.
I hugged it tightly, then suddenly...
"I love you~, I love you~"
I dropped the dolls,shocked.
"I....lo..ve...you??"
I picked up the dolls and pressed its stomach.
"I love you~ I love you~"
It can't be!
I pressed all the dolls' stomach as it piled on the side.
"I love you~"
"I love you~"
"I love you~"
Those words came out non-stop.
I...love you...
Why didn't I realize that...
That his heart was always by my side, protecting me.
Why didn't I realize that he love me this much...
I took out the doll under the bed and pressed it's stomach,
that was the last doll, the one that fell on the road.
It had his blood stain on it.
The voice came out, the on that I was missing so much...
"Jo...Do you know what today is? We've been loving each
other for 486 days. Do you know what 486 is? I couldn't
say I love you.... Um... since I was too shy... If you
forgive me and take this doll, I will say that I love you...
everyday... till I die... Jo... I love you..."
The tears came flowing out of me. Why? Why? I asked
god, why do I only know about all this now?
He can't be by my side, but he loved me until his last minute...
For that... and for that reason... to me... it became
courage... to live a beautiful life...
Mar 21, 2004
we went back to our company's main building which is just beside JG. At syempre pahirapan nanaman sa paglipat..and with no one to help me bring my stuff, I had to drag my huge rollerbox and other stuff from one building to another..dapat kse bawasan e.....
so buti nalang we were situated sa other side ng floor at least mas minimal yung chanvce ng aming pagkikita....pero yun nga lang may chance pa din..naman o!!!!!! sana kse we didnt move nalang e......
We went to the province yesterday and I saw my lolo again. It was saddening to see him kse his health is deteriorating na tlaga..he didnt recognize me na nga tapos he has a difficult time seeing and hearing na din... :,( I had ssat by him until he slept...he was just sitting beside the TV but he really couldn't see and hear what was being shown...hay naku..i hate seeing people that I love like this...i really do...
One of the many reason why I couldn't leave Manila is because of my wonderful wonderful friends
my girls : emer, vianca, kaje and meian
I dunno where I would be without them...if I need someone to defend me to baby me to knock some sense into me or to simply heal, to these girls do I go to. If I need someone to wallow with me I go to Vianca and Meian. If i need someone to knock some sense into me I go kaje. If I need someone to listen to me, I go to beng (not in the pic)..they are all my mother hens and at the same time my konsensya...they're the kind of friends you know will not tolerate it when you do something awful but will respect whatever decision you make...I have been blessed by God to be able to find such good -no- bestest friends that one can ever hope for :)
IcKa girl :) Vianca's daughter na inaangkin namin lahat
ala-teleserye: athea reg ces, kirk and moi!
so buti nalang we were situated sa other side ng floor at least mas minimal yung chanvce ng aming pagkikita....pero yun nga lang may chance pa din..naman o!!!!!! sana kse we didnt move nalang e......
We went to the province yesterday and I saw my lolo again. It was saddening to see him kse his health is deteriorating na tlaga..he didnt recognize me na nga tapos he has a difficult time seeing and hearing na din... :,( I had ssat by him until he slept...he was just sitting beside the TV but he really couldn't see and hear what was being shown...hay naku..i hate seeing people that I love like this...i really do...
One of the many reason why I couldn't leave Manila is because of my wonderful wonderful friends
my girls : emer, vianca, kaje and meian
I dunno where I would be without them...if I need someone to defend me to baby me to knock some sense into me or to simply heal, to these girls do I go to. If I need someone to wallow with me I go to Vianca and Meian. If i need someone to knock some sense into me I go kaje. If I need someone to listen to me, I go to beng (not in the pic)..they are all my mother hens and at the same time my konsensya...they're the kind of friends you know will not tolerate it when you do something awful but will respect whatever decision you make...I have been blessed by God to be able to find such good -no- bestest friends that one can ever hope for :)
IcKa girl :) Vianca's daughter na inaangkin namin lahat
ala-teleserye: athea reg ces, kirk and moi!
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