"Thank your readers and the critics who praise you, and then ignore them. Write for the most intelligent, wittiest, wisest audience in the universe: Write to please yourself."

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times....

We all have a story to tell. We often judge our own stories as being good or bad, right or wrong. The truth is, each and every one of them not only holds meaning for us but for those around us as well. Our entries...our stories...our moments...our thoughts...our pain and our joys these are the things that happens in our lives that we want to share with other people who, may or may not care. Our stories try to reach out to other people and that in some way says...here I am! Make me a part of your life as I want you to be a part of mine....yes, we hope, too, that amongst the so many bloggers, web surfers and whoever there may be one or two who will perchance drop by our little world (read: blog) WILL care and will give a damn what happens to us...so another year has begun...let us read and be merry...let's start our life's story...be part of my trials and tribulations..my joys and my pains...my living and my dying in almost every breath that I take...here is my life...my story






"Suscipe, Domine, universam meam libertatem. Accipe memoriam, intellectum atque voluntatem omnem. Quidquid habeo vel possideo mihi largitus es; id tibi totum restituo, ac tuae prorsus voluntati trado gubernandum. Amorem tui solum cum
gratia tua mihi dones, et dives sum satis, nec aliud quidquam ultra posco. Amen

"The world has turned and left me here, just where i was before you appeared" (Weezer)

the last entry for 2004...

5 deaths...

1 love lost...

2 what might have beens

so many broken promises

countless tears

innumerable hurt

infinite pain

so many pent up prayers and wishes all sent to the skies and stars above....all remain unanswered...

has God forgotten my address?

when will all the hurt the pain and the tears stop...

annus horribilis as I once described this year...i'm kinda hoping 2005 will be better for me...i almost thought that since this year started on a low note for me that sana it'll end on a high note...and for awhile I almost did think that it was gonna be a happy ending for me for 2004...but, as usual, reality continues to destroy my life...it has been a life on a tight rope...it has been a year that seemed like I was perpetually living in the out house that when I almost thought that I could get out for some whiff of fresh air someone just had to say CUT! Bummer.

"I know I'm not perfect, but I can smile. And I hope that you see this heart behind
my tired eyes." (Dido)


The stars will cry
The blackest tears tonight
And this is the moment that I live for
I can smell the ocean air
And here I am
Pouring my heart onto these rooftops
Just a ghost to the world
That's exactly
Exactly what I need

From up here the city lights burn
Like a thousand miles of fire
And I'm here to sing this anthem
Of our dying day

For a second I wish the tide
Would swallow every inch of this city
As you gasp for air tonight
I'd scream this song right in your face
If you were here
I swear I won't miss a beat
Cause I never
Never have before

From up here the city lights burn
Like a thousand miles of fire
And I'm here to sing this anthem
Of our dying day

For a second I wish the tide
Would swallow every inch of this city
And you gasp for air tonight!!

From up here the city lights burn
Like a thousand miles of fire
And I'm here to sing this anthem
Of our dying day
From up here the city lights burn
Like a thousand miles of fire
And I'm here to sing this anthem
Of our dying day
From up here the city lights burn
Like a thousand miles of fire
And I'm here to sing this anthem
Of our dying day

"Maybe I'm happy and I just don't know it." (Ally McBeal)

things that i have to do today:

1. Check my mail and ym messages
2. Fix my room
3. Pay Globe
4. Find a dress for Mitch's Wedding and Dianne's debut
5. Buy a planner
6. Check out Powerbooks' sale
7. List down all DVDs



Something that I read in Inquirer:

Don't dwell on that empty space
By Thelma Sioson San Juan


THIS is one Christmas where we must exert extra effort to find the joy of the season simply because death came one after the other. Never has the yearend seen the front and opinion pages mourning the loss of lives day after day, muting the sound of holiday celebration.

You're surrounded by the news of death near and far, and even of impending loss since you know of at least one relatively young person battling cancer in what must have seemed like an epidemic-no matter how ridiculous a cancer epidemic may sound.

It's a threatening reminder even to the hip and young. What's up with the planets?

Nothing perhaps, it's just the usual cycle. Yet you must steel your heart and keep your heart still so that you catch whatever it is life is trying to tell you. How do you cope with the loss, and how do you listen to its message?

By being quiet and attentive. It is ironic that the drift of the season is surviving the loss. The holiday mood is not euphoric, it is thoughtful and sober.

So how do you cope? No choice but to roll with the punches, so you can muster enough strength to get back on your feet and walk on. In fact, there is no making up for a loss and it is foolhardy to think that an experience could be duplicated or a loved one replaced.

Our friend Alya Honasan even said as much of a dog when her Muffin (her name) died a few weeks ago. Accept and absorb the hurt and wear out the pain. After all, the heart -- along with the rest of the body -- gets fatigued from hurting.

Then -- seize a new moment and live it. The cliché is true, we're just passing by, experiencing moments and people along the way, but never really owning them indefinitely. We can't even retrace our step-that happens only in the mind. There's only the forward motion where time is concerned.

You can't go back, but you can move on. Muster the faith to see only the fullness of the moment, not its emptiness. Don't dwell on that empty space.

Christmas, therefore, is seizing the moment and living it as if it were a blessing, because it is. Let your every moment be an answered prayer. Merry Christmas!

"...You must remember this
A kiss is still a kiss
A sigh is just a sigh
The fundamental things apply
As time goes by....

And when two lovers woo,
They still say, "I love you"
On that you can rely
No matter what the future brings....."

"They say when love knocks on your door, open it. But do you know that sometimes love enters through the back door and before you notice it, its on its way out"

Mom: Hello anak!
Me : Mommy!
Mom : How are you? Are you ok?
Me : kinda... :(
Mom: You want to go home?
Me : Right now..yes...
Mom : Uwi ka na
Me : Di ko po alam e...
Mom : Daddy is sick. You better go home no one's taking care of you there
Me : Give me time ha? ha? ha?
Mom : Always asking for time but you never come home

....at the end, happiness is not a destination: it is a manner of travelling and the way you travelled. happiness is not an end in itself. it is a by-product of working, playing, loving and living.....

WAG NA WAG MONG SASABIHIN
(Kitchie Nadal)

May gusto ka bang sabihin
Ba't di mapakali
Ni hindi makatingin
Sana'y wag mo na tong palipasin
At subukang lutasin Sa mga sinabi mo na
Ibang nararapat sa akinNa tunay kong mamahalin

Wag na wag mong sasabihin
Na hindi mo nadama itong
Pag-ibig kong handang
Ibigay kahit pa kalayaan mo
Ano man ang 'yong akala
Na ako'y isang bituin
Na walang sasambahin'Di ko man ito ipakita
Abot langit ang daing
Sa mga sinabi mo na

At sa gabi sinong duduyan sayo
At sa umaga ang hangin and hahaplos sayo

"...pre, steady ka lang..."

One
U2

Is it getting better
Or do you feel the same?
Will it make it easier on you now
You got someone to blame?
You say
One love, one life
When it's one need
In the night
One love
We get to share it
It leaves you, baby
If you don't care for it
Did I disappoint you
Or leave a bad taste in your mouth?
You act like you never had love
And you want me to go without
Well, it's too late
Tonight
To drag your past out
Into the light
We're one
But we're not the same
We get to carry each other
Carry each other
One
Have you come here for forgiveness?
Have you come to raise the day?
Have you come to play Jesus
To the lepers in your head?
Did I ask too much
More than a lot?
You gave me nothing now
It's all I got
We're one
But we're not the same
We will
We hurt each other
Then we do it again
You say
Love is a temple
Love, the higher law
Love is a temple
Love, the higher law
You ask me to enter
And then you make me crawl
And I can't be holding on
To what you got
When all you got is hurt
One love
One blood
One life you got
To do what you should
One life
With each other
Sisters, brothers
One life
But we're not the same
We get to carry each other
Carry each other To LoVe...

Anyone who has gone through the agony of losing someone she loves so much will still wish against all odds to have that love back again. But, sometimes a love lost is a love gone forever. No amount of hope can bring to life a relationship that just died a natural death. Set yourself free. Let your heart spread its wings and fly. Remember, it may rain for 40 days and 40 nights, but still will not rain forever. One day the pouring will stop and there will be plenty of branches where you can find rest. One of these is where you will build your nest and start over again. It's never too late. Remember, you may find love and lose it but, "WHEN LOVE DIES, YOU NEVER HAVE TO DIE WITH IT".

Remember that you cannot be a redeemer all your life. The best way to weigh a relationship is out in the test of fire. You cannot be a sooner of your mistake forever. Remember, we all fail and make wrong decisions but our blunders are meant not to bury us deep in misery but to teach us the valued lessons of life. Loving is always a learning process.

With love, we learn how to care and sacrifice. We learn to share and reach out. We learn to be unselfish and give more than we can. And when everything doesn't end well, we learn how it fells fall, we strive to get back on our feet and move on. This is where we learn that "Life doesn't end where our heartaches begin".

THERE IS NO FUTURE IN A RELATIONSHIP OF LIES AND SELFISHNESS. It's true, there's life in love. But, there can still be life even after losing love if you leave the past behind and let your heart heal and give you the chance to find yourself again. The success of a relationship lies not only in the beauty of its beginning but in its consistency. Make a choice not on impulse but a decision based on a healthy balance of mind and heart. Let us always remember that "HAPPINESS IS NOT A MATTER OF DESTINY BUT A MATTER OF CHOICE".

There comes a time in our lives when we chance upon someone so nice and beautiful and we just find ourselves getting so intensely attracted to that person. This feeling soon becomes part of our everyday lives and eventually consumes our thoughts and actions. The sad part of its when we begin to realize that this person feels nothing more for us than friendship. We start our desperate attempt to get noticed and be closer but in the end our efforts are still unrewarded and we end up being sorry for ourselves.

"YOU DON'T HAVE TO FORGET SOMEONE YOU LOVE. WHAT YOU NEED TO LEARN IS HOW TO ACCEPT THE VERDICT OF REALITY WITHOUT BEING BITTER OR SORRY FOR YOURSELF. YOU WOULD BETTER OFF GIVING THAT THE DEDICATION AND LOVE TO SOMEONE MORE DESERVING". Don't let your heart run your life, be sensible and let your mind speak for itself. Listen not only to your feelings but to reason as well. Always remember that if you lose someone today, it means that someone better is coming tomorrow.

"IF YOU LOSE LOVE, THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU HAVE FAILED IN LOVE. CRY IF YOU HAVE TO, BUT MAKE SURE THAT TEAR WASHES AWAY THE HURT AND THE BITTERNESS THAT THE PAST LEFT YOU WITH. LET GO OF YESTERDAY AND LOVE WILL FIND ITS BACK TO YOU". And when it does, pray that it may be the love that will stay and last a lifetime.

A woman on the rebound could easily fall for sweeping emotions and be made to falsely believe that she finally stumbled upon the right man when what she just found is only someone to cover up for the love she lost. A man who makes promises with words and not with actions may never live up to fulfill them. "IT'S TRUE THAT LOVE CAN WAIT FOREVER BUT IT IS CRAZY TO STUBBORNLY HOPE FOR SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T EVEN CARE OR UNDERSTAND HOW WE FEEL".

Loving someone is never a sin. It is what people do out of love that sometimes makes it all wrong. The selfish desire to want that person is what makes it a sin. Don't think only of your feelings for real love doesn't have a place for selfish people. When there is love, there is always sacrifice.

When we love someone, we NEVER easily GIVE UP on that person. Even if we get hurt badly we always try to find a way to ease the pain and learn to understand and forgive. Loving too much doesn't hurt. It is when we expect this love to be reciprocated that we begin to seek approval and acceptance of the things we have done and when we are taken for granted and rejected, we curse the very same love that we once freely and happily offered.

"DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME WAITING FOR SOMEONE WHO NEVER REALLY CARED ABOUT HOW YOU WOULD HAVE FELT. OPEN YOUR HEART AGAIN AND GIVE YOURSELF THE CHANCE TO FIND THE MAN WHO WOULD MAKE LOVING WORTH THE PAIN AND THE SACRIFICE. Just like anything else, our love grows weak and extent. Beyond that, it withers without any hope of recovery and soon dies".

God wakes us up in the midst of a storm to teach us a lesson. He takes away people we love, so we can learn to value love itself. He makes us cry so hard so we can see clearly when we open our eyes. He makes us bitter so we can realize that there is no genuine happiness if we think only of our needs and not of others.

Relationships built on jealousy and selfishness is doomed from the very beginning. The hardest part of losing love is letting go and moving on. Most of us cry endlessly over things that could have been but never will be.

"God allows us to experience pain to make us stronger and better persons. He will see us through the most trying and difficult times in our lives and only if we put our trust in Him we can learn to find joy in our tears and happiness in our sorrows".

In many failed relationships, separation comes as the inevitable choice but moving on always proves to be twice as difficult as letting go. Sometimes, the end of a relationship is imposed on us, but our choice to hold on is always beyond the control of circumstances.

Letting go is a decision that can never be dictated on us. It is a resolve we make ourselves. Acceptance is the key to a new beginning and time is the healer of all wounds. Even if the storm casts its fearful shadow, there will always be light after our darkness and lonely moments. There is always a hope for those who believe. There is always a chance for those who try. "Losing someone we may not be a loss at all but a blessing because someone even more is yet to come".

There is nothing wrong in expressing our feelings to someone we love, but "we must always be sensitive to the signals that tell us when to rationalize and be sensible." There comes a time in our lives when we would fall for someone who wouldn't be as interested as we are because his attention is focused on someone else.

There are many times when we love but don't get loved in return. There are times when the sign ahead says stop but we still stubbornly head on. We would say our love is unconditional, but if it really is, then we should never feel bad. But why do we get frustrated when love turns sour? Because we still subconsciously seek acceptance and assurance from the people we care about.

Being in love can be the most wonderful thing we could experience but if the feeling begins to consume our whole beings, then we have to stop and let our minds and not our hearts dictate our actions. Only when we learn to accept our fate and understand the meaning of our failures we can truly go on with life without having to look back and cry over the things that could have been but will never be......
"ReAcH FoR YoU... MiSSiNg YoU... SeCrEtLy ReCaLLiNg wHaT HaS BeEn
...I DoN't WaNt To ReMeMBeR"

"I haven't felt the way I feel today
In so long it's hard for me to specify.
I'm beginning to notice how much this
Feels like a waking limb... pins and needles..."



...sala sa lamig sala sa init...

"I've done the marry-go-round,
I've been through the revolving door,
I feel I just met someone I can stand still with for a minute
Don't you wanna stand still with ME?"

isang palatastas sa aking mala teleseryeng buhay:

"It is with great regret that I must confirm that the wizard styling himself Lord - well, you know who I mean - is alive among us again," Minister of Magic Cornelius Fudge

see you in the Summer of 2005 Half-Blood Prince!