If God was able to forgive me for all the bad things that I had done why, a mere mortal me, cannot forgive that one perosn who has caused me so much pain tears heartaches and suffering? And so on Good Friday, after my tearful confession, I texted Adrian and told him that I am already in the process of trying to forgive him for all the pain he has caused:
"I wish you well. I wish you happiness with whoever you are with now.. Know that I am already in the process of trying to forgive you for all the pain heartache suffering and tears you caused. For the lies hurtful words and broken promises i forgive you even though you do not ask for it and do not realize the wrong that you have done. I forgive you."
I did not get a reply to this message and do not expect any. He has truly changed for the worst.
One of these I will narrate the whole story...this for me...not for anyone's dessert on their chismis table...this for me to exorcise my ghost...a ghost that I will kill one way or the other...a ghost that will never ever haunt me...EVER. As I said, I burn bridges when I get mad. And when I do get mad at you, though I have forgiven you, you are now as good as dead to me. You do not exist anymore in my heart and my life and my memory. You will just be a bad dream that I had and will eventually forget once I wake up....As I told Len, I wil find all the pieces of my heart again and one day, my eyes and heart will smile simultaneously...not someday anymore but ONE OF THESE DAYS...
"In everything that is happening in our lives He has a purpose. Be strongand faithful. Hold on! IN every pain, there is an equal joy to itand we will have our time. GOD HAS BETTER PLANS FOR US!"
Apr 8, 2004
"Today is gonna be an uh, a less bad day, I can feel it. Sometimes I wake up and I just know that everything is going to be...less bad. "
am on training and am sleepy...just as i was getting used to my am shift biglang gawin gy for 1 DAYS da ba???
anyway, wednesday night...I cried again...it was good cry. I don't cry or get hurt that easy anymore..ung kagabi it was more of little hurts na na"compile" . my moments are still masama kse tlagang nakatulala ako but I don't cry anymore...now puro anger nalang...my heart is full of anger to the point na I wanna do something for revenge lang .... but I keep on telling myself na I'm better than that...I'M BETTER THAN HIM!
Lord, grant me strength..grant me peace of mind and of heart...
Being Maundy Thursday, my mom, a cousin and I visited 14 churches early this morning from our local church till Manila Cathedral in Intramuros...at syempre mainit...ngayon ko lang nalaman na 4 pesos na pala ang bayad sa jeep...na maraming dogs!!!...na mainit tlaga...na I miss the Benedictine Monks early morning Lauds (aaaa heaven on earth!)...that I'm going back to my one of my old loves which is photography...that you should never walk on a very very full stomach...hhhaaayyy sleepppyyy...All through our the trip, Jean and I were texting...2 days pala sya nag dive...scary...
When we got home, I immediately took bath to take out all the grime and pawis--YYAAAAKKK....but I wasn't able to sleep agad coz my mom wanted me to eat pa. Aside from that my body was already getting used to being awake during daytime...there goes my body clock.....
they blocked friendster in the office...i'll missed that website..oh well baka this is one way of God helping me...
God has been very very good to me:
1. He forgave me despite of everything with no qualms
2. He gave me such wonderful wonderful set of friends (my support group-, team mates, officemates..fred, oman.....EVERYONE but most esp to Vianca, my lifesaver and to Mei for always knocking some sense to me and for Kaje for her strength even if she is going through her own problems...)
3. He gave me my family especially my mom and dad...I value them now more than ever...(my mom spoils me!!! hihihihih)
4. For some of you guys, you might not understand why but I thank God, too, for "JB". To simple "kaw tlaga" text to can you not messages to paulit ulit na texts helps me through my everyday
5. For my exes who have given me their own "words of wisdom" and who till this very day continut to love me...
^*^*^*^*^*^*^
At an airport, I overheard a father and his daughterin their last moments together. They had announced her plane's
departure and standing near the door she said, "Daddy, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough too, Daddy."
They kissed good-bye and she left. He walked over towards the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see he wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on his privacy, but he welcomed me in by asking,
"Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?"
"Yes, I have," I replied. Saying that brought back memories I had of expressing my love and appreciation for all my Dad had done for me. Recognizing that his days were limited, I took the time to tell him face to face how much he meant to me. So I knew what this man was experiencing. "Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?" I asked.
"I am old and she lives much too far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is, her next trip back will be for my
funeral," he said.."When you were saying good-bye I heard you say, 'I wish you enough, may I ask what that means?"
He began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone."
He paused for a moment and looking up as if trying to remember it in fetail, he smiled even more. "When we said, 'I wish
you enough,' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with enough good things to sustain them."
He continued and then, turning toward me, he shared the following as ifhe were reciting it from memory:
I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish you enough "Hellos" to get you through the final "Good-bye"
He then began to sob and walked away.
My friends and loved ones, I wish you enough.
They say, "It takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to
appreciate them, a day to love them, but an entire lifetime to forget them"
I wish you enough.
am on training and am sleepy...just as i was getting used to my am shift biglang gawin gy for 1 DAYS da ba???
anyway, wednesday night...I cried again...it was good cry. I don't cry or get hurt that easy anymore..ung kagabi it was more of little hurts na na"compile" . my moments are still masama kse tlagang nakatulala ako but I don't cry anymore...now puro anger nalang...my heart is full of anger to the point na I wanna do something for revenge lang .... but I keep on telling myself na I'm better than that...I'M BETTER THAN HIM!
Lord, grant me strength..grant me peace of mind and of heart...
Being Maundy Thursday, my mom, a cousin and I visited 14 churches early this morning from our local church till Manila Cathedral in Intramuros...at syempre mainit...ngayon ko lang nalaman na 4 pesos na pala ang bayad sa jeep...na maraming dogs!!!...na mainit tlaga...na I miss the Benedictine Monks early morning Lauds (aaaa heaven on earth!)...that I'm going back to my one of my old loves which is photography...that you should never walk on a very very full stomach...hhhaaayyy sleepppyyy...All through our the trip, Jean and I were texting...2 days pala sya nag dive...scary...
When we got home, I immediately took bath to take out all the grime and pawis--YYAAAAKKK....but I wasn't able to sleep agad coz my mom wanted me to eat pa. Aside from that my body was already getting used to being awake during daytime...there goes my body clock.....
they blocked friendster in the office...i'll missed that website..oh well baka this is one way of God helping me...
God has been very very good to me:
1. He forgave me despite of everything with no qualms
2. He gave me such wonderful wonderful set of friends (my support group-, team mates, officemates..fred, oman.....EVERYONE but most esp to Vianca, my lifesaver and to Mei for always knocking some sense to me and for Kaje for her strength even if she is going through her own problems...)
3. He gave me my family especially my mom and dad...I value them now more than ever...(my mom spoils me!!! hihihihih)
4. For some of you guys, you might not understand why but I thank God, too, for "JB". To simple "kaw tlaga" text to can you not messages to paulit ulit na texts helps me through my everyday
5. For my exes who have given me their own "words of wisdom" and who till this very day continut to love me...
^*^*^*^*^*^*^
At an airport, I overheard a father and his daughterin their last moments together. They had announced her plane's
departure and standing near the door she said, "Daddy, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough too, Daddy."
They kissed good-bye and she left. He walked over towards the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see he wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on his privacy, but he welcomed me in by asking,
"Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?"
"Yes, I have," I replied. Saying that brought back memories I had of expressing my love and appreciation for all my Dad had done for me. Recognizing that his days were limited, I took the time to tell him face to face how much he meant to me. So I knew what this man was experiencing. "Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?" I asked.
"I am old and she lives much too far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is, her next trip back will be for my
funeral," he said.."When you were saying good-bye I heard you say, 'I wish you enough, may I ask what that means?"
He began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone."
He paused for a moment and looking up as if trying to remember it in fetail, he smiled even more. "When we said, 'I wish
you enough,' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with enough good things to sustain them."
He continued and then, turning toward me, he shared the following as ifhe were reciting it from memory:
I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish you enough "Hellos" to get you through the final "Good-bye"
He then began to sob and walked away.
My friends and loved ones, I wish you enough.
They say, "It takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to
appreciate them, a day to love them, but an entire lifetime to forget them"
I wish you enough.
Apr 7, 2004
Some of the messages he sent:
"When I first met you, you struck me as a person who has forgotten how to love, and be loved. Do you even
remember what it's like to really be with someone? Maybe what you're afraid of it what you don't know."
When he asked me to go to Quezon so that I can dive and trek with him:
"Only those who dare to move too far would have the chance to know how far they can go..."
When I told him I was gonna leave na:
"...how do I, say goodbye to what we had (though short and sudden)! Its so hard to say goodbye to yesterday."
THis was sent to me by the webmistress of Quoteylicious:
Hardest Things In Love...
*Flashing your smile to someone you don't want to see.
*Bringing back the feeling you've learned to forget.
*Showing that you care.
*Finding a way to mend a broken heart.
*Learning that you've been used by someone you truly love.
*Saying "I Love You" when you mean it and when you don't.
*Letting go of a person you've just learned to love.
*Realizing that you love somebody you've just taken for granted
*Realizing that you love the person you've just broken up with
*Waiting for promises you know (s)he'll never keep
*Saying your love for someone who loves somebody else.
*Reminiscing the good times you shared together
*Shielding your heart to love somebody
*Trying to hide what you really feel
*Having a commitment with someone that you know would not last
*Trying to hide the tears that involuntarily fall from your eyes.
*Sharing the one you love with someone else.
*Loving a person so much
*Giving up someone you never thought of giving up
*Falling in love for the first time
*PRETENDING you're OK when inside you're dying...
*PRETENDING to be strong...and RECOGNIZING your weakness
*lying in bed each night, thinking of that special person you can never have
*Loving someone you haven't seen
*Having the right love at the wrong time
*Exerting effort to make the relationship last or work
*Not being appreciated when you know you've given your best
*Taking the risk to fall in love again.
*Hiding your relationship from someone else
*Controlling your feelings to avoid hurting a friend
*Choosing between 2 persons whom you really love
*Seeing that person continue to be oblivious of your love
*Turning down someone you love dearly but only as a friend
*Listening to him talk about the girl he loves (which is not you) and seeing how his eyes light up as he does so
*Seeing the guy/girl you love staring at a guy/girl who happens to be your friend while you're staring at him/her too....
*Agreeing to go out with the guy/girl you love but when you're at the place already, you do the most stupid thing ever by separating from him/her...
*Getting extremely developed over a guy/girl who's a friend and finding out that he/she likes your best friend
*Seeing your best friend and the guy/girl you love together
*Thinking of him/her every waking and sleeping moment knowing all the while that he/she never even thinks a single *thought of you
*Loving him/her more than he/she loves you...
*Letting go only to find out later on you shouldn't have let go because everytime you see the person, you only fall deeper...
*Holding back only to find out when it's too late, you both felt the same way, but were only scared to lose each other so much that you didn't let the feelings out...
*When the one you love doesn't even know you exist...
*When you both know that you love each other but you're scared of losing the friendship you have...
*When you let go of the person because your bestfriend you love so dearly is in love with the same person you love...
*Saying "I Love You" not knowing how the person will respond/reply
Keeping the feelings to yourself... and when you finally let it out, it's too late
*Letting go even if you really don't want to...having no right to say you are hurting because it was your decision
*Bringing back the friendship you once had after a romantic relationship... pretending that nothing happened between the two of you when something really did...
*Having the right love, but on a wrong time
*Letting go. Even when you know it really is for the best
*Having to listen to the one you love talk about the one he/she loves.
*Having to hear "...I've met someone"
*Seeing the one you love with another
*Staying friends even though you both know that you both have very strong feelings for one another.
*Learning to forgive
*Learning to trust and love again
*Believing and convincing oneself the LOVE is not mere feeling but a state of being...
*Having to wonder if what you feel is really love
*Being a fool for the person just to make him/her realize that you love him/her...
*When you know you both love each other very much but your family does not approve of him/her.
*When he/she leaves you knowing that you'll never get to see each other again... and there's no chance of getting back together.
*Falling in love with someone you didn't mean to fall in love with.
*Falling in love with your best friend.
*Letting go of someone who was never yours...
*Finding the perfect guy/girl...with only one problem... he/she doesn't love you...
*Helping the one you love "make ligaw" to your friend.
*Seeing the one you love crying for someone else...
*Going on a wait state for this guy/girl who you don't even have a tiny inkling as to how he/she feels about you
*Breaking a friend's trust
*Jeopardizing your friendship because of what you feel for your friend.
*Thinking that he loves you because of what he does for you only to find out that he did it out of pity or whatever...
*Giving your heart to someone who doesn't give a damn about you.
*Not knowing how you really feel...
*Having the courage to say I LOVE YOU to the person you love and finding out afterwards that things will never be the same again when he doesn't treat you with the same closeness as before...
*Loving another person to the extent that you already end up hurting yourself... the other person sees it, he/she doesn't care... he/she fails to realize that something good is already staring him/her right in the face, people tell him/her and he/she just ignores them...
*If you love him, and he's just infatuated...
the hardest thing about love - believing it exists.
After you've been hurt..
...learning to forgive
...learning to trust and love again
But the hardest thing really is learning to love yourself. We always forget to do this
Always.
"Ever notice how when you're depressed, or emotionally drained, that your heartbeat is stronger then normal. At times it seems as if it's going to beat right though your chest. I think that it's your hearts way of letting you know
that it's still there. It may have been broken, it may have been ripped out of your chest and stepped on. But it still holds life. And eventually, will once again beat strong, and hopefully, love again."
Hardest Things In Love...
*Flashing your smile to someone you don't want to see.
*Bringing back the feeling you've learned to forget.
*Showing that you care.
*Finding a way to mend a broken heart.
*Learning that you've been used by someone you truly love.
*Saying "I Love You" when you mean it and when you don't.
*Letting go of a person you've just learned to love.
*Realizing that you love somebody you've just taken for granted
*Realizing that you love the person you've just broken up with
*Waiting for promises you know (s)he'll never keep
*Saying your love for someone who loves somebody else.
*Reminiscing the good times you shared together
*Shielding your heart to love somebody
*Trying to hide what you really feel
*Having a commitment with someone that you know would not last
*Trying to hide the tears that involuntarily fall from your eyes.
*Sharing the one you love with someone else.
*Loving a person so much
*Giving up someone you never thought of giving up
*Falling in love for the first time
*PRETENDING you're OK when inside you're dying...
*PRETENDING to be strong...and RECOGNIZING your weakness
*lying in bed each night, thinking of that special person you can never have
*Loving someone you haven't seen
*Having the right love at the wrong time
*Exerting effort to make the relationship last or work
*Not being appreciated when you know you've given your best
*Taking the risk to fall in love again.
*Hiding your relationship from someone else
*Controlling your feelings to avoid hurting a friend
*Choosing between 2 persons whom you really love
*Seeing that person continue to be oblivious of your love
*Turning down someone you love dearly but only as a friend
*Listening to him talk about the girl he loves (which is not you) and seeing how his eyes light up as he does so
*Seeing the guy/girl you love staring at a guy/girl who happens to be your friend while you're staring at him/her too....
*Agreeing to go out with the guy/girl you love but when you're at the place already, you do the most stupid thing ever by separating from him/her...
*Getting extremely developed over a guy/girl who's a friend and finding out that he/she likes your best friend
*Seeing your best friend and the guy/girl you love together
*Thinking of him/her every waking and sleeping moment knowing all the while that he/she never even thinks a single *thought of you
*Loving him/her more than he/she loves you...
*Letting go only to find out later on you shouldn't have let go because everytime you see the person, you only fall deeper...
*Holding back only to find out when it's too late, you both felt the same way, but were only scared to lose each other so much that you didn't let the feelings out...
*When the one you love doesn't even know you exist...
*When you both know that you love each other but you're scared of losing the friendship you have...
*When you let go of the person because your bestfriend you love so dearly is in love with the same person you love...
*Saying "I Love You" not knowing how the person will respond/reply
Keeping the feelings to yourself... and when you finally let it out, it's too late
*Letting go even if you really don't want to...having no right to say you are hurting because it was your decision
*Bringing back the friendship you once had after a romantic relationship... pretending that nothing happened between the two of you when something really did...
*Having the right love, but on a wrong time
*Letting go. Even when you know it really is for the best
*Having to listen to the one you love talk about the one he/she loves.
*Having to hear "...I've met someone"
*Seeing the one you love with another
*Staying friends even though you both know that you both have very strong feelings for one another.
*Learning to forgive
*Learning to trust and love again
*Believing and convincing oneself the LOVE is not mere feeling but a state of being...
*Having to wonder if what you feel is really love
*Being a fool for the person just to make him/her realize that you love him/her...
*When you know you both love each other very much but your family does not approve of him/her.
*When he/she leaves you knowing that you'll never get to see each other again... and there's no chance of getting back together.
*Falling in love with someone you didn't mean to fall in love with.
*Falling in love with your best friend.
*Letting go of someone who was never yours...
*Finding the perfect guy/girl...with only one problem... he/she doesn't love you...
*Helping the one you love "make ligaw" to your friend.
*Seeing the one you love crying for someone else...
*Going on a wait state for this guy/girl who you don't even have a tiny inkling as to how he/she feels about you
*Breaking a friend's trust
*Jeopardizing your friendship because of what you feel for your friend.
*Thinking that he loves you because of what he does for you only to find out that he did it out of pity or whatever...
*Giving your heart to someone who doesn't give a damn about you.
*Not knowing how you really feel...
*Having the courage to say I LOVE YOU to the person you love and finding out afterwards that things will never be the same again when he doesn't treat you with the same closeness as before...
*Loving another person to the extent that you already end up hurting yourself... the other person sees it, he/she doesn't care... he/she fails to realize that something good is already staring him/her right in the face, people tell him/her and he/she just ignores them...
*If you love him, and he's just infatuated...
the hardest thing about love - believing it exists.
After you've been hurt..
...learning to forgive
...learning to trust and love again
But the hardest thing really is learning to love yourself. We always forget to do this
Always.
"Ever notice how when you're depressed, or emotionally drained, that your heartbeat is stronger then normal. At times it seems as if it's going to beat right though your chest. I think that it's your hearts way of letting you know
that it's still there. It may have been broken, it may have been ripped out of your chest and stepped on. But it still holds life. And eventually, will once again beat strong, and hopefully, love again."
Apr 6, 2004
As I was going through my archives here are some nice thingies that I'd like to post again:
AM: Belinda
I WANT: to be happy and content
I HAVE: me, myself and I
I WISH: peace In my heart
I HATE: Adrian for hurting and betraying me
I MISS:
I FEAR: Loneliness
I HEAR: Ono Lisa's rendition of Moon River (Thanks Jeanboy)
I SEARCH: to find my inner self and the one who will love me till my dying breath (yes! I still have that tiny hope in my heart)
I WONDER: WHAT I DID TO DESERVE THE KIND OF TREATMENT I GOT FROM YOU
I REGRET: FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU AND BELIEVEING EVERYTHING YOU SAID
I LOVE: myself....have to learn how to love myself....
I ACHE: in my heart and in my soul...
I ALWAYS: dream
I AM NOT: happy...not yet...not yet but I will be!!!
I DANCE: inside my room
I SING: anytime i want (ssshhhh!!!!!)
I CRY: when i am hurt.
I AM NOT ALWAYS: a bitch.
I WRITE: in my blog
I LOSE:
I CONFUSE: myself
I NEED:
I SHOULD: FORGET YOU AND MAYBE ONE DAY FIND IT IN MY HEART TO FORGIVE YOU...YOU WHO DO NOT EVEN KNOW HOW TO ASK FORGIVENESS AND UNTIL NOW CONTINUE TO HURT ME...AND FEIGN INNOCENCE IN DOING SO....YOU WHO UNTIL THIS VERY DAY BLAME ME FOR EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED...YOU WHO BETRAYED ME....YOU WHO LIED TO ME...YOU WHO COMPARED ME TO ANOTHER...YOU WHO I LOVED AND WHO PROMISED ME ALL YOUR TOMORROWS...I HAD HIGH HOPES FOR US....HOPES THAT REACHED THE HIGH HEAVENS BUT IN THE END ONLY FOR YOU TO TAKE ME STRAIGHT TO HELL....
AM: Belinda
I WANT: to be happy and content
I HAVE: me, myself and I
I WISH: peace In my heart
I HATE: Adrian for hurting and betraying me
I MISS:
I FEAR: Loneliness
I HEAR: Ono Lisa's rendition of Moon River (Thanks Jeanboy)
I SEARCH: to find my inner self and the one who will love me till my dying breath (yes! I still have that tiny hope in my heart)
I WONDER: WHAT I DID TO DESERVE THE KIND OF TREATMENT I GOT FROM YOU
I REGRET: FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU AND BELIEVEING EVERYTHING YOU SAID
I LOVE: myself....have to learn how to love myself....
I ACHE: in my heart and in my soul...
I ALWAYS: dream
I AM NOT: happy...not yet...not yet but I will be!!!
I DANCE: inside my room
I SING: anytime i want (ssshhhh!!!!!)
I CRY: when i am hurt.
I AM NOT ALWAYS: a bitch.
I WRITE: in my blog
I LOSE:
I CONFUSE: myself
I NEED:
I SHOULD: FORGET YOU AND MAYBE ONE DAY FIND IT IN MY HEART TO FORGIVE YOU...YOU WHO DO NOT EVEN KNOW HOW TO ASK FORGIVENESS AND UNTIL NOW CONTINUE TO HURT ME...AND FEIGN INNOCENCE IN DOING SO....YOU WHO UNTIL THIS VERY DAY BLAME ME FOR EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED...YOU WHO BETRAYED ME....YOU WHO LIED TO ME...YOU WHO COMPARED ME TO ANOTHER...YOU WHO I LOVED AND WHO PROMISED ME ALL YOUR TOMORROWS...I HAD HIGH HOPES FOR US....HOPES THAT REACHED THE HIGH HEAVENS BUT IN THE END ONLY FOR YOU TO TAKE ME STRAIGHT TO HELL....
"I can always tell when something big is about to happen. Whether it's going to be good or bad, I can always tell. I can always feel it coming ...."
This is true..i remember that during the last week of December that I had that God awful feeling of losing him. That's why I asked him not to go but he said that he can't daw and so..the rest is history...
I've always hated being "clairvoyant" if I must use the term...yes, i am able to talk to dead people and spirits...see and feel them...I even have the gift of being able to sometimes see the future...like deja' vu but in a weird sense...bwsit...sana nga lang it came handy when he was about to break my heart da ba??? I am not Madam Auring (ay mahilig sa bata?) or Madam Rose (yer lackheee nhamvher...) I am just plain me so please do not ask me to talk to a dead relative of yours or come up to me and say..may nakikita ka ba now?!?! I just fucking hate that...for appointments, see me in Quiapo every friday..sideline ko yan...hahahahaha.....btw, I believe that every is clairvoyant in different levels...mine is just on higher level than others or mas open yung sensory chorvaness ko than others but if you try to tune into yourself and reflect more, you'd discover that you have the same ability as I do...wag lang abusin and keep to your faith.
This is true..i remember that during the last week of December that I had that God awful feeling of losing him. That's why I asked him not to go but he said that he can't daw and so..the rest is history...
I've always hated being "clairvoyant" if I must use the term...yes, i am able to talk to dead people and spirits...see and feel them...I even have the gift of being able to sometimes see the future...like deja' vu but in a weird sense...bwsit...sana nga lang it came handy when he was about to break my heart da ba??? I am not Madam Auring (ay mahilig sa bata?) or Madam Rose (yer lackheee nhamvher...) I am just plain me so please do not ask me to talk to a dead relative of yours or come up to me and say..may nakikita ka ba now?!?! I just fucking hate that...for appointments, see me in Quiapo every friday..sideline ko yan...hahahahaha.....btw, I believe that every is clairvoyant in different levels...mine is just on higher level than others or mas open yung sensory chorvaness ko than others but if you try to tune into yourself and reflect more, you'd discover that you have the same ability as I do...wag lang abusin and keep to your faith.
Apr 5, 2004
Here is one of the e-mails that was sent to me by Eric... he is one of those people who helped me get through that turbulent part of my life:
-----Original Message-----
From: Roderick Reinoso
Sent: Wednesday, January 21, 2004 4:23 AM
To: Maria Belinda Perez
Subject: some thoughts from me
Hi Belle,
i just want to share with you two poems that i made for my friends. I know we haven't really known each other that much, but just the same I want you to know that if there is anything i can do to help, just ask. i'm here lang, and as my poems will tell you....this s what i am to my friends. Believe me, you'll be able to sort things out. I can help. I've been there too. :)
I'LL BE HERE
In moments when your heart is rent in sorrow
because of the loss of someone dear,
be not afraid for there is someone near
and will help you face tomorrow.
In moments when your heart leaps in happiness
for reasons you cannot explain,
there is someone who is happy with you
and smiles whenever you do.
In moments when the world goes crazy
and you don't know what else to do,
look no further for someone waits for you
to lead you through the twisted maze of life.
In moments when you feel alone
and the world seems to cave you in,
just reach out to me and i'll pull you out
and hold your hand till you're safely by my side.
In moments when you think there is no hope,
when all your decisions are wrong and failures,
don't despair, don't give up on life,
for i'll be here to boost your spirits.
I'll be here for you no matter what happens,
I'll be here for you no matter how many years go by.
For as long as you'll need me i'll be watching over you
even if i may be very far away.
Should there come a time you'll wonder
if you are near to me,
look into my heart and you will see
that you are there right beside me.
I MAY NOT BE
I may not be there to be with you when you party,
but i will be here when you come back
to hear about the stories and fun you had.
I may not be millionaire that can lavish you with gifts,
but I will be here to shower you with my friendship
that will last throughout the years.
I may not be there to hold your hand
when you need to be consoled,
but i will here to listen to whatever you have to say
should you need someone to talk to.
I may not be there to share life's precious moments,
but I will be here to wish you all the best
and to root for your every little success.
I may not be there beside you
to dry the tears streaming down your cheeks,
but I will be here waiting for you
to comfort you and be with you.
I may not be a lot of things, but this much I can promise you.
I will be here for you...every moment...every day...
for as long as you want me to be.
-----Original Message-----
From: Roderick Reinoso
Sent: Wednesday, January 21, 2004 4:23 AM
To: Maria Belinda Perez
Subject: some thoughts from me
Hi Belle,
i just want to share with you two poems that i made for my friends. I know we haven't really known each other that much, but just the same I want you to know that if there is anything i can do to help, just ask. i'm here lang, and as my poems will tell you....this s what i am to my friends. Believe me, you'll be able to sort things out. I can help. I've been there too. :)
I'LL BE HERE
In moments when your heart is rent in sorrow
because of the loss of someone dear,
be not afraid for there is someone near
and will help you face tomorrow.
In moments when your heart leaps in happiness
for reasons you cannot explain,
there is someone who is happy with you
and smiles whenever you do.
In moments when the world goes crazy
and you don't know what else to do,
look no further for someone waits for you
to lead you through the twisted maze of life.
In moments when you feel alone
and the world seems to cave you in,
just reach out to me and i'll pull you out
and hold your hand till you're safely by my side.
In moments when you think there is no hope,
when all your decisions are wrong and failures,
don't despair, don't give up on life,
for i'll be here to boost your spirits.
I'll be here for you no matter what happens,
I'll be here for you no matter how many years go by.
For as long as you'll need me i'll be watching over you
even if i may be very far away.
Should there come a time you'll wonder
if you are near to me,
look into my heart and you will see
that you are there right beside me.
I MAY NOT BE
I may not be there to be with you when you party,
but i will be here when you come back
to hear about the stories and fun you had.
I may not be millionaire that can lavish you with gifts,
but I will be here to shower you with my friendship
that will last throughout the years.
I may not be there to hold your hand
when you need to be consoled,
but i will here to listen to whatever you have to say
should you need someone to talk to.
I may not be there to share life's precious moments,
but I will be here to wish you all the best
and to root for your every little success.
I may not be there beside you
to dry the tears streaming down your cheeks,
but I will be here waiting for you
to comfort you and be with you.
I may not be a lot of things, but this much I can promise you.
I will be here for you...every moment...every day...
for as long as you want me to be.
What goes around comes around.
Work like you don't need the money.
Love like you've never been hurt.
Dance like nobody's watching.
Sing like nobody's listening.
Live like it's Heaven on Earth.
May there always be work for your hands to do;
May your purse always hold a coin or two;
May the sun always shine on your windowpane;
May a rainbow be certain to follow each rain;
May the hand of a friend always be near you;
May God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you.
Work like you don't need the money.
Love like you've never been hurt.
Dance like nobody's watching.
Sing like nobody's listening.
Live like it's Heaven on Earth.
May there always be work for your hands to do;
May your purse always hold a coin or two;
May the sun always shine on your windowpane;
May a rainbow be certain to follow each rain;
May the hand of a friend always be near you;
May God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you.
Virgo Daily Horoscope
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
by Astrocenter.com
When was the last time you heard all about how wonderful you are? Well, if you can stop cleaning long enough to spend time with dear ones, you'll hear it today. Just don't forget to say thank you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
by Astrocenter.com
When was the last time you heard all about how wonderful you are? Well, if you can stop cleaning long enough to spend time with dear ones, you'll hear it today. Just don't forget to say thank you.
Apr 4, 2004
"I believe that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them."
I am sooo sleepy
My new sked is now 7am-4pm with fri and sat off. This due to my recent promotion..I just got asked if I want to be an SME. Pero syempre, nakalimutan pa daw ako and they just asked my last friday morning while we were playing badminton!!! tama ba naman yun...it makes me think "you really want me! you really do want me." What I just don't understand is my transition or interim sked from rep to sme ...I was s'posed to be on a rest day today according to my sked as a rep but stan asked me to come in. not for ot but as day 1 of my new position..haaayyyif i went to work pala saturday afternoon, I would've been able to come home mga 2am na tapos wake up around 5am fpr my new 7am sked...thats what i dont get..buti nalang pala i didnt go to work yesterday or else patay ako...actually, patay na nga ko 
coz Ive been sick since friday....after badminton, I went to shang with Myles for a bit of shopping and lunch coz i was sooo sungry...we ate in cibo. she went home ahead of me since may pasok sya that night. Me naman, I immediately slept as soon as I arrived home tapos when I woke up na around 6pm I was burning up with fever...haaayyyy after several days of working my ass off it was my body telling me ...happy birthday! est- to take it easy and rest pala...haaayy.so I didnt go to workl saturday but wasnt able to enjoy the party since I was sick nga..I was able to sleep na around 2am and woke up early for my new shift today...hhaaayyy basta Im sooooo sleepy....one thing also that has been pissing me off is jeanboy...he doest make me pansin...bwisit..mga lalaki tlaga...
Reg sent me in this in memory of Jeanboy:
Why Haven't you called me?
Did you forget me?
I need to know
when were you intending
to break the silence
and let me know?
Mine is the loneliest of numbers
now is the loneliest of times
you're 19 days late
but still I sit and wait, oh
Waiting and waiting
waiting and waiting
waiting and waiting
waiting on you
who have you been seeing
that made you forget me?
I bet you call him
where oh where does he come from?
I bet he lives close by
I bet he's just a friend
mine is the loneliest of numbers
now is the loneliest of times
you're 19 days late
but still I sit and wait, oh
Waiting and waiting
waiting and waiting
waiting and waiting
waiting on you
waiting and waiting
waiting and waiting
you got me waiting
waiting on you
I asked you if you had a good heart
you answered, "yes, I'll never do you harm"
I am sooo sleepy
My new sked is now 7am-4pm with fri and sat off. This due to my recent promotion..I just got asked if I want to be an SME. Pero syempre, nakalimutan pa daw ako and they just asked my last friday morning while we were playing badminton!!! tama ba naman yun...it makes me think "you really want me! you really do want me." What I just don't understand is my transition or interim sked from rep to sme ...I was s'posed to be on a rest day today according to my sked as a rep but stan asked me to come in. not for ot but as day 1 of my new position..haaayyyif i went to work pala saturday afternoon, I would've been able to come home mga 2am na tapos wake up around 5am fpr my new 7am sked...thats what i dont get..buti nalang pala i didnt go to work yesterday or else patay ako...actually, patay na nga ko coz Ive been sick since friday....after badminton, I went to shang with Myles for a bit of shopping and lunch coz i was sooo sungry...we ate in cibo. she went home ahead of me since may pasok sya that night. Me naman, I immediately slept as soon as I arrived home tapos when I woke up na around 6pm I was burning up with fever...haaayyyy after several days of working my ass off it was my body telling me ...happy birthday! est- to take it easy and rest pala...haaayy.so I didnt go to workl saturday but wasnt able to enjoy the party since I was sick nga..I was able to sleep na around 2am and woke up early for my new shift today...hhaaayyy basta Im sooooo sleepy....one thing also that has been pissing me off is jeanboy...he doest make me pansin...bwisit..mga lalaki tlaga...
Reg sent me in this in memory of Jeanboy:
Why Haven't you called me?
Did you forget me?
I need to know
when were you intending
to break the silence
and let me know?
Mine is the loneliest of numbers
now is the loneliest of times
you're 19 days late
but still I sit and wait, oh
Waiting and waiting
waiting and waiting
waiting and waiting
waiting on you
who have you been seeing
that made you forget me?
I bet you call him
where oh where does he come from?
I bet he lives close by
I bet he's just a friend
mine is the loneliest of numbers
now is the loneliest of times
you're 19 days late
but still I sit and wait, oh
Waiting and waiting
waiting and waiting
waiting and waiting
waiting on you
waiting and waiting
waiting and waiting
you got me waiting
waiting on you
I asked you if you had a good heart
you answered, "yes, I'll never do you harm"
Every sunday, I'd take my lunch "early" and hear mass in Greenbelt chapel at 730pm to hear some priest who's homilies were always very enlightening and makes you really really think..kaya nga lang he left na last week...but good thing is that he recorded some of his homilies kaya I'd still be able to hear him when I buy his CDs. kewl.
"it is in our darkest hour that we must have faith" (LOTR)
"it is in our darkest hour that we must have faith" (LOTR)
"i'm not saying he's the one who got away ha! but its worth the read." from jean de leon
In your life, you'll make note of a lot of
people. Ones with whom you shared something
special, ones who will always mean something.
There's the one you first kissed, the one you
first loved, the one you lost your virginity to,
the one you put on a pedestal, the one
you're with... and the one that got away.
Who is the one that got away? I guess it's that
person with who(m)everything was great,
everything was perfect, but the timing was
just wrong. There was no fault in the person,
there was no flaw in the chemistry, but the cards
just didn't fall the right way, I suppose.
When you're not ready to commit in
that mature manner, it doesn't matter who(m)
you're with, it just doesn't work. Small problems
become big; inconsequentials become dealbreakers
simply because you're not ready and it shows.
It's not that you and the person you're with are
no good; it's just that it's not yet right, and
little things become the flashpoint of that fact.
Then one day you're ready. You really are. And
when this happens you'll be ready to settle down
with someone. He or she may not be the most
perfect, they might not be the brightest star of
romance to ever have burned in your life, but
it'll work because you're ready. It'll work
because it's the right time and you'll make it
work. And it'll make sense.
So that day comes when you're finally making
sense of things, and you find yourself to be a
different person. Things are different, your
approach is different, you finally understand who
you are and what you want, and you've become
ready because the time has truly arrived.
There's no telling when this day will come.
Hopefully you're single but you could be in a
long-term relationship, you could be married with
three kids, it doesn't matter. All you know is
that you've changed, and for some reason, the one
that got away, is the first person you think
about.
You'll think about them because you'll
wonder, "What if she/he were here today?" You'll
wonder, "What if we were together now, with me
as I am and not as I was?" That's what the one
that got away is. The biggest "Whatif?" you'll
have in your life.
If you're married, you'll just have to accept the
fact that the one that got away, got away.
No matter how fairy tale you think your marriage
is, this can happen to the best of us. But
hopefully you're mature enough to realize
that you're already with the one you're with and
this is just another test of your commitment, one
which will just strengthen your marriage when you
get past it.Sure, you'll think about him/her
every so often, but it's alright.It's never nice
to live with a "might have been," but it happens.
Maybe the one that got away is the one who's
already married. In which case it's the same
thing. You just have to accept and know that your
memories of that person will probably bring a
nice little smile to your lips in the future when
you're old and gray and reminiscing.
But if neither of that is the case, then it's
different. What do you do if it's not yet too
late? Simple... find him, find her. Because
the very existence of a "one that got away"
means that you'll always wonder, what if you got
that one?
It doesn't matter if you've dropped in from out of
nowhere. You'd be surprised, you just might
be "the one that got away" as well for the person
who is your "the one that got away."
You might drop in from out of nowhere and it
won't make a difference. If the timing is finally
right, it'll all just fall into place somehow and
you know, it would be a great feeling, in the end,
to be able to say to someone, "Hey you, you're the
one that almost got away."
Adrian was not the one who got away. He was the one who went away. Carroll was the one who got away for me...sayang...if we could've just been stronger but alas....there really are some things not meant to be...
In your life, you'll make note of a lot of
people. Ones with whom you shared something
special, ones who will always mean something.
There's the one you first kissed, the one you
first loved, the one you lost your virginity to,
the one you put on a pedestal, the one
you're with... and the one that got away.
Who is the one that got away? I guess it's that
person with who(m)everything was great,
everything was perfect, but the timing was
just wrong. There was no fault in the person,
there was no flaw in the chemistry, but the cards
just didn't fall the right way, I suppose.
When you're not ready to commit in
that mature manner, it doesn't matter who(m)
you're with, it just doesn't work. Small problems
become big; inconsequentials become dealbreakers
simply because you're not ready and it shows.
It's not that you and the person you're with are
no good; it's just that it's not yet right, and
little things become the flashpoint of that fact.
Then one day you're ready. You really are. And
when this happens you'll be ready to settle down
with someone. He or she may not be the most
perfect, they might not be the brightest star of
romance to ever have burned in your life, but
it'll work because you're ready. It'll work
because it's the right time and you'll make it
work. And it'll make sense.
So that day comes when you're finally making
sense of things, and you find yourself to be a
different person. Things are different, your
approach is different, you finally understand who
you are and what you want, and you've become
ready because the time has truly arrived.
There's no telling when this day will come.
Hopefully you're single but you could be in a
long-term relationship, you could be married with
three kids, it doesn't matter. All you know is
that you've changed, and for some reason, the one
that got away, is the first person you think
about.
You'll think about them because you'll
wonder, "What if she/he were here today?" You'll
wonder, "What if we were together now, with me
as I am and not as I was?" That's what the one
that got away is. The biggest "Whatif?" you'll
have in your life.
If you're married, you'll just have to accept the
fact that the one that got away, got away.
No matter how fairy tale you think your marriage
is, this can happen to the best of us. But
hopefully you're mature enough to realize
that you're already with the one you're with and
this is just another test of your commitment, one
which will just strengthen your marriage when you
get past it.Sure, you'll think about him/her
every so often, but it's alright.It's never nice
to live with a "might have been," but it happens.
Maybe the one that got away is the one who's
already married. In which case it's the same
thing. You just have to accept and know that your
memories of that person will probably bring a
nice little smile to your lips in the future when
you're old and gray and reminiscing.
But if neither of that is the case, then it's
different. What do you do if it's not yet too
late? Simple... find him, find her. Because
the very existence of a "one that got away"
means that you'll always wonder, what if you got
that one?
It doesn't matter if you've dropped in from out of
nowhere. You'd be surprised, you just might
be "the one that got away" as well for the person
who is your "the one that got away."
You might drop in from out of nowhere and it
won't make a difference. If the timing is finally
right, it'll all just fall into place somehow and
you know, it would be a great feeling, in the end,
to be able to say to someone, "Hey you, you're the
one that almost got away."
Adrian was not the one who got away. He was the one who went away. Carroll was the one who got away for me...sayang...if we could've just been stronger but alas....there really are some things not meant to be...
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