Although it might flare up instantly, love dies with excruciating slowness. You may decide at this very moment that you are no longer in love, and your brain might understand perfectly, but the rest of you will take time to grasp this radical concept. The heart and
the stomach are particularly slow to learn. And so you may be sure that the affair is over. And still feel a stabbing pain the area of your heart when someone mentions his name. You may have exorcised him from your life, and still feel a punch in the gut when
you meet him accidentally.

This is one of the old e-mails that I never deleted. it was sent to me on June 19, 2003 by a friend and I kept it coz I was thinking na I was hanging on to my old relationship (carroll) and now its for him.

Hanging on to Old Relationships

We want to travel baggage-free on this journey. It makes the trip easier.
Some of the baggage we can let go of is lingering feelings and unfinished business with past relationships: anger; resentments;
feelings of victimization, hurt, or longing.
If we have not put closure on a relationship, if we cannot walk away in peace, we have not yet learned our lesson. That may mean we will have to have another go-around with that lesson before we are ready to move on.

We may want to do a Fourth Step (a written inventory of our relationships) and a Fifth Step (an admission of our wrongs). What
feelings did we leave with in a particular relationship? Are we still carrying those feelings around? Do we want the heaviness and impact of that baggage on our behavior today?
Are we still feeling victimized, rejected, or bitter about something that happened two, five, ten, or even twenty years ago?

It may be time to let it go. It may be time to open ourselves to the true lesson from that experience. It may be time to put past
relationships to rest, so we are free to go on to new, more rewarding experiences.
We can choose to live in the past, or we can choose to finish our old business from the past and open ourselves to the beauty of today.

Let go of your baggage from past relationships.

Today, I will open myself to the cleansing and healing process that will put closure on yesterday and open me to the best today, and tomorrow, has to offer in my relationships.

-June 14 reading, "Language of Letting Go"

Letting Go of Timing; When the time is right, child. When the time is right.

How often have we heard those words -- from a friend, a sponsor, our Higher Power? We want things so badly -- that job, that check, a relationship, a possession. We want our life to change. So we wait, sometimes patiently, sometimes anxiously, wondering all the while: When will the future bring me what I long for? Will I be happy then?

We try to predict, circling dates on the calendar, asking questions. We forget that we don't hold the answers. The answers come from God. If we listen closely, we'll hear them. When the time is right, child. When the time is right.
Be happy now. Today, I will relax. I am being prepared. I can let go of timing. I can stop manipulating outcomes. Good things will happen when the time is right, and they will happen naturally.

last thursday nag half day ako...last week naman, thursday din, i didnt go to work..thursday sickness na ito...
i woke up early naman but my mind and body just couldn't stand up...yknow that feeling na you just wanna lie down and die...that's what I've been feeling every single day...lethargic...sad...tired...sleepy...can i just die nalang???

"Courage does not always roar. Sometimes it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, 'I will try again
tomorrow'."

I met up with Aries last thursday in Glorietta. MAN! I am not gonna go on another blind date! it was disastrous...not the situation but his looks...ang panget nya! period that's it. panget na nga sya he doesn't talk that much pa and when he does puro nonsense naman.bwisit. i had to ask my guy friends norgy and den to fetch me. God bless their souls. kaso nga lang nagpalibre sa akin as payment...hahaha...you might be saying na I'm mean and that I didn't give the poor guy a chance..pero hello ...one: he wanted me to go with him to his friend's party in Sybil..the place plang..yuck..i never go there...he also prononced it as "ci-vil". second: when we were in Powerbooks and it so happened that he found me browsing through the Psychology section he asked what course I took up and said na" "siguro ang dame mong gusto pag aralan na utak no?" DU-UH!!! Is there a stupid express??? and lastly, he kept on saying "ganun ba yun." which irritated me..parang he was patronizing me...Gawd! So next time if any of you guys will make me pa date sa nga friends nyo make sure na they speak well naman ok? a brain comes handy too, yknow...good looks din is a plus...PIMP ME! PIMP ME! PIMP ME! hehehehe

RAINBOW
by south border

fallin out fallin in
nothings sure in this world no no
breaking down breaking in
never knowing what lies ahead
we can really never tell it all no no

say goodbye say hello
to a lover or friend
sometimes we could never understand
why some things begin with just love
we can never have it all
no no no ohh

but oh, cant you see
that no matter what happens
life goes on and on
and so baby just smile
coz im always around you
and i'll make you see
how beautiful life is for you and me

take a little time baby
see the butterflie's colors
listen to the birds that sent to sing for me and you
can you feel me
this is such a wonderful place to me

even if there is pain now
everything will be alright
for as long as the world still turns
there will be night and day
can you hear me
there's a rainbow always after the rain

hittin high hittin low
win or lose you should go
yeah yeah
getting warm getting cold
weather can be so good or bad
but baby this is life so dont get mad
no no no

coz ohhh
can't you see
that no matter what happens
life goes on and on
and so baby just smile
coz im always around you
and i'll make you see
how beautiful life is for you and me

take a little time baby
see the butterflie's colors
listen to the birds that sent to sing for me and
you
can you feel me
this is such a wonderful place to me

even if there is pain now
everything will be alright
for as long as the world still turns
there will be night and day
can you hear me
there's a rainbow always after the rain

life's full of challenges
not all the time we get what we want
but dont despair my dear
you'll take it each trial
and you'll make it through the storm
coz youre strong
my faith in you is clear
so i say once again
this world's beautiful
let us celebrate life that is so beautiful
so beautiful...

take a little time baby
see the butterflie's colors
listen to the birds that sent to sing for me and
you
can you feel me
this is such a wonderful place to me

even if there is pain now
everything will be alright
for as long as the world still turns
there will be night and day
can you hear me
there's a rainbow always after the rain

I so love this song..got this from Amgine's blog:

CoMe oN In OuT of ThE RaiN

You said you believed that we'd Find love together
happily After all the wrong I've done You feel that I'm
still the one To give your loving to So bring it home to you
You told me that you'd love me if I'd ever change
Welcome me into your arms again Come on in out of the
rain, hey There's a place in your heart to love me
again Happiness and joy you bring When you call my name
Come on in out of the rain
I loved no one but you But I strayed, I know I made you
blue You spoke unto my very soul You warmed my heart
that once was cold Now I'm so glad to know
You told me that you'd love me if I'd ever change
Welcome me into your arms again Come on in out of the
rain, hey There's a place in your heart to love me
again Happiness and joy you bring When you call my name
Come on in out of the rain
Some people spend a lifetime looking for love And I had
love right here all the time Why did I try to deny it
Deep inside I just couldn't fight it You turned my life
around The love I lost is found So let the rain come down
You told me that you'd love me if I'd ever change
Welcome me into your arms again Come on in out of the
rain, hey There's a place in your heart to love me
again Happiness and joy you bring When you call my name
Come on in out of the rain
(Come on in out of the rain) Ooooo-oh-ooo, yeah, yeah,
yeah (Come on in out of the rain) Baby, come out of the
rain

You are Slinky Heels! You're an uptown, well put together woman But you're not too uptight to enjoy a hot club You're always the best dressed chick in the room And you'll only settle for the best in men What Shoe Are You? Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

You Are An Intro-Extrovert! Sometimes you're social - sometimes you're shy You've got a bit of an Introvert / Extrovert split going on You enjoy all sorts of situations. Parties, small groups, and alone time. Too much of one, and you'll long for the other. You need varity! Chances are, you've got both serious and fun friends - and they don't get along. Are You An Extrovert or Introvert? Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

1. What do you do for a living?
***I cry for a living***

2. What do you like most about your job?
***the people I'm with

3. What do you like least about your job?
***my ex is in the same place

4. When you have a bad day at work it's usually because _____...
***something or someone broke my heart

5. What other career(s) are you interested in?
***I've always wanted to be a pre school teacher..I LOVE KIDS!!!

“....and it sucks because I know he’s out there falling in and out of love with girls...that aren't me.”

I finally passed it. this time I gave to my TM para derecho na agad. it was something that I did not want to do but I HAVE to do. for my peace of mind...for my heart...

my TM told me to take a breather muna...time to think para I'll know what I really want...what I really want is to stay...what I really want is for me not to get hurt anymore...what I really want is........but there are somethings that you have to do to keep your sanity...there are some things that you have to do keep your heart from bleeding more and more...

somebody texted me agad to ask if i was resigning..how news travel so fast...tm palang and smes ang nakakaalam nakaikot na agad..oh well ganyan tlaga..buti pa ibang tao may paki...but the one person who you thought you shared something special with....wala...i guess thats the story of our lives...meeting...and parting...and meeting again...

spoke to someone kanina...the girl said na...the reason why we broke was because we had unresolved issues. Because I didn't talk when something was bothering me. Sakit. I know na that was the reason before pero sa dame na ng nangyari di ko na alam kung ano ang totoo. sakit na malaman sa ibang tao. sakit na tlagang he gave up on me when I didn't give up on him kahit na on his part meron syang mga mali din naman na tiniis ko. masakit kse bakit ako lang ang nag try na i-work out lahat tapos sya..wala...ayaw nalang...i valued him kaya I changed tapos sya ...nothing....i guess that's what you get when you love someone so much...when you give your heart to someone na walang ka nang tinira sa sarili mo...i'm paying for my sins...sana lang yung bayad di ganito kasakit...sana sa iba nalang kse kunin pa yung kaisaisang tao na minahal mo ng lubos lubusan.....sana....sana....




Lord, ikaw na bahala...



"With all due respect...Men I may not know. But shoes? Shoes I know!"~Carrie

Yesterday, met up with Rica and Nina in their clinic in Ortigas waited for Alex, Nin's very funny boyfriend then went to Eastwood na for the CLP (Christian Life Program). They asked me if I wanted to join especially since I am going through a lot now. Last night's talk was the 4th na pala in a series of 13 talks. So I have to make up daw for the first 3 that I wasnt able to attend. The talk was long and talks about repentance and sin..nyakrs apt na apt a...and the speaker was Jojo...ok naman din..then after an hour long talk ata we broke into groups called households for sharing sharing...at first I didnt like the griup I was with. puro girls kme. the facilitator kse kept on laughing and laughing na parang nawawala tuloy yung seriousness nung whatever it was that we were s'posed to talk about. I was the 2nd to the last person na nag share. I almost cried but I didn't (thank God!). I wasn't able to make kwento the whole thing kse the girl kept on interrupting me. Everyone was so supportive. Sobra. Almost everyone went through the same thing as I did. Yung iba mas grabe pa. One girl stayed with a guy for 7 years and ..pooffff...nothing din...In the end, I decide to keep an open mind and heart about the whole thing...its a support group...beats paying for a shrink a couple of hundreds per hour..but I still need to go to my shrink for the meds...see! how destructive love can be...bakit pa kase kailangan magmahal....

Learning Patience With God


My mother was dying of leukemia. My two older sisters, father,and I had shared the last three weeks in the hospital room with her. In two years, she had gone from a strong matriarch to a helpless
invalid.

For the last three days, she had been in a semi-conscious state of moaning and lifelessness. She could no longer speak through her dry, swollen lips. Her eyes had the blank void of a moonless midnight.

On the night of the third day, I knew what I must do. I must cease being the selfish, clinging son. I sped purposefully to the chapel. There I gave God permission to take my mother. I could no
longer stand to see her suffer, so I prayed for the permanent healingthat only death can bring.

I returned to the room with a peaceful heart for I knew by the next morning my mother would also be at peace. I had the best night's sleep in weeks. The next morning, as the sun broke through
the window, I awoke. My first thoughts were, "It's over". But then a noise, a stirring directed my attention from the window to the bed.
A small movement made me realize that my mother was still alive. It was all I could do to keep from screaming aloud, "God, how can You do this to me? I became a selfless son, and gave You permission to
end this, and You still kept her in her misery." But before I could have exclaimed this, I was shocked to see that there was more than just a movement.

My mother rolled onto her side, and looked into the glare of the newly risen sun. Then, as the sun made sparkling starbursts in her eyes, she licked her parched lips, and said "Gee, it's going to
be a beautiful day today". Needless to say this got our attention
quickly.

Being the youngest, and fastest, I was first to her bedside. "Mom, it's me, Jerry, do you recognize me"? "Of course I do Jerry",she replied.

We all took our turns talking to her. Other relatives came and were able to talk to her, as she answered not in her old voice, but rather in the voice of a child. The doctor's explanation was that
the brain stem was being destroyed, accounting for the sudden change. It was a joyous day of laughing, and celebrating life with our family. That night we all went to sleep peacefully.

The next morning, we were awaken to the stirring of angel's wings, and my mother was finally healed of her suffering. She had awakened to the Risen Son.

The next few days were hectic with funeral plans. It was only after the funeral that I stopped to think of what had happened. If God had answered my prayer, in my time, in my way, my final memories
of my mother would have been that of a helpless invalid, with void eyes, lying motionless in a deathbed. Instead, God answered my prayer in his time, in his omniscient way.

Now, my memories of my mother are of a day of laughing and rejoicing. Since that time I have had many rocky roads. Financial failure. A divorce. The loss of my father. But throughout it all, regardless of how stormy the night might be, I know that through God's love, and perfect timing, I can awaken the
next morning to a newly risen sun, or to the Risen Son, and say "Gee, it's going to be a good day."

"NOBODY HAS EVER MEASURED, EVEN POETS, HOW MUCH A HEART CAN HOLD."

how much more pain Lord....how much more...

"If two people love each other, but just cant seem to put things together, when would that point be.. when one would say enough is enough? NEVER."---THE MEXICAN

Today when I woke up, I had the pain feeling again...i almost didn't go to work and just wanted to stay in the comfort of my bed and sleep all day and night and day and night...forever, if you please...but I propped myself up and tried my best to cheer up but before that I whispered a silent prayer to God to let this day be a good day...to give me strength and again to hear my heart...

Tin posted this sa bulletin board ng friendster. its nice. very nice.

There was a young woman who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness and had been given three months to live. So as she was getting her things "in order," she contacted her Rabbi and had him come to her house to discuss certain aspects of her final wishes.

She told him which songs she wanted sung at the service, what scriptures she would like read, and what outfit she wanted to be buried in.

Everything was in order and the Rabbi was preparing to leave when the young woman suddenly remembered something very important to her.

"There's one more thing," she said excitedly.

"What' that?" came the Rabbi's reply.

"This is very important," the young woman continued. "I want to be buried with a fork in my right hand."

The Rabbi stood looking at the young woman, not knowing quite what to say.

That surprises you, doesn't it?" the young woman asked. "Well, to be honest, I'm puzzled by the request," said the Rabbi.

The young woman explained. "My grandmother once told me this story, and from there on out, I have always done so. I have also, always tried to pass along its message to those I love and those who are in need of encouragement.

In all my years of attending socials and dinners, I always remember that when the dishes of the main course were being cleared, someone would inevitably lean over and say,

'Keep your fork.' It was my favorite part because I knew that something better was coming...like velvety chocolate cake or deep-
dish apple pie. Something wonderful, and with substance!'

So, I just want people to see me there in that casket with a fork in my hand and I want them to wonder "What's with the fork?" Then I want you to tell them: "Keep your fork ..the best is yet to come."

The Rabbi's eyes welled up with tears of joy as the hugged the young woman good-bye. He knew this would be one of the last times he would see her before her death. But he also knew that the young woman had a better grasp of heaven than he
did. She had a better grasp of what heaven would be like than many people twice her age, with twice as much experience and knowledge.

She KNEW that something better was coming.

So the next time you reach down for your fork, let it remind you ever so gently, that THE BEST IS YET TO COME.

This is an all time favorite song of mine. I love the video too!

These tears I've cried, I've cried a thousand oceans.
And if it seems I'm flo...o...ating in the darkness, well,
I can't believe that I would keep, keep you from flying.
And I would cry a thousand more if that's what it takes to sail you home.
Sail you home. Sail you home.

I'm aware what the rules are, but you know that I will run.
You know that I will... follow you.
Over Silbury hill through the solar field.
You know that I will... follow you.

And if I find you, will you still remember m-playing at trains,
Or does this li-little blue ball just fade away?
Over Silbury hill through the solar field.
You know that I will... follow you.
I'm aware what the rules are, but you know that I will run.
You know that I will... follow you.

These tears I've cried, I've cried a thousand oceans.
And if it seems I'm flo...o...ating in the darkness, well,
I can't believe that I wouldn't keep, keep you from flying.
So I would cry a thousand more if that's what it takes to sail you home.
Sail you home. Sail you home. Sail... Sail you home...

JB was trying to cheer me up and bolster my self esteem the whole morning via text and some of his messages were:

"i'll be a lifeline for you...but you should help yourself too!"

"when you feel its too much for you..then just forget it...ok? That way you'll get over it."

"you don't fail all the time."

"life doesn't end where our heartaches begin..ayt?'

"Don't worry, the winds of change will push the clouds away...in time..remember there's always a rainbow after a storm."

But the most touching message that he sent and the one that almost made me cry:

"You will honey...you will...."

I sorely miss that. fucking a. to be someone's honey. to be someone's baby. to be someone's sweetheart or darling no matter how corny it sounds...because to that one person you are the world...his everything...because to that person the world is a better place because you are there...how i sorely miss that

You are Ready to Date Again

If you're not out there already, you should be.

Your ex is long gone from your heart, and you are ready for another relationship.

Any guy you meet gets a clean slate - and no emotional baggage.

Congratulations, you've gotten completely over him.

Now, on to a better guy :-)



Are You Ready to Date Again?
Take This Quiz :-)



Find the Love of Your Life
(and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.


I am??? Then why am I still crying?

last night, met up with Karla, Rica and Nina. except for Karla, we were all ex-es of a group of guys belonging to one barkada. Rica used to be with Inigo. Nina used to be with Edwin. Me with Carroll. Going strong pa din si Karla with Leo. Sana they end up together na nga. No more heartaches please. It was a night of kwentos and kwentos and kwentos. Mainly about "our boys". The ex-es and other boys as well. It was nice being with them again. They seem to be a breathe of fresh air in an otherwise smog filled room. There we were 4 girls talking about our lives loves and faith. How nice. If I'd grow old, they would be the group I'd be having tea with during afternoons. a bunch of nice girls we were. all wanting the same thing. a nice man to be with for the rest of our lives. how simple yet hard.

have you ever woken up and the first thought in your mind was something bad? I did. just this morning. it wasn't more of a thought but a feeling. pain. we're the best of friends now, yknow...he visits every so often...its been a bad week...very bad week...prang back to square one ako ngayon...i'm so lost...dazed...hurt...i am suffering...when will this stop? when will the tears just dry up...kelan ako mamamanhid? its been 3 months and its stil the same...will it ever stop...it's so painful that i literally crumple to the floor..writhing in pain...and at the same time trying to breathe...ayoko nang masaktan...ayoko nang umiyak...ayoko na! ayoko na! but how can you tell that to someone...to someone like me...its so easy for you to say: get up and move on! don't think about it, forget about him he's a loser...it's easy for you to say that because hindi kayo yung nasasaktan...if i can show you how my pain looks like or or how it feels, the mere sight of it is something that will give you nightmares...the feeling will literally knock you off your feet...words cannot properly express how i have been feeling...masyadong masakit...and i have been feeling that for 3 months na...and counting....as i've said before I will never wish this kind of pain to anyone...another person will not be able to live it through...i can't...i'm already on borrowed time, i suspect...i already attempted twice...the last one just last week and that was already the worst...a third attempt might be the successful one...

I used to pray for God to give me strength..I didn't pray for us to get back together anymore if God doesn't want to....but lately....i accepted that I still love him and would still want to try it out with him kaya now I pray for us to be able to get back together (soon) if only he deems it so a=or if he thinks that it will do us good...but aside from that I'm bargaining with God to give us one more chance and promising that we will be both better Christians, sibling, son and daughter..better person...just one chance to correct our mistakes...and if after that one chance it still does not work out then we will let go of each other...all i'm asking is for one chance.....i don't know if God will say yes...and if he does when .....i hope sometime soon...very soon...Lord, just one chance is all I am asking...wouldn't you pray with me, dear?


This made my blue sunday a bit brighter. A testimonial from Jon in friendster: thank you Jon...God wanted me to smile for a minute and this is what he sent.... :)

She just simply brightens up our day in the office! Good mood ako when she's around!ü heheü Take a picture of her using a black and white roll of film....it'll come out colored!! naks!ü She casts a glow effortlessly and adds color to everything! Just imagine how many people have bad days whenever she's having one herself! So don't let anything or anyone take that glaring smile off your face k!?


Got this Ayn's from blog:

(The song whose lyrics I have included below is the translated song from the movie My Sassy Girl. The song
is originally sung in Korean.)


I believe


I believe
That although you are gone
This cannot be the end, can it?

I believe
That your journey back to me
Is just delayed, isn't it?

I remember so well
That I hurt myself as I cry
I hope you don't cry as I do
I hope you won't cry as you leave
I know you will return someday
Because I believe
I will wait for you, just you

I believe you should not cry
When you think about my pain
I believe my tears will bring you back to me
My eyes cannot forget
That it is you who made them cry
I hope you don't cry as I do

(Chorus)
My tears will bring you back to me
My eyes cannot forget
That it is you who make them cry
The world was not so beautiful
Beneath the same sky
All alone I cry
But I will wait here
Just for you
Even if waiting is hopeless
It's already enough
To think of love
Time means nothing to me
I will wait for you, just you

Just you...

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

2 people sent this to me yesterday....and somehow it lifted my spirits.....to feel that you're needed...to feel that someone out there thinks and loves you.....its such a heartwarming thought......it makes me feel that my life has purpose...in the end..under all the pain the tears the suffering...all i wanted was to love and to be loved in return...is that too much to ask for...

You are Everything To Somebody
Right now at this very minute-----------


someone
is very proud of you

someone
is thinking of you

someone
cares about you

someone
misses you

someone
wants to talk to you

someone
wants to be with you

someone
hopes you aren't in trouble

someone
is thankful for the support you have
provided


someone
wants to hold your hand

someone
hopes everything turns out all right

someone
wants you to be happy

someone
wants you to find them

someone
is celebrating your successes

someone
wants to give you a gift

someone
think you ARE a gift

someone
hopes you are not too cold, or too hot

someone
wants to hug you

someone
loves you

someone
wants to lavish you with small gifts

someone
admires your strength

someone
is thinking of you and smiling

someone
wants to be your shoulder to cry on

someone
wants to go out with you and have a lot of fun

someone
thinks the world of you

someone
wants to protect you

someone
would do anything for you

someone
wants to be forgiven

someone
is grateful for your forgiveness

someone
wants to laugh with you about old times

someone
remembers you and wishes you were there

someone
is praising God for you

someone
needs to know that your love is unconditional

somebody
values your advice

someone
wants to tell you how much they care

someone
wants to stay up watching old movies with you

someone
wants to share their dreams with you

someone
wants to hold you in their arms

someone
wants YOU to hold them in your arms

someone
treasures your spirit

someone
wishes they could STOP time because of you

someone
praises God for your friendship and love

someone
can't wait to see you

someone
wishes that things didn't have to change

someone
loves you for who you are

someone
loves the way you make them feel

someone
wants to be with you

someone
is hoping they can grow old with you

someone
hears a song that reminds them of you

someone
wants you to know they are there for you

someone
is glad that you're their friend

someone
wants to be your friend

someone
stayed up all night thinking about you

someone
is alive because of you

someone
is remorseful after losing your friendship

someone
is wishing that you would notice them

someone
wants to get to know you better

someone
believes that you are their soul mate

someone
wants to be near you

someone
misses your guidance and advice

someone
values your guidance and advice

someone
has faith in you

someone
trusts you

someone
needs you to send them this letter

someone
needs your support

someone
needs you to have faith in them

someone
needs you to let them be your friend

someone
will cry when they read this