The last 2 days have been so difficult for me. Today isn't different. I miss him-a lot. I have recurring thoughts of him being with another girl and that makes me cry. The first time that thought entered my mind I slumped on my bed and cried like a baby. Di ko kaya. isa isa lang please ang bato ng problema.

How I wish there would be some sort of painkillers for this kind of pain. I'd gladly buy a boxfull of them. If pain can just be turned off like a light switch or like a faucet, I would have turned it off a long time ago. I hate feeling any kind of pain. Any. Mahina ang loob ko sa problems and pain. I have a weak heart and do not have the stomach for it. Who wants to feel this kind of pain ba? Who wants to cry every night and fall asleep na umiiyak? I'm not into S&M, y'know. I've tried everything to forget him. I've kept myself occupied. Everyday I let him go. But I just can't. When it seems that there will be days that it will be a good day for me. I feel na I'm taking a step to recovery na. But when my low, lower and lowest days come, I feel na I fall back to my quagmire of pain and loneliness much deeper than before. I'm trying to get out but I can't. It seems that I'm stuck in a quicksand that slowly swallows me up and that no matter what I do I'll sink deeper and deeper. How can one unchain a heart that is holding on...

"It's hard to tell your mind to stop loving someone, when you're heart still does."


The Art Of Letting Go by: Mikaila

Put away the pictures, put away the memories
I go over and over through my tears
I've held them 'til I'm blind, they kept my hope alive
as if somehow that might keep you here
won't you believe in a love forevermore
how do you leave it in a drawer

Now here it comes, the hardest part of all
unchain my heart that's holding on
how do I start to live my life alone
guess I'm just learning, learning the art of letting go

Try to say it's over, say the word good bye
but each time it catches in my throat
you're still here with me and i can't set you free
so I hold on to what i wanted most
maybe someday we'll be friends forevermore
wish I could open up that door

Now here it comes the hardest part of all
unchain my heart that's holding on
how do I start to live my life alone
guess I'm just learning, learning the art of letting go

What can I say, what can I do
but try to make it through the pain
not one more day without you

Where do I start to live my life alone
I guess I'm learning, I'll be learning
learning the art of letting go

It's Valentine's Day again
Chocolates and roses, dinner by candelight
But not for everybody
There'll be three less roses given away tonight
'Coz Jimmy's girl got on a plane
He tried to stop her from leaving but tried in vain
And he'd hand her three roses now
But she lives so far away
To a lonely heart, how does one say
Happy Valentine's Day

It's Valentine's Day again
Long-time lovers lighting the fire once more
But it's gonna be cold tonight
For someone whose lover walked right out the door
See, Anna's fighting back the tears
Broke up with her beau for nine long years
And she's throwing her dreams of walking down the aisle away
To a broken heart, how does one say
Happy Valentine's Day

Cruel, oh so cruel
Be with your lover and be glad
And if you're without a lover
Well, that's just too bad
Cruel, oh so cruel
No other day like this
Can make you long so much
For the one you miss

It's Valentine's Day again
Jay's got the flowers, but somehow it's not the same
Though he knows April's happy
'Coz all he can do is set them on her grave
It's been two years since she passed on
But somehow the pain still lingers on
And no other day can magnify it like this day
To a grieving heart, how does one say
Happy Valentine's Day

How do you say
Happy Valentine's Day

I forgot na where I got this >

Pulled Apart
the night falls with a silent sigh, cold and alone

are we.
the emotion for which you pine
flares once, then dies,
devoured by the abyss.
all hope must fail.

your heart beats no more.
how could you not understand?
shadows surround us, crying,
we have lost our light.

Read this Inquirer...in time for V day:::: eeewwww :P

Four things I love
and hate about you
Four things I love
and hate about you
By Rosa Villanueva

***This would have been perfect for him. He was all these and more....***

FOUR things I love about you: your smile, your commitment to everything you do, your concern for everything I do and your love.

Four things that make me want to turn this into forever: the way you love your family, the way you love God, the way you love your friends and the way you love me.

Four things that caught my eye when I first met you: the way you carried yourself, the way you stood when
I arrived, your height, and how you listened to everything I said and filed it in your brain.

Four things I promise you: to stay, to avoid quitting just because things are rough, to quit nagging when
I'm pissed or PMSing, and to sit still and be content.


And another one..

Love defined
By Kristine Caguiat


IT BEATS through your heart, burns through your skin and melts your senses. It encompasses all human
emotion and justifies all human reason. It holds no bounds, breaks all barriers, scales all heights and defies all depths. It is a question that answers all inquiry, and an answer that questions all knowledge; a mystery of the mind and a secret of the soul.

Indescribable, immeasurable, indefinable.

It is pure, undefiled and simple.

It is the unknown, the utopian, the dream of all dreamers.

It is the core, the polestar, the center, the beginning.

It runs courses, lacerates sentiment and intensifies passion.

It is romance.

A taste of heaven, a sensation of bliss.

It is faith and conviction.

It's an aura in the atmosphere.

It is multiplied: over and over and over again.

It's louder than the storms, deeper than the floods,

more blinding that the sun and the most electrifying of all forces.

It is elemental.

It is beautiful and stunning.

It's words, words, words.

Ironies and paradoxes, going in circles, never to be answered; riddles of feeling.

A touch, a kiss, a priceless show of affection.

It is delight and happiness.

It's ecstasy.

It can combat forces, destroy destruction, and end war.

It is life and death all over again.

It is love.

One day you will love me, the way I loved you
One day you will think of me, the way I thought of you.
One day you will cry for me, the way I cried for you.
One day you will want me, but i will not want you.

Today is a good day...so far.

Although it took a long time before I could get a cab, I got cabbie that was nice and cheerful. For a change, thank God. he blabbed all through out the trip. He was so cheerful that I even surprised myself when I answered his questions and responded to his comments. Ha! That's something new from Ms. Masungit. Something he said struck me. I forgot na the actual line but it says something about a cheerful heart will do you good or something like that. Buti pa si manong always cheerful. Come to think of it...oo nga bakit si manong driver lang ang cheerful??? I resolve to try to delve into the deep recesses of my soul to try and look for my old perky, cheerful self..I will find her one of these days because tomorrow is another day and you never know what the tide may bring!!!


"I know the world has its problems, but would it hurt you to smile once in a while (She's all that)

trying day...it's one of those days when I do nothing but cry cry cry cry cry......

why do men get over women faster? whhhhhyyyyyy!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?

I just reading The Present By Spencer Johnson given by Carroll. Yes,my ex.Lalaki po sya.

"...Don't be too hard on yourself. Remember that you did the best you knew how at the time. When you know better now, you can do better now."

"Look at what happened in The Past. Learn something valuable from it. Use what you learn to improve The Present."

Lemme share w you some of the messages that I got from friends....

From Tin:

When God leads you to the edge of a cliff, trust Him fully and let go because only 1 of 2 things will happen: either He will catch you when you fall or He will teach you to fly.

From Eric:

*Hey We're friends. Who else would look out for you? I know it can be tough but I know you can do it.

* Belle, you're a lot stronger tha you think. I can see that in you. You just need someone to help you discover your strength.

*Take it easy Belle. One step at a time. Don't think too much. You'll get through this. Believe me I know you can. We'll do this together.

From Vianca:
*...keep yourself busy and surround yourself with good old lovin from our girls and I'll catch up. I love you Belle, through happiness and pain, we definitely have each other.

*Your pain will last as long as you wish but it will go away in time, I promise. The girls and I will be here to love you till you're whole again. We know that for a fact bec. we've seen it among us a lot of times. We are suckers for love and God gave us each other for support. We love you, hold on to that thought when your pain seems unbearable and we'll share your load.

*Hi. Just heard mass. Told papa Jesus to help heal our broken hearts and spirits. I think I heard him say na sya na daw bahala syo.

*You will live through this belle, i promise you that. You will always have one of our hands or arms to hold on to in your dark room. You are never alone. And when it comes to a point when its too painful to breathe, I'll breathe for you. You'll live to laugh about this and be proud of your strength.

*We find ourselves reasons to live and for another reason we lose them. One great reason I lost Vic is that I found you my girls. You are the reason I'm still alive and loving again. So one day you will find your north star again until then you have no choice but to live for me, meian, kaje, emer, beng and all of us who loves you. Come here nalang belle while I'm on leave. we'll cry have coffee and long talks together.

*....just ride the tide. You'll have your low, lower and lowest moments but all i can assure you is matatapos din yan. Yourheartache will last as long as you want.

*it's alright to cry sweetie. kaya mo yan. I got your back.

o--------------------o

This trying time, I have found new friends and have bolstered friendship with old ones. That I thank God for and will eternally be grateful for those who picked me up from the floor (literally!) and to those who either gave a pat or a consoling word. Little things mean a lot to me and I remember them. Thank you sooo much :)