*ym conversation couple of months back(September)...this ended my insanity stage*

marc: o ikaw, balita.
hundun: eto still the same
hundun: pathetic pa din
marc: bakit naman, ayusin na nga natin 'to? o, what's the problem?
hundun: parang kang daddy
hundun: yes itay
hundun: e kse
hundun: im naiinis na
hundun: why im still affected
marc: at bakit naman....
hundun: i dunno
hundun: basta i still am
hundun: im naiinis na
marc: kailangan mo kasi,at ito ang sabi ni oprah,kailangan mo ng closure"
hundun: i dont wanna be affected pero i am
marc: is it pride?
hundun: oo nga pero where will i get my closure?
hundun: pride??
marc: na-hurt yung pride mo na ginawa yan sa iyo.
marc: so?
hundun: maybe it is
hundun: wouldnt you be?
hundun: what he did was so masakit e
marc: i think that if you want to move on, you've gotta face the real reasons why you can't seem to move on pa rin.
hundun: its bec i still love him
marc: i know, i would be hurt too.
marc: but yun nga, you have to examine it yourself and question yourself why is your pride hurt, and should it really be a question of pride at all?
marc: isa pa yon, don't love him na dude, you're wasting your time, energy, emotions on a loser!
hundun: i've been telling myself that but its not that easy naman to forget e
marc: o sige lets think about it, do you want him back? do you want him to choose you over her?
hundun: i want him back yes
hundun: but its not gonna be that easy
marc: what?
marc: why do you want him back?
hundun : bec i still love him
hundun : and i think its also bec...
hundun : i mean
marc: why do you still love someone who did that to you?
hundun : yung feeling na in the end he went back to me
hundun: i dunno nga e..i know i should be mad and all and i focused on that after i finally was able to open that emotion
marc: are you still looking for the fairytale ending? na he'll realise his big mistake, come to his senses, drop her and beg you back on his hands and knees?
hundun: i guess so
hundun: ***bonks head***
marc: anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering - yoda.
marc: dude, you have to realistic.
marc: i'm sorry to say and it may be hard for you to hear, but i don't think that fairytale ending is going to happen.
marc: that's what you have to let go dude, not him, but that idea of that fairytale ending.
marc: that's the idea you have to let go of, cuz it's still giving you hope that what you once had might come back, that things might return to the way they were.
marc: i don;t think it's realistic to expect that.
marc: and if you really believe it, then how long are you willing to wait?
marc: how long are you willing to gamble that he's going to go back to you?
marc: and another thing, you may think you know him, but he's a different person now. he's not the same person a year ago, two years ago. things change, people change. you have to change too.
marc: you can't get stuck thinking that you know yourself completely, no ones themselves completely. impossible.
marc: no one knows themsleves completely.
marc: up until the day they die, people ae still discovering things about themselves they never knew. and that's why things change.
marc: but that's growth. it's just the process of changing that's difficult. but it has to happen. marc: right now, you're suffering but you're not growing. mali yon. ok lang na mag suffer, that's part of life, but dapat may growth din.
marc: kung walang growth, if you're not moving forward or moving somewhere, your suffering is for nothing.
marc: yan ang sayang, yan ang waste.
marc: astig ko noh? i'm like a hallmark card on steriods!
marc: o what?
hundun: i wanna move nman e. yes i still love him in a way but im opening my doors to other possibilities. other people. kse i dont wanna get stuck being like this forever. at night i pray na for every tear na i cry it washes all my bitterness. i pray na every passing day i love him less and less
hundun: i still have that stupid fairytale stuff in my head
hundun: but i also think about things na why its better this way
marc: then ask yourself why do you still have that in your head? why are you still holding onto that even though you know what you know.
hundun: like: we have diff tastes...he has a different wave length..etc etc...
hundun: i dunno why.....
marc: brb
hundun: me din
hundun: ill buy food lang
hundun: im back
marc: im back
marc: basta ask yourself those questions
marc: you have to know for yourself why
marc: you don't have to tell anyone naman eh. just be honest with yourself.
marc: once you know why you are still holding onto those beliefs, you'll begin to understand yourself better. that helps in becoming stronger and growing out of this phas in your life.
marc: you as you are now, have to change, to get past this.
hundun: ive thought about that....
marc: read my blog nalang para matawa ka
hundun: i did na
hundun: funny nga e
hundun: beeeepppp!!!!!!!
marc: no i have a new entry, now lang.
hundun : a ok
hundun : what about?
marc: my weekend lang, pero galing lang talaga ako magwrite. even the most mundane things become interesting and entertaining.
marc: ya nga pala, i haven't gotten you stoned yet. this week you want?
marc: brb
hundun: i like the beep beep story better
hundun: brb
hundun: im back
marc: back
marc: ya i thought you would.
hundun : im sooooo tamad na
marc: you tell me nalang if you wanna smoke up, no pressure. baka ma-addict k apa.
hundun : teka you're making me BI
hundun: is that gonna fry my brain?
marc: no it won't. yes, it will, but it's just the same as drinking beer and making lasing.
hundun: kaya nga i dont drink e

"Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing" (Anais Nin)

All I see turns to brown, as the sun burns the ground
And my eyes fill with sand, as I scan this wasted land
Trying to find, trying to find where I've been.

Oh, pilot of the storm who leaves no trace, like thoughts inside a dream
Heed the path that led me to that place, yellow desert stream
My Shangri-La beneath the summer moon, I will return again
Sure as the dust that floats high in June, when movin' through Kashmir.

Oh, father of the four winds, fill my sails, across the sea of years
With no provision but an open face, along the straits of fear

A year ago..this is what I wrote:

what I need right now are your prayers. do not ask why but i need them. Agnostic, unbelieving me needs all the prayers right now.

Lord, help me walk another mile, just one more mile.
I'm tired of walkin' all alone.
Lord, help me smile another smile, just one more smile.
I know I just can't make it on my own. I never thought I needed help before.
I thought that I could do things by myself. Now I know I just can't take it anymore.
With a humble heart, on bended knee. I'm beggin' you, please, for help.
~Johnny Cash

A year after...I still need your help... I still am asking for your prayers...but I am not anymore Agnostic or an unbeliever...my faith is stronger...stronger than it has ever been...a year after it still feels that the weight of world is on my shoulders and its sheer weight is biting through my weary shoulder just like that of Hipparchus' Atlas...i still feel that my happy-face-everything-is-ok mask still on... i still feel that I have to live this lie so that people won't see how sad I am...as Len said, I'm funny sad person..so everyday I play the part of the happy girl while inside the pain is gobbling me up....clickity click! Say cheese! and another day starts...



Does it ever get easy?" Buffy once asked Giles, the Watcher who was assigned to mentor and train her.

"You mean life?" Giles asked.

"Yeah. Does it get easy?"

"What do you want me to say?"

Buffy looked up at him, half-formed tears in her eyes. "Lie to me."

Giles considered for a moment. "Yes, it's terribly simple."

He told Buffy. "The good guys are always stalwart and true, the bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats, and we always defeat them and save the day.
No one ever dies, and everybody lives happily ever after."

"Liar."

	Tenderheart Bear You are thinker, organizer, peacekeeper, and leader all in one. You have a power to command attention and people listen to you. However, you are often so concerned about not hurting others' feelings that you don't tell them what they need to hear and this gets you both into trouble. But you always have loyal friends to help you out.
Take the Which Care Bear Are You? Quiz!

"No Man is worth a woman's tears. The only one who's worth her tears is the one who knows he could but would never, ever make her cry."

Whether you believe in the cases or not, that is up to you.


CASE 1: Kelly Sedey had one wish, for her boyfriend of three years, David Marsden, to propose to her. Then one day when she was out to lunch David proposed! She accepted, but then had to leave because she had a meeting in 20 min. When she got to her office, she noticed on her computer she had some e-mail's. She checked it, the usual stuff from her friends, but then she saw one that she had never gotten before. It was this poem. She simply deleted it without even reading all of it. BIG MISTAKE! Later that evening, she received a phone call from the police. It was about DAVID! He had been in an accident with an 18 wheeler. He didn't survive.

CASE 2: Take Katie Robinson. She received this poem and being the believer that she was, she sent it to a few of her friends but didn't have enough e-mail addresses to send out the full 10 that you must. Three days later, Katie went to a masquerade ball. Later that night when she left to get to her car to go home, she was killed on the spot by a hit-and-run drunk driver.

CASE 3: Richard S. Willis sent this poem out within 45 minutes of reading it. Not even 4 hours later walking along the street to his new job interview with a really big company, when he ran into Cynthia Bell, his secret love for 5 years. Cynthia came up to him and told him of her
passionate crush on him that she had had on him for 2 years. Three days later, he proposed to her and they got married. Cynthia and Richard are still married with three children, happy as ever!

This is the poem:

Around the corner I have a friend,

In this great city that has no end,

Yet the days go by and weeks rush on,

And before I know it, a year is gone.

And I never see my old friends face,

For life is a swift and terrible race,

He knows I like him just as well,

As in the days when I rang his bell.

And he rang mine but we were younger then,

And now we are busy, tired men.

Tired of playing a foolish game,

Tired of trying to make a name.

"Tomorrow" I say! "I will call on Jim

Just to show that I'm thinking of him."

But tomorrow comes and tomorrow goes,

And distance between us grows and grows.

Around the corner, yet miles away,

"Here's a telegram sir," "Jim died today."

And that's what we get and deserve in the end.

Around the corner, a vanished friend.

Remember to always say what you mean. If you love someone, tell them. Don't be afraid to express yourself. Reach out and tell someone what they mean to you. Because when you decide that it is the right time it might be too late. Seize the day. Never have regrets. And most importantly, stay close to your friends and family, for they have helped make you the person that you are today.

"Live Each Day As If It Were Your Last... Tomorrow is Not Promised."

From me...I'm not saying that you should send this entry to your friends...its the essence of the entry...what it means...Don't bank on tomorrow because tomorrow might never come...Live today...don't fill your life with what if's, could've been's and what might have been's...