"We are lovers, not fighters."



wednesday night was spent with my oldest friends...as usual the night yielded no decent pic except for the one that I'm posting. that's Oman. short for Norman Paul. I miss him. a lot. it's been awhile since we last saw each other and things are not so good right now...somehow reality got in the way...work and love built an invisible wall between the 2 of us that it got so high for us to climb...if he only knew...i miss him a lot...he was my sweetest and dearest friend...he'd accompany me everywhere, cut class for me, eat my tira, bring my heavy bag, listen to me even if my kwento was paulit ulit, keep my secrets, be my pillow, always made sure that i was comfortable...everything...he doesnt know about this blog...so i'm safe...if you only knew i loved you more than your brother...

Once, as my heart reign when night seemed forever,
I was with you.

Once, in the care of morning
in the air was all belonging.
Once, when that day was dawning
I was with you.

How far we are from morning,
how far are we
and the stars shining through the darkness,
falling in the air.

Once, as the night was leaving
into us our dreams were weaving.
Once, all dreams were worth keeping.
I was with you.

Once, when our hearts were singing,
I was with you.

i won't say much...lest it be miscontrued...but one thing though...i may be a lot of things to other people but i can say that i would have never hurt anyone intentionally especially friends...i may be tactless at times or had let my mouth do the thinking instead of my mind but i would've never hurt anyone intentionally as i do not want to be hurt too. but for someone to think that i would've or that I was actually capable of doing so hits straight home. but that's ok. i cannot control what other people think and feel about me anyway. i used to think act and feel that every action by another is supposed to be answered by another action. that for every punch someone takes at you that you have to punch back. and this time a bit harder. but i have learned that that is not always the case. i have learned that sometimes you just have to take the punches and roll with it. that sometimes its better to just be the punching bag accepting life's punches than be another boxer. that sometimes its better to just sit down and keep quiet. less talk less mistakes. less action less reaction. passive defense. and it's not because of having a martyr complex or whatever you call it complex. no. absolutely not. i do that because i believe in karma. i do that because i believe that the more animosity, hate and negativity you throw at people the more animosity hate and negativity life will throw back at you. one less person generating such negativity in the world might just help others do the same. too ideal? maybe but someone has to do it because isn't that what we all want? an ideal place to live in. an ideal relationship with everyone around you. that's what i want. we might not have that and i honestly do not have that...yet...but i am trying to get there. albeit struggling. but that's how life is. roll with the punches instead of trying to hit back. sit down and just keep quiet. don't harbor hate and anger from people who have hurt you and have punched you. sit down and keep quiet. they won't get hurt. you won't get hurt. it's a win-win solution and no one's the wiser.

didn't i say i won't say much?

"I keep my ideals because in spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good at heart"

Si Lord talaga

Si Lord talaga alam kung kelan ako babatukan sa ulo. Here He is again trying to get my attention.

Hello! "...busy ka? naku mukha nga...tagal na natin di nagkikita... tagal mo na ako di dinadalaw...alam mo miss na kita...

O sino yang nagtext sa iyo?... buti pa sa kanya nakapagreply ka agad...napansin ko ang dami mong ginagawa talaga...ang dami mo ring things to do diyan sa planner mo ah!

Mapangarap ka talaga noh?... ang dami mong plano.

Nakakatuwa naman na malaman yan. kasama ba ako sa plano mo? ano? naku di ka agad
makasagot...

Sige okay lang alam ko naman kung ano talaga sagot mo...

nakita kita nung Friday, aga mo umalis sa office. Alam mo ba, ang akala ko pupuntahan mo ako. Ooppss! hindi pala! TGIF (THANK God its Friday) pala kayo ng mga friends mo. umaga ka na nakauwi ah? naghintay ako sa'yo.

Pagpasok mo sa kuwarto mo, di mo ako napansin... haaay! kawawa ka naman siguradong
kinabukasan masakit ang ulo mo, tanghali ka na gigising...

Ang dami mong lakad, naghihintay ako na tayo naman ang maging magkasama kaya lang sa
dami ng schedules mo sa trabaho at sa labas ng office parang malabo.

O sige na, balik ka na sa work mo. i might be eating too much of your time maging dahilan pa ako para masira ang plano mo sa araw na ito...

gusto ko lang sabihin sa'yo na nandito lang ako kapag kailangan mo ako...pag hindi ka na busy. totoo yon! walang biro! ayaw mong maniwala? Ganon kita kamahal kasi! ayaw mo pa ring maniwala? Haaay!

Remember this, kahit singit lang ako lagi sa buhay mo, kahit biglaan mo lang na natatawag ako dahil nagulat ka, nasaktan ka, nauntog ka o dahil part ang pangalan ko nung binabasa mo sa text, you will be in my heart always... trial after trial

Isipin mo kasama mo ako na lumalakad, hindi man sa buhangin, kasama mo pa rin ako... sa lahat plano mo, kahit hindi mo ako kasama perfecting it... para mas maging masaya ka...

minsan tayo naman ang mag-usap ha? minsan ako naman ang dalawin mo... miss na talaga kita eh...sa akin hindi ka singit lang..."

not another one...

a grand aunt died last week...my mom asked me to go home...having no PTO's (leaves) left I told her that I can't...my grand aunt along with my maternal grandmother and other relatives took care of me whenever I was in the states since my family was here...when I was a kid i had a close relationship with my grandaunt, some tito's and, of course, my maternal lola. I used to love them more than I did my immediate family. for real. why? maybe because i disliked my mom back then and i used to spend most of my time with my lolas than with my mom, dad or any of my siblings. i could always talk to my lolas and titos just about anything in the world without fear of being reprimanded. i had more freedom being with them than with my family whom i felt stifled me by telling me what I can and cannot do. But of course, things have changed a lot this year. I actually have a relationship now with my mom whom i disliked during my growing up years. But it's just so sad that I wasn't able to see my grandaunt before she died nor have i spent any time lately with my lola. well, being an ocean apart doesnt help either! i miss my lola and my mom and my sister and my dad and my favorite titos...i miss sf and the how the sun's rays warms my cold red face when I open my window in the morning...aaawwww maybe it's time to think about really going home...sshhhh!