chanchananchanchanchanchan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Introducing my first 3 buttons/blinkies...i knows its nothing great but hey! link it up if you want :)

Some rules though:

1. you must be a fan of ME. why would you be here otherwise? KAPAL!!! INDULGE ME,DAHLINGS hehehehe

2. you don't have to have a site, but you do have to have a valid email address.

3. please put your city and country when applying to join. if you don't, you won't be added.

4. if you do have a site, you must link back to this ""fanlisting"" using an image or a text link. if you don't, I'll still list you, but I won't list your site.

5. if you have a site that has any tasteless material (ie: racist, homophobic, pornographic, or just plain SQUATTERY...) I'll still list you, but I won't list your site. don't be rude.

6. please do not direct link my image codes. that is considered bandwidth theft and that makes me very cranky. there are lots of freeservers out there, such as brinkster.com or photobuckets.com that you can upload the images to. i do check sites for direct linkers, and if I find any, your site will not be listed and most likely the image will be replaced with something big and more than likely vulgar.

7. if you need to update your information, just send me an e-mail (sana sabihin nyo din kung alin ang gusto nyong button/blinkie da ba?)










FOR MORE BLINKIES PLEASE GO TO:

I had a draft ready...but when a friend told me that someone's dad was dying...

I hate goodbyes. I hate people dying...

the last death in my immediate family was my when my lola ima died...she's my paternal grandmother...she left my lolo and her 9 kids after she found out that my lolo was cheating on her and since then they never heard any news from her nor saw any glimpse of her...except my dad. We saw her at times. Not too often but I remember that she always wore green when we saw her...i dunno why though...my dad's siblings saw her again when we asked her to attend my sister's christening party sometime in March or April of 1992. They all hugged her except for 2 of my dad's sibling. My Tito Allan and Tita Cel. Why? Because Tito Cel didn't recognize her (nor did my lola) and Tito Allan..well, di sya din kilala..kse when my lola left, my tito was still a baby...when she got sick, she came home...she stayed in my lolo's house sa province...di sila nagpapansinan...when her sickness worsened, my dad brought her to Manila...Cancer na pala...she stayed in the hospital a couple of days lang until the doctor told us na its best na we bring her home nlang...and so we did. she stayed alive for about 2 weeks...all of her anaks was making her silbi but they knew naman na it was my dad who mattered to her...we were there on her last night and she was still ok...weak but ok. we went back to Manila thinking of visiting her again the next day but the phone rang in the wee hours of the morning...it was my tito..my lola was dying...my dad wasn't able to go agad (forgot na why)...they said na her dying hours wasn't nice...they could hear her gasping all through out the house (mind you, my lolo's house sa province is huge!)...it was like she was fighting with the grim reaper. berating him for coming too soon...she was waiting for my dad pala...and they informed him of this nung papunta na sya...and when he got there, he immediately went to my lola's side. hugged her and whispered na he was there na and that it was ok for her to sleep na...she died right at that moment...all of my dad's siblings, cousins, my lolo and my lola's only sister, Tita Arceli, were all there crying because of what they witnessed...to actually hang on to life because of just one person...till this very day, I still cry whenever I remember that kwento...



One recent death that touched my heart was Ronald Reagan's...yeah so he was a former president thus the reason for the big hullabaloo about it but besides that...the enormous amount of grief that a lot of people felt for the man...it was astounding...what's so touching too was his wife Nancy...she never cried nor showed any emotion during the week long ceremonies...except for the time when he was about to be interred as seen in the pic above...in life, she was there for him. she was his confidant, critic and biggest cheerleader. she was his 24/7 nurse when he got stricken by alzheimer's...and in death, she was still there...

In the eulogy of former President George Walker Bush (the first Bush) he says:

"If Ronald Reagan created a better world for many millions, it was because of the world someone else created for him. Nancy was there for him always.

Her love for him provided much of his strength, and their love together transformed all of us as we've seen -- renewed seeing again here in the last few days."

Patti Davis, Reagan's daughter:

"At the last moment, when his breathing told us this was it, he opened his eyes and looked straight at my mother," the 51-year-old daughter of the late president wrote. "Eyes that hadn't opened for days did, and they weren't chalky or vague.

Reagan's wife, Nancy -- married to the actor, governor, president and then gentleman rancher for 52 years -- "managed to say to him" that one look was "the greatest gift you could have given me," Davis wrote.

"that there is nothing stronger than love between two people, two souls.

"Love opens eyes one last time, reaches past illness and the dwindling flame of life," she wrote. "It reaches past death and cradles hearts while they weep. It was the last thing he could do in this world to show my mother how entwined their souls are -- and it was everything.

They were clear and blue and full of love. If a death can be lovely, his was."

And i say...
Maybe one day I will be able to experience that kind of love..faithful..enduring and...undying love...maybe one day...

If I resign this will be my resignation letter

Dear Mr. (my manager's name),

As a graduate of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of my coworkers and me during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time.

Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know how to network computer systems, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly
attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time. You will never understand computers.

Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you
ever will.

You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring
ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle. Since this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation, however I have a few parting thoughts.

1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal for you to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.

2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I am going to publish your "favorites list", which I conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favorably by the
administration.

3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your Mother's birthday," you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd acts with a sauce bottle, but I assure you that those have been
copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please; I hate having to correct your mistakes.)

Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never f*** with your systems administrator. Why? Because they know what you do with all that free time!


Wishing you a grand and glorious day,

Belinda


Sabe ni Madam Rosa: my horoscope says that for Wednesday, June 23:

Your karma's off the hook -- all that good stuff you've been handing out is coming right back to you, but now it's even shinier. Smile -- you look terrific.

Sus! I look terrific naman tlaga e no..what else is new...

seryoso, it also says that my karma is off the hook na daw...that's what I've been trying to do these past few months..i've been trying to clean my karma..clean my slate and start anew...what happened to me is my karma...and I'd like to think now that I've paid off all of my bad karma with all the pain and hurt that I felt. That I've washed away all of my bad karma with all the tears that I cried...and I pray that I would never experience the same pain and hurt that I felt...no more like that..no more...I barely managed to survive the last one...

"I keep my ideals, because in spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good at heart." Anne Frank

"I beg you…to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions. Perhaps then, someday for in the future, you will gradually, without ever noticing it, live your way into the answer…"

I got this fromTrailerparkjesus' blog

Since I have no idea where to begin, I'm going to just jump in.

Words cannot express the pain I feel. But I hope this exercise will be more therapeutic than making a rash phone call or sending an email without thinking. Betrayal, inadequacy, nauseated, I don't know what word to use.

I wish I were more like my sister right now. I wish I could hate and focus all my energy on hating. I wish I didn't question myself, asking why did this happen, what did I do to deserve this. I don't think I'll find that answer.

Man looks into the abyss and nothing stares back. At that moment he finds out his true character, and that's what keeps him out of the abyss. Or something like that. Someone said that once, and it was repeated in a movie. I'm in an abyss. And I'm trying to find my character, but it's not very easy.

I think that people have an amazing capacity to love. I think people have an even greater capacity to insulate themselves from the pain that comes with risks of the heart. In doing so, they hurt those of us that take the risk. We don't get the chance to find the reward of the risk. But we get burned and we become more timid to put ourselves back out there. I certainly feel that way now.

Maybe true love is only meant for our kids. When we risk love for another and get hurt, we sacrifice our capacity to love.

That scares the shit out of me.

Right now I want to call and scream and hurt her so badly that she never forgets. I want to make her feel my pain. She was my friend, my lover, my confidant. Then she used all of that against me, or at a minimum, discarded the worth those things brought.

It's been 6 days since I have eaten now, and it's not that I haven't tried. I managed to get something down last night only to have it revisit me on checkout. I can still taste the remnants it left behind. And this tastes worse than anything I have ever vomited. This tastes of hurt and pain. I swear a part of my heart passed through my mouth on the way out.

I probably should avoid her like the plague, but I'm not some super-human macho man. My feelings have been crushed and it's taken the rest of me with it. I have that stomach pain that comes when you take a blow. My body aches and there's a river that flows from my eyes.

My phone has been ringing all day with offers of support. But I'm talked out, or, I just don't know what to say. I want to just disappear. I'd like to get in my car and drive with no destination in mind.

There is no way to describe this pain. I keep looking down at my stomach expecting to find a hole through which I can see my spine. I guess on the positive, at least I have a spine.

And that's why I could never do to her what she did to me.
Trailer Park Jesus at 3:22 PM

Then there was one comment that said:

Comments:
In God's time, you'll fall for the right reasons, to the right person. When that time comes, that love will be worth the long wait, the tears and pain... then you'll forget you ever waited. -- WITH ALL THE LOVE IN MY HEART

...boing boing to Ate Sienna's site and I found this :

75 Lessons that MUST be Learned in Relationships

1. If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.

2. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.

3. If you have ANY doubt in your mind about a man's character, leave him alone.

4. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

5. Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.

6. Don't force an attraction.

7. Slower is better.

8. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

9. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.

10. Have faith in God regarding your relationship, but don't let faith make you stupid. God does things decent and in order.

11. Don't settle.

12. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

13. If he keeps changing his mind about the relationship--take that as a BIG sign that he is unstable. Do you really want to be with a man like that?

14. Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not
better.

15. Honorable men take care of their business and aren't involved in a whole lot of mess.

16. The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

17. There's only one 'reason' a man dumps you; he doesn't want you.

18. Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant,
why would he treat you any differently?

19. You really do have to kiss a few frogs before finding the prince.

20. Always put yourself and your happiness first.

21. Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

22. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.

23. Like from the show Sex and the City, if he doesn't call, he just isn't that interested.

24. Be honest and upfront.

25. Know when to cut the cord, don't be strung along.

26. Don't fall for the "I'm confused role". Remove yourself from the situation to let him figure things out (but don't wait for him, move on).

27. If you want to have a clue as to how he will treat you, watch how he treats the WOMEN in his family (not just mom).

28. There's more than physical abuse, there's emotional and mental abuse. If he causes any of them...flee.

29. You cannot change a man's behaviors. Change comes from within.

30. Don't let him place rules on you that he is not willing to follow himself -- double-standard.

31. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or in a better job.

32. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

33. Demand respect and if he can't give it, he can't have you!

34. Don't compete with other woman, but be aware that men are attracted to what they see.

35. If you think he is cheating, he probably is. Confront him right away and if you feel he's lying, let him go.

36. Actions speak louder than words.

37. Never let a man define who you are.

38. Never rely on a man for compliments, look to yourself for that.

39. Never borrow someone else's man.

40. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.

41. Just because he says he loves you, doesn't mean that he won't hurt you and it doesn't mean that you are meant to be with
him.

42. To use painful hard-won wisdom -- 'get it right' the next time.

43. Know that you deserve to be the number one person in the life of the #1 person in your life.

44. Love is a verb ...

45. Learn to give up your lifelong task of trying to make someone unavailable-available, someone ungiving-giving, and
someone unloving-loving.

46. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

47. All men are NOT dogs.

48. You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two way street.

49. If you don't love self...you can't love anyone else.

50. You cannot mend someone else's broken heart.

51. You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage...deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.

52. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.

53. Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.

54. NEVER give more in a relationship than you are getting out of it.

55. Never become your man's "therapist".

56. When actions and words conflict, believe the actions. Respond to the actions.

57. A real healthy relationship requires two people. One person can end it - but it takes two to make it work.

58. Don't fall for the "I'm not the loving type"...when a man loves you there is nothing in this world (within reason) that he
wouldn't do for you.

59. Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him he takes it
for granted.

60. Give him his space...let him go out with his boys, don't pressure him to spend time with you, You cant force a man to hang out with you.

61. If you wouldn't allow your daughter to be with him you shouldn't.

62. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

63. Never move into his mother's house.

64. Provide financially for yourself and don't depend on anyone.

65. Never co-sign for a man.

66. Never believe you have the perfect guy and he is so innocent.

67. Never spoil your man; let him spoil you.

68. Never let a man mess up your credit.

69. When it's time to let go; let go.

70. Good men should be treated like good men.

71. Don't play games.

72. You can't make a whore into a housewife - or husband.

73. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

74. Compatibility in terms of educational attainment, values, beliefs, personal and career goals, and socioeconomic status, are important.

75. Never date a guy who wears colored contacts.

ouchie ouchie...

Three grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love and something to hope for.

Early saturday morning, while I was tinkering with my pc at home, I suddenly had that weird feeling of being hopeful...I'm not sure why though...hoping for what...i'm not so sure...sigh...what am I hoping for..what am i supposed to be hopeful for...


Asked about those who might be critical of her single parenthood, Barrino replied: "I feel like a good mom. I'm a strong woman now. ... Don't look down on me. Pray for me because I'm trying"

Sunday, finally got to sleep decently...well medyo decent na din albeit kulang...it was my first night na walang katabi...my mom went home na kse...well..it was sad...lonely...and I cried...cried because of the overwhelming loneliness and sadness...no one was there to comfort me... to hear someone say that they love me...to hug me...to reassure me that despite of all my pain and difficulties that I have gone through and still going through, tomorrow is another day...that all these pain will pass...i miss my mom...maybe I really should just go home...

"While you gave her flowers, you gave me thorns. While all she did was smile, all I did is mourn. While she was so happy, I felt so blue. Because while you loved her, I was loving you."

MARAMING KWENTO::::

Friday:
Went to Greenhills. 2k down the drain
Stayed home since its my mom's last night before she goes home.

Saturday:

Woke up VEERRRYYY early. Tinkered with my PC and Kazaa whole morning!!! Went to greenhills around 2pm. My mom had to go to the parlor. I read a book in Starbucks while waiting for my mom. Met up with Kaje. Did some window shopping...aahhh pure torture. No more shopping for me muna...till the next payday!



Left for the airport around 645. We waited for my mom's luggage to be weighed since we know for a fact that she's gonna go back outside to re-pack her stuff. Laging over weight kse! Fought with the kupalest airport security guard who had the gall to tell me to move from where I was standing kse I'm not a passenger. Told him that I was waiting for my mom coz she's gonna go back out. Sagot nya na "pinapayagan na namin kayo na tumayo ng matagal kaya umuwi na kayo at nahatid nyo na nanay mo." WTF!!! Angry me: Ano ho? I'm sorry but ang akala ko public domain and airport. Di ko alam na nabili nyo na pala." HA! Stood my ground at di ako umalis. Punyeta pangalawang time na nya kong ni kupal e. The first time was when my mom first went in and she and I were talking at bigla akong pinapaalis. Told him then na wag maingay at kausap ko mom ko. Bwisit! Ang mga guards tlaga. Nagka uniform lang akala mo na sila na ang hari. When my mom went out bec nga of her baggages, syempre I had to help her naman no. So pumasok ako and he, again, blocked my way coz I wasnt a passenger daw. O sige manong kayo ang tumulong sa nanay ko mag impake and gave him the cutter and packaging tape. As soon as I did that he gave it back to me and told me to go in. KUPAL KA! Forever ka lang guard! Bwahahahaha

Haaayyy so syempre, I was too damn tired na tapos, my friend and I wanted to go to Eastwood pa for Fete De La Musique. I had apprehensions kse nga A's brother told me na he's kuya was gonna be there. Pakeng shiyet. So 10000 years later, we got to Eastwood mga 1230am na ata. Met up w some office friends and Jon's friends too. Stayed till 230. The place was jampacked. Jampacked with squatters. This was the Attack of the Squatters!! Festival des squatters!!! Had me thinking tuloy why I went there. Sayang I wanted to hear Lila sing pa naman since I heard na she's good. tsk tsk...anyways, there are some kwentos pa sana kaso I cannot e...yun pa naman yung mas juicy!


I totally love this Queer_Eye_for_the_Straight_Guy. It shown regularly in etc channel.

They're basically 5 gay men, out to make over the world — one straight guy at a time. I totally like Kyan, the grooming guy. Sayang at bading sya. He's the one beside the guy in pink (Carson).

Ted: "Is he Mr Right or is he just Mr Right Now?"

Thorm: "Do you like minimalist (interior) coz this is not, this is just bleak."

Kyan: "Look at all the shampoo and conditioner sitting in one altogether. Call me old-fashioned but I like my shampoo to be shampoo..."
Jai: "Old fashioned!"

Carson: "If she doesn't want to marry you, you get to marry one of the five of us, so it's a win-win situation."

Carson, holding tiger-striped tee: "Do you think he got this off the Lion King gift shop?"

Carson: "Where did you get this?"
John: "Erm, K-Mart?"
Carson, wide-eyed: "Don't use that kinda language on me!"

Ted: "He is a real country boy..."
Thorm: "Country bumpkin is more like the word you're looking for."

Carson, passing John a pair of sunglasses: "Put that on, just kill us, just make us wish we were Tina..."