the last 24 hours has been traumatizing for me...its one of those times (which I would pray would be the last) when I feel that I really am a mother...

my youngest grabbed his grand uncle's hot mug of coffee yesterday morning and spilt it on his arms, chest and legs. I was asleep when it happened but they woke me up and I brought him to Manila Doctors.

He received thermal burns both 1st and 2nd degree according to the ER doctors.

He wouldnt quit crying everytime especially when he was being treated.

My litany of Haily Mary's saved my heart and my piece of mind.

A nice doctor even asked if maybe they should hold Inigo while they dress the wound and I could just watch from afar since tears were already rolling down my cheeks. But surprisingly I said no. Come to think of it...there really was no question. My son needed to be held by someone who could soothe him and it was just me and no one else.

for the next 7 days I have to clean and re-dress the wound twice a day.

i've done it twice already and its the most exhausting thing that I have to do..mentally and emotionally exhausting, that is.

it tears my heart to know that I am hurting my son by cleaning his wound everytime and because he cries and wails and thrases, it takes about 30mins or so to clean and re-dress the wound. By the time I finish, its like a ran a whole 5k marathon.

it'll be a challenge for the nextfew days but hopefully my son would heal fast- both physically and emotionally.

this is one of those times that I hold on to whoever that said that babies are more resilient that they seem to be

dont you wish that at times there's an UNDO button? sometimes..ugh most of the time I wish there was....like when you let go of someone you love just because they weren't there...like when you crossed the street because you thought it was safe to do so and only to find out that you were sorely mistaken...like when you fell in love with someone you thought loved you back and only to find out they weren't sure in the end....

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even

Her best days will be some of my worst
She finally met a man that's gonna put her 1st
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you
What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and your ok
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces

They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
Cos she's moved on while I'm still grieving
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven

What am I suppose to do when the best part of me was always you
What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and your ok
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces
(One still in love while the other ones leaving
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)

You got his heart and my heart and none of the pain
You took your suitcase, I took the blame.
Now I'm tryna make sense of what little remains
Cos you left me with no love, no love to my name.

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in
Cos I got tI'me while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you
What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and your ok
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces
(One still in love while the other ones leaving
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven

i'm still alive but i'm barely breathing just prayed to a god i don't believe in