Should I go or should I stay...

I've been offered a position in Cebu and its an immediate posting as today sinabi bukas na aalis....huwaaatttt!!!!

decisions...decisions...

Alas, there were no tears of joy but there was joy indeed. not the type of joy that will make you jump for joy but ....sige na nga joy na....when I got back to the office after hearing mass in greenbelt, he called me and asked if I heard mass na and if its ok if we could talk sana before his shift. He also apologized. Kaso we weren't able to talk before his shift kse he was late na. But before mag end shift, he YMed me and asked if I could walk with him till 7/11. I met up with him and again, he apologized to me. He knows naman how I am when I'm angry e. Puro sige lang ako pero I never forget. Tapos kwento till I went home na.

When I saw him, there I was falling all over again...puneta! Sakit...Parang bumabalik nanaman ako sa buhay ko when we first broke up.....@#*U$U$&&$!@@......NEVER AGAIN...When I got home, I prayed agad. Prayed for him to give me strength and drank my medicine agad para maka help...

In a way, getting angry at him helped me take my one step into recovery. I'm better no--way better!!! Yes, there are still moments when I feel lonely and sad but at least I don't fall asleep crying anymore and I don't have the itch to call or text him na...I'm on my to recoveryville yahoooooo!!!!!!!!!!

When I got home he texted me and asked if I still wanted to pursue the "arrangment" that I propsed to him about a week ago (before kme nag away). Told him that I already abandoned that plan but he asked that he wants us to pursue it. Told him na I wanna think about it kse I wanna make sure na this time hindi ako masasaktan. Baka kse mako naman ang umasa at baka instead of it helping me recover baka it wouldn't pala especially now na I'm doing so well on my own. What's surprising is that he actually texted me about it several times and he even called me to ask and explain..so there I was hearing the "A" that I used to know...pakeng shiyeeet....I miss that...how I wish....erase! erase! erase!

This songs is what I listen to almost every minute:


Beauty queen of only eighteen

She had some trouble with herself

He was always there to help her

She always belonged to someone else


I drove for miles and miles

And wound up at your door

I've had you so many times but somehow

I want more


I don't mind spending everyday

Out on your corner in the pouring rain

Look for the girl with the broken smile

Ask her if she wants to stay awhile

And she will be loved

She will be loved


Tap on my window knock on my door

I want to make you feel beautiful

I know I tend to get so insecure

It doesn't matter anymore


It's not always rainbows and butterflies

It's compromise that moves us along

My heart is full and my door's always open

You can come anytime you want


I don't mind spending everyday

Out on your corner in the pouring rain, oh

Look for the girl with the broken smile

Ask her if she wants to stay awhile

And she will be loved

She will be loved


And She will be loved

And She will be loved


I know where you hide

Alone in your car

Know all of the things that make you who you are

I know that goodbye means nothing at all

Comes back and begs me to catch her every time


she falls


Tap on my window knock on my door

I want to make you feel beautiful


I don't mind spending every day

Out on your corner in the pouring rain

Look for the girl with the broken smile

Ask her if she wants to stay awhile

And she will be loved

And she will be loved

And she will be loved

And she will be loved

Please don't try so hard to say good bye.

My horoscope says....

Today a deep concern for the feelings of others could have you lending a sympathetic ear to those in need of a little understanding. At this point it is more important to listen than to talk, dear Virgo, even though your innate practicality might want to express itself. Your own affairs should go smoothly, bringing you and those around you a lot of satisfaction. Don't be surprised if at some point you shed a few tears of joy!

OMG!!! Tears of Joy?!?!?!?! I haven't had that for ages!!!

I shall allow no man to belittle my soul by making me hate him

Last night I've had enough. I feel na there is no respect anymore. He was rude to me on several occasions and last night was the last straw. On his part, he did say sorry and realized what he did wrong but I demanded an actual apology and nothing else. I'm a very patient person when it comes to getting angry with people that I love. I have to admit, to the point of naaabuso na ko. But when I feel that you're trampling on me na especially now that I am down...its unfair and not good for one to put down and walked all over someone when she is already crawling on her knees. So finally I have had enough. But I am not angry at him. I am trying my best not to. I do not want to plant any seed of anger in me

"Accept responsibility for the times when you've hurt others because you lacked inner peace. Make amends to them when you can."

i am angry.

I am my father's daughter. I am slow to anger. very slow. but when I do I never forget. i hold grudges. I burn bridges. You are now dead to me.