something that "bespren" said that led me to think...am i destined to be alone...just because of what has happened in my life...am i ever going to be labled as the "Hello I'm single mother...you can't take me seriously nor have a happily ever after with me?

do men care if you're a single mom or not?

do men at first send feelers or fantasize about you but at the instant they found out that you've had a child suddenly think you have a contagious disease...or worse...they just think you're good in bed but not someone to spend the rest of their lives with?

where is my prince in rustic armor and is it ok if my son rides on his big white steed?

why should men care i if am? why should it even be a factor? shouldn't I be the one to decide if I should let you enter in my life knowing that aside from me I am also in charge of another's life which is more important than mine? Shouldn't I be the one who should think if If you can ride my pumpkin ~ poof~ carriage?

I am a single mother...label me as that with all its consequences and whatevers...I happy being one...my life would be less complicated without men...and maybe..just maybe..that I am to find someone who is good enough..who is man enough that I can allow to enter my world...then that's just faBelleloush!...care to enter? care enough to be happy?

Carrie: Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous

dumaan ang birthday ko....ganun ganun lang.....wlang too much hulabaloo...isa lang ang regalo ko..thanks ayn!

nawala ako ng tatlong araw...ayun yun lang ang gusto kong sabihin tungkol dun...tsaka na masaya sya...hehehe..masaya....masaya....

nag breakfast kme ng mga old friends ko....lagi naman...medyo kulang pero si Ayn, si Athea, Si tin at ang pinakamatanda si Jon....haaayyy i miss our e-mail days....miss ko na si ayn pati ang kanyang mga pasalubong at mga bagong chercher..laging may dala may kwento..miss ko na si ats....wla nang nangaasar sa akin...at sya lang ata ang nakakaintindi sa ...ano nga ba yung tinatawagan namin na ang kulit ng order taker yung laging mali mali?pareho kme ni jon na wlang patience for that.. ..tsaka mahilig sya mag order ng pagkain pero ako lang ata ang tumataba...i love you O...miss ko na si jon....kse...yan ang tatay ng group...oopps sige na nga the kuya....your goal your goal...belle whatever he does whatever happens to him labas ka na na dun...i miss the pasalubongs that you get from your "suitors" :P...i miss tin....kse ...di ko alam e....miss ko lang sya...wlang rason rason no....basta miss ko na sya at ang pagmmall namin...at mga angst sa buhay.... at ang paghilik nya sa harry potter nung minsan kme nanood ng sine..sige na nga since friend kita ako na...lagi naman ako e....

i know this is a fucking corny post but what the heck...nagtagalog pa ko no...who would've thought...

when i see my friends and remember how we were when we were all still together...sometimes it just makes me wonder...when was growing up and moving on ever worth it?

i've been quite pricky for the last few days (exercising and not eating well for the past 3 days hasn't helped). Hey you gotta gimme some space here...its my time of the year anyway...ngayon lang ako magpapapakaimportante with a license...so sino nga ba naman ang hindi? i guess everone wants to feel important of their day...everyone wants their surprise parties and their gifts...haaaayy...


Well, yes, my big B is just around the corner..just like the perennial cherry blossoms near the Tidal basin, a somber cloud descends......my life after so so years, after all, have not been on the level or plateau where I envisioned it to be...i do not have my white picket fenced house. i do not have my own family (read: 2.5 kids..) i do not have financial independence and so the litany goes on...


some naysayers might say that I should be happy since I have Alessi..and yes I am...he is my life...my whole life...and seeing him makes me extremely happy but we're talking about personal goals here ok...(ayan just making sure...pwede nyo nang ibaba ang kilay...)...and as I said i wish that there was more...I wish that at this time of my life I was content..i do not want a huge house with all the luxurious amenities that life can offer...i just want a kitchen that overlooks a garden where my kids would be playing...i want a porch that overlooks the street..that's where I would sit at the appointed time when my partner is due to arrive...i do not want all the money in the world...as long as I and my family can eat and buy the things we need i would be fine...i do not want someone who's at the very top of the corporate ladder...as long as he loves me and our family then i would be ok...but alas, the time hasnt come for me to experience all those...not yet (insert: optimism) but I know that I would ...i've been a good girl for God not to grant my wishes...

but after that has been said and done....after all the hopes, the dream and the wishes..all i wanted was for me to sit back and rest my weary shoulder into my beloved's warm embrace and whisper out loud that i am content with what I have done and content with what I have been and that is all that matters


DID I MAKE SENSE?!?!? reading through what I just wrote...NO...just read between the lines...

"Do you believe in love? I bet you don't, you're probably too sensible for that. Have you ever seen someone and you know that if only that person really know
you, they'd dump the perfect model they were with and realize that you are the one they want to grow old with? Have you ever fallen in love with someone you've never talked to? Have you ever been so alone you spent the night confusing a guy in a coma?" -WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING

"I like being a mess. It's who I am."

i finally faced my demons...i finally had the guts to decide on my own..i finally...finally did it...been a long time coming..


Who wants to be balanced? Balance is overrated!"

some say I was selfish...some said that I had guts..

who cares..i did it for my self..for alessi...

its been such a long time that I forgot how to smile...its been a long time that I forgot to look for the silver lining...its been a...long...time....


"That's the way things come clear. All of a sudden. And then you realize

how obvious they've been all along."

and so another chapter closes...

let it be let it be

oh did i mention that I was tired?

it's been awhile..been too busy...alessi's first birthday...drowning in work...aahhh...i need to rest. I barely get enough sleep when I get home. I make sure that I don't sleep when my son is still awake so at least it's my face he sees last before he sleeps.


hhaaayyy motherhood and work...

I look forward to my restdays when I am able to play with my son or to go to the mall with him...nowadays i don't get "me" time anymore. it's always "alessi" time and that means playing with him at home. going to fun ranch or anywhere that's baby friendly...but I got to watch Ocean's 13 and eat Mango Banana Crepe in my old hang out ~ Cafe Breton GB3...but even with that short "me" time at the back of my mind I knew that I had to go home...that was my rd and it should be spent with my baby....haaayyy...i miss the old life I had....no bahy...my time was my own....but this is not to say that I am not happy..i just miss.....nevermind...


"Even if I get past all my problems I'm just going to go out and get new ones."

I'm a newbie!

I'm a newbie to PayPerPost
but I've heard so much of this ability to blog about your thoughts and getting paid at it. Most of my friends and even frenemies are at it that I've decided to do it myself. Enough of just being on the sidelines. It's high time to be where the action is and thus I decided to join PayPerPost or which is also known as blog marketing

I'm enjoying it to a hilt! I've even encouraged my other friends to try it especially those who has a lot of free time on their hands. I've also promoted blog marketing to friends who have their own online business to try their hand at it and from the feedback that I got they're already laughing their way to the bank!

So, do you have a lot of free time? Try blog marketing and see how it can change your life!

i've added another "holiday" to my name...it used to be the people will greet me or send me text messages during christmas, new year, valentine's day or easter...on the second sunday of May, people started to greet me a Happy Mother's Day...nanay nga pala ako...Ace, Alessandro and I went to Glorietta and ate in Friday's Glorietta. The place was packed but we managed to get a table...I didn't get the special gift they gave to moms...that waiter must've forgotten...i was too shy to ask for one...hehehe..anyways, we just browsed through several stores but went home after the sunday mall crowd became too much for me...



<

when you're feeling sad or down...when you're weary and just dog tired from all that life is throwing at you..this is what you can just drink!

we wish...

Finally went to Serendra..ate lunch in Conti's....Bianca's 1st birthday in Jollibee Banawe....Ate lunch in North Park Market Market..the kiddo was box office..everyone wanted to say hi...mana kay mommy....cute :P Serendra's not the place to be when the sun is at its hottest so we decided to go somewhere else..was s'posed to go another birthday part in Jollibee PRC but was so tired and sleepy na so we went home instead.

today I'm s'posed to do a lot of errands but Im so tamad to get my ass off the bed..tamad....maybe later....or maybe tomorrow nalang...

oh yea, we finally decided where to have my son's 1st birthday party......so on June 10th..all roads lead to................................................

Man I am beat!



i've been sick...everyone at home was sick...damn the weather...the kiddo has been sick too..i had to ask help from my mom what gamot to give him...kuwawa the bagets...but kuwawa din si mami....12-13 hours sa office even if she was sick....kuwawang kuwawa.....



am trying to update everything...from friendster..myspace...account passwords...my yahoo photos....



browsed through each album and one that I lingered most on were our vacation in Galera back in 2005...that was long before singapore or psc or verizon or tnc or kiddo....think we were just there for one night but we had so much fun tlaga....as in tlaganga tlaga.....

life does happen in an instant.....your yesterday is your today....

went to atc. lunch at friday's w ace and alessandro. because the table was unstable it made my drink spill..on me! punyeta. transferred to another table. when my waiter placed the food (na may sauce!) my quick hands grabbed the sauce..kasi naman why put it down near the kid? after lunch, we strolled around the mall...it was small..it was hot..the elevator was sira and they didn't have ramps for the strollers..ATC is super not child friendly! goodbye alabang!

saw the pacquiao fight with solis.....ho-hum....

alessandro is sick...4 teeth!

don't

you

think

that

he's

just

soooooo

cute?

it's been a habit to go to the mall or just anywhere during my restdays. i simply cannot stay put.

we wanted to spend early saturday morning at the park. so we headed off to salcedo park where there used be a saturday market but alas..all we saw were just kids playing in the park with their yayas in tow. not to be unperturbed we went to the legaspi ..~err park(forgot the name na..or i simply don't know) but again, there was none. #*%&$*$ where did they go!?! we just went to Market! Market! since manang (my son's yaya) would be going there to meet with her sons. We ate breakfast (Ace got a catfish that was thiiiisss big!) and browsed around the shops and bought some fruits. Before going home, we passed by Bonifacio High Street to bought doughnuts in Krispy Kreme. We almost got lost! I'm good with directions but for some reason never ko tlaga ma-memorize ang streets ng The Fort. Just so you know, they have these new doughnuts called Easter doughnuts (wlang holes). I didn't get tp try them though since they give you free glazed doughnuts even before you order. Ace got a chocolate flavored one, while I settled for the 3 freebies (one for each of us-Ace, Alessandro and me) and bought a dozen for my team.

Come sunday, Ace and Alessandro picked me up from work and we all went to the Mall of Asia. Ace wanted to eat in Terriyaki Boy but it being almost lunch time and a sunday at that...asa pa if we'd get to be seated agad..15 minutes is way too long a wait for me...since Ace didn't want to eat in Shakey's (wanted their chicken) we settled for Pollo Loco instead. After lunch, we didn't stay long anymore since there was already an influx of people...i really hate MOA during weekends..dami squatters! i love it there because they have a lot of elevators, its spacious for my baby's mala expedition na stroller and they have a changing area. With alessandro in tow, we alway take into consideration his needs. Thus we NEVER go to SM Megamall because its sooooooooooooooooooooooooo dirty! The air seems to permeate "DIRTYNESS". Their banyos are so dirty. Elevators are so far apart....it is simply not baby friendly!!!! sayang because its closer to our house and all the shops are there na...tsk tsk tsk....paging Henry Sy!

vacation nowadays simply does not entail finding the best swimsuit, finding my gear and booking the lowest priced-flight (thank you cebu pacific) ...my get away companions used to be my laway pillow, a good book and my ruggederized ipod, yosi and sunglasses and poof! i can hop onto the next available flight and leave all my worries behind...i miss those days when vacations did not mean bringing the whole house with you...

now its finding the most baby friendly resort, making sure that they have mineral water and aircon, thay they have mosquito nets (just in case) and an extra bed for the yaya...the low priced flight still applies since my 10month old's (oMG has it been thaat long!?!?) plane fare is still free hehehehe

"Is there anything, apart from a really good chocolate cream pie and receiving a large unexpected check in the mail, to beat finding yourself at large in a foreign city on a fair spring evening, loafing along unfamiliar streets in the long shadows of a lazy sunset, pausing to gaze in shop windows or at some church or lovely square or tranquil stretch of quayside, hesitating at street corners to decide whether that cheerful and homey restaurant you will remember fondly for years is likely to lie down this street or that one? I just love it. I could spend my life arriving each evening in a new city."

--Bill Bryson, Neither Here Nor There (1992)

don't you sometimes wish that you can, in a flick of a finger, go back to how it used to be? sometimes I do...

maybe i was never cut out for this...maybe i should've taken a different road...maybe's...

when I read or hear other people's negative comments about how the company is being run or even how I run things...all I see and hear are just complaints...complaints...complaints...haaayy....
I'm not the best person there is but hey!...i do my best...if it's not how you want things run...but until you get your own team...its difficult also when you know that people have preconceived hate feelings about you because no matter what you do you can never do enough...


its a 2 way mirror, my friends.

I've been swamped!

finally got my internet going at home...bad thing is my usb port is still busted...you can't have everything...grumble grumble

thinking back on how 2005 was...it's been quite a year, if i may say so...why...simply because I gave birth...yes, I did...my boy's already 7months last January 4th..so do the math...he's been doing quite well and he's tabachingching...blame it on his mom hehehehe but so what :P But his pediatrcian, the cool Dr. Butler, wants him to go on a diet...so he's down to 6 ounces for every feeding instead of his usual 8. a lot of people say that he looks a lot like me..(good good..) but I think he got more than just how I look..my boy has taken my mannerisms to..so yes...another brat in the making...just like me, he's masungit when he wakes up...takes a while for him to flash his cute smile in the morning...so like mommy! he also doesnt warm up to people agad..masungit and rarely does he smile for other people...so undoubtedly he is indeed my son...

i gained a lot of pounds too...i had to buy a new set of wardrobe (excuse to shop excuse to shop..) here's my transformation:

that's me back in 2004..so yes there was a time na i was payat...something weird with the pic though...but because of continued...

I am now ................................................for those who made fun of me.....i swear I will not make you pansin when I lose all of the taba :P and the TM formerly known as franchie (TMFKAF) will be at the very top of my list

career wise..hhmmm..it didn't look promising during the early part of the year but at the end...and because of that i've been busy the whole month of December...finally decided to move up after being in my comfort zone for almost 3 years..would've wanted to stay but ...there are things that we need to think of..like...like...extenuating circumstances...

speaking of...i dunno why there are times that just when you are feeling a need for an upper..fate just lands one on your lap...it can be thought of as an upper but on the other side it can also be thought of as a downer...haayy gulo..yes magulo...i can't blog about it...i can't and i won't...i will not allow myself to be the stuff that people will talk about over lunch or coffee or even inumans...no way...

"...in the movies, we have leading ladies and we have the best friend. You, I can tell, are a leading lady, but for some reason, you're behaving like the best friend." (The Holiday)

we leave it at that

so for this year...my parting shot FOR you