ONCE IN A LIFETIME

Once in my life I have the chance to find
once in my life I have the chance to find

Once in a lifetime
I have the chance to find the key to my dreams
and I know, that it's so good for me

Once in a lifetime
I have the chance to find the key to my dreams
and I know, that it's so good for me

In the beginning trouble times in my life
I needed a shoulder to cry on had no direction until i met you
everything is gonna be all right looking out beyond the stars
searching always wishing often i thought that love would escape me
you got the key babe

Once in a lifetime
I have the chance
to find the key to my dreams
and I know, that it's so good for me

Once in a lifetime
I have the chance
to find the key to my dreams
and I know, that it's so good for me

I was lost couldn't find my way
you took my hand and chased my blues away
your inspiration is guiding me through
I'm feeling brand new
memories of days gone by
hurting always hurting
you've taken my pain away finally
you set me free babe

Once in a lifetime
i have the chance
to find the key to my dreams
and I know, that it's so good for me

Once in a lifetime
I have the chance
to find the key to my dreams
and I know, that it's so good for me

"The saddest thing in life, is caring so much for someone and then one day you look into their eyes
and listen to them talk and realize that they are gone. All you see in front of you is a stranger with just a known name."

another lonely day...to borrow a cheesy status from one of my Ym friends "when will the hurting stop". Cheesy but true. Corny but true.

It's not trying to live everyday as if it was your last but it feels more of trying to live everyday hoping it's the last. Falling asleep crying every night (especially the last couple of days) doesn't help. Everyday my body feels drained and tired to the point that I pray that sana it's my last day na. When will the hurting stop.

In Friendster, someone sent me a message and added me as a friend. WHO? The profile: Perfect couples. Sige I-add para dumami ang friendsters natin. Nakakatawa lang considering the current situation. Eto yung message:

From: Perfect Couples
Date: January 13, 2004 3:22 AM
Subject: hi there!

Message: i've chosen you to become part of the club! add
me up perfect_couple@most-wanted.com

thanks! :)


Meian, much to my better judgement I'm posting a pic of liha. di kita yung yucky face nya pero she's still there



[
Me and my favorite brother kupsie!



Trying to be bad::::::


Finally together (L-R) Tito Mandy, My dad (the eldest), Tito Rey, Tito Allan and Tito Noli

My cousin Karen and sister. posing posing

what I need right now are your prayers. do not ask why but i need them. Agnostic, unbelieving me needs all the prayers right now.

"Lord, help me walk another mile, just one more mile. I'm tired of walkin' all alone. Lord, help me smile another smile, just one more smile. I know I just can't make it on my own. I never thought I needed help before. I thought that I could do things by myself. Now I know I just can't take it any more. With a humble heart, on bended knee. I'm beggin' you, please, for help." Johnny Cash

i've been thinking a lot about resigning lately...it's this goddamn company! Well, maybe I should I have a lot of options naman e and frankly speaking money is not a problem. i can stay home and take care of the business that my parents left and at the same time take care of the house na din. Another would be to go back to school. If i go back to school naman may options ulet. It's either I take a(n) MA in Education or to continue law (this will make my dear father the happiest man or earth). Not so many people know that I took up 2 courses in College. First is Political Science and second is Seconday Education Major in English. I'm also thinking of learning another language. I already can understanf Spanish although I cannot speak it. Thanks to my lola maybe I should, this time, learn how to speak Spanish or maybe Chines since this is a language needed in the business world. duh-see-syons duh-see-syons

whew! back to reality after 4 days of rest day...if you can call it resting. natapos na din yung wedding ni stupid dog. whew! good thing my mom was there to fix everything all in 3 weeks! it was a nice and organized wedding save for some glitches. 2 didn't people who were part of the entourage didn't bother to show up or at least send word that they wouldn't be able to attend. some guests of liha wore jeans! sabe nga sa invitation FORMAL e.

i walked down the aisle twice! was that a sign? a good one or a bad one? am I destined to be a bridesmaid forever and never to be the bride or was it a precursor of things to come...


AM: Belinda
I WANT: to be happy and content
I HAVE: almost everything i'd dreamed off ((:
I WISH: peace In my heart and and for everyone else
I HATE: myself
I MISS: Adrian
I FEAR: loneliness
I HEAR: music of Anton
I SEARCH: to find my inner self
I WONDER: what i did to deserve this
I REGRET: falling in love with you.
I LOVE: everyone.
I ACHE: in my heart.
I ALWAYS: dream
I AM NOT: who you think iam.
I DANCE: whenever i feel like.
I SING: anytime i want.
I CRY: when i am hurt.
I AM NOT ALWAYS: a bitch.
I WRITE: in my journal.
I LOSE: myself in you.
I CONFUSE: myself
I NEED: you :(
I SHOULD: try to forget you

I've never sought success in order to get fame and money; it's the talent and the passion that count in success.
- Ingrid Bergman

ssshhhhh.....

topics of yms and call on the cell have turned into somekindasorta wedding ideas talk....yes you guys read it right....HALA!




1.
braveheart0731: hon...kahit matagal pa yung wedding natin, m really looking forward to it
braveheart0731:
hundun1124: baket?
braveheart0731: kase we can settle down na
braveheart0731: and have our own family
braveheart0731: and grow old together
braveheart0731: w/ my baby dona
hundun1124: ok na sana kaso may ksama pang hirit e


2.
braveheart0731: so do you want to be a june bride?
hundun1124: sabe ko unahan nalang tayo
hundun1124: huh?
braveheart0731: what month do you want to get married?
hundun1124: january sana kaso stupid dog got it e
hundun1124: gusto ko yung malamig na maaraw ang weather e
braveheart0731: e di feb
hundun1124: e ikaw?
hundun1124: when mo gusto
braveheart0731: kahit ano...m not particular w/ dates naman e
hundun1124: ayoko ng feb
braveheart0731: kelan gusto mo?
hundun1124: di ko alam e

plans plans plans. question is are we ready??? Can we stay together? Do we even have enough money to pay for everything? Shiyeeeettttttt.......madugo ito.....mamalimos muna kaya ako or tumayo sa kanto? I'm accepting monetary donations! hahahaha buhay tlaga...lahat nalang mahirap kse kulang sa money.


here's one pic that I took in Cebu (galing sa phone and not from the not so reliable and so yesterday camera)



Sa Krua Thai to. halos ata lahat ng resto sa cebu mahilig mag shape shape ng kanin nila..HEART!



My lolo. He's so thin na. Kawawa naman. He wasn't THAT thin before. Mapayat sya yes but he was malakas and he smokes a lot pa before. E now parang sickly sickly na sya.

Lord, sana matagal pa


FOR SALE


For anyone who is interested, I'm selling my brother. This is not Stupuid Dog. This is my other brother. I call him kupsie but he's the brother that I love yun nga lang kups.

Eto ay pepe ng manok..ang poor manok that we ate nung new year sa office...

yay! may kasama na ko sa afternoon shift..back from their holiday break..time for me to be tamad.

I asked my mom to make kwento what happened last night at their dinner with "liha's" family. I was right the girl has absolutely no breeding. Of course, san naman nya kse makukuha yun e, as it turns out, even her parents are zero in that category.

It was s'posed to be a dinner thingie but the when my parents, who travelled for an hour and a half, got there, all they laid out was pizza and pancit. Are they on diet? They should have said na merienda lang pala para may family could've eaten muna.

The father of "liha" said "bubunot pa ba kme sa kasal?" Which means that, do they need to pay anything. Du-uh!?!?!?! Didja have to ask that? We paid for everything. If thay guy had the delicadeza, he could have offered long before pa. Tapos na po ang bayaran. Pupunta nalang kayo at kakain.

They commented several times that they were mayaman just because they lived in a village. I even have not heard of that godforsaken village and from what I heard the place was like the projects. A government made village made for goverment employees. So lahat na pala ng asa gobyerno mayayaman. They couldn't even pay their damned electricity bill tapos mayaman na sila? Huwaw!

The mom of "liha" asked several times why my sister looked different. For those who know the story, they would know why I am sensitive about this topic. The mom kept on asking and insisted why she looked different from us even if my mom answered na her questions and the topic had changed na. She was trying to point out, in front of my sister, that she was adopted. How rude can one get. What was she trying to pull.

That was the last straw. I called stupid dog and told him that I will talk to him tonight and he has to wait for me. He asked if pwede bukas nalang daw and I told him in no uncertain terms no. Now, I felt bad for not going to that "dinner". I would have given that chimpanzee a piece of my mind or maybe my hand.

Was supposed to be on a whole day VL today but since I didn't want to go to that blasted dinner my parents wanted me to go to I lied and said na half day VL lang ako. Didn't want to go to the house of Rose a.k.a Liha ( stupid dog's girlfriend and would be wife come Jan 10th) I call her liha kse mukha pang liha yung mukha nya bwahahahaha. I don't like her. Aside from the fact that she's panget and looks oh so squattery (yes yes i know i'm making lait again...).

she has the manners and breeding of a buffoon. whenever she goes to our house she does not even know to greet the people in the house even a simple hello or wave to acknowledge their presence. she worked in several insurance companies (3 or 4, I think) and sa lahat na yun pinakuha nya si stupsy ng insurance sa kanila.

There had been several incidents when she texted and called a number of my kamag anaks to ask where my brother was and would also broadcast to the whole wide world about their personal problems. Our family is a very close knit, conservative and secretive family when it comes to family problems. We do not wash our dirt laundry in public. We were brought up in such a way that my problem is my problem alone or our family's problem is our family's problem alone and does not have to be made kwento to a relative (tita or tito). her own upbringing, we think, was the total opposite. i berated my brother to shut her up or I will because nakakahiya na and I do not know what to answer my aunts and uncles anymore whenever they ask me what is happening with stupsy. The men in my dad's side of the family are also known philanderers. That's why, as my mom explained to her, when she confided their personal problems to my cousins, tito and titas (my dad's siblings) and to me, we never lifted a finger nor made any move to help her. As my mom said: "pagtatawanan ka lang nung mga yun". My dad's family are also very protective of their own. No matter what their own kin had done yun pa din ang kakampihan nila.

a recent incident: my mom suddenly berated for using our landline to call long distance (mga 500-600 worth of calls)-more of landline to cellphone calls. I explained to her why I should I do that when I have my own cellphone which would be cheaper if I use it to call another cell. To make a long story short, it was liha who used MY NAME (not hers take note) to call stupid dog on his cell. How unethical can she be. She uses our phone without permission to call "long distance" tapos she had the nerve pa to use my name and until now I didn't even get an apology from her!?!?!?!?!?!

I'm actually steaming with anger as I write this. Even if some of those incidents happened a couple of months ago pa. Well, on my part, that's how I am. I hold grudges. i burn bridges. Just like my dad. I am indeed my father's daughter.

For those who are married and those who are soon to be...

Thought I could share this discourse of E. Calasanzin the hopes that you too will gain much from his thoughts.
As an aside, Eduardo Calasanz was a student at the Ateneo de Manila University, Philippines, where he had Father Ferriols as professor. Father Ferriols, meanwhile at that time, was the Philosophy department head. Currently he still teaches Philosophy for graduating
college students in Ateneo. Father Ferriols has been very popular for his mind-opening and enriching classes but was also notorious for the
grades he gives. Still people took his classes for the learning and deep insight they take home with them every day (if only they could do something about the grades....). Anyway, come grade giving time, (Ateneo has letter grading systems the highest being an A lowest a D, with F for flunk), Fr Ferriols had this long discussion with the registrar people because he wanted to give Calasanzan A+. Either that or he
doesn't teach at all... Calasanz got his A+.


Partners and Marriage
EDUARDO JOSE E. CALASANZ


I have never met a man who didn't want to be loved.
But I have seldom met a man who didn't fear marriage. Something about the closure seems constricting, not enabling. Marriage seems easier to understand for what it cuts out of our lives than for what it makes possible within our lives. When I was younger this fear immobilized me. I did not want to make a mistake. I saw my friends get married for reasons of social acceptability, or sexual fever, or just
because they thought it was the logical thing to do. Then I watched, as they and their partners became embittered and petty in their dealings with each other. I looked at older couples and saw, at best, mutual toleration of each other. I imagined a lifetime of loveless nights and bickering days and could not imagine subjecting myself or someone else to such a fate. And yet, on rare occasions, I would see old couples who somehow seemed to glow in each other's presence. They seemed really in love, not just dependent upon each other and
tolerant of each other's foibles. It was an astounding sight, and it seemed impossible. How, I asked myself, can they have survived so many years of sameness, so much irritation at the others habits? What keeps love alive in them, when most of us seem unable to even stay
together, much less love each other? The central secret seems to be in choosing well. There is something to the claim of fundamental compatibility. Good people can create a bad relationship, even though they both dearly want the relationship to succeed. It is important
to find someone with whom you can create a good relationship from the outset. Unfortunately, it is hard to see clearly in the early stages. Sexual hunger draws you to each other and colors the way you see yourselves together. It blinds you to the thousands of little things by
which relationships eventually survive or fail. You need to find a way to see beyond this initial overwhelming sexual fascination. Some people choose to involve themselves sexually and ride out the most heated period of sexual attraction in order to see what is on the other side. This can work, but it can also leave a trail of wounded hearts. Others deny the sexual side altogether in an attempt to get to know each other apart from their sexuality. But they cannot see clearly, because the presence of unfulfilled sexual desire looms so large that it
keeps them from having any normal perception of what life would be like together. The truly lucky people are the ones who manage to become long-time friends before they realize they are attracted to each other. They get to know each other's laughs, passions, sadness, and fears. They see each other at their worst and at their best. They share time together before they get swept up into the entangling intimacy of their sexuality. This is the ideal, but not often possible. If you fall under the spell of your sexual attraction immediately, you
need to look beyond it for other keys to compatibility. One of these is laughter. Laughter tells you how much you will enjoy each
others company over the long term. If your laughter together is good and healthy, and not at the expense of others, then you have a healthy relationship to the world. Laughter is the child of surprise. If you can make each other laugh, you can always surprise each other. And if you can always surprise each other, you can always keep the world around you new. Beware of a relationship in which there is no laughter. Even the most intimate relationships based only on seriousness have a tendency to turn sour. Over time, sharing a common
serious viewpoint on the world tends to turn you against those who do not share the same viewpoint, and your relationship can
become based on being critical together. After laughter, look for a partner who deals with the world in a way you respect. When two people first get together, they tend to see their relationship as existing only in the space between the two of them. They find each other
endlessly fascinating, and the overwhelming power of the emotions they are sharing obscures the outside world. As the relationship ages and grows, the outside world becomes important again. If your partner treats people or circumstances in a way you cant accept, you will
inevitably come to grief. Look at the way she cares for others and deals with the daily affairs of life. If that makes you love her more, your love will grow. If it does not, be careful. If you do not respect the way you each deal with the world around you, eventually the two of you will not respect each other. Look also at how your partner confronts the mysteries of life. We live on the cusp of poetry and practicality, and
the real life of the heart resides in the poetic. If one of you is deeply affected by the mystery of the unseen in life and relationships, while the other is drawn only to the literal and the practical, you must take care that the distance does not become an unbridgeable gap that leaves you each feeling isolated and misunderstood. There are many other keys, but you must find them by yourself. We all have unchangeable parts of our hearts that we will not betray and private commitments to a vision of life that we will not deny. If you fall in love with someone who cannot nourish those inviolable parts of you, or if you cannot nourish them in her, you will find yourselves growing further apart until you
live in separate worlds where you share the business of life, but never touch each other where the heart lives and dreams. From
there it is only a small leap to the cataloging of petty hurts and daily failures that leaves so many couples bitter and unsatisfied with their mates. So choose carefully and well. If you do, you will have chosen a partner with whom you can grow, and then the real miracle of marriage can take place in your hearts. I pick my words carefully when I speak of a miracle. But I think it is not too strong a word. There is a miracle in marriage. It is called transformation. Transformation is one of the most common events of nature. The seed becomes the flower. The cocoon becomes the butterfly. Winter becomes spring and love becomes a child. We never question these, because we see them around us every day. To us they are not miracles, though if we did not know them they would be impossible to believe. Marriage is a transformation
we choose to make. Our love is planted like a seed, and in time it begins to flower. We cannot know the flower that will blossom, but we can be sure that a bloom will come. If you have chosen carefully and wisely, the bloom will be good. If you have chosen poorly or for the wrong reason, the bloom will be flawed. We are quite willing to accept the reality of negative transformation in a marriage. It was negative transformation that always had me terrified of the bitter marriages that I feared when I was younger. It never occurred to me to question the dark miracle that transformed love into harshness and bitterness. Yet I was unable to accept the possibility that the first heat of love
could be transformed into something positive that was actually deeper and more meaningful than the heat of fresh passion. All I could believe in was the power of this passion and the fear that when it cooled I would be left with something lesser and bitter. But
there is positive transformation as well. Like negative transformation, it results from a slow accretion of little things. But instead of death by a thousand blows, it is growth by a thousand touches of love. Two histories intermingle. Two separate beings, two separate presences, two separate consciousness come together and share a view of life that passes before them. They remain separate, but they also become one. There is an expansion of awareness, not a closure and a constriction, as I had once feared. This is not to say that there is not tension and there are not traps. Tension and traps are part of every choice of life, from celibate to monogamous to having multiple lovers. Each choice contains within it the lingering doubt that the road not taken somehow more fruitful and exciting, and each becomes dulled to
the richness that it alone contains. But only marriage allows life to deepen and expand and be leavened by the knowledge that
two have chosen, against all odds, to become one. Those who live together without marriage can know the pleasure of shared company, but there is a specific gravity in the marriagecommitment that deepens that experience into something richer and more complex.

So do not fear marriage, just as you should not rush into it for the wrong reasons. It is an act of faith and it contains within it the power of transformation. If you believe in your heart that you have found someone with whom you are able to grow, if you have sufficient faith that you can resist the endless attraction of the road not taken and the partner not chosen, if you have the strength of heart to embrace the cycles and seasons that your love will experience, then you may be ready to seek the miracle that marriage offers. If not, then wait. The easy grace of a marriage well made is worth your patience. When the time comes, a thousand flowers will bloom.

Still alone at work. Iniwan nalang ako lahat ng ksama ko and went on a 1/ 2 week leave. Saya nila no??? They hoarded all the leave allocations. Hmph.

Went home to my dad's hometown. Got to see my relatives after almost a year ata e! My 2 lolos are both weak na. Lolo daddy can't hear that well anymore. Can't stand without help and can't eat by himself na din. He hardly recognizes me too. My lolo tatay (my dad's father) still recognizes me and just was able to walk and stand, albeit slowly, a couple of days ago. He's hearing hsa deteriorated, too. He is still able recognize me (napagsabihan pa nga ko na di ako lagi umuuwi e...hehehehe)and talks to me in kapampangan as he has always done. I don't wanna be so morbid and pessimistic but I think my lolo tatay is in his final years na. He's 93 years old what do you expect. When I last saw him he was so strong and wasn't a bit sickly. His health just deteriorated during the 2nd half of the year. Baka next rotation I'll get weekends off para I can go home pag sunday to visit my lolo dear.

I filed for my first unplanned PTO for the year 2004 yesterday. What a way to start the year. Sa sunday I'll file again. Minsan lang ako magkaroon ng pamilya. Lulubos lubusin ko na

It's New Year's eve and I'm here in the office :/ I've been spending my Christmases and New Years' and all the holidays (kahit na coup de'etat pa) in the office for the past couple of years. By choice if you may wonder. That is because I like going to the office on such days. Aside from the big money ($$$$$), there is also no reason for me to stay in the house since my family except for stupid dog are all in the states. But now that they're all here I kinda wanted to stay sa house for this new year-at least but I guess its not meant to be tlaga at wla akong mahanap na ka-swap and wala na din VL allocation. bummer! Both for the 31st and the 1st :( Thinking of taking my first unplanned pTO for the year since it's been such a long time since I've been with my family and my lolo who I heard can't walk na daw.

Blessed Be Everyone!!!

My Dear dad and brother arrived this morning!!! Got to sleep around 4am then around 730pm woke up because my kuosy brother jumped on top of me. I think I almost broke my back. So now I'm sleepy sleepy sleeeeeeeeepppppyyyyyy.......zz.zz.z.z.z.z.z....

My dad got me a nice -very nice Digicam $300 daw :) The pics below are the front and back sides of my new kewl DC. For more information about it visit this site






When my dad gave it pa to me sinabi nya pa " for my favorite" and kaya when my mom heard it selos agad sya at binida nanaman si Stupid Dog ..ha! corny shoes lang nakuha nya-white shoes at that....bwahahahaha...i'm so sama tlaga pero even if he's by brother (*choke *choke* choke*) I don't feel guilty. Kse naman e -kups sya. as in! My lola gave me din another bag-DG bag ....happy happy new year na tlaga..but of course I'm happy (despite of my mom's nagging and ever present mood swings) coz my whole family is here YEY!

I noticed that I've recently been very interested with websites, html, hi tech phones and other hi-tech stuff...am I becoming a computer or techie geek?

Saw my "cousins" Meian, Beng, kaje and Emer yesterday...it's been awhile the last time we saw each other kse always busy always busy. Can't talk much about what happened at mahirap na (I learn from Meian's experience). shiyet. ang hirap magkwento when you know you can't make kwento.

Here is where I plan to get married. The second choice is in St. James Alabang. A bit freaky maybe but I'm one of those girls who has a secret wedding (not so secret anymore) notebook where I list all the things that I want fior my future wedding...the actual date and groom nalang tlaga :) hehehehe

opened my blog today and I couldn't see my blog pics...what's wrong??? Deleted my cookies but its still the same...nuninununu..patience my dearie....


saw the pics from my Cebu trip....bummer just one pic of me in Cebu INSIDE THE HOTEL....whadda#($&$&#$????? Told Adrian that it means that I have to go back to Cebu hihihihihi...(hint hint) sayang the pics that we took...of the humongous Fernan Bridge, TOP, Fort SanPedro (I've kwento later about this), Magellan's Cross, superb views of the clouds and and the islands from the airplane (where I saw Island Cove (the only place that I could really name) and of adrian sleeping..the guy who always sleeps-ALWAYS. Sayang the pics tlaga... :(

Now to my Fort San Pedro kwento. Think Intramuros but in a smaller scale. There's this nook where a wishing well was erected. That was the first thing that we saw when we got in (entrance fee 15 pesos/person). There was a board at the back of the well (which was very deep when I looked) and painted on that board was the picture of the devil. Being a "supernatural magnet", the area gave me the creeps immediately and Adrian noticed it that's why he asked me to get out of the area immediately. So off we went to another part of the fort, we were about to use one of the mossy staircases when I saw the wishing well again. This time I had a top view. Being the wierdo that I am, couldn't resist to take a picture of the creepy well. Got my camera and just when I was about to take a picture, a creepy looking hand shot up from the lower left part of the camera screen. I shouted at Adrian to take out his fingers although I already was thinking that it was not his fingers since it was long and leafy like (jagged at the the tip). We didn't look at the other nooks and doors of the place since we were both scared shit already. Good thing there wasn't much to see. But lesson learned: NEVER GO TO OLD HISTORICAL PLACES WHERE OLD SOULS ROAM. Geez when will I ever learn. When will this "thing" ever stop from functioning???? I really hate being a "supernatural magnet". I hate seeing souls and talking to them...why should I care about their problems when I can't even solve mine?

poopers!!!!! Adrian just told me that some of the pics that we took in Cebu didn't turn out well. ^#*#$&$^$ Can't wait for my dear father to get home coz he says that he just bought me an IO pentaz (digicam) woohooo! Sana nga lang di stir tatay ko da ba!

uh-oh it's almost 830pm gotta finish my food..blog later

I'm back...I've been trying to add a picture and I'm trying out a suggestion made by a friend of mine and see if it'll work



This is Adrian my boyfriend...he says that he's panget in this pic but I say otherwise..he's my gay-granny magnet better half...he always get invites and whatever messages in his Friendster account hihihi


yey! it worked ....yipeeeeee...now to just fien tune some of the images I placed on the side at medyo big ito....

Midnight - You are a deep thinker, always searching
for answers and never quite at home. You are
very contemplative, and enjoy being alone with
your thoughts.


When are you?
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"I know someday you'll have a beautiful life, I know you'll be a star in someday else's sky, but why, why, why can't it be, why can't it be mine?" Pearl Jam, Black

"symbols of love: roses send for no ocassion, eyes tend not to dart, hugs that never seem to end, one final glance before you part."

"If your love is a half-measure, half-empty or half full, will you ever have the pleasure of love given without measure?"

"Our expiration date for our love has long past expired. We still hold on as if it could be good again."

A fiend of mine was feeling sad during Christmas:

hundun1124: o baket?
m: nevermind....
hundun1124: y o y sweetie?
hundun1124: christmas na christmas sad girl ka?
hundun1124: you should be happy
m: ganyan talaga
hundun1124: forget about boys muna
m: u really cant have everything
hundun1124: but you can be content muna with what you have
hundun1124: and be able to find happiness from it
m: il be ok....
hundun1124: you should be ok!




Merry Christmas everyone. May you have lotsa lotsa gifts(whether emotional or actual gifts) from whoever your personal Santa Claus is!!! Mwah!

sleepy sleepy sleepy...I only had 3-4 hours of sleep because Adrian and I had to go to the mall very early to finish our Christmas shopping. poor adrian. he was so sleepy and tired na for lack of sleep din for 2 straight days.

went to the gym again after about a week or two of not gyming...should I have it cut na or not? i'm so tamad na and wla na naman atang nangyayari sa akin e...i'm thinking of trying out another kind of diet pill...i need to diet again at tumaba nanaman ako when I went to Cebu (yyummmmmyyy lechon and all the other foods that we tried out....sarap!!!) diet gym diet pill..wala naman nangyayari e...#*$%Y$@^! eto naman si sweetik puro sabe na sexy daw ako (:::rolls eyes:::)

Afiag is your Vampire name.
Your name means that you are a Vampire who has many
friends, and few enemies. Other Vampires know
not to cross your vengefull path.
To use your new Vampire name and become a Vampire,
go here:
www.life-blood.vze.com


What is your Vampire name?
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back from a much much needed holiday...now back to reality...back to work

tama ba naman na itambak ang LAHAT ng trabaho sa akin??? So ano na ang ginawa ni...itago nalang natin sya sa pangalang...shaider (courtesy of my ever matalino and gwapong seatmate Kirkie)...lahat na ng trabaho sa akin??? at baket ganun? i think dapat ata humingi na ako ng dagdag sa sweldo...over worked but under paid...what else is new in PS...

Location: CEBU!!!

A vacation finally :)

Left Manila friday morning at exactly 1:30am buti na nalang Cebupacific made good in there company "motto" that they are always on time coz I was itching to get here in Cebu ASAP! The flight was a bit scary parang asa roller coaster at puro turbulence ang nadadaanan so by the time we landed we were "stirred but not shaken". The Mactan was a tad small for an international airport. Way small. The airport police got me an airport cab that asked for a 300 payment. 300???kala ko less than 200 lang? kala ko everything in Cebu was mura..i guess some things are the same wherever you go (yes, meron din mga cab drivers who refuses to convey passengers). The fare was a bit steep but ok na din. pang christmas na ni manong cab driver and he did give me some information on where to go when I want to buy cheap stuff so pwede na din tsaka for Cebu at 3am the ride was malayo din kaya ok na.

gotta do some reports muna..hay trabaho pa din pagdating dito

1. List your five favorite beverages.
:::coke coke coke coke coke:::

dagdag na din ang ripe mango shake pala

2. List your five favorite websites.
my blog, inq7,net, cnn.com,friendster and coach.com!!!!

3. List your five favorite snack foods.
a lot! i don't even know where to begin

4. List your five favorite board and/or card games.
millionaires and monopoly only

5. List your five favorite computer and/or game system games.
age of empires, starcraft, counterstrike

"it's my last day today"

People are dumbfounded everytime I say that...totoo naman na last day ko today e then I'm off to Cebu....balik ko nga lang next week ...hehehehe

woohoooo! off i'm off to Cebu! Makakapagbakasyon ulet ako...buti nalang di ko kasabay si "pooh" kungdi 1 hour and so ito na pasakit at kabobohan na conversation...as if I care how good he is and how devoted he is to his girlfriend. I know I know mi ultimo laitera ako pero MY GADZ! Conversations with him at right there in the gutters man! Ok lang na puro about him yung conversation e pero kung may dagdag na istir ay iba nang usapan ito :/ Hopefully na nga lang when we're in Cebu we don't run into him that often...

This year alone has been a travel year for me and Adrian. Early March we went to HongKong and China. Last May we went to Puerto Galera. My first time in a public beach and my first trip out of Luzon (I mean locally) then now to Cebu. Huwaw..I'm finally being able to fulfill one of my dreams of being able to travel...I plan to make a travel website and hopefully turn it into an on-line business...sana.......

sabe ko na nga ba minsan may pagka crappy tong quizilla e. Loads of self confidence??? yeah right!!!!! even if some peopme would think that I'm madaldal I'm actually a very very shy person. NO KIDDING. Man, the numerous times I'd fake that I'm looking at something just to avoid looking at someone first...pathetic but true. Maybe it's one of the reasons why people think that I'm either a snob or passive.


[[Accessible Leaf]]
You show a sincere interest in what people says,
but you dont let them dictate your choices. you
have loads of self-confidence and others are
attracted to you because of that. you probably
often find strangers smiling at you because you
give off the vibe that you're comfortable in
your skin, open to conversation, and happy to
help. people come to you for advice and invite
you to events becoz you are the type of lively
guest that help spice things up. the secret to
your irresistibility? your genuine interest in
others. and please rate! =)


Are You Friendly Or Frosty? (Find out what vibes you are sending out to others around you! Friendly carebear, or Frosty snowman?)
brought to you by Quizilla

aaaaawwwww wonder what my sweetik would think about this...



hug from behind - you like to feel what the other
person is feeling and see things how they see
them. you tend to be serious and emotional.


What Sign of Affection Are You?
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Kala ko ako na si Frodo or Arwen or the character played my Miranda Otto


Congratulations! You're Sam!


Which Lord of the Rings character and personality problem are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

A Fellow Blogger
echoed the same sentiments that I had about Saddam Hussein's capture. Better Osama than Saddam.

I'm trying to post a pic here ..

test




upload_box





ayaw nya mag post puro X! X ! X! wag na nga i'll get nlang my own domain name

So they finally got him after months of playing the cat and mouse game. For the Iraqis, I am hopeful for them (can't say anything for us, though) but for Saddam, well, it's karma. Although, I pittied him when I saw his pic on cnn.com . Who wants to be taken prisoner anyway especially if your used to the kind of life Saddam Hussein had lived. But I pittied him. Well as one Iraqi said, you never kick a man when he is down. That came from a man whose only son was killed by Saddam's son and who was left blind by Saddam.

Another piece of story is the death of Secretary Blas Ople. Here's is the linkSec. Blas Ople. He comes from a breed of politicians who spoke well, acted approprietly and who were gentlemen. His death means and end of era for Philippine politics. Well actually may natitira pa. Si former Senator Jovito Salonga.

I love history. Merlin. King Arthur. Medieval History. Word War 2. Politics. Vietnam War. Royalty...everything...when I read books or watch movies about a certain era it makes me want to go back in time to experience the grandeur of that certain era.....hay day dreaming...

TO EVERYONE: any suggestions for a good domain name????? I'll be getting my own but I dunno what to register. So if you have any suggestions, lemme know either via e-mail or the tag board. THANKS!

Went to Glorietta and Greenbelt today. Man, dame tao! Bought some gifts na...shit gotta keep it under the budget...the more mura the better...gotta keep all the expenses in check at madame pa akong babayaran!!!

I was able to fix my schedule so that I'd be able to go to Cebu this week till early next week. My only problem is when ako aalis. I can leave either on Thursday or Friday morning kaso Thursday night I have a Christmas dinner naman with old friends of mine that I miss na so much but the thing is sayang naman yung rest day ko if I don't go on the 18th. Sayang din yung shopping hours since planning ahead...if 19th ako dumating sa Cebu, syempre breakfast muna then I can shop till noon with Aids then go back sa hotel since he has to sleep because he has work that night. Stay lang the hotel or sa office till the next day. Then saturday daw, Arjay is planning to bring us to Bohol for the weekend. Balik sunday but I dunno what time If morning makakapagshop pa siguro ako but if not then sa gabi nalang to go out lang (buhuhuhuhu no shopping) then monday shop ulet half of the day or do some sight seeing then Adrian's scheduled flight is after lunch so dapat ganun din ako. Thing is I haven't told him that Ive fixed everything na and that makakapunta na ako sa Cebu. So I guess I better tell him na since kailangan mag jive ang sked namin ...so much for surprises...

I'm gonna post this muna at baka mawala nanaman ito...

@&#$$&%!!!!!

did some stupid things in my old blog and inadvertently deleted it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the old entries are still there but I want the old interface...i'm thinking of going back to CrimsonBlog since you can post pics in your blog there...back to square one...

it's been a couple of days since I wrote (typed) here..been busy busy busy..dame Q, dame reports, dame utos...i've also been very busy trying to find the cheapest place fare going to Cebu. The lowest that we found was around 4k all in but I've to leave Manila before the 18ht and leave Cebu on or before the 18th din. Since I don't want that naman I'm trying to find the best and cheapest rate available..kahit na very early am flight!

We spoke this morning-early morning. I had no choice but to answer the phone since he was calling na sa landline and the noise woke my mom and sister. He kept on saying sorry. But I don't think he really knows why I was angry at him. I had to actually explain to him what happened and what I was angry about. He kept on saying sorry and how he missed me-A LOT. Surprisingly, I believe him. Not because he was crying but because I know him. He wouldn't say something he does not mean-that's what got him into trouble in the first place!

He understands that I still need to think things over. Time to heal. Time to absorb what happened. Time to pick up some of the pieces. I did ask him to not ask me to not to be angry. Buti nga di ako nagwala e. If he were in my place he would have. Knowing him, he would have raised holy hell. Time to heal muna....

After my shift yesterday (bale early monday morning na) , I took a walk. Just around Valero lang. I needed time to think. The walk did me good.


Someday
by Nickelback


How the hell did we wind up like this?
Why weren't we able?
To see the signs that we missed
try to turn the tables.
I wish you would unclench your fists,
And unpack your suitcase
lately theres been to much of this
but don't think its too late

Chorus:
nothings wrong
just as long
as you know that someday I will
someday
some how
gonna make it alright, but not right now
I know youre wondering when(you're the only one that knows that)
someday
some how
gonna make it alright, but not right now
I know you're wondering when

well I'd hope that since we're here anyway
we can end up saying
things that we always needed to say
so we can end up staying
now the stories played out like this
just like a paperback novel
lets re-write an ending that fits
instead of a hollywood horror

Chorus

(you're the only one that knows that)

How the hell did we wind up like this?
Why weren't we able?
To see the signs that we missed
try to turn the tables.
Now the stories played out like this
just like a paperback novel
lets re-write an ending that fits
instead of a hollywood horror
nothings wrong
just as long

Chorus

I know 're wondering when
(you're the only one that knows that)
I know you’re wondering when
(you're the only one that knows that)
I know you're wondering when

Beauty Tips

Below is a wonderful poem Audrey Hepburn wrote when asked to share her "beauty tips." It was read at her funeral years later.

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair, let a child run his/her fingers through it

once a day.
For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.
People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed,

revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone.
Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at

the end of each of your arms.
As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands;
one for helping yourself, and the other for helping others.

Audrey Hepburn has always been one of my favorite movie stars. I didn't know she was so wise too.

Went to Glorietta early today with the intent of starting my Christmas Shopping (and therapy na din) and only to be met by a throing of shoppers-pami-pamilya ito! Glorietta was like a palengke!!! After a few rounds, decided to go to the office early to do some OT work good girl belle good girl *pat on the back*


Was out smoking at around 230-3am when Adrian called. He just got back sa hotel room daw nya. Man was he drunk. Not drunk as in drunk but his words were slurring. Wow what a way to talk to someone you've been waiting to talk to the whole day tapos lasing lang pala. Well the day started fine yesterday. We spoke around noon and he asked me what I wanted as pasalubong and the day just started to slide from there...He just said something that was very hurtful but despite of that I waited for him till 930pm thus the comment I entered yesterday. Well, he went out pala last night without making paalam. His rule is that I have to ask for his permission if I wanna go out or go somewhere and sya din same thing. But yesterday he didn't. I don't remember if he ever did say anything to me about it but it still doesn't erase the fact that he did not ask for my permission. What's so irritating is that if situations were reversed he would have raised hell about the whole thing. So going back, we stayed on the phone about a couple of minutes when suddenly-silence. He fell asleep pala. This got me more furious. Stayed on the line for a couple of more minutes when his hotel phone rang. Who would have called at this time of the night??????????????? Well he woke up and when he asked whoever it was on the phone: "sino to" my line suddenly gets disconnected...yes, you do the sleuthing sherlock. He does not call after 10-15 minutes. By this time I was calm na. Vey calm. I didn't bother to answer the phone anymore nor am I answering any of the calls and messages that he sent for the day. I just couldn't care less.

Why the calmness? It's not that I don't care. I do but it's better this way. This, in fact, is the first and last time I'm gonna think and talk about this thing. The lesser it is on my mind the easier for me.

Such irony...when was it ever easy to get hurt? When was it easy to pick up the pieces of your broken heart...

For this year Sec. Donald Rumsfeld was voted as Foot in Mouth award and this is what he said:

"Reports that say something hasn't happened are always interesting to me, because as we know, there are known knowns; there are things we know we know," Rumsfeld told a news briefing.

"We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns -- the ones we don't know we don't know."

Here's another one from a new California governor

I think that gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman."

Five rules to be happy.

1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.

Been waiting for 930pm to come...just remembered rest day pala...

me, i have a difficult time going out..the pagpapaalam is like your making paalam sa dad mo when you were in grade school for your first date tapos him.....his excuse is "i just said yes pero its not final pa naman" or "nayaya lang e". typical male. fucker why should I bury myself no!?!?!?! I'm gonna have a blast. Not to worry people..he seldom if not rarely reads this and by the time he does I had the time of my life na.. :P


Why do people stay in relationship? why do they even try to find their life's mate---soulmate, if you will, so rigorously as if there's a pot of gold at the end of their "looking-journey"....i'm not in the mood to expound on this tonight...I am a bit pooped (had less than 5 hours of sleep kanina) and lonely and sad.

To think that only yesterday
I was cheerrful
bright and gay
looking forward to well who wouldn't do
the role I was about to play
but as if to knock me down
reality came around
and without so much
as a mere touch
cut me into little pieces
leaving me to doubt talk about
god in his mercy who if
he really does exist
why did he desert me in my hour of need
I truly am indeed
alone again naturally.


it's been 2 days since Adrian left.....just lost...I really haven't actually felt the loneliness that one feels when the person you've been with leaves but I'm getting there...yes, I am getting there and it's not something that I am looking forward to...I've been that same road before and i can say that it's a road that I would never wish on someone to tread on...

Been very busy lately...

Just a recap of what happened since the last time i wrote

Thursday: Just stayed sa house the whole time. Quality time with my relatives.

Friday: Went to Glorietta. Just bought tela for my gown. Went out with Adrian sa gabi. Just drove around the metro. The manila bay looks spiffy. Mayor Atienza allowed some resto owners to put up bars in that area. The nice thing about it is that the establishments were all set up in bahay kubos instead of them putting up buildings that'll just cover up the beautiful view. We went around the CCP area (no, we did not go to Luneta hahahaha) just to look at the new stuff that they put up there. May StarCity na. Aliw Theatre where some international and local artists had performed before. A new thingie that just opened is a light and sound show of some kind. From the outside you see replicas of the forbidden city, that palace you see in the Red Square in Moscow, etc filled with lights inside and may giant lanterns din! We went home around 2am na. oh yeah we went to Intramuros din...such a sad state it is in now. May mga squatters na inside. Such a waste..kala ko ba wow philippines na?!?!?!?!?!

Saturday: Was s'posed to go to the gym but I was tamad na. So I just lazed around till the time I had to go get up to prepare for work.

Sunday: same thing work work work

Sweetie and I had our lunch walk again. Just talked about things and what were gonna do pag asa Cebu na sya. Absolutely love our late night walks. When we used to be together, we'd walk just around the block or sa street lang just to talk or hold hands. ganun lang. tapos uwi. sleep.

Miss those times. It's one way for me to just shut up.

Monday: Whadda**** dame queue both in E-mail and voice. Darn that ICANN e-mail drop. Time for OT. More moolah pambili ng mga luho at regalo.

Did ot for an hour. Ang totoo wla naman ako ginawa. daldal kse e. reports on the side lang ;)

When he made me hatid, i asked him again if pwede wag na sya tumuloy sa Cebu and he answered that he;'s doing it for our 'future' and I go what future? Baka mag chicks ka pa dun and he answered "I found na my Mrs. Alvarez why should I look pa." shacks. kilig ako dun a :)

Speaking of future, my mom asked me when I'll be getting married and the ever defensive me answered in one breath "di pa no. tagal pa. ano ko sira." Hay naku, ano ba namang sagot yan...Di nya alam bata pa lang ako may dream wedding book na ko...I'm more prepared than my brother kaya!

Here's a song that I really really like...


KANLUNGAN - Noel Cabangon


Panapanahon ang pagkakataon
Maibabalik ba ang kahapon


Natatandaan mo pa ba
Nang tayong dalawa ay unang nagkita
Panahon ng kamusmusan
Sa piling ng mga bulaklak at halaman
Doon tayo nag simulang
Mangarap at tumula


Natatandaan mo pa ba
Inukit mong puso sa punong mangga
At inalay kong gumamela
Magkahawak-kamay sa dalampasigan
Malayang tulad ng mga ibon
Ang gunita ng ating kahapon


Ang mga puno't halaman
Ay kabiyak ng ating gunita
Sa pag-lipas ng panahon
Bakit kailangang din lumisan


Panapanahon ang pagkakataon
Maibabalik ba ang kahapon


Ngayon ikaw ay nagbalik
At tulad ko rin ang iyong pananabik
Makita ang dating kanlungan
Tahanan ng ating tula at pangarap
Ngayon ay naglaho na
Saan hahanapin pa?


Lumilipas ang panahon
Kabiyak ng ating gunita
Ang mga puno't halaman
Bakit kailangang lumisan


Panapanahon ang pagkakataon
Maibabalik ba ang kahapon


Lumilipas ang panahon
Kabiyak ng ating gunita
Ang mga puno't halaman
Bakit kailangang lumisan


Panapanahon ang pagkakataon
Maibabalik ba ang kahapon

my mom, lola and sister are here na!

Just as I was sleeping our doorbell rang and our always noisy dogs started raising hell...fucker..ingay ingay hirap na nga makatulog..i was cursing while I was on my way to the door and vowed to give whoever it was hell for waking me up just as I was about to sleep...when, lo and behold, it was my mom, sister and lola na pala! Turned out that their plane touched down a couple of hours than the appointed time...Got to sleep na around 7am and woke up around 930..so sana di ako bangag during my shift da ba...i'm so happy...may tao na ulet sa hws...may ksama na ko sa kwismas :)

its damn frustrating

I've been "gyming" religiously-as in everyday- and nothing is happening. For the first few days I started this "go to the gym cult" I'd weigh myself everyday and instead of losing weight I was getting heavier. Everyone says its because of the developing muscles..o sya sige..so I conjured up a new training plan for myself and concentrated on the cardio and my target areas are: abs and upper arms (flabby glabby)...so i've been doing that for the last 2 weeks and i'm on my third week na but albeit the hard work NATING ES HAPENENG!!!!!!!! I looked at myself (...taba taba taba...) in the mirror after gym...actually I flailed my arms to check if my arms are still like a waving flag and, sad to say, they still are...bayang magiliw.... I piched my stomach and lo and behold malaki pa din...nynyenye....@$*Y*#$* I'm so frustrated na! What else should I do pa ba???????? fucker... I stay long na nga sa treadmill and other cardio machines..did more reps sa free weights and abs..don't eat too much and still nada. nil. go back kaya to taking hydroxycut? bahala na. i've no money din to buy those damned pills.

A week from now Adrian will be leaving for Cebu and he'll be staying there for 1-3 months depends on how good or bad the new RTA will be. I hope s/he's not a slow learner so that he can go home asap. The deal at first was that they'll fly him back during the holidays. Holidays as in a couple of days before christmas and after the new year na sya babalik sa Cebu tapos now they said na they'll fly him to Manila mga 24 and back to Cebu on Christmas Day or early morning the 26th. Shit. PS tlaga puro BS. He wants to me to go with him to Cebu and he'll pay for it daw but I really can't. Aside from my mom, sister and lola are coming home there are other things din where we can spend the money on like pambayad ng credit card bills and shopping shopping shopping..tsaka na ang travel travel. So next week I'll be a lonely girl. i don't have kasama anymore...wala na akong driver...wala nang ...bleep bleep...I just hope that this trip will do something for him. That'll it'll help him to advance in his chosen career. Me, eto ganito pa din...bagay nga tlaga ako na sa house lang...housewife ba.

3 days to go!!! My mom, sister and lola are arriving na! Yipee...may buhay na ulet sa house and I have na kakampi against stupid dog. For those who doesn't know stupid dog is my -ugh- older brother. Simply put HE IS KUPAL. I've managed throught years to prove that it's not just me who hates him but a lot of people who by single interaction with him had arrived at the same conclusion that he is KUPAL. I don't wanna ruin my happiness by making kwento about him..let's not ruin the year!

kainis...i had been planning a despedida for Adrian a couple of weeks back but I had to tell him about kse he told me that his cousin was planning a christmas party for them (cousins). I told him para at least he can tell his cousin not to schedule the same time na I scheduled my party for him but lo and behold his cousin scheduled the same day the 28th @)#*$&%&%*%U% hay naku wag na nga tapos he had the gall to tell me pa "we're attending a party this friday sa south side!" He knows na I hate that term and the fact na he was so excited pa and that he chose to forget my supposedly surprise despedida makes me tick...pota wala ng party party pumunta ka ng Cebu mag isa ngayon. Whoops there goes my Cebu trip....bwahahahaha...I also don't like going to their family's gathering. Actually when I say gathering yung mga young ones lang and not the titos, titas and his parents. Basta pag pupunta ako kailangan pag wala na yung mga yun or di tlaga sila kasama. Why...because ..i dunno ask HIM Sometimes i feel like I'm dating a high school kid and I'm the guy and he's the girl who's trying to conceal our relationship from her parents...he doesn't know that I'm kinda pissed off na (don't worry he does not read my blog on a regular basis). We're both old enough to get married and I feel like we're a pair of high school kids or a couple engaged in an illicit affair...it sucks...i never really voiced out my opinion regarding this..i'm not the type...but it definitely sucks..it's one of those things that you just put aside and don't think about so that you don't feel the pain or the uneasiness...it's one of those things that when you think about it makes you think why and you feel hurt and hollow inside...basta! it's kinda difficult to explain the feeling basta its not nice...haayyyy (very very heavy sighing)

Another reason why i don't like going is because he leaves me. I don;t have any one na ka close sa family nya except his brothers siguro but of course they'd mingle with their cousins so me, all quiet and feeling shitty sa isang sulok...i told him na about it before but he ALWAYS "forgets". I'm not the type who'd start a conversation with just anyone e me pa! And some of the people there din are not the type of people I'd go with coz some of them are loudy and rowdy and their "jokes" are downright corny...shit, if I go I should be practicing na my fake authentic looking smile..bummer...



32 Flavors

squint your eyes and look closer
I'm not between you and your ambition
I am a poster girl with no poster
I am thirty-two flavors and then some
and I'm beyond your peripheral vision
so you might want to turn your head
cause someday you're going to get hungry
and eat most of the words you just said

both my parents taught me about good will
and I have done well by their names
just the kindness I've lavished on strangers
is more than I can explain
still there's many who've turned out their porch lights
just so I would think they were not home
and hid in the dark of their windows
til I'd passed and left them alone

and god help you if you are an ugly girl
course too pretty is also your doom
cause everyone harbors a secret hatred
for the prettiest girl in the room
and God help you if you are a phoenix
and you dare to rise up from the ash
a thousand eyes will smolder with jealousy
while you are just flying back

I'm not trying to give my life meaning
by demeaning you
and I would like to state for the record
I did everything that I could do
I'm not saying that I'm a saint
I just don't want to live that way
no, I will never be a saint
but I will always say

squint your eyes and look closer
I'm not between you and your ambition
I am a poster girl with no poster
I am thirty-two flavors and then some
And I'm beyond your peripheral vision
So you might want to turn your head
Cause someday you might find you're starving
and eating all of the words you said

swinged by a couple of blogs during the first half of my shift and found some interesting links:::

Fantasy, Ancient, and Symbolic Fonts http://www.geocities.com/timessquare/alley/1557/fonts1.htm
Hobo Signs & Symbols http://www.slackaction.com/signroll.htm#
Academy of Sorcery http://www.academyofsorcery.com/index.htm

:::so, where do I sign up:::

The Best page in the Universe http://maddox.xmission.com/
and for PC users:

http://www.tomwilson.com/david/accents/alt_key_chars.doc


Saw a funny "article" made by a fellow "blogger" (what a term) To the owner of this article, I forgot to take note of your url. Pahiram lang :) ay white girl pala sya...pa-borrow!

Oneness

You know the kind of toothbrush holder that has four holes in the top, so the average American family can share it? That's the type Doug and I have in the master bath.

Two toothbrushes, four holes. Lots of space to stake a claim. Perfect, right?

When I place my wet toothbrush in the holder, I put it directly opposite his, with the bristles facing out, on the side closest to my sink. Kind of like when I turn away from him in a queen-sized bed, and prefer to face my end table.

When Doug puts his brush away, he snuggles it into the vacant hole right next to my brush, even if mine is still dripping wet, and he points the bristles squarely in my direction.

What's more, I am gathering evidence that he even turns my brush's bristles to face his so they're nearly touching, almost kissing.

It kind of freaks me out. It's like our toothbrushes have boundary issues.

The thing is, our toothbrushes are identical, having been free gifts from the dentist in exchange for giving him our retirement money every six months. Sometimes, if they're nestled too close together in their little spot, I cannot tell them apart. The older they get, the closer they come to resemble each other, even though he is much harder on his than I am on mine.

My little brush struggles in vain to hang onto its identity. They're a great couple, but sometimes this oneness thing can be overwhelming.

There's a brand new purple toothbrush in the linen closet that I'm thinking of using. If I do, I'll sidle it up nice and close to that white one in the next hole over, and lose my fear of confusing one with the other.

And then I'll hop in bed and roll to the middle to kiss the man I love.

TESTS TESTS..

39% bitch!
which is higher than the worldwide average 38%

The Purity Test 66%
The Personality Test Dreamer

Nakita ko ang umaga today. I had to get up very early in the morning for my PDT and today is the first time that I woke up at this time of the day...on my way to work 2 people commented that I was masungit..whaddafuck....if di ko lang kayo neighborhood...bwist...sa office people were asking what was wrong and one had the audacity to ask if I had sore eyes...masyadong maaga may araw na matagal ko nang di nakikita sa ganitong oras kakagising ko lang nakatulog ako ng ula una ng umaga so......shut!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'm too tired to blog...dame nonsense escalated e-mails...dame reports...na dapat di naman ako gumagawa...pota!

I have so many kwento pa naman..it's 330am na and di pa din ako makauwi sa dame ng gusto kong gawin and I can't even decide where to begin...

i gotta go na..i'm going home na but before that WE gotta talk...WW3 kme...that's one of my many kwentos....off to my rest day..finally!

shiyet. oic na nga ko. pakeng shet. well...sometimes we gotta do what we gotta do..buti nalang di pa ko pinapa skill sa tier 2..god no! sana they forgot...hihihi...pero Mike gave me some sup tasks na..actually, i've been some of those tasks long before I was an oic medyo somekindasorta official na nga lang...i'm not telling anyone though..yung mga seatmates ko lang (***waves at Kirk the insane baby munchkins and the owdster ***)

i gotta go na..my sundo is here na....

Got a cool matrix effect thingie on the net kaso when I tried it out and corny kse you can't program it...bummer

how is that no matter what you there would always be that one person (or 2 or 3...) that you though is your friend and turns out that that person is such a faker....Adrian filed for a .5 pto last night and he texted his work mates about it just to let them know. This "guy/girl" backstabber accidentally sent him the same text that he sent with the comment about him being kups. The message was supposed to be sent to another person. Adrian got riled up about it. He does not get riled up so quickly. Believe me if I tell you that he is the most patient and understanding person that you'd ever meet. I'm not saying this coz I'm his girl but because it's the truth. So now you know why we get along no matter how bitchy and bossy I am. I just told him nalang to send the message back to that backstabber. Ha. Fuck I'm the one who's all riled up because of that bitch. Makes me wanna slap her. How can someone do that or say something bad about a person who is such an angel to a fault. argh!.. Nakakairita....

Why do I say that he's such an angel....
1. Tangina! kaya ba naman nya ko tiisin e. I'm not naman the devil incarnate but when I do have my moods..putcha...I plead the fifth to self incrimination...

2. He listens to what I say and what I'm not saying. Sometimes he remember things na you said and forgot about.

3. He'll give you the stars if he can but since he can't he gave me heaven on earth instead. If he had his way, I won't have to spend a cent when we go out but since pays for his siblingS (take note S) tuition he can't pay for everything

4. Such a family-oriented and religious (the second really does not matter to me) person. Minsan di na pwede pero pag sa family kakayanin kahit umaabuso na

5. happy boy (as opposed to masungit me). Makita lang ako nyan naka colgate smile na agad. You always feel na he's eager and excited to see you kahit na ilang hours pa lang kayo di nagkikita. You always feel wanted, loved and that feeling na he loves you even if he's miles away from you.haaayy

6. Kwento boy. Verbatim mag kwento.

7. Madaling utusan...house trained ba...hahahahaha! (Baby dona sweetie :) hehehe )

8. Has a nice voice...dyan ako nabola..think craig david singing a sweet mellow song..

9. Remembers dates may it be our anniversary or someone's birthday. A true romantic at heart and gentleman too. Not just to me but to anyone!

10. The type of guy who will go back to the middle of the street just to help an old lady to cross.

11. Will do everything to make you comfy when you go out.

12. Kaibigan na di mahirap dalhin. Kaibigan na pang matagalan.

13. Wakes up in the middle of the night even if he's so sleepy to check on me

14. When I'm having one of my bad back episodes and I need to lie down sa floor, he makes sure that the floor is clean, put a blanket and a pillow to make me comfortable and plop himself down beside me. Matutulog din sya sa floor.

15. .....bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepppppppp! oops, di na pwede ito. X na e ;)


Think Aidan of SATC ***good-hearted, good-looking, emotionally honest and ready to commit***

Kaya tuloy minsan napapasimba ako e...thank you lord a.

1. What food do you like that most people hate?
****pancit canton with sabaw!

2. What food do you hate that most people love?
****curry..blech

3. What famous person, whom many people may find attractive, is most unappealing to you?
****britney spears! WTT!!!!

4. What famous person, whom many people may find unappealing, do you find
attractive?
****duh....
5. What popular trend baffles you?
****the tops with the ruffles thing and polka dots!

Woke up sweating! I hate sweating! My aircon's busted. Nagyeyelo ito! (Lagyan ko kaya ng ice tray)..I've to ask the aircon man to check on it although my dad sez na it needs cleaning lang daw..Yeah right...kaya ko buhatin ang aircon! There's so many things that I need to get repaired sa house but of course kailangan yung aircon and fridge ko muna sa room..mas importante yun e..hehehehe...

Just read my friend's blog..huhuhuhu dapat sumama ako sa Subic..putcha ano naman kse magagawa ko e wala na ko money pati si honey no money din..when my mother dear arrives HA! mayaman ako...

Finally my back pain disapperead! pakeng shet the whole day I had difficulty doing mundane tasks such as bending over (to get some thing lang po!) or sitting down and after drinking my second pain killer and after hours of putting hot compress on my tailbone nwala din sya...hay salamat

whaddya think of the new skin??? nicey nicey?

it's not yet done...i'll look pa for things to put in...to clutter it!

i was so bored at work yesterday (yes I was in the office s'posedly to work but I was just surfing) that I tried out some words in google and I found me! medyo kewl sa una.. first try: belinda perez peoplesupport and second: belinda perez friendster and you'll see my blog..galeng galeng....

I was offered to be and sme-oic and until now I remain to be undecided. This should be a stepping stone for me but I know how an sme life works..i live with one and I really do not want to to take supervisory calls e ang sarap sarap ng buhay ko ngayon. I go to work and just answer e-mails. With no person on the other line shouting and cursing at you. Adrian does not want me to accept it din but I really dunno....it is a stepping stone na din...think think think.....

spoke to my mom, dad and brother last sunday...ha! told them to buy me PS2 para I can watch na my dvds! Told my mom din if she could come home earlier than December 4. Syempre para may kasama na ko sa hws and para I have money na ulet and of course, after several years of not experiencing christmas I finally get to experience it again! haaaayyy salamat! Every Christmas and New Year, I'd be one of those people who would want to be at work instead of staying at home at pag Christmas as in during the day I'm asleep! What a way to spend the holidays..all by yourself..stupid dog doesn;t count...saya ay dog not my brother...blech!

Was all by myself sa shift till 730pm. shit. dame e-mails tuloy. Adrian went to the province. I would have wanted to go to our provincebut can't coz of work. Haaaayy work work work...next week I'm s'posed to go Subic with my girlfriends but I'm not sure If I can. As usual work. Our shifts are so weird. An example would e my shift which is 430pm. The time is normal but what is weird is that ako lang mag isa sa shift na yun. Why? LLLoooooonnngggg explanation.

We went back no to our respective houses. I would have wanted for us to stay or at least kahit si Adrian but he didn't want to stay without me. Me naman I've to go home coz my folks are coming home this month. Sana we find a halfway house, if not our own at least with friends.

Next week I've to make pa-sukat na kay manag glo for my wedding gown..well, hehe, not MY wedding but of stupid dog's. Hay naku, I really can't understand why for heaven's name ako ang ginawa na maid of honor e I hardly know the bride much less the groom who happens to be my brother..bwisit...isn't there some sort of law for this?

Just took a personality disorder test...uh-oh!

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	High
Schizoid:	Moderate
Schizotypal:	Very High
Antisocial:	High
Borderline:	Very High
Histrionic:	High
Narcissistic:	High
Avoidant:	High
Dependent:	High
Obsessive-Compulsive:	High
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

Paranoid
Paranoid personality disorder is characterized by a distrust of others and a constant suspicion that people around you have sinister motives. People with this disorder tend to have excessive trust in their own knowledge and abilities and usually avoid close relationships with others. They search for hidden meanings in everything and read hostile intentions into the actions of others. They are quick to challenge the loyalties of friends and loved ones and often appear cold and distant to others. They usually shift blame to others and tend to carry long grudges.

Schizoid
People with schizoid personality disorder avoid relationships and do not show much emotion. They genuinely prefer to be alone and do not secretly wish for popularity. They tend to seek jobs that require little social contact. Their social skills are often weak and they do not show a need for attention or acceptance. They are perceived as humorless and distant and often are termed "loners."

Schizotypal
Many believe that schizotypal personality disorder represents mild schizophrenia. The disorder is characterized by odd forms of thinking and perceiving, and individuals with this disorder often seek isolation from others. They sometimes believe to have extra sensory ability or that unrelated events relate to them in some important way. They generally engage in eccentric behavior and have difficulty concentrating for long periods of time. Their speech is often over elaborate and difficult to follow.

Antisocial
A common misconception is that antisocial personality disorder refers to people who have poor social skills. The opposite is often the case. Instead, antisocial personality disorder is characterized by a lack of conscience. People with this disorder are prone to criminal behavior, believing that their victims are weak and deserving of being taken advantage of. They tend to lie and steal. Often, they are careless with money and take action without thinking about consequences. They are often agressive and are much more concerned with their own needs than the needs of others.

Borderline
Borderline personality disorder is characterized by mood instability and poor self-image. People with this disorder are prone to constant mood swings and bouts of anger. Often, they will take their anger out on themselves, causing themselves injury. Suicidal threats and actions are not uncommon. They think in very black and white terms and often form intense, conflict-ridden relationships. They are quick to anger when their expectations are not met.

Histrionic
People with histrionic personality disorder are constant attention seekers. They need to be the center of attention all the time, often interrupting others in order to dominate the conversation. They use grandiose language to discribe everyday events and seek constant praise. They may dress provacatively or exaggerate illnesses in order to gain attention. They also tend to exaggerate friendships and relationships, believing that everyone loves them. They are often manipulative.

Narcissistic
Narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by self-centeredness. Like histrionic disorder, people with this disorder seek attention and praise. They exaggerate their achievements, expecting others to recongize them as being superior. They tend to be choosy about picking friends, since they believe that not just anyone is worthy of being their friend. They tend to make good first impressions, yet have difficulty maintaining long-lasting relationships. They are generally uninterested in the feelings of others and may take advantage of them.

Avoidant
Avoidant personality disorder is characterized by extreme social anxiety. People with this disorder often feel inadequate, avoid social situations, and seek out jobs with little contact with others. They are fearful of being rejected and worry about embarassing themselves in front of others. They exaggerate the potential difficulties of new situations to rationalize avoiding them. Often, they will create fantasy worlds to substitute for the real one. Unlike schizoid personality disorder, avoidant people yearn for social relations yet feel they are unable to obtain them. They are frequently depressed and have low self-confidence.

Dependent
Dependent personality disorder is characterized by a need to be taken care of. People with this disorder tend to cling to people and fear losing them. They may become suicidal when a break-up is imminent. They tend to let others make important decisions for them and often jump from relationship to relationship. They often remain in abusive relationships. They are overly sensitive to disapproval. They often feel helpless and depressed.

Obsessive-Compulsive
Obsessive-Compulsive personality disorder is similar to obsessive-compulsive anxiety disorder. People with this disorder are overly focused on orderliness and perfection. Their need to do everything "right" often interferes with their productivity. They tend to get caught up in the details and miss the bigger picture. They set unreasonably high standards for themselves and others, and tend to be very critical of others when they do not live up to these high standards. They avoid working in teams, believing others to be too careless or incompetent. They avoid making decisions because they fear making mistakes and are rarely generous with their time or money. They often have difficulty expressing emotion.

Whew naubos din ang queue..

according to www.kabalarians.com:

Your name of Maria gives you the desire to understand and to help others but, at the same time you can become too involved in their problems and, as a result, worry too much. You desire a home and family of your own and have the ability to create understanding and harmony in family association as you are pliable, forgiving, and tactful. You love children and would not hesitate to care for any children who might need you. Whenever possible, you avoid argument and turmoil because you prefer not to face an issue if it means hurting anyone's feelings. You shrink from sordidness and poverty because you feel very deeply for anyone in unfortunate circumstances. Though you recognize your responsibilities, you are inclined to put things off until you are forced to take action. If given the opportunity, you could develop musical and artistic abilities.

Health Weaknesses

This name is a fairly healthy influence, although it does not give you as much vitality as many people have. Any tension centres in the fluid functions causing overweight, varicose veins, swelling of the legs and ankles, kidney trouble, bladder trouble, or female problems.

For my second name:

As Belinda you are rather serious-minded, responsible, and stable. You have the gift of tact and diplomacy, and possess a charming, easy-going nature which endears you to others. You have a serious desire to understand the heart and mind of everyone, and could be very effective in a career or in volunteer work where you are handling people and serving in a humanitarian way. This name also gives you a love of home and family, and as a parent you would likely be fair and understanding. You remember the thoughtful little expressions of affection and appreciation that mean so much to others, and you have the ability to create a warm and loving environment. However, you tend to put things off and avoid facing issues because of a lack of confidence and uncertainty. You often need encouragement from someone before you can come to a decision.

Health Weaknesses

This name creates a generally well-balanced and healthy nature, but any weakness in the health would cause problems in the fluid functions, such as kidney or bladder trouble, overweight, or swelling of the legs and ankles.

i'm back! Just got back from a 3 day rest day...sarap..puro malls ang pinuntahan ko..nyarks...hongkong..gallera..ek plans that all went bust!

Thursday: stayed muna sa hws in Makati. Chilled with Kits till around 4 then went home na....ha! buti nalang maayos...mukhang nalaman ata nila na uuwi ako kaya nagayos ng bahay..hihihihi...just fixed my room a bit but dumpred all my stuff sa room ng parents ko since I have to ask the housekeeper to clean it pa...nanood lang ng tv the whole night..slept at around 3...had a very difficult time sleeping coz I'm so sanay na may katabi ako :::my sweetik::: hay naku that's one of the many things that I'll miss when we move out...sarap sarap kaya may katabi..especially if sya yung katabi mo...shiyet....there are some things na akala mo sa movies lang nangyayari pero may gush**** with my sweetik it all comes true...i'm not saying this because we're together but for real tlaga...have you ever slept with a guy in the nook of his arms all night without him telling you to move off in the middle of the night? Men usually will tell you to but with him he'll cuddle with you the whole night..if he feels na I'm not in bed he'll get up from the bed and look for me...nag aalala na yan. Madalas sumasakit yung back and it entails me to sleep sa floor para mawala yung sakit. Even if I don't ask him to, he'll lie down with me sa floor and insists on doing so...

Friday (Family day): He and his sister made me sundo sa hws. Went to greenhills and met up with jerome. Ate sa Le Ching. As usual bentang benta nanaman yung kaibigan ko na yun. Sa tagal naming inikot yung greenhills wla akong nabili ni isa.. :( huhuhuhu.... At 5pm we fetched Arnold at their Aunt's house and went to ATc (naks ATC na ko a!) ikot ikot kme as usual then afterwards we went to their house to bring his siblings home and stayed for a bit then we went sa house sa makati to drop off Jerome and get some stuff para iuwi then Adrian made me hatid na....wawa naman sya...puro drive ang ginawa....di man lang nag reklamo....

Saturday: hay salamt di family day...he made me sundo..kaso di pa ko nakakaligo coz walang water sa hws! so sabe nya sa gym nalang daw ako maligo..o sya sige na nga...we went to dampa to eat lunch (walang ligo ligo ito a) but he gave me a tour of the new Macaoagal Highway then after lunch dumaan lang kme sa hws nila to drop off the food then went to Fitness First Alabang to make ligo then went to Ayala Alabang to hear mass sana kaso tapos na so we just said a little prayer then went to Cuenca Park coz may bazaar sila dun...wala naman nabili at same din naman na nakita ko sa greenhills then we went to festival mall. Ate in Pizza Hut then did our monthly grocery shopping....family habit....grocery once a month for our stuff ;) naks.....he gave me the tour again of our 'future village' ..may gush mukha seryoso ata si sweetik at sa Ayala Alabang daw ako itititira...hmmmm pwede na pwede na...hehehe....di naman bawal mangarap e...we went to their house to drink with his siblings...naku ayun seryoso usapan till 2am si kuya nagsesermon....since Adrian was too tipsy to bring me home dun nalang ako nag sleep sa bed nya. sya sa bed ni Andrew. Si Arnold sa own bed nya. Si Andrew na dislocate sa room ng parents nya...binuksan pa yung aircon ng kapatid...special daw kse e..sweet naman...

today start of my new shift..430pm...well so far so good...i haven't settled in yet so do ko pa naffeel if it's a good shift or not...

Here is a sad song that I used to sing and listen to because I always thought that this was the theme song of my life....Its kinda sad :( Not all of us were blessed to have very good looks or a good life (moneyed and all) but hey! That is how life is....It sucks...Seems a bit cliche but ganun tlaga ohey! ....I learned the truth at seventeen.......nuninuninuninu.....

At Seventeen
by Janis Ian


I learned the truth at seventeen
That love was meant for beauty queens
And high school girls with clear skinned smiles
Who married young and then retired.
The valentines I never knew
The Friday night charades of youth
Were spent on one more beautiful
At seventeen I learned the truth.
And those of us with ravaged faces
Lacking in the social graces
Desperately remained at home
Inventing lovers on the phone
Who called to say come dance with me
and murmured vague obscenities
It isn't all it seems
At seventeen.
A brown eyed girl in hand me downs
Whose name I never could pronounce
said, Pity please the ones who serve
They only get what they deserve.
The rich relationed hometown queen
she marries into what she needs
A guarantee of company
And haven for the elderly.
Remember those who win the game
Lose the love they sought to gain
Indebentures of quality
And dubious integrity.
Their small town eyes will gape at you
in dull surprise when payment due
Exceeds accounts received
At seventeen.
To those of us who know the pain
Of valentines that never came,
And those whose names were never called
When choosing sides for basketball.
It was long ago and far away
The world was younger than today
And dreams were all they gave for free
To ugly duckling girls like me.
We all play the game and when we dare
To cheat ourselves at solitaire
Inventing lovers on the phone
Repenting other lives unknown
That call and say, come dance with me
and murmur vague obscenities
At ugly girls like me
At seventeen.

so syempre sobrang updated to hindi ba....punyemas tamad na ko to the max..shiyet...
last saturday (october 18) we stayed in Discovery for Marc and Kitz's "finally together" party...the party was ok...but we really didn't mingle. we just stayed sa room and watched cable and ate syempre.....We went there with Mishka, Anna, Jerome and Adrian so that we can dress up there na and but whatever was needed for the party...it was an open party but your ticket so that you can go in is a bottle of either red wine or vodka or better yet bc! When we got there Ica and Nins were there na..dapat may balloons kaso di pumayag ang discovery kaya iniwan nalang sa car ni ica..wawa naman...sayang..good thing di lumipad yung car nya... from the hws anna, adrian, jerome and I were all in our hws clothes...in tagalog..naka pambahay pa! astig..naka rating ng discovery in tsinelas and butas butas na damit...akala ata squatter kme...hahaha....tamad pa kme maligo pagdating dun kaya ayun dumating na si vinca and pat (arriola) and we were still in our pamabahay clothes...after we took a bath, we went to podium to eat dinner at sitio...shit!we (adrian, jerome and I) were so famished!!!!! ayun si jeron kain karpintero ulet....we talked about what nasty stuff Kitz was spreading against me and Aids....tangina buti sana kung totoo da ba e hello puro figment ng kanyang imagination....before that kse when we were still in the hotel, anna, vince and I were talking with other people sa tabi and along the conversation ( i dunno kung paano nag bring up) bigla nalang sinabi ni vince na "oo nga e nagsasayang ka nga daw ng tubig sabe ni kitz.." Me naman, because of the noise wasn't able to understand it kaya smile nalang ako tapos si Anna sabe nya " Bels, totoo." I just shrugged my shoulders since I wasn't able to hear what Vince said kaya when we got back sa room I asked Anna about it and dun nya sa akin sinabi yung sinabi ni Vince....whaddafuck!!!!!! pota! if she was something to say dapat sa harap namin not behind our backs...just thinking about it makes me wanna make her sugod na...kaya after that incident Adrian decided (as in no buts na) that we should move out na daw. We were planning to move out mid november before my mom came home since my mom asked to go back sa house but this kinda speeded things up a bit...bwisit tlaga...At first I thought that she was ok but it turns out that she isn't pala...para walang gulo and respeto nalang kay A since she was the one who referred us to her we'll just go nalang with no rekalamo about the whole thing...bahala nalang sa kanya si lord...kaya ata nawala yung bag nya e...i know its masama for saying this and for wishing this to anyone but baka karma na din na nanakaw yung bag coz of the lies she was spreading against us....si jerome din aalis na kse sya din naiinis na but since wala pa syang work and money (walang pera pero may 2 gold cards sa wallet) kaya di pa sya makaalis...so teka....asan na ba ko sa wento ko???? A sa megamall after dinner, nag ikot ikot muna kme keber na may mga naghihintay sa amin coz kme nga bibili ng pulutan at cups (hehehe)...sale sa megamall pero wala naman ako mabili tsaka kse dame tao nabbwisit na ko sa init at gulo...after an hour or 2 of making ikot we bought the stuff na and went back to the room na...basta kme nila Adrian and jerome dun lang kme sa room and didnt; mingle coz bad trip na rin coz of what we discovered plus we really didn't like the people...

tomorrow is my last day...due to some swap chorva I managed to get thursday to saturday off...tapos sunday baka 430pm na sked ko since that's the date when the rotation will take place...yehey!....san kayao nice pumunta...hay my gadz di na ko magyaya sa mga friendsters ko at baka ma-disappoint nanamn ako no! hmph! (hint hint hint)..Adrian is thinking na we might go sa Tagaytay but we haven't decided anything yet....bahala na...

shiyet over personal ako tengengot...makapag break na nga muna.....