I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship (Casablanca)

A rebound guy he is definitely not...di na pala...it started to be that but how can you not like him (not fall muna...) when ....so many reasons why...basta now he makes me smile and forget about all that is bad about the world...is he healing me? maybe...

when I told him i'll be leaving soon na nga this is what he texted me:

"I could convince you to stay belle..but it'd take time. I believe its like a painting, you gotta draw it with feelings so that the colors will appear in harmony..pag minadali hindi ganun kaganda result"

For one, he is realistic...I am, too, now...I'm used to being sweet talked and being given promises of the stars and the moon but all was for naught...that guys turned out to be a 2 faced lying asshole-loser...he is now sinking in his own quicksand..i got out of mine and Im standing up as tall as I can..this time I'll make it...yes, there will be moments which is natural but again I will not fall back...one day you will see one day you will see...

First cut is the deepest

Would have given you all of my heart
But there's someone who's torn it apart
And he's taken just all that I had
But if you want I'll try to love again
Baby, I'll try to love again but I know

The first cut is the deepest
Baby I know the first cut is the deepest
But when it comes to being lucky he's cursed
When it comes to loving me he's worst

I still want you by my side
Just to help me dry the tears that I've cried
And I'm sure going to give you a try
And if you want I'll try to love again (tryyy)
Baby, I'll try to love again but I know

The first cut is the deepest
Baby I know the first cut is the deepest
But when it comes to being lucky he's cursed
When it comes to loving me he's worst

I still want you by my side
Just to help me dry the tears that I've cried
But I'm sure gonna give you a try
'Cause if you want I'll try to love again (try to love again)
Baby, I'll try to love again but I know

The first cut is the deepest
Baby I know, the first cut is the deepest
When it comes to being lucky he's cursed
When it comes to loving me he's worst

The first cut is the deepest baby i know
The first cut is the deepest try to love again...

I HATE MIND GAMES!!! (Jonathan Caballero)

Last night I felt like a high school girl who was waiting for her KRAS! hahahaha..everyone was laughing at me and teasing me kse I couldn't sit still while waiting for my sundo..

so after many touch ups later, he finally arrived sa office.....I showed him the right way to go to our office kse daw he'll make me sundo ulet tonight...yiheeee....honestly, he was not even my type at first but ...a like this....I first saw him when he went to my house last friday night..as he alighted (nakanaman...) from his car he seemed soooo appealing...hhmmm mukhang fafable nga ito...but as the night progressed (syempre we all thought dadaan lang pero wait there's more...he stayed till 5am!)...being the laitera that I was...may mga sablay din pala sa kanya and he wasn't really type...if we were in a different time and situation I wouldn't have given him the time of the day...bbbuuuttttt...i kinda like the attention...i like the way he sang...i like the fact that he loves the same music that I like..i likey likey his body..surfer body ito..parng long but buffed...yihheeee...(oops laway..)...but he sang my all time favorite song (moon river) and this almost made me fall in love(????? o ibaba ang mga kilay a..)...

Moon river, wider than a mile, I'm crossing you in style someday,
Oh, dream maker, you heartbreaker...Wherever you're goin',
I'm goin' your way

Two drifters, off to see the world,
There's such a lot of world to see,
We're after the same rainbow's end
Waitin' round the bend My Huckleberry friend,
Moon river and me.

So Jean (no, not you jean my team mate), maybe you're were sent for me a reason just as Adrian was sent for me for a reason..I am realizing that now....Adrian was sent to me so that I could open my heart again...so that I could lessen my idealistic ideas....so i could find my family...you left me but I found myself and my family...So jean (again).....we dunno yet why you were sent for me a reason but let's take everything slooooow...

Overjoyed
(Stevie Wonder)

Over time, I've been building my castle of love
Just for two, though you never knew you were my reason
I've gone much too far for you now to say
That I've got to throw my castle away

Over dreams, I have picked out a perfect come true
Though you never knew it was of you I've been dreaming
The sandman has come from too far away
For you to say come back some other day

And though you don't believe that they do
They do come true
For did my dreams
Come true when I looked at you
And maybe too, if you would believe
You too might be
Overjoyed, over loved, over me

Over hearts, I have painfully turned every stone
Just to find, I had found what I've searched to discover
I've come much too far for me now to find
The love that I've sought can never be mine

And though you don't believe that they do
They do come true
For did my dreams
Come true when I looked at you
And maybe too, if you would believe
You too might be
Overjoyed, over loved, over me

And though the odds say improbable
What do they know
For in romance
All true love needs is a chance
And maybe with a chance you will find
You too like I
Overjoyed, over loved, over you, over you

William Remot says eto daw dapat ang aking theme song...feel free to dance as you sing the song..

At first I was afraid I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never live
without you by my side
But then I spent so many nights
thinking how you did me wrong
And I grew strong and I learned how to
get along
And now your back, from outta space
I just walked in to find you here with
that sad look upon your face
I should have changed that stupid lock
I should have made you leave your key
If I’d have known for just one second
you’d be back to bother me
Go on now go walk out the door
Just turn around now cuz your not
welcome anymore
Weren’t you the one who tried to hurt
me with goodbye
Did ya think I’d crumble
Did ya think I’d crumble did ya think
I’d lay down and die
Oh no not i, I will survive
Oh as long as I know how to love I
know ill stay alive
Ive got all my life to live I’ve got
all my love to give
Ill survive I will survie hey hey
(music)
It took all the strength I had not to
fall apart
And tried so hard to mend the pieces
of my broken heart
And I spent oh so many nights just
feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry, but now I hold my head
up high
And you see me..somebody new,
Im not that chained up little person
still in love with you
And so you felt like dropping in and
just expect me to be free
But now I’m saving all my loving for
someone whos loving me
Go on now go walk out the door
Just turn around now cuz your not
welcome anymore
Werent you the one who tried to break
me with goodbye
Did ya think I’d crumble did ya think
I’d lay down and die
Oh no not I i will survive
Oh as long as I know how to love I
know ill stay alive
Ive got all my life to live I’ve got
all my love to give
Ill survive..i will survive ohh go on
now go
Walk out the door just turn around now
cuz your not welcome anymore
....continuing chorus......

Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see."--Mark Twain

I created my very own first breakup rule: Destroy all pictures where he looks sexy and you look
happy. Breakup rule No. 2: Until emotionally stabilized, enter no stores. Breakup rule No. 3:
Never stop thinking about him, even for a moment because that's the moment he'll appear. And
finally, the most important breakup rule: No matter who broke your heart or how long it takes
to heal, you'll never get through it without your friends.
---Carrie (Sex and the City)

A bit disoriented when I woke up coz my mom wasn't there. Turns out she went to Pampanga pala coz they'll be getting mangoes...hhmmm sarap!

Met up with my friend Dennis early this afternoon and over lunch and yosi he made kwento that his girlfriend of 4 years and him just broke up...my poor friend...sorry den, i can really help you this time since I'm going through the same shit right now...we were like 2 drunkards sitting right there in my sala nakatunganga...

A friend gave my number to some guy friends of her and we--eellll....the first guy: he's not exactly gwapo pero he has somekindasorta appeal...i dunno how to describe it though..basta..he was so masipag to text me the whole day tapos friday night he went to our house and stayed till 5am..kala ko dadaan lang yun pala...iba na ito! he was mabait naman and makwento sobra ..into breeding dogs (or is that dog breeding)...they have their own cable company in quezon...he used to be a seminarian..a singer (they had an album with Ivory records...and he's buffed! buffed in a sexy way not parang balloon! the secong guy wasn;t such a texter...he's also into animals since he has his own pet shop in Bulacan (yikes!)..my friend tells me na tlaga nagpapahanap daw sya ng ka date...turns out that he knows my kabarkadas since he was their ka batch in San Beda..small world.

A third guy who I comminicated last thursday, is a former classmate in AC Antipolo. Yes, Ac Antipolo used to have boys from Kinder to grade 4 till they phased it out. A true blue atenista. if your from assumption you'd be familiar with the Cuyugan Buses which they own..he's a surfer...and a trainer in C-cubed (how do they spell it?) but i think he's panget pa e..but he's the absolute sweetest tlaga..if you have time you can check out my testimonial for him in his profile..in my list ang name nya Gani :)

Saturday night naman, more of sunday morning na when I ended my shift, a guy who has been making me kulit if I could go out with him or for him to pick me up tried to kiss me when I finally said yes for him to make me sundo....WTF!!! why do I attract the worse kinds of guys anyway....

how do i write my hurt...how do i write how my heart feels..what do I say...are words enough to describe how I feel...if my heart could cry out its sound will be heard till the high heavens and the deepest part of hell...if my eyes could over flow I would drown in my own tears...my heart is beating so fast that it hurts...is this pain? is this pain never gonna end? will the tears never cease to pour out from my red and swollen eyes? when will this end? When will all my woes leave me....leave me and let me be...

"Sometimes when you hold out for everything, you walk away with nothing."
---Ally McBeal

For the past few months that my mom has been staying here in Manila, our relationship has vastly improved. I used to despise her to death but in the recent months she has been somone that I've grown to trust and...basta we have a better mother and daughter relationship. It was only a few backs that when I told her that Adrian and I broke up but at that time I didnt tell her the details. This morning-err afternoon pala I told her everything-as in everything. She cried a few times and I almost did, too. She suggested that if di ko kaya to work in the same area where he works that I should leave nalang and just go home. She says: uwi ka nalang. mas magiging mabuti ka pa doon kesa dito. We would be able to look after you instead of you being here with no one to take care of you. Tama na daw na I already sacrificed a lot for him. Its his turn na daw to do something and that if ever who should be doing something to correct the situation that it is him and not me.

Is it possible to be just friends with someone i have these sort of non-moderate feelings for?... Or am I doomed forever to just be in love and ultimately significantly hurt?
-Felicity

This headlins in MSN captured my attention:

March 22, 2004 -- The FDA is issuing a warning about the possibility of worsening depression or suicidal thoughts in people, particularly children, who take any of 10 popular antidepressants, especially at the beginning of treatment or when the doses are increased or decreased.


The FDA has sent a letter to drug manufacturers requesting labeling changes on these antidepressants -- warning of possible suicide, worsening depression, anxiety, and panic attacks in adults and children.

Antidepressants involved in this warning label request are:

Prozac (also sold generically as fluoxetine)
Zoloft
Paxil
Luvox
Celexa
Lexapro
Wellbutrin
Effexor
Serzone
Remeron

"We don't know that the drugs are responsible for these behavioral changes, but nonetheless we're telling physicians and families to be aware of this and that if the behaviors do emerge, to get treatment right away," said Russell Katz, a director with the FDA's Center for Drug Evaluation and Research, in a news teleconference today.

The proposed warning label will "include information about behavioral changes that may occur in patients who are prescribed antidepressant drugs," said Katz.

"This applies to adult and pediatric patients and involves the potential for suicidal thinking or suicidal behaviors and warns the physician and family about any behaviors that might emerge that haven't been experienced before," he added.

But the FDA stopped short of recommending people discontinue taking their antidepressants.

"We specifically decided not to tell people not to use these drugs," said Katz. "We don't think that is necessary at this point."

In addition to looking for signs of worsening depression, the following symptoms may also be a sign of a problem:

Anxiety
Agitation
Panic attacks
Insomnia
Irritability
Hostility
Impulsivity
Severe restlessness
Mania in both adults and children being treated with antidepressants for major depression

If these changes appear, treatment should be evaluated, the FDA says. Medications may need to be discontinued when symptoms are severe, begin abruptly, or if they signal a new disorder.

There also is concern for people who have bipolar disorder (manic depression) but don't know it. Antidepressants have the potential for provoking a manic episode in these people, the FDA says. Doctors, patients, and family members should be on the lookout for any symptoms of mania, including feeling extremely happy or very irritable, inflated self-esteem, not needing as much sleep as usual, talking, or being more active than usual.

Reviewing Studies of Children

The FDA has been closely reviewing studies of antidepressants in children for the past year after an initial report on studies of Paxil and other drugs suggested an increased risk of suicidal thoughts in children given antidepressants. No suicides occurred in any of the trials, the FDA reports.

The analysis has involved 25 controlled trials with 4,000 children taking antidepressants, said Katz. "Those reviews are ongoing."

Today's action "arose from an unexpected observation in some studies of an apparent excess of emotionability, a catch-all term ... that includes suicidal [thoughts]," said Robert Temple, MD, the FDA's director of medical policy.

However, closer examination has shown that the accounts are unclear -- whether certain behaviors reported were actual suicide attempts or other self-injurious behavior that was not suicide-related.

"As we've gone into the studies in detail, it's become evident that the terms used were highly varied and [the studies] not very well done," Temple said.

Experts at Columbia University in New York are providing an independent review of the studies, looking carefully at descriptions of these events to determine whether those cases represent suicidal behavior.

"We hope to have a much better idea whether these drugs are effective and whether or not they do cause suicidal symptoms," said Katz.

"There is an ongoing awareness that children are particularly vulnerable, that they need additional protection, and that we make sure that all the protections are in place," said Dianne Murphy, MD, the FDA's director of Pediatric Therapeutics.

"It's amazing how you make your face just like a wall, how you take your heart and turn it off, how I turn my head and lose it all."

If my heart could beat it would break my chest...
-Spike (BTVS)

hopes were dashed...i thought that I had already seen a ray of light...a silver lining in my storm clouds but alas.......it was naught...it was like a mirage in the desert...tama na nanaman po....medyo masakit na tlaga e.....i'm trying to put a brave and happy face but deep inside my pain is trying to break free...

i can't stand working in the same area where he is so baka mag resign na din ako...i'll just wait for the results of the promotion then i'll go na din siguro....

pinaasa mo ko sa wala...

got this from a friend:

I have a boyfriend who grew up with me. His name is Jin.
I always though of him as a friend until last year, when we
went to a trip from a club. I found that I fell in love with him.
Before that trip was over, I took a step and confessed my love for him.
And soon, we became a pair of lovers, but we loved each other in different ways.
I always concentrated on him only, but by his side, there were so many other girls.
To me, he was the only one, but to him, maybe I was just another girl...
"Jin, do you want to go watch a movie?" I asked.
"I can't"
"Why? You need to study at home?" I felt disappointment grabbing me.
"No... I am going to meet a friend..."
He was always like that.
He met girls in front of me, like it was nothing.
To him, I was just a girlfriend.
The word 'love' only came out from my mouth.
Since I knew him, I had never heard him say 'I love you' before.
To us, there weren't any anniversaries at all.
He didn't say anything from the first day and it continued till 100 days...200days...
Everyday, before we say goodbye, he would just hand me a doll, everyday, without fail.
I don't know why...
Then one day...
Me: Um, Jin, I ...
Jin: What...don't drag, just say..
Me: I love you.
Jin: ......you....um, just take this doll and go home.
That was how he ignored my 'three words' and handed me the doll.
Then he disappeared, like he was running away.
The dolls I received from him everyday, filled my room, one by one.
There were many...
Then one day came, my 15th year old birthday.
When I got up in the morning, I pictured a party with him,
and stranded myself in my room, waiting for his call.
But... lunch passed, dinner passed... and soon the sky was
dark... he still didn't call.
It w as already tiring to look at the phone anymore.
Then around 2am in the morning, he suddenly called me
and woke me from my sleep. He told me to come out of the house.
Still, I felt joy and I ran out happily.
Me: Jin...
Jin: Here...take this...
Again, he handed me a little doll.
Me: What's this?
Jin: I didn't give it to you yesterday, so I am giving it
to you now. I'm going home now, bye.
Me: Wait, wait! Do you know what today is?
Jin: Today? Huh?
I felt so sad, I thought he would remember my birthday.
He turned around and walked away like nothing had happen.
Then I shouted...
"Wait..."
Jin: You have something to say?
Me: Tell me, tell me you love me...
Jin: What?!
Me: Tell me
I put my pathetic self behind and clung on to him.
But he just said simple cold words and left.
"I don't want to say...that I love someone so easily, if you
are desperate to hear it, then find someone else."
That was what he said. Then he ran off.
My legs felt numb...and I collapsed to the ground. He
didn't want to say it easily...
How could he....
I felt that...
Maybe he is not the right guy for me...
After that day, I stranded myself at home crying, just crying.
He didn't call me, although I was waiting.
He just continued handing me a little doll every morning outside my house.
That's how those dolls piled up in my room... everyday
After a month, I got myself together and went to school.
But what made the pain resurface was that... I saw him on a street...with another girl...
He had a smile on his face, one that he never showed me...as he touched the doll...
I ran straight back home and looked at the dolls in my room, and tears fell...
Why did he gave these to me...
Those dolls are probably picked out by some other girls...
In a fit of anger, I threw the dolls around.
Then suddenly, the phone rang. It was him.
He told me to come out to the bus stop outside my house.
I tried to calm myself down and walked to the bus stop.
I kept reminding myself that I am going to forget him, that... it's going to end.
Then he came into my sight, holding a big doll.
Jin: Jo, I thought you were pissed, you really came?
I couldn't help hating him, acting like nothing had happen and joking around.
Soon, he held out the doll as usual...
Me: I don't need it.
Jin: What....why...
I grabbed the doll from his hands and threw it on the road.
Me: I don't need this doll, I don't need it anymore!! I don't want to see a person like you again!
I spitted out all the words that were inside me. But unlike other days, his eyes very shaking.
"I'm sorry" He apologized in a tiny voice.
He then walked over to the road to pick up the doll...
Me: You stupid! Why are you picking up the doll?! Just throw it away!!!
But he ignored me and just went to pick the doll.
Then...
Honk~ Honk~
With a loud honk, a big truck was heading towards him.
"Jin! Move! Move away!" I shouted...
But he didn't hear me, he squatted down and picked up the doll.
"Jin, move!"
HONK~!!
"Boom!" That sound, so terrifying.
That's how he went away from me.
That's how he went away without even opening his eyes to say one word to me.
After that day, I had to go through everyday with guiltiness and the sadness of losing him...
And after spending two months like a crazy person...
I took out the dolls.
Those were the only gifts he left me since the day we started going out.
I remembered the days I spent with him and started to
count the days... when we were in love...
"One...two... three..."
That was how... I started to count the dolls...
"Four hundred and eighty four... four hundred and eighty five..."
It all ended with 485 dolls.
I then started to cry again, with a doll in my arms.
I hugged it tightly, then suddenly...
"I love you~, I love you~"
I dropped the dolls,shocked.
"I....lo..ve...you??"
I picked up the dolls and pressed its stomach.

"I love you~ I love you~"
It can't be!
I pressed all the dolls' stomach as it piled on the side.
"I love you~"
"I love you~"
"I love you~"
Those words came out non-stop.
I...love you...
Why didn't I realize that...
That his heart was always by my side, protecting me.
Why didn't I realize that he love me this much...
I took out the doll under the bed and pressed it's stomach,
that was the last doll, the one that fell on the road.
It had his blood stain on it.
The voice came out, the on that I was missing so much...
"Jo...Do you know what today is? We've been loving each
other for 486 days. Do you know what 486 is? I couldn't
say I love you.... Um... since I was too shy... If you
forgive me and take this doll, I will say that I love you...
everyday... till I die... Jo... I love you..."
The tears came flowing out of me. Why? Why? I asked
god, why do I only know about all this now?
He can't be by my side, but he loved me until his last minute...
For that... and for that reason... to me... it became
courage... to live a beautiful life...

we went back to our company's main building which is just beside JG. At syempre pahirapan nanaman sa paglipat..and with no one to help me bring my stuff, I had to drag my huge rollerbox and other stuff from one building to another..dapat kse bawasan e.....

so buti nalang we were situated sa other side ng floor at least mas minimal yung chanvce ng aming pagkikita....pero yun nga lang may chance pa din..naman o!!!!!! sana kse we didnt move nalang e......

We went to the province yesterday and I saw my lolo again. It was saddening to see him kse his health is deteriorating na tlaga..he didnt recognize me na nga tapos he has a difficult time seeing and hearing na din... :,( I had ssat by him until he slept...he was just sitting beside the TV but he really couldn't see and hear what was being shown...hay naku..i hate seeing people that I love like this...i really do...

One of the many reason why I couldn't leave Manila is because of my wonderful wonderful friends


my girls : emer, vianca, kaje and meian

I dunno where I would be without them...if I need someone to defend me to baby me to knock some sense into me or to simply heal, to these girls do I go to. If I need someone to wallow with me I go to Vianca and Meian. If i need someone to knock some sense into me I go kaje. If I need someone to listen to me, I go to beng (not in the pic)..they are all my mother hens and at the same time my konsensya...they're the kind of friends you know will not tolerate it when you do something awful but will respect whatever decision you make...I have been blessed by God to be able to find such good -no- bestest friends that one can ever hope for :)


IcKa girl :) Vianca's daughter na inaangkin namin lahat


ala-teleserye: athea reg ces, kirk and moi!

I Can't Make You Love Me Lyrics
(George Michael)

Turn down the lights, turn down the bed
Turn down these voices inside my head
Lay down with me, tell me no lies
Just hold me close, don't patronize
Don't patronize me

'Cause I can't make you love me If you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark in these final hours
I will lay down my heart, and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
And I can't make you love me
If you don't

I'll close my eyes and then I won't see
The love you do not feel, when you're holding me
Morning will come, and I'll do what's right
Just give me till then, to give up this fight
And I will give up this fight

And I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
And here in the dark in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no, you won't
And I can't make you love me
If you don't

Ain't no use in you trying
It's no good for me baby without love
All my tears, all these years, everything I believed in
Baby
Oh yeah
Someone's gonna love me

“It takes a minute to have a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.”

-Unknown

hahaha si ty pala kaamoy ni..... :)..share ko lang..i know its corny and creepy but hey! small joys...

"The best smell in the world is that of the man that you love."-Jennifer Aniston on husband Brad Pitt (Who
cares how he smells if he looks like that?)

Lord, i told him na. Everything is already up to you. I am not praying for anything anymore but you know my heart. You know what my heart yearns and cries out for....you know my heart Lord, my fragile and broken heart...

"I got no moves...I'm waiting for a miracle..I'm waiting on an act of God." John Q.

"Who do you run to when the only person who can make you stop crying, is exactly the one who is making you cry?"

Something from Ally McBeal:

Renee: "Snow White. Cinderella. All about gettin' a guy. Being saved by the guy. Today it's The Little Mermaid, Aladdin, Pocahontas. All about gettin' a guy."

Ally: "So basically we're screwed up because of..."

Renee: "Disney."

I just want to re-post this:

Five rules to be happy.

1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.

For the last couple of weeks or months na ata I've been dependent on my dear mom na.....at the moment i wake up I immediately have this NEED to call out her name mmmooommmmmmmmmyyyyyyy!!!! and she'll come running na agad asking what i want. but when she arrives at my side di naman ako nagsasalita. i guess it was more of the need to feel her presence lang. then she'll fuss over me na and ask if i wanna eat or what i wanna eat....thing is, i've never been close to my mom. when i was growing up, i actually despised her kse she made my life like "hell" but at this age, i've learned to appreciate her na and everything that she has taught me..she may not be the perfect mom but hey you only get one mother...so sana everything works out with our papers para we can all be together na...i wanna leave na din..as much as possible i don't want to stay here na...too much bad memories...too much...

when I saw kirk's picture with his girlfriend, i cried. i cried because I miss him. i cried because....i dunno...y'know i'm just a simple girl..a normal person who wants to be with the man she loves...to find that one person destined to hold my hand until my last dying breath...the one who will father my beautiful children..the one who will make me kwento till I fall asleep...the one who I can lean on to when I am to weak to stand on my own...someone who's kiss makes me weak in the knees...someone who'll sing to me and slow dance with me....haayyy....

...the wonderings of all plain women....what must it be like to be loved? What must it be like to look into the eyes of a lover and know that he sees only you and finds in you all that he has dreamed of for his life's mate...foolishness!!!

Been out of circulation since wednesday coz I got sick..my body finally broke down on its own because its owner couldn't just stop and rest. It was my body finally putting its foot down and telling me to rest...even my mom got mad....

can't make too much kwento...still a bit weak...just pray for me please...thanks :)

Hands to Heaven
(by Breathe)

As I watch you move, across the moonlit room
There's so much tenderness in your loving
Tomorrow I must leave, the dawn knows no reprieve
God give me strength when I am leaving...

So raise your hands to heaven and pray
That we'll be back together someday

Tonight, I need your sweet caress
Hold me in the darkness
Tonight, you calm my restlessness
Who'll relieve my sadness

As we move to embrace, tears run down your face
I whisper words of love, so softly
I can't believe this pain, it's driving me insane
Without your touch, life will be lonely

So raise your hands to heaven and pray
That we'll be back together someday

Tonight, I need your sweet caress
Hold me in the darkness
Tonight, you calm my restlessness
Who'll relieve my sadness

Morning has come, another day
I must pack my bags and say goodbye...

+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +

Lord....you know what is in it my heart...

"I’" going to get out of bed every morning and breathe in and out all day long. Them after a while, I won't have to remind myself to get out of bed in the morning and breathe in and out. And then after a while, I won’t have to think about how I had it great and pefect for a while" (Sleepless in Seattle)

I do not want to go back to the hellhole that I was in when all these started...I WILL NOT I WILL NOT I WILL NOT!!!!! So as the newbie master said (yes, Jon that's you!) I should learn to forget about him.

Wala akong fone.....ang hirap pala ng wlang fone..shiettttt..as Ces said "sayang yung 7650 mo. They're not worth it."

So for anyone out there who has an extra fone ...pwede pahiram... :)

Lord, give me strength...

“If you wanna kiss the sky,
better learn how to kneel.” (Bono, U2)

Finding the right person is very hard and very wrong...
it is best to be the right person for the one you love and start from there...you'll always end up disappointed when you set standards and define a "right person" for you...and don't rush things coz somewhere somehow God is preparing somebody for you."

Don't be in a hurry to get into a relationship because you can never find love if you insist that you are already into it. Try to find time to really understand your real feelings, to know who you really are,
and what you really want in a relationship. You're right, there's no such thing as a perfect relationship,
but there's a compatible partnership that goes along with it.
If you already knew that you're too big to fit into a small sized t-shirt, don't give it a try.
You'll probably break it and pay for the damages you have made.

If you knew and felt that the relationship will not last, don't go deeper into it. you'll just suffer the consequences and live like hell for the rest of your life. It's really hard to say goodbye though,
but you can't make it any better by just pretending you still have the same feelings. Try to let go and give yourself a chance to live life to the fullest. Give yourself a chance to grow and give your heart a
much needed attention. Then you will find that you have made the right decision and you made it all by yourself.

We call it love when we can't leave someone and see them crying as we try to let go.
We are wrong, it's just pity. We call it love when we're too attached and think that losing the one we love will somehow make us weak and unable to face the storms of life.
We misunderstood, its just that we're too much dependent to them. We call it love when we give our whole life to them, the wholeness of us and imagined that if they leave, no one would accept us and our past. We are mistaken, its just insecurity.

But no matter what the definition is, the truth still remains that love isn't something you can buy or beg. It is real and existing. You can't touch it but you can feel it in your heart.
You can't find it, but it will knock before you when you least expect it to come.
It can make you the happiest soul in heaven, but don't forget that it can also make you the
most miserable person in the whole galaxy...

Its official..I am back to square one...one comment and there I was bawling my eyes out...

fuck myspace and friendster!!! I'm gonna kill the loser who invented it...shit, come to think of it..mas loser ako kse I patronize it...LOSER KA BELLE...

There was a comment in myspace by a friend of THAT GIRL affected me soooo much....that I called him and while talking to him....threw my dear phone and broke it in half..so now I'm not the only one broken but also my phone that..the one that he bought me :(

The message was this:

SO SO SO SO!!! ITS MARCH 7, 2004 HUH?? HAHAHHAHAHAA.....SO YO FEELIN GOOD MAN! HAHAHAHHAHA WELL CONGRATS!!HAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA I HPE GNET WNT KICK ME FOR THIS HAHAHAHHA THANX FOR THE COOKIES HAHAHA :p

The girl who posted that there was nothing going on with the other girl and A and that it was just a joke but I told her na sana the next time she thinks about other people naman before she does something like that kse nakakasakit sya...she seemed nice naman but then again she is her friend so hanggang myspace lang kme....

So now I...back to square one ako.....shit...when will this stop!!!!!!!! But its ok....just give me strength Lord. Just give me strength and I will be ok.

"In life, God doesn’t give you the people you want, instead he gives you the people you need. . . to teach you, to hurt you, to love you. . . to make you exactly the way you should be."

Today, I wasn't s'posed to go to work coz I wasn't feeling good when I woke up but when I was about to call the office, I saw my messages from other sups asking me to take care of some things...so I guess, sick or not, I have no other choice...pasok po tayo...i'm sick..tired...badly in need of sleep...emotionally and physically drained but we still have to work...I just hope that something comes out of it though...Im not asking much..I just wanna prove something to someone and of course gusto po natin ma promote....since I sacrificed another offer for this.


"I believe in the sun, even when it is not shining.
I believe in love, even when i do not feel it.
I believe in God, even when He is silent."

I miss him.... :( I haven't been crying lately except last night...I cried sa cab until I fell asleep....please...sana I won't go back to how I was before....I can't endure going through that again...this time baka maloka na tlaga ako ng tuluyan....PLEASE LORD NOT AGAIN....

SMILE by Tamia

Sometimes I sit at home and wonder how it'd be
If he had loved me
Truly loved me yes
I learned a while ago that kind of thing
Never happens for me
And so I go around
And just pretend
Loving life for me
I play the circus clown around my friends
Make them laugh and they won't see
That you never let them see you sweat
Don’t want them to think the pain runs deep
Lord knows it's killing me

So I put on my make-up
Put a smile on my face
And if anyone asks me
Everything is okay
I’m laughing cause no one
Knows the joke is on me
Cause I’m dying inside
With my pride and a smile
On my face
On my face

Sometimes I sit at home
By the phone hoping he might call me
But he don't call me
But then I realize
Dreams come true aren't for girls like me
Not like me
And so I go around with my head up
Like it ain't no thing
And when the boys around with all my friends
I’m into other things
Because you never let them see you sweat
Don’t want them to think the pain runs deep
Lord knows it's killing me

So I put on my make-up
Put a smile on my face
And if anyone asks me
Everything is okay
I’m laughing cause no one
Knows the joke is on me
Cause I’m dying inside
With my pride and a smile
On my face
On my face

It’s not an easy (thing)
Sometimes it’s hard to (face the truth)
It’s not the life that I would choose (that I

would choose)
But what else can I do?
If he don’t love me
If he don’t want me
I’m not about to sit around
Let myself go

So I put on my make-up
Put a smile on my face
And if anyone asks me
Everything is okay
I’m laughing cause no one
Knows the joke is on me
Cause I’m dying inside
With my pride and a smile
On my face
On my face

haaayyy so kelan ba magkakatotoo iotng horoscope ko????

When it comes to love and romance, things are definitely in your favor lately, dear Virgo.
The thing to be aware of today, however, is that there might be some manipulation on the part of someone close to you. Take care that someone else's need for freedom isn't negatively affecting your relationship in any way. Communication is key in order to maintain a healthy romance at any level.

Suicide! (and you know it, so... dont u have
something to do?)


Choose your Dramatic Death (Now w/pics!!)
brought to you by Quizilla

Sandals- peaceful, daydreamy, and thoughtful, you
often find yourself staring into space. When
you aren't out volunteering you are often just
dreaming away. You enjoy the company of
friends sometimes but enjoy peace and quiet.
[please vote! thank you! :)]


What Kind of Shoe Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

My Immortal.

Your Lyrics

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me


What Evanescence song are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

How does one know when one should stop holding on and hoping for the one you love to come back????

"It's when you are the only one left in a battle. And you are the only one too eager to stay."

Just saw a pic of Vanessa's baby Van Antoinette...she is absolutely the cutest baby that I have ever seen.. ***gosh*** I WANT ONE!!!!!

I've always been vocal about wanting kids...whether biological or not it doesn't matter...I love kids...I love babies...sana nga my own pero since di pwede sana merong stork bna bigla nalang magdadala ng bata sa akin...sana kamukha ka..cute...hahahahaha feelingera...I tried asking na sa mga adoption houses pero since I'm young and single they won't allow it...kj!

Inaangkin ko na nga yung baby ni Van e...I'll post a pic once I am able to upload it...

5 Ways God Uses Problems

The problems you face will either defeat you or develop you - depending on how you respond to them.
Unfortunately, most people fail to see how God wants to use problems for good in their lives. They react foolishly and resent their problems rather than pausing to consider what benefit they might bring.

Here are five ways God wants to use the problems in your life:

1. God uses problems to DIRECT you.

Sometimes God must light a fire under you to get you moving. Problems often point us in a new direction and motivate us to change. Is God trying to get your attention? "Sometimes it takes a painful situation to make us change our ways." Proverbs 20:30

2. God uses problems to INSPECT you.

People are like tea bags...if you want to know what's inside them, just drop them into hot ever water! Has God tested your faith with a problem What do problems reveal about you? "When you have many kinds of troubles, you should be full of joy, because you know that these troubles test your faith, and this will give you patience." James 1:2-3

3. God uses problems to CORRECT you.

Some lessons we learn only through pain and failure. It's likely that as a child your parents told you not to touch a hot stove. But you probably learned by being burned. Sometimes we only learn the value of something...health, money, a relationship... by losing it. "It was the best thing that could have happened to me, for it taught me to pay attention to your laws." Psalm 119:71-72

4. God uses problems to PROTECT you.

A problem can be a blessing in disguise if it prevents you from being harmed by something more serious. Last year a friend was fired for refusing to do something unethical that his boss had asked him to do. His unemployment was a problem - but it saved him from being convicted and sent to prison a year later when management's actions were eventually discovered. "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good... Genesis 50:20

5. God uses problems to PERFECT you.

Problems, when responded to correctly, are character builders. God is far more interested in your character than your comfort. Your relationship to God and your character are the only two things you're going to take with you into eternity. "We can rejoice when we run into problems... they help us learn to be patient. And patience develops strength of character in us and helps us trust God more each time we use it until finally our hope and faith are strong and steady." Romans 5:3-4

Here's the point:

God is at work in your life - even when you do not recognize it or understand it. But it's much easier and profitable when you cooperate with Him.

"Success can be measured not only in achievements, but in lessons learned, lives touched and moments shared along the way."

When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left. The bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19]

People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay. Let them go. And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead. You've got to know when it's dead. You've got to know when it's over.

Let me tell you something. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give
it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay.

Let them go!!

If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to ..LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to past hurts and pains ...LET IT GO!!!
If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth...LET IT GO!!!
If someone has angered you ... LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge .. LET IT GO!!!
If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction ... LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents ... LET IT GO!!!
If you have a bad attitude...LET IT GO!!!
If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better... LET IT GO!!!
If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new lev! el in Him... LET IT GO!!!
If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship....LET IT GO!!!
If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves...LET IT GO!!!
If you're feeling depressed and stressed .... LET IT GO!!!
If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself and God is saying "take your hands off of it," then you need to... LET IT GO!!!

Let the past be the past. Forget the former things. GOD is doing a new thing for you LET IT GO!!! Get Right or Get Left .. think about it, and then LET IT GO!!! "The Battle is the Lord's!"

"It's like my life was getting good... I was driving toward the right exit but I got into an accident while changing lanes."
- JL Farley

Lord, I need to get over him...I need to get over missing him...I need to get over wanting and needing him...I need to Lord...now more than ever...I have taken baby steps into recovery already please don't let me go back to the hell hole I was before...I have started to see the light in a very very long and dark tunnel...I do not want to lose sight of that light again...please Lord...I beg you...

"Love isn't like a cold. You can't just get over it."- JL Farley

Today was s'posed to be my restday but they asked me to render ot for coverage since there'll be no sme available. More OT more money for shopping...ulk pambayad utang pala muna..hahahaha...

Saya saya ko kse when I got here katabi ko si Andre my A look a like...Minsan nakaka offend when people say na "ano ka ba may asawa na yun?' Hello tanga ba ko to think na may mangyayari pa sa amin...bajesus! I like him kse he's nice and he's really really likeable and ngayon hinihiritan na ko no..I like him din kse he reminds me of A and that is it. Wala pong pagnanasa on the side. But there this DR rep that I like not like as in really like but more of crush...ay...basta mababa lang not like tlaga...iba kse tlaga ako pag nagka crush e...

Shiyet....I have never been sooo envious of Jean's current love life happenings.......aaarrrrggghhhhh nakakainggit...sana ako din pero please not that matagal...sana bukas na...or next week.....

So Jean, no matter what other say...follow your heart dear...you gotta take risks girl...just be happy...just be happy...

a YM message from a friend that I had kept:

kyutninia: uy belle omigosh!
kyutninia: kakaiyak naman nakalagay sa blog mo...
kyutninia: i never knew....
kyutninia: shucks....
kyutninia: girl dont worry....i prayed for you...
kyutninia: while readin' your messages i whispered a prayer to Kuya Jess....
kyutninia: he said everythin' will be fine and while your sweetik is not beside you...Kuya Jess is takin' his place for the meantime...
kyutninia: kaya hold on ha...wag ka na iyak...
kyutninia: stay pretty and be happy na ha...basta andito lang kami always for you....
kyutninia: this sat, we'll pick you up 'round 6 pm and then we'll go to Dex's place to party ha...
kyutninia: love yah....




I Miss you by Blink 182


Hello there the angel from my nightmare
The shadow in the background of the morgue
The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley
We can live like Jack and Sally if we want
Where you can always find me
And we'll have Halloween on Christmas
And in the night we'll wish this never ends
We'll wish this never ends

(I miss you I miss you)
(I miss you I miss you)

Where are you and I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight
I need somebody and always
This sick strange darkness
Comes creeping on so haunting every time
And as I stared I counted
Webs from all the spiders
Catching things and eating their insides
Like indecision to call you
and hear your voice of treason
Will you come home and stop this pain tonight
Stop this pain tonight

Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you miss you)
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you miss you)

Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you miss you)
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you miss you)
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you miss you)
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you miss you)

I miss you (miss you miss you)
I miss you (miss you miss you)
I miss you (miss you miss you)
I miss you (miss you miss you)
(I miss you miss you)

Check this out You'd be able to check what or who you were in your past life. Mine says:

The Oracle says:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You were male in your last Earthly incarnation.
You were born somewhere around the territory of modern Turkey approximately in 825.
Your profession was craftsman, mechanic.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Your brief psychological profile in that past life:
You always liked to travel, to investigate, you may have been a detective or spy.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lesson that your last lifetime has brought to the present:
Your lesson - the development and expansion of your mental consciousness. Find a good teacher, and spend a part of your time and energy contemplating his wisdom.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I decided to stay...I realized that I'm better off here in Manila than in Cebu. My family is here...my support group...my friends...practically everyone...Thanks to my TM Gil for knocking me to my senses. Whew! I almost wasted a foundation that I had built for myself for almost 3 years. Thanks Gil :)

I've to respect the guy. He's definitely better than PENGUIN. He has better client knowledge and the number characteristic that the guy has that penguins doesnt is people skills. One can talk to the guy without feeling na you're talking to a manager or someone higher than you. He also addresses you not as a subordinate or someone he can look down on. Another thing, he greets you. Si penguin, kilala lang ako un kung may ipapagawa. that's it. pero sa labas akala mo di nya ko kilala. kupal. mamatay na sana sya. kaya tuloy ang panget nya e. reflects his kalooban. im sorry sobrang hatest ko lang tlaga sya kse KUPAL sya.

After my shift, I met up with A in 7-11 to talk about the latest chismis that I heard about THAT GIRL. I told him na that I have had enough and that I do not want another chismis or kwento about her or them to ever reach me ever again. I asked him (more of ordered nga e..) to make her shut up or I will. Yes I know it was kinda harsh pero please naman...medyo gumagawa na ata sya ng kwento para lang mapansin sya e...I was soooo angry last night to the point na I was crying na because of anger. PuÑeta minsan lang ako magsasalita at magagalit about it sa kanya and he knows na when I do say something it really is that mabigat na or sobra sobra na. We talked till 430am (so much for going home early) and he did understand naman from where I am coming from and why I reacted that way. That was wednesday early morning. When we met up again wednesday night, he said na he spoke na daw with that girl and of course, she denied it. Well whoever did spread those rumours about them and whoever made sure it reached me, shut up.

FYI lang din to everyone, Adrian and I did not break up because of a third party. We broke up because we had issues that could not be resolved. That is it. We are friends now. Or at least trying to be.

"And sometimes you just didn't want to know the end
because how can the end be happy?
How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad happened?
But in the end it's only a passing thing
this shadow
Even darkness must pass
A new day will come
and when the sun shines
it will shine out clear"

Should I go or should I stay...

I've been offered a position in Cebu and its an immediate posting as today sinabi bukas na aalis....huwaaatttt!!!!

decisions...decisions...

Alas, there were no tears of joy but there was joy indeed. not the type of joy that will make you jump for joy but ....sige na nga joy na....when I got back to the office after hearing mass in greenbelt, he called me and asked if I heard mass na and if its ok if we could talk sana before his shift. He also apologized. Kaso we weren't able to talk before his shift kse he was late na. But before mag end shift, he YMed me and asked if I could walk with him till 7/11. I met up with him and again, he apologized to me. He knows naman how I am when I'm angry e. Puro sige lang ako pero I never forget. Tapos kwento till I went home na.

When I saw him, there I was falling all over again...puneta! Sakit...Parang bumabalik nanaman ako sa buhay ko when we first broke up.....@#*U$U$&&$!@@......NEVER AGAIN...When I got home, I prayed agad. Prayed for him to give me strength and drank my medicine agad para maka help...

In a way, getting angry at him helped me take my one step into recovery. I'm better no--way better!!! Yes, there are still moments when I feel lonely and sad but at least I don't fall asleep crying anymore and I don't have the itch to call or text him na...I'm on my to recoveryville yahoooooo!!!!!!!!!!

When I got home he texted me and asked if I still wanted to pursue the "arrangment" that I propsed to him about a week ago (before kme nag away). Told him that I already abandoned that plan but he asked that he wants us to pursue it. Told him na I wanna think about it kse I wanna make sure na this time hindi ako masasaktan. Baka kse mako naman ang umasa at baka instead of it helping me recover baka it wouldn't pala especially now na I'm doing so well on my own. What's surprising is that he actually texted me about it several times and he even called me to ask and explain..so there I was hearing the "A" that I used to know...pakeng shiyeeet....I miss that...how I wish....erase! erase! erase!

This songs is what I listen to almost every minute:


Beauty queen of only eighteen

She had some trouble with herself

He was always there to help her

She always belonged to someone else


I drove for miles and miles

And wound up at your door

I've had you so many times but somehow

I want more


I don't mind spending everyday

Out on your corner in the pouring rain

Look for the girl with the broken smile

Ask her if she wants to stay awhile

And she will be loved

She will be loved


Tap on my window knock on my door

I want to make you feel beautiful

I know I tend to get so insecure

It doesn't matter anymore


It's not always rainbows and butterflies

It's compromise that moves us along

My heart is full and my door's always open

You can come anytime you want


I don't mind spending everyday

Out on your corner in the pouring rain, oh

Look for the girl with the broken smile

Ask her if she wants to stay awhile

And she will be loved

She will be loved


And She will be loved

And She will be loved


I know where you hide

Alone in your car

Know all of the things that make you who you are

I know that goodbye means nothing at all

Comes back and begs me to catch her every time


she falls


Tap on my window knock on my door

I want to make you feel beautiful


I don't mind spending every day

Out on your corner in the pouring rain

Look for the girl with the broken smile

Ask her if she wants to stay awhile

And she will be loved

And she will be loved

And she will be loved

And she will be loved

Please don't try so hard to say good bye.

My horoscope says....

Today a deep concern for the feelings of others could have you lending a sympathetic ear to those in need of a little understanding. At this point it is more important to listen than to talk, dear Virgo, even though your innate practicality might want to express itself. Your own affairs should go smoothly, bringing you and those around you a lot of satisfaction. Don't be surprised if at some point you shed a few tears of joy!

OMG!!! Tears of Joy?!?!?!?! I haven't had that for ages!!!

I shall allow no man to belittle my soul by making me hate him

Last night I've had enough. I feel na there is no respect anymore. He was rude to me on several occasions and last night was the last straw. On his part, he did say sorry and realized what he did wrong but I demanded an actual apology and nothing else. I'm a very patient person when it comes to getting angry with people that I love. I have to admit, to the point of naaabuso na ko. But when I feel that you're trampling on me na especially now that I am down...its unfair and not good for one to put down and walked all over someone when she is already crawling on her knees. So finally I have had enough. But I am not angry at him. I am trying my best not to. I do not want to plant any seed of anger in me

"Accept responsibility for the times when you've hurt others because you lacked inner peace. Make amends to them when you can."

i am angry.

I am my father's daughter. I am slow to anger. very slow. but when I do I never forget. i hold grudges. I burn bridges. You are now dead to me.

Something funny:

Girls...you need these...pick up lines with rebuffs for you!

HE: Can I buy you a drink?
SHE: Actually I'd rather have the money.

HE: I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.

HE: Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
SHE: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must've been given your share.

HE: Will you go out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.

HE: Your face must turn a few heads.
SHE: And your face must turn a few stomachs.

HE: Go on ,don't be shy. Ask me out.
SHE: Okay, get out.

HE: I think I could make you very happy.
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?

HE: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.

HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why? Don't you already have one?

HE: Shall we go see a movie?
SHE: I've already seen it.

HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Hiding from you.

HE: Haven't I seen you some place before?
SHE: Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore.

HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

HE: So, what do you do for a living?
SHE: I'm a female impersonator.

HE: Hey baby, what's your sign?
SHE: Do not enter.

HE: Your body is like a temple.
SHE: Sorry, there are no services today.

HE: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
SHE: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Where I'll be the rest of your life in your wildest dreams.


This whole week (since monday) has been a fairly good week for me..thank you God thank you. although there are still bouts of loneliness and emotional breakdowns I feel that I've somehow just taken my first baby step into recovery. But let's not rejoice...the road to recovery is still long and treacherous ...but i hope and pray otherwise...please

Last wednesday-err, technically thursday since it was around 2am na. Ces and I went to Absinth. Well, kirk's patience paid off (in teaching me how to dance) and I'd like to think na i can move na to the music fairly well. Konti pang practice. That was my first time to dance and my first time to drink beer. yep, you read that right. my first time. Sure, I've drank other kinds of liquor before. Tequila, vodka, gin...all shots lang but never beer and never a whole bottle. why? because I hated the smell of beer. hehehehe...so since i was in a bar and yun na rin iniinom ni ces e di sige yun na din sa akin da ba! Alas, the newbie in my showed in the end. I got tipsy after 1 bottle ***hehehehehe*** Gimme a break, pers taym no! Konti pang practice. And practice I did, Saturday night, met up for dinner with beng and Josh in Eastwood. Beng, as usual, had to go home at 12mn before maging pumpkin yung car nya. Josh and I got out of jack's Loft and went around Eastwood to look for a place where we can drink. Drank 2 bottles of beer before I felt dizzy. I nursed the first one kaya tumagal hehehehe...Josh was giving me pointers pa

QUEEN(KING) OF PAIN

There's a little black spot on the sun today
It's the same old thing as yesterday
There's a black hat caught in a high tree top
There's a flag-pole rag and the wind won't

stop

I have stood here before inside the pouring rain
With the world turning circles running 'round my brain
I guess I'm always hoping that you'll end this reign
But it's my destiny to be the queen of pain
There's a fossil that's trapped in a high cliff wall
That's my soul up there
There's a dead salmon frozen in a waterfall
That's my soul up there
There's a blue whale beached by a springtime's ebb
That's my soul up there
There's a butterfly trapped in a spider's web

I have stood here before inside the pouring rain
With the world turning circles running 'round my brain
I guess I'm always hoping that you'll end this reign
But it's my destiny to be the queen of pain

There's a queen on a throne with his eyes torn out
There's a blind man looking for a shadow of doubt
There's a rich man sleeping on a golden bed
There's a skeleton choking on a crust of bread

There's a red fox torn by a huntsman's pack
There's a black-winged gull with a broken back
There's a little black spot on the sun today
It's the same old thing as yesterday

I have stood here before inside the pouring rain
With the world turning circles running 'round my brain
I guess I'm always hoping that you'll end this reign
But it's my destiny to be the queen of pain

Queen of pain
I'll always be queen of pain
I'll always be queen of pain


I am so scared to trust and love again. I dont want to get hurt anymore at all. i dont want to give my heart and be vulnerable ever again. i do not want to go through this anymore, please let there be no more heartaches...

Ewww! Isn't that the pervert?"

-Paris Hilton, when asked to pose with R. Kelly after the Grammy's. Unbeknownst to Paris, Mr. Kelly was right behind her.

Jon sent me this.....sakit...

"For you bell..."

Notes from the heart and mind of a genius

Sometimes, in our relentless efforts to find the person we love we fail to recognize and appreciate the people who love us. We miss out on so many beautiful things and simply because we allow ourselves to be enslaved by our own selfish concerns. Go for the man of deeds and not for the man of words for you will find rewarding happiness not with the man you love but the man who loves you more.

The best lovers are those capable of loving from a distance far enough to allow the person to grow, but never too far to feel the love deep within your being.

TO LET GO OF SOMEONE DOESN'T MEAN YOU HAVE TO STOP LOVING, IT ONLY MEANS
THAT YOU ALLOW THAT PERSON TO FIND HIS OWN HAPPINESS WITHOUT EXPECTING
HIM TO COME BACK.

Letting go is not just setting the other person free, but it is also setting yourself free from all bitterness, hatred, and anger that keep in your heart. Do not let the bitterness scare away your strength and weaken your faith, and never allow pain to dishearten you, but rather let yourself grow with wisdom in bearing it. You may find peace in just loving someone from a distance not expecting anything in return. But be careful, for this can sustain life but can never give enough room for us to grow.

We can all survive with just beautiful memories of the past but real peace and happiness come only with open acceptance of what reality is today. There comes a time in our lives when we chance upon someone so nice and beautiful and we just find ourselves getting so intensely attracted to that person.

This feeling soon become a part of our everyday lives and eventually consumes our thoughts and actions. The sad part of it is when we begin to realize that this person feels nothing more for us than just a friendship.

We start our desperate attempt to get noticed and be closer but in the end our efforts are still unrewarded and we end up being sorry for ourselves.

You don't have to forget someone you love. What you need to learn is how to accept the verdict of reality without being bitter or sorry for yourself.

Believe me, you would be better off giving that dedication and love to someone more deserving. Don't let your heart run your life, be sensible and let your mind speak for itself. Listen not only to your feelings but to reason as well. Always remember that if you lose someone today, it means that someone better is coming tomorrow: If you lose love that doesn't mean that you failed in love. Cry if you have to, but make it sure that the tears wash away the hurt and the bitterness that the past has left with you.

Let go of yesterday and love will find its way back to you. And when it does, pray that it may be the love that will stay and last a lifetime. There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is though everything is a miracle.

Albert Einstein
(1879-1955)

"Sometimes I wish I had never met you because then I could go to bed at night not knowing there was someone like you out there."

the past 2 days have been "good days" for me. hope it lasts...

I realize the other day that I'm getting dependent with my anti-depressant pill. The other day when I wasn't able to drink my medicine, I found myself agitated. So even if I was minutes away nalang from being late sa work, I went to the drug store (which seemed to be an oasis) and bought my needed miracle drug...tsk tsk tsk...I think I should learn na how not to be too dependent on my medicines....baaaddddd.....sick sick sick sick....

Carroll called me kanina all the way from Taiwan. I thought he just wanted to say hi yun pala he wanted to verify a kwento that he heard. Thanks for the concern Karla and Carroll :) I appreciate it...mwah!

For those who doesn't know, Carroll (is a guy) is my immediate ex. ha! labels! when can we do without them!?!?!?! I owe this a guy a lot and its nice to know na we're good friends na now. very good friends indeed. This guy does not fail to amaze me always. He also doesn't forget my pasalubongs too ;) I've told other people that with all of my exes Carroll was the only ex that I wanted to get back with. Not including my recent ex. Those 2 men would always be part of my life that I would never forget and would want to go back to if given a chance. (No Carroll, this is not a hint!I was not implying anything. hahahaha).

But as of now, I am a man hater. I do not see myself ever committing again. No more na. Pagod na ko. I'm not a masochist. I do not want to see myself this messed up again. So I guess my dream of having a child of my own would either be shelved or may be I can turn to adoption nalang..if they let me. Or maybe I'll find a very handsome and matalino na guy to father my kid. hahahahaha!!! The hopeless romantic has become hopeless na.

"Sometimes no relationship is more desirable than the one you can’t have" (Object of my affection)

Sometimes I wish I were a little kid again; skinned knees are easier to fix than broken hearts

I'm losing my grip again...i'm soooooo tired na...im wish that I can just end it...


“Letting go isn't a one-time thing, it's something you have to do everyday, over and over again.”

.....so many times i've wondered where i've gone
and how i found my way back in
i look around awhile for something lost
maybe i'll find it in the end

And I'm feelin' the same way all over again
Feelin' the same way all over again
Singin' the same lines all over again
No matter how much I pretend

Feelin' the same way all over again
Feelin' the same way all over again
Singin' the same lines all over again
No matter how much I pretend
No matter how much I pretend

The last 2 days have been so difficult for me. Today isn't different. I miss him-a lot. I have recurring thoughts of him being with another girl and that makes me cry. The first time that thought entered my mind I slumped on my bed and cried like a baby. Di ko kaya. isa isa lang please ang bato ng problema.

How I wish there would be some sort of painkillers for this kind of pain. I'd gladly buy a boxfull of them. If pain can just be turned off like a light switch or like a faucet, I would have turned it off a long time ago. I hate feeling any kind of pain. Any. Mahina ang loob ko sa problems and pain. I have a weak heart and do not have the stomach for it. Who wants to feel this kind of pain ba? Who wants to cry every night and fall asleep na umiiyak? I'm not into S&M, y'know. I've tried everything to forget him. I've kept myself occupied. Everyday I let him go. But I just can't. When it seems that there will be days that it will be a good day for me. I feel na I'm taking a step to recovery na. But when my low, lower and lowest days come, I feel na I fall back to my quagmire of pain and loneliness much deeper than before. I'm trying to get out but I can't. It seems that I'm stuck in a quicksand that slowly swallows me up and that no matter what I do I'll sink deeper and deeper. How can one unchain a heart that is holding on...

"It's hard to tell your mind to stop loving someone, when you're heart still does."


The Art Of Letting Go by: Mikaila

Put away the pictures, put away the memories
I go over and over through my tears
I've held them 'til I'm blind, they kept my hope alive
as if somehow that might keep you here
won't you believe in a love forevermore
how do you leave it in a drawer

Now here it comes, the hardest part of all
unchain my heart that's holding on
how do I start to live my life alone
guess I'm just learning, learning the art of letting go

Try to say it's over, say the word good bye
but each time it catches in my throat
you're still here with me and i can't set you free
so I hold on to what i wanted most
maybe someday we'll be friends forevermore
wish I could open up that door

Now here it comes the hardest part of all
unchain my heart that's holding on
how do I start to live my life alone
guess I'm just learning, learning the art of letting go

What can I say, what can I do
but try to make it through the pain
not one more day without you

Where do I start to live my life alone
I guess I'm learning, I'll be learning
learning the art of letting go

It's Valentine's Day again
Chocolates and roses, dinner by candelight
But not for everybody
There'll be three less roses given away tonight
'Coz Jimmy's girl got on a plane
He tried to stop her from leaving but tried in vain
And he'd hand her three roses now
But she lives so far away
To a lonely heart, how does one say
Happy Valentine's Day

It's Valentine's Day again
Long-time lovers lighting the fire once more
But it's gonna be cold tonight
For someone whose lover walked right out the door
See, Anna's fighting back the tears
Broke up with her beau for nine long years
And she's throwing her dreams of walking down the aisle away
To a broken heart, how does one say
Happy Valentine's Day

Cruel, oh so cruel
Be with your lover and be glad
And if you're without a lover
Well, that's just too bad
Cruel, oh so cruel
No other day like this
Can make you long so much
For the one you miss

It's Valentine's Day again
Jay's got the flowers, but somehow it's not the same
Though he knows April's happy
'Coz all he can do is set them on her grave
It's been two years since she passed on
But somehow the pain still lingers on
And no other day can magnify it like this day
To a grieving heart, how does one say
Happy Valentine's Day

How do you say
Happy Valentine's Day

I forgot na where I got this >

Pulled Apart
the night falls with a silent sigh, cold and alone

are we.
the emotion for which you pine
flares once, then dies,
devoured by the abyss.
all hope must fail.

your heart beats no more.
how could you not understand?
shadows surround us, crying,
we have lost our light.

Read this Inquirer...in time for V day:::: eeewwww :P

Four things I love
and hate about you
Four things I love
and hate about you
By Rosa Villanueva

***This would have been perfect for him. He was all these and more....***

FOUR things I love about you: your smile, your commitment to everything you do, your concern for everything I do and your love.

Four things that make me want to turn this into forever: the way you love your family, the way you love God, the way you love your friends and the way you love me.

Four things that caught my eye when I first met you: the way you carried yourself, the way you stood when
I arrived, your height, and how you listened to everything I said and filed it in your brain.

Four things I promise you: to stay, to avoid quitting just because things are rough, to quit nagging when
I'm pissed or PMSing, and to sit still and be content.


And another one..

Love defined
By Kristine Caguiat


IT BEATS through your heart, burns through your skin and melts your senses. It encompasses all human
emotion and justifies all human reason. It holds no bounds, breaks all barriers, scales all heights and defies all depths. It is a question that answers all inquiry, and an answer that questions all knowledge; a mystery of the mind and a secret of the soul.

Indescribable, immeasurable, indefinable.

It is pure, undefiled and simple.

It is the unknown, the utopian, the dream of all dreamers.

It is the core, the polestar, the center, the beginning.

It runs courses, lacerates sentiment and intensifies passion.

It is romance.

A taste of heaven, a sensation of bliss.

It is faith and conviction.

It's an aura in the atmosphere.

It is multiplied: over and over and over again.

It's louder than the storms, deeper than the floods,

more blinding that the sun and the most electrifying of all forces.

It is elemental.

It is beautiful and stunning.

It's words, words, words.

Ironies and paradoxes, going in circles, never to be answered; riddles of feeling.

A touch, a kiss, a priceless show of affection.

It is delight and happiness.

It's ecstasy.

It can combat forces, destroy destruction, and end war.

It is life and death all over again.

It is love.

One day you will love me, the way I loved you
One day you will think of me, the way I thought of you.
One day you will cry for me, the way I cried for you.
One day you will want me, but i will not want you.

Today is a good day...so far.

Although it took a long time before I could get a cab, I got cabbie that was nice and cheerful. For a change, thank God. he blabbed all through out the trip. He was so cheerful that I even surprised myself when I answered his questions and responded to his comments. Ha! That's something new from Ms. Masungit. Something he said struck me. I forgot na the actual line but it says something about a cheerful heart will do you good or something like that. Buti pa si manong always cheerful. Come to think of it...oo nga bakit si manong driver lang ang cheerful??? I resolve to try to delve into the deep recesses of my soul to try and look for my old perky, cheerful self..I will find her one of these days because tomorrow is another day and you never know what the tide may bring!!!


"I know the world has its problems, but would it hurt you to smile once in a while (She's all that)

trying day...it's one of those days when I do nothing but cry cry cry cry cry......

why do men get over women faster? whhhhhyyyyyy!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?

I just reading The Present By Spencer Johnson given by Carroll. Yes,my ex.Lalaki po sya.

"...Don't be too hard on yourself. Remember that you did the best you knew how at the time. When you know better now, you can do better now."

"Look at what happened in The Past. Learn something valuable from it. Use what you learn to improve The Present."

Lemme share w you some of the messages that I got from friends....

From Tin:

When God leads you to the edge of a cliff, trust Him fully and let go because only 1 of 2 things will happen: either He will catch you when you fall or He will teach you to fly.

From Eric:

*Hey We're friends. Who else would look out for you? I know it can be tough but I know you can do it.

* Belle, you're a lot stronger tha you think. I can see that in you. You just need someone to help you discover your strength.

*Take it easy Belle. One step at a time. Don't think too much. You'll get through this. Believe me I know you can. We'll do this together.

From Vianca:
*...keep yourself busy and surround yourself with good old lovin from our girls and I'll catch up. I love you Belle, through happiness and pain, we definitely have each other.

*Your pain will last as long as you wish but it will go away in time, I promise. The girls and I will be here to love you till you're whole again. We know that for a fact bec. we've seen it among us a lot of times. We are suckers for love and God gave us each other for support. We love you, hold on to that thought when your pain seems unbearable and we'll share your load.

*Hi. Just heard mass. Told papa Jesus to help heal our broken hearts and spirits. I think I heard him say na sya na daw bahala syo.

*You will live through this belle, i promise you that. You will always have one of our hands or arms to hold on to in your dark room. You are never alone. And when it comes to a point when its too painful to breathe, I'll breathe for you. You'll live to laugh about this and be proud of your strength.

*We find ourselves reasons to live and for another reason we lose them. One great reason I lost Vic is that I found you my girls. You are the reason I'm still alive and loving again. So one day you will find your north star again until then you have no choice but to live for me, meian, kaje, emer, beng and all of us who loves you. Come here nalang belle while I'm on leave. we'll cry have coffee and long talks together.

*....just ride the tide. You'll have your low, lower and lowest moments but all i can assure you is matatapos din yan. Yourheartache will last as long as you want.

*it's alright to cry sweetie. kaya mo yan. I got your back.

o--------------------o

This trying time, I have found new friends and have bolstered friendship with old ones. That I thank God for and will eternally be grateful for those who picked me up from the floor (literally!) and to those who either gave a pat or a consoling word. Little things mean a lot to me and I remember them. Thank you sooo much :)

My doctor says that I am insane and I have a couple of months to live...

I was just s'posed to see my mom's old doctor (lahat ng family doctor namin matatanda na. lahat doctor ng doctor ng older relatives ko. my mom doesn't trust young doctors, y'see) sa skin but as she (the skin doctor or derma) was talking to me. asking me why ang dame kong rashe and sugat all over the body, she asked if I'm stressed sa work. So i told her evertyhing na and she spoke to me along with her psychologist daughter who happened to be there. And she told me that with the way I'm "living" now and treating my body, I may be dead in a couple of months or a year daw. Aside from my gastro, the mother and daughter team was sooo nice and understanding. Unlike other doctors!!! They gave me ointment for my skin and meds for my "depression". Hahahahaha....at ang mamahal ng gamot ko. sa I spent a total of 1, 600 sa ointment and meds that they gave me tapos I haven't bought all of my anti-depressant med kse naman pagkamahal mahal 100.25 pesos isa! dyosme! lalo akong maddepress nyan e.

My mamahalin ng gamot is Zoloft. And sabe sa website nila:

Everyone can go through times of feeling down or grieving for a while after having suffered a loss.

But for people with the medical condition called depression, feeling very sad or having no interest in activities can go on for a long time. Sometimes, this happens for no apparent reason to people whose lives are going well:

A life-long tennis player finds she doesn't want to play anymore, and feels restless and unable to concentrate much of the time

A busy young man feels "blue" for weeks, can't sleep, and loses weight even though he is not ill or dieting

And sometimes, depression can be brought on by a major life event:

Months after losing her job, a woman still feels "blah" and has no interest in looking for a new job

A year after her mother's death, a woman still feels sad, and thinks about suicide sometimes

Depression is not a sign of weakness or a character flaw. It is a medical condition.

Signs and Symptoms of Depression:
The term depression refers to:
a persistent sad mood and/or
loss of interest or pleasure in most activities
And is accompanied by some of the following symptoms:
Changes in appetite or weight
Changes in sleep patterns
Restlessness or decreased activity that is noticeable to others
Loss of energy or feeling tired all the time
Difficulty in concentrating or making decisions
Feelings of worthlessness or inappropriate guilt
Recurrent thoughts of death or suicide

I finally told him na I'm letting him go na. We weren't able to talk about it after I told him kse he had to go na. When I placed the phone down, I felt a heavy burden was lifted from my shoulder but at the same time I wanted to cry. parang isa dam na sasabog na. So, I drank na my "drugs" para makatulog agad. mahirap na. ayoko ng makatulog ng umiiyak ulet.

I managed to get 7 hours of sleep...woooohhhhooooooooo!!! ganun pala ang tulog...sana forever na ito.

finally got The Present from powerbooks. Sana maganda nga and makatulong....hahahaha yes it is a self help book. shucks...nakakahiya...i'm so fucking messed up.

BATTERED HEART

My heart, please stop beating
For once, please stop feeling
You've been hurt so many times before
But still you keep on askin for more
What is it you want? What is it you're looking for?
What is it you want to feel? My heart would always implore
All the time you know that they love another and not you
Why is it you try to keep on pushing until you're all black and blue
Beaten by love that were not meant to be
Why is it that this is so hard for you to see
Do you find pleasure by so doing?
Seeing defeat right through the center of your being?
Can you stop for once and start feeling less

Please, my heart, stop and give your self a rest


Just got back from my nightly ritual of going to the park. it's near the office lang but i heard that it's not that safe. well, bahala na si Lord. i go there every night. to talk to God. to myself. to cry (which is most of the time) and to just be quiet. I've been doing a lot of that lately. But tonight, I prayed to God to give me strength. I'm letting him go. This is on of the most difficult decisions that I have made. To finally face up to the truth and let go of him is like asking me to stop breathing. Yes, that is the sad and harsh comparison. I prayed to God to give me strength and courage to make it through. I surrendered ti him all of my tears, pains, worries, jealousies, heartaches and my love for him. Bahala na si Lord sa akin. One habit that I've formed is that whenever I feel jealous, hurt or scared I say the hail mary over and over and over again until such time the hurt or the pain ceases and it works. So as I write this painful entry, in my mind I am saying the hail mary because the pain is almost unbearable. Lord, ikaw na bahala sa akin.

I am sick. My health is failing. My mom terms it as "parang kandilang nauupos". I can't eat. I try to pero konti lang tlaga. Isang platito na nga lang kinakain ko di ko pa maubos and whatever I food that I am able to eat, my body expels it din naman. So somekinda bulimic na ito. I can't sleep. Eve if my body is so tired na di pa din ako makatulog. Sleeping pills doesn't work na for me. Maximum would be 4-5 hours na of sleep pero most of the time I only get 3 hours of sleep lang. No matter how hard I try to go back sleeping, ayaw pa din. I am always lethargic. wala akong gana sa kahit ano. even talking to people takes a lot of energy for me. nakaka drain agad. i have no more energy. my moods are like a cycle. one minute masaya and another i am crying. my friends say na i should see a doctor..to what? for them to tell me na my health is failing. i know that na. what else is new. i don't know what to do anymore. my body is still mourning with my heart. nakikiramay ang katawan ko sa puso ko. rest in peace, heart. rest in peace.

back from the dead and i am not happy about it

not all of you know why my last entry was like THAT. Let's just say that it was s'posed to be my last entry.

to everyone who knows, thank you for all your prayers and for the time you lent me to just listen to all my blabbings and endless ramblings. You do not know how much you have helped me go through each moment of this very difficult time. You just saved a damned soul.

I am now trying to pick up the pieces. The pieces that are shattered into a million and one pieces. I do not even know where to start. But here I am trying to pick each minute piece with blood on my fingers and tears in my eyes....

We're friends now...i guess that would suffice for now. We've talked about it several times. Ako yung makulit. It told him not to damn me for being makulit because I'm fighting for us...er..what used to be us, i guess and that If situations were reversed he would have done the same thing. And situations are noew reversed indeed. I feel na ako na yung nanliligaw sa kanya. It's something that I had never done before. But I'm doing it because this is my life that I'm fighting for. I just hope he realizes this-soon. Don't judged me for doing it. Someday, when you find that person you love with all heart and soul and who loved you almost to the point of putting you on a pedestal, you'll know and understand what I'm going through. The world is an awfully big place, y'know. That if you lose sight of the one you love, you might never see them again. So hanging on is what I'm doing.



"The road to nowhere leads to me."

I've been going back to my roots lately. Re-discovering my old habits. So far so good. There are times that I just feel so exhilarated er-at least para may kakampi ako after praying. So that's what I do. If i'm in one of my down moments I pray para I'll forget the hurt. Yes you read it right. I;ve been praying. I was agnostic for the last couple of years but here I am asking for his help when I am in need and there he was accepting me with no qualms...no questions...no judgement..nothing...so baby steps to going back....and this time, as i promised, for good na. Had my first confession in years kanina...shucks...kakahiya i didnt even know how to! but still the priest granted my absolution and gave me penance. I cried during that confession. I cried when I was doing my penance. I cried again when I was in the park doing my daily night visits. I cried when I read my goodbye letter to him. Here is a part of that letter::::

"Know that I loved you like no other. I gave you everything that I had to offer and more. I guess that it wasn't enough for you. I hope that you find that one person that will make you happy forever. I love you and know that I love you still no matter where I am and that i will be watching over you and keeping you from harm. When you suddenly feel a slight wind grazing your face. Know that it was my hand touching your lovely face. If you feel suddenly warm and protected know that its my arms that is wrapped around you...protecting you, keeping you safe and keeping you warm. If you see a shooting star in the heavens, know that it's me giving you the opportunity to talk to me. Giving you the chance to tell me what you want and wish for so that I can ask God if he can give whatever you want and wish for.

Hon, remember the letter that a woman wrote about her husband that was an Engineer? Please remember me by that story.

"When one is surrounded by love, the feeling of excitement fades away, and one tends to ignore the true love that lies in between the peace and dullness. Love shows up in all forms, even very small and cheeky forms, it has never been a model, it could be the most dull and boring form...flowers, and romantic moments are only used and appear on the surface of the relationship. Under all this, the pillar of true love stands...
and that's our life..."

I love you my sweetik, my honey. You are the love of my life. YOU are my life.

PS: I left you some things. my last pay and money that I'll get from my clearance, I authorize you to get. You need it, I know.

Tutto a te me guida (everything leads me to you).

Be happy, hon and don't work too much..... (taken out)

I love you. I love you. I wish that I can touch you one more time but I can't...or else I wouldn't be able to get the courage anymore to leave.

Belle

...an ye harm none, do what ye will....