what have I let myself into.......

Damaged
(TLC)

I know I'm kinda strange, to you sometimes
Don't always say, what's on my mind
You know that I've been hurt, by some guy
But I don't wanna mess up this time

And I really really really care
And I really really really want you
And I think I'm kinda scared
Cos I don't want to lose you
If you really really really care
Then maybe you can hang through
I hope you understand
It's nothing to you

My heart's at a low
I'm so much to manage
I think you should know that
I've been damaged
I'm falling in love
There's one disadvantage
I think you should know that I've been damaged

I might look through your stuff, for what I don't wanna find
Or I might just set you up, to see if you?re all mine
I'm a little paranoid, from what I've been through
Don't know what you got yourself into

And I really really really care
And I really really really want you
And I think I'm kinda scared
Cos I don't want to lose you
If you really really really care
Then maybe you can hang through
I hope you understand
It's nothing to you

My heart's at a low
I'm so much to manage
I think you should know that (I think you should know)
I've been damaged
I'm falling in love
There's one disadvantage
I think you should know that I've been damaged

My heart's at a low
I'm so much to manage
I think you should know that
I've been damaged
I'm falling in love
There's one disadvantage
I think you should know that I've been damaged

And I really really really want you
And I think I'm kinda scared
Cos I don't want to lose you
If you really really really care
Then maybe you can hang through
I hope you understand
It?s nothing to you

My heart's at a low
I'm so much to manage
I think you should know that
I've been damaged
I'm falling in love
There's one disadvantage
I think you should know that I've been damaged

My heart's at a low
I'm so much to manage
I think you should know that
I've been damaged
I'm falling in love
There's one disadvantage
I think you should

...and I'm about to run away. won't you hold my hand to calm my fears before I let go of my second chance on love coz my fear is drowning me... (Adnileb)

Fear
(Sarah McLachlan)

morning smiles
like the face of a newborn child
innocent unknowing
winter's end
promises of a long lost friend
speaks to me of comfort

but i fear
i have nothing to give
i have so much to lose here in this lonely place
tangled up in your embrace
there's nothing i'd like better than to fall but i fear
i have nothing to give

wind in time
rapes the flower trembling on the vine
and nothing leads to shelter it
from above
they say temptation will destroy our love
the never ending hunger

but i fear
i have nothing to give
i have so much to lose here in this lonely place
tangled up in our embrace
there's nothing i'd like better than to fall
but i fear
i have nothing to give
i have so much to lose
i have nothing to give
we have so much to lose

kaje: wassup with ur lovelife?
hundun : hey
hundun : 'eto scared shitless
kaje : why're ur blog entries like that?
hundun : why?
kaje : like as u said it.. love makes u scared shitless?
hundun : yuh


kaje : love is love. savor it while u can.
hundun : i know
hundun : kaso its the emotional investment
hundun : that im wary of
hundun : he's not nman pressuring me *edited*
hundun : pero everytime we're together makes me fall deeper and deeper
hundun : punyeta
hundun : i like all the kilig stuff
kaje : when u worry about it too much, and about what happens next, u take for granted its presence and the momentum gets lost
hundun : pero....
kaje : iyanla vanzant says, our thoughts create reality.if u keep thinking u might get hurt again, then that's what u just might get in the end.
kaje : dont ruin the rest of ur life just bec some jerk broke ur heart. this could be the person who could give u what ur looking for.
hundun : i know but..really really scared
kaje : what're u scared of? that u'll get hurt?
kaje : it's inevitable
kaje : and as they always say.. it's a risk
hundun : the hurt
hundun : lahat

kaje : ayyy
kaje : *TOOT* only 22
hundun : yan pa ang isa!
hundun : he's younger!
kaje : and ur?? ...*TOOT*
kaje : aw sorry.
hundun : bothered na nga ko sa age gap namin ni aids dati na 2 years
hundun : eto namn mas bata
kaje : it only becomes an issue if you make it one.
hundun: pero still the thought
kaje : rmember R and C?
kaje : they're 22
kaje : it came to mind
kaje : but it doesnt matter.
hundun : eeee...
hundun : it doesnt ultimately pero its at the back of my mind
kaje : why do u complicate ur life soo much?
hundun : I DONT KNOW KATHERINE I DONT KNOW!!!!!!!!!
kaje : isa kang masochista
hundun : i guess it because life has thrown me a lot of curveballs that i just keep on batting and batting not knowing if i'd ever hit the ball or not
hundun : *its
kaje : youre giving urself unnecessary problems.
hundun : and that's why imma pitcher...
hundun : *baseball pun
kaje : if ur a pitcher, it means u can pitch the ball any direction u want. why not go for the straight throw?
hundun : thing is...in this game im not the pitcher
kaje : LABO MO
hundun : life is the game and i'm not pitching
hundun : life does
hundun : just like everyone else im just a batter
hundun : and im the fourth batter at that
hundun : so, in baseball terms, thats the worst batter
kaje : I get ur pt. I meant, labo mo kase. Now here's a another chance bein thrown ur way. another shot at what-might-be a great love... and ur complicating it too much.
kaje : take away the garble of being the batter and the pitcher.
kaje : leave it to just: belle and *TOOT* likes each other.
kaje : enjoy it while it lasts.
kaje : if not, then move on.
hundun : hhaayyy...
hundun : this year's love better not last
hundun : better last pala

I have kwento!

all i know was that we were going to Bora on the 19th and that our flight was at 920am. that was all the information that i had and that was all that I needed to know...

Bora though beautiful was not what I thought it was...the sunsets were spectacular though...yes, the sand was like powder and they never seem to get hot...and so did I...food was great...water was clear...clear enough that i could see that @#$%)#&*#_$ fish that prowled around my feet...go away fishy fishy..tin:they're friendly fishes! nakasmile pa...i want my fish on my plate and not kissing my feet!

i'm not a swimmer...on the beach i'd rather stay on the sand underneath the sweltering rays of the sun trying my damnest to get myself a tan while reading a book and listening to my cds...and that's what I did...that, for me, was my personal heaven...

...Daydreamed on the bank again
I was swimming with the fish
And I thought this time that it may be true

But My toes just touched the water...


and I am back...and not as dark as I wanted to be...

this'll be my last post for this week...

at exactly 920am i leave the wasted land of Manila and off to B O R A C A Y



... the shores of Bora are waiting for me to read and dream on them...

"takot na ko magmahal..i know na masasaktan lang ako..." so goes the message from my friend...
MeatMarket's latest entry goes: "Can you really walk out of a relationship unscathed? If so, how? If not, how many times do you have to be hurt to give up on gambling your heart?"

love love love and all that hullabaloo...

if we know for a fact that loving someone entails that we will somehow get hurt by the person we love then why, for Hell's sake, still go through it over and over and over again like a masochist shouting "more pain, dammit! moooooreee!"

beats me, dude.

HA!

i don't think i'm the best person to ask about such things...

in matters of the heart, i'm not a subject matter expert.

but here's my singko na butas worth of thoughts...love and pain they go together. one cannot exist w/o the other. it has always been that way and always will be...if we can love someone w/o the pain that would be just swell...but pain was teamed up with love to make it human...love in itself is an emotion that is overwhelming and divine...it is an emotion that will consume you and push you to the highest heaven and deepest hell...pain is there to keep your feet on the ground. it teaches you that what you have now may be fleeting. it teaches you that love w/o sacrifice is not love at all...it teaches you that love cannot be contained but instead should be like a stream flowing steadily through every bend and rock it encounters until it finds it final destination..it teaches you to treat every day as if its your last because you never know what tomorrow brings..it teaches you to suck the very marrow of life until it yields to you its very essence....pain or at least the feeling of being and getting hurt remind us that we are humans...that in this big and crazy world we need people to make our life's journey interesting and colorful...

there is no one that I know of who have emerged from a relationship unscathed or unharmed but may it be a deep gash or a life threatening wound, I know that we will still love someone or something as we go through our miserable lives. I know that though we profess to never love again we know that the only bandage that'll soothe our hurting heart or the only medicine that will ease our pain is love...that i know for sure.

i have loved and lost many times in my life and still I am loving...or at least trying to. and it's not because I love the feeling of pain or being hurt..GAWD No!...but it's because despite all of the pain I've gone through and all of the tears that I've cried, my heart still longs for that one person who will love me ~faithfully and enduringly...it's because my heart still yearns for its better half..its because despite the cynicism in the world I still want to love and be loved in return...yes even with pain...

kung hindi ka nasasaktan ibig sabihin hindi ka totoong nagmamahal. Kung naghihintay ka nang kapalit sa pagmamahal na binibigay mo ibig sabihin hindi ka totoong nagmamahal. Ang tunay na pagmamahal hindi naghihintay ng kapalit. binibigay ang pagmamahal ng walang kapalit. ng walang hinihintay na pagmamahal in return. it may be masakit but its true. it may be corny but its true. ayaw mong masaktan pero nagmamahal ka? Nagmamahal ka kaya ka nasasaktan.

"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity."
- Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist-

drowning...

i'm drowning in your eyes under the yellow sign and the stars...
won't you cover your eyes
give me time to breathe
before you drown me with your soul seering stares...
-adnileb



...when I first knew
Was when I first looked at you
And if I Can't find my way
If salvation Seems miles away
I'll be found When I'm lost in your eyes...

"I know you can be underwhelmed, and you can be overwhelmed, but can you ever just be, like, whelmed?"

13 Random Things You Like
13. the smell of (old) books
12. the smell of dawn
11. when wave swallows my toes as if saying let go of your fears and i will wash them away for you
10. kids! babies! kids! babies! Kids!
9. being held by the man i love
8. being kissed on the forehead
7. being given a "smelling kiss"
6. unexpected and sincere compliments
5. autumn leaves falling all about
4. sunday walks in Makati
3. my sunday afternoon ritual
2. when my mom or dad calls me anak
1. slow dancing (which I have never done)


12 Great Movies
12. An affair to remember/Love Affair
11. Casablanca
10. Breakfast at Tiffany's
9. face/Off
8. Air Force One
7. Gladiator
6. Sneakers
5. Juana De Loca
4. The Negotiator
3. Red Violin
2. Troy
1. LOTR


11 Things About You
11. I still dance and sing infront of my old second hand dresser
10. I have flat feet. I compensate by wearing deee-vine shoes!
9. I'm SLO
8. I don't know how to cross the street
7. I don't know how to tie my shoelaces
6. I'm a brat
5. I'm very very sensitive but learned to hide it with a big smile and my trademark by-line : ok lang
4. I'm madaldal but secretive as hell when it comes to talking about myself
3. I'm OC but my room is a mess
2. I'm medyo deaf
1. I'm pikon


8 Favorite Foods/Drinks
8. Cadbury's Fruit and Nut
7. Mediterranean's Grilled Chicken
6. Coke
5. Cafe Breton's Mango Banana Crepe
4. My dad's cooking (sshhh don't tell my mom!)
3. Greenhills Turon
2. Cibo's La Foresta
1. Watermelon and Mango Shake


6 Things That Make Happy
6. Surprises
5. Sunrise and sunsets
4. Notes and love letters
3. shoes and bags!
2. tags and comments in my blog
1. nice photographs

One Greatest Fear in Life

Being alone...

am i confused or what?


Welcome To My Life
(Simple Plan)


Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you

Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like to be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like

Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more
Before your life is over

Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With the big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like to be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like

Welcome to my life

No one ever lied straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy
But I'm not gonna be ok

Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like
What it's like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like

Welcome to my life

"It's the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to dance, and the dream afraid of waking that never takes the chance. It's the one who won't be taken that never learns to give and the soul afraid of dying that never learns to live."

this is so apropos!

everything is a blur...


now i'm dazed confused and...scared shitless...serious talks scare the hell out of me...it turns my self protection mode on *viper on*

dazed and confused...

"It doesn't take very long to love someone. Not when you look through the eyes of the heart." Marlyn Langer

230am
i've been staring at my pc for 42 minutes and I still don't know what to blog about. my yosi's ubos na and I'm still here not knowing what to write. I'll sleep first...need to recharge my thinking cells

1212pm
still the same..much more now...

a thousand miles and i gather strength from you still...

Kaje: ay belle, punyeta, gulo ng utak mo.
Belle: i know
Belle: i know
Kaje: kung sino yung magsistick no matter what, yun ang importante. kung sino mamahalin ka ng totoo. hindi yung sasaktan ka lang. hindi yung pangmadalian, unless yun ang gusto mo.
Belle: of course not
Kaje: and of course, kung sino yung talagang gusto mo.
Kaje: the one who you cant be without.
Belle: haaayyy
Kaje: yes.. parang pipili ka na ng papakasalan noh..
Kaje: i mean can be without
Kaje: i mean cant be without .. tangangertz talaga ako
Belle: that was nice
Kaje: at least for now
Kaje: dont think about forever okay?
Kaje: that thought complicates things.

I miss you Kaje :( You were the group's non chalant-i dont care girl. You always had wise words for your madaling ma-attach-mahirap-mag-let-go but pretty friends Remember when jerk and I broke up, you were the first one i texted because I knew then that i need your strength and i needed your non chalant devil may care attitude to rub off on me. Now, a thousand miles away, i'm still gathering strength from you...still hanging on to your wise words hoping that they may instill some sanity in my life...

morning kiss..icka girl and not-not-so funny-tita belle =)

got home nga relatively early pero here I am blogging at 230am when i should be resting since i've been very sleepy and tired for the past couple of days...it may not look it but really i am...add that to the fact you constantly worry about things that, as Kaje said, I shouldn't even be worrying about...hassle!

Sullen Girl

Days like this, I don't know what to do with myself
All day and all night
I wander the halls along the walls and under my breath
I say to myself
I need fuel to take flight

And there's too much going on
But it's calm under the waves, in the blue of my oblivion
Under the waves in the blue of my oblivion

Is that why they call me a sullen girl, sullen girl
They don't know I used to sail the deep and tranquil sea
But he washed me shore and he took my pearl
And left an empty shell of me

And there's too much going on
But it's calm under the waves in the blue of my oblivion
Under the waves in the blue of my oblivion
Under the waves in the blue of my oblivion
It's calm under the waves in the blue of my oblivion

"If there's any kind of magic in this world, it must be in the attempt of understanding someone, sharing something. I know, it's almost impossible to succeed, but... who cares, really? The answer must be in the attempt." (Before Sunrise)

when it rains it pours...smiling like a fool as myls said...ikaw lang ang nakita kong naka-smile sa Excel...escalated call nakatawa ka?....

can't blog about it...can but won't is more like it...

Saturday night, was spent in Richmonde Hotel with my friends Meian, Emer, Vianca and Vianca's kids Ique and Icka.

checked out of the hotel around 130pm headed straight for Breton for supposedly a nice and quiet reading time--not! i wasn't even able to finish my food...again, i won't blog about it...such things happen only when you let it get to you..when you let that kind of emotion get the better of you...argh!...i have the choice to feel or what not feel in such situations but...but...fuckin A! use your head Belinda not your heart!

in the office right now, essential tools are down. finally have the time to catch up on my reading...feeling lethargic, confused and kinda sad...one word: HHHAAAAAAYYYYYY!!!!!

I know this is old but I found this as I was cleaning some of my e-mails:

Something to think about . . . .

What would you do if every time you fell in love with someone ...
you had to say good-bye?

What would you do if every time you wanted someone ...
they would never be there?

What would you do if for every moment you were truly happy...
there would be 10 moments of sadness?

What would you do if your best friend died tomorrow ...
and you never got to tell them ...
how you felt?

What would you do if you loved someone more than anything else, and you ...
could never have them?


"If you love someone you say it, you say it right there and then, out loud, or the moment just...passes you by." - My Best Friend's Wedding

still unable to blog. my apologies...still overwhelmed

being the good citizen that i am, I exercised my right to vote for the first time in years! unlike here in the Philippines, one doesn't have to go to the polling place that's swarming with squattery like people as long as you registered before hand that you're overseas. So I submitted my FPCA (Federal Post Card Application) and poof..i didn't even have to leave to comfort of my house...

CNN Update: Bush wins. This means more jobs for those in the callcenter industries.



colds + sorethroat + cough + slight fever= me sick

"A hurting heart is a loving heart. Don't hold back on love just because you've been hurt before; what matters is that you have loved well. You will one day get the love that you truly deserve"

optimist belle. that was what i was called. i never thought of myself as an optimist until someone described me as such. am I really? maybe I am. maybe I'm not.

I always thought, though, that I wasn't. I wonder what made him say that. Is it because of despite my bad experience with men that I still would want to venture to that love dating thing? Is it because despite of the bad things that have happened to me in life that I am able to see the silver lining in the darkest of clouds? Or is it because despite of everything, I still have faith that one of these days I'll be happy?

Oh well...then maybe I am. jeezuz! I wasn't one before but I guess that's what one becomes when one has seen the darkest of nights and the lowest of lows.

"I will be your accident if you will be my ambulance."

so fine call me optimist Belle. I'll be a ray of light in the darkest of days. I'll be the silver lining in the darkest and heaviest of clouds that hover above your life. I'll be the ice cream in your spaketchup party. I'll be the alcohol that'll disinfect your infected life. I'll be the song that'll be your LSS. I'll be the yosi you need to smoke when you feel tensed and overwhelmed by all the negativity that surrounds you. I'll be the wind that'll cool your warm face on a hot day. I'll be the falling star that you can wish on on a starless night. I'll be shore that you are longing to see when your tired body needs a place to rest. I'll be the extra banana in your lunch box. I'll be the shades of your eyes when the sun is shining so bright. I'll be the ambulance of your life and maybe...never mind...

"Have a heart that never hardens, and a temper that never tires, and a touch that never hurts." Charles Dickens





Because I know that Tin wouldn't watch a romantic movie with me and since I'm probably the only person left in Manila who hasn't watched "Before Sunset" is there anyone who wants to watch this movie with me during my fabulous restdays (wednesday or thursday)? I know i'm such a loser..even my guy friends have all watched this movie..

P.S. I'm not gonna make libre oh-key!!!

Before Sunset
12:55 PM
2:50 PM
4:45 PM
6:40 PM
8:35 PM
10:30 PM

Saturday:

People made sure I woke up early for our Mixed Basketball game in RFM gym. We won. Di man lang kme pinawisan. Default kse yung kalaban hehehehe

Sunday:

After my shift, my constant 'date' Tin and I ate in North Park. Got home around 3am and hit the sack as soon as my head felt my bed. Woke up at 7 or 8. saya! kulang sa tulog ulet! Lounged around a bit before I headed to Podium to wait for Jon and Kirk to pick me up.

Mixed basketball. The 2 monster "girls"! We lost :( Kainis. Found out after the game that I hit one of guys I was guarding. He said that I elbowed him and also hit him somewhere that made his voice squeak! sorry :D Nanalo naman kayo so peace na tayo.

Men's basketball. Heard that some people were betting that we'd win the championship. Touted as underdogs and a come from behind team who have never won the championship since the sportsfest started in PS played the most freakish game I've ever seen. At bakit lahat wlang gana!?!?!?! ggggggr (with 1 r!)...we had to settle for 2nd place. not bad na din. pero bad trip pa din.

Over all, it's not so bad. 2nd place for both mixed and men's and a championship in Badminton. yeah!

Below are our boys. short orders lang po girls :D


(l-r) Stan The Man and the original hearthrob, Chris, Nic, Pretty Boi Roy,Hearthrob (?) Chester, William, Raffy (back), Kirk, Mike (46) and Jon (in yellow)

sunday night, after shift I went back to Grilla. Si andrew kse e! stayed for a couple of minutes then had Den-Den, Tom and Kel pick me up coz my chest pains just won't go away. Went to MMC's ER. had some checks--x-ray and ECG and the nurse had to give me some injectable pain reliever. Kel stayed with me the whole time and kept on making me laugh the whole time with his magic tricks and his singing. chest pains and laughter. saya! Got home at 3am again. Next time no strenous activities okei! (Does "S" count?)

last thursday night.....Determind to get a good night and full night sleep, I'm back in my old bed in my mom's bedroom, got a good book (Archer's Sons of Fortune) to read till I fall asleep, a tall glass of water beside me and I'm waiting for the 2 tablets of sleeping pills that I just popped to work its magic on me and I'm off to la la land...nuninuninuninuninuninuni........oops, let's not forget to put the tv on sleeper mode....woke up 6 hours later....still sleepy, drowsy and masungit....it never works...pak shet!

today, i woke up sooo early after sleeping around 3am...kse nag date pa kme ni tintin ulet...for my 11am game...we'd be playing against Elink which has 2 monstrous looking women --women ba sila? or orcs? bengay will be my bestfriend later...

"If you want it you'll find a way. If not, you'll find an excuse." Sunjay Gupta

wrote something awhile back that I'm making some kind of list and I'm happy to tell you that I haven't finished that list until now!

So I'm pressuring myself to make that list on-line...pressure...pressure...pressure!

2004 Goals
1. Lose weight (my forever goal) and do spot toning (dream on!)
2. Take up a sport (is sleeping a sport?)
3. Renovate my room!
4. Fix books..check!
5. Pay off ALL debts...almost there!
6. Travel (pref. via plane to renew frequent flyer miles)
1) Bora
2) HK
7. Go to the beach before year end
8. Get over jerk.....BIG CHECK!
9. Decide what to do after I resign
1) go home (to the states)
2) go back to law school
3) teach

so far ive barely accomplished everything in my list. i'm trying to pursue #1...and I'm done with #s 4 and 8. with 2 months to go i strongly doubt if i'd ever be able to accomplish all of them but then again, there's always next year to waste with list of goals that I never seem to finish...do i hear the clock ticking fast somewhere?


i was that thin before..notice the difference? ;P

i'm cleaning up my Friendster messages and here are the latest funny messages that I got and as usual pang international nanaman ang beauty ko hahahahaha..I'd like to thank Meian (a.k.a Summer and Loneliestperson) for taking THE picture~~taba and all :)

be friend??
Message:
hi wanna friend?im m/30/ukmy yahoo id: ferdaushahmedif want to chat with me welcome
bye
faisal

From: Sameer
Date: June 2, 2004 3:06 PM
Subject: HIYA Message: HI im Sameer hope u dont mind to add me as a friend my yahoo address is yd_devil@yahoo.comTHANKX :)
From:
Sexy
Date:
March 6, 2004 4:43 AM
Subject: Hello Beautiful LADY
Message: Hello,You are nice looking. Why I didnt see a beautiful girl like you when I visit to Philippines?If you send me message I will be very happy. Pls take care. See you....

***I THINK IT'S BECAUSE I HID MYSELF FROM THE LIKES OF YOU, YOU RODENT LOOKING--UGH-PERSON

From:
Trevor
Date:
March 6, 2004 5:31 AM
Subject:
Re: Hi
Message:
Even you dont know me, I hope this site give me a reason to have friends...Thanks and GOD BLESS

Belinda-Maribel wrote:> do i know you?> >

Trevor wrote:> > Just want you to add on my list of friends, can > > we friends? > > > > email: monteros@lycos.com

***I HOPE THIS SITE NEVER GIVES ME REASON TO KILL MYSELF


Message from my first stalker of the year:
From: Ryan
Date: March 28, 2004 4:13 PM
Subject: Re: hi
Message: sorry if na ofend kita , my name is ryan guarino, 25 yrs old, taga pasig, single, work me eastwood call center as a technical support, graduate me ece -engineering sa ue? tatlo kami magkakapatid panganay me hope nakilala mo me kahit papano, ok lang ba kahit cell# mo lang thanks nga pala for calling me sweetee

Same stalker:
From: Ryan
Date: March 29, 2004 11:58 PM
Subject:
Re: hi
Message:
baka pwede mo me bigyan consideration na malaman ko cell# mo???take care

From my second stalker:
From: Xhristian
Date: May 15, 2004 5:29 AM
Subject:
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Message:
ah thats the second NO or the second no reply everytime i ask that question.mind me asking why?why?



From:
Concho
Date:
June 1, 2004 9:11 PM
Subject:
hey
Message:
your one hell of a lady!heaven must be missing an angel.WIsh we could talk formally.got a #?

10 Things:

10 things I enjoy watching
1. CSI (on tv)
2. News! News! (on tv)
3. kids playing
4. Sunsets
5. People
6. Just shoot me (on tv)
7. Will and Grace (on tv)
8. Futbol (Viva Real)
9. Baseball
10. people I love *heart*

10 favorite places
1. Libraries
2. Breton in GB3
3. SF
4. Velasquez Park
5. Greenhills when its not crowded
6. Old Powerbooks in Arnaiz
7. AA Retreat House
8. my old bed in my mom's bedroom
9. my room
10. in the arms of the man i love (wishing out loud )

All curses must end...even if it's Boston...The Red Sox won the World Series after 86 years defeating the Cardinals in a sweep 11-9 , 6-2 , 4-1, 3-0.

I couldn't sleep last night. I got home at 2am from my usual wednesday night out and was not able to sleep till 5am and woke up at 10am...sarap...think i need my sleeping pills again...

took a bunch of quizzes while I was waiting for my mind to sleep and here's one funny test that I took

The Zodiac Match
(TestDate The Right Sign For Your Personality) <----is there even such a thing????? Belinda, the best Zodiac Match for your personality is Cancer

Cancer, the Crab (June 22 to July 22):

This emotional and imaginative partner is just your type. Initially, a Cancerian may catch your
eye because of their romantic ways and dedication to you. But as you get to know them, you're even more likely to be drawn to your Cancer's practicality and ability to nurture you. People born under this sign tend to be true-blue, loyal partners who are willing to devote their hearts and souls to their close relationships. Because of the deep investment they'll put into others, Cancerians can be easily hurt and may seem overly sensitive at times. However, more often, Cancers are simply warm and compassionate mates. In the bedroom, you may find the Crab a bit hard to coax out of its shell — at least at first. Cancers can be somewhat timid lovers in comparison to other signs. Typically, a Cancer's nature is to value family above all else. As a result, if you can make a Cancer happy and earn that familial title, you can be sure that this partner will always be there for you.

I don't think I know a lot of people who were born under this sign...checking my calendar...there's no one that I know who's birthday fall between June 22-July 22 not even any female friends ***scratches head*** ..let's try checking any cute celebrities who's birthday falls under that sign....as if....hehehehehe....brad pitt john travolta? ben affleck...kevin spacey? gabriel bryne? christian bautista...

and so 2 weds ago, it was farting contest inside Tom's built to last batmobile and last wed, it was comparing Ferrino's bibingka in 2 different branches. last night it was going all the way to Mang Jimmy's near UP and eating 3 huge dishes of tapa, porkchop and siZig and 2 gargantuan plates of rice that disapperead in 10 minutes and next week promises to be another interesting wednesday since we'd going to this place they've been going to in Binondo~another girlie bar...hay naku...

eversince i got wednesday thursday off, i've been spending my wednesday nights with 2 of my oldest friends Den and Tom. Oman (from a previous misconstrued post) and those 2 are just part of a 9 boys and 1 girl (?)-that's me barkada...if they hear refer to us as a barkada I'll be the laughing stock of these guys till the next century. Not a lot of people know that I am more comfortable being with guys than with girls. why? because they're easier to deal with. i hated having girlfriends who would flock to the bathroom in throves or spend an hour or two deciding on where to eat. i abhor that kind of "practice". Coming from an all-girls school just makes one wonder why I have this inclination. one word: abner.

Not until I started working in Etel did I meet my would be life long friends...story reserved on a future entry...going back, I have always been comfortable having male friends. maybe it's because I grew up (no pun intended) in an all male household. Until 2nd year HS, I was the only girl in a family of 5. my mom always hated it when I'd play ball with my male cousins who used to live with us and my 2 brothers. That meant learning to play ball or else be stuck playing Barbie and lutu-lutuan all alone. So at a very young age, I've been playing ball---basketball and baseball with my male ensemble. My kuya Angelo-who's now a captain in the US army stationed in Germany, my kuya Mike, my younger bro Ton-Ton and, yes, even Stupid Dog. Stupid Dog is my older brother who I know abhor for being the total embodiment of being kupal and other cousins and their friends who'd always make tambay in our house since we used to have our very own half court at home. Some of those friends were Tom, Dennis, Kel (my some kinda ex), Eric, Oman.....So my all male barkada who used to be friends of my younger bro ton are now my oldest set of friends.

The same barkada who had the guts to make me their messenger and deliverer of notes loveletters and flowers to their girl of the moment-even if it meant, when I was still in GY, not sleeping till 2pm just to make sure that I deliver all of their packages. The same barkada who brought me to live shows and KTVs---these are not your usual red box and IO ktv okei! The same barkada who I have slept with--tabi tabi in one queen size bed. 4 width challenge males (Barnie, Fred, Oman and Rusty), 1 stick size (Tom) and me all sleeping in one dusty bed. Imagine that plus the smell of fart till the wee hours of the morning. They were having a who's fart smelled the "sweetest" contest and I was the judge-B L E C H ! ! ! and li'l o'le me was sleeping at the end of the bed so I was always being bumped off the bed. after that incident, I picked a new bed mate who always made sure na I had my own space-eric. but he snored the loudest! oh well, one can't have her cake and eat it too.


Blues are some of the most loving, nurturing and
supportive personalities. They live from their
heart and emotions. Their purpose for being on
the planet is to give love, to teach love and
to learn that they are loved. Their priorities
are love, relationships, and spirituality.


What Is Your True Aura Colour?
brought to you by Quizilla


I CANNOT SLEEP AND IT'S 5AM!!!

maybe this is my love story...

maybe unlike other people who have been blessed to find their life's soulmate

i am destined to never find that one person who will love me enduringly and faithfully until our dying breath...

maybe fate has other plans for me

maybe no serendipitous moment will ever pass my way or will ever knock at my door...

maybe...

but i would like it to be otherwise...

i would give my life's breath to find my north star

i would give my life's breath to find...to find that one person who will stop the world in an instant just by the mere sight of him

...a love that is always constant and lit even in the darkest of nights

a love that will live for me and only me

a love that will melt all the pain and will dry all the tears

a love that will be like summer snow...warm and cool

a love that is like the wind when you wake up on christmas day...exciting and full of joy

a love that is like the first ray of the sun...pure and warm

a love that will be...just how i feel now...chaotic but purposeful...with so many ideas but just has one intent and that is to love...to love one person until our days have waned and our time has passed...

"Is there anyone out there coz it's getting harder and harder to breathe."

Is it easy for you to show mercy to those who hurt you? It's easier perhaps to make things difficult for them and make them feel the misery we suffer, right?

But the way Jesus deals with difficult people is that of mercy and compassion. He didn't brand or condemn as eveil those who put Him on the spot and accused Him. When your heart finds it hard to show mercy, try again. Look at others with Jesus' eyes. The mercy and compassion we give may be the very ones we need for ourselves!

the dam broke...

I've been listening to Jane Monheit for the past 3 or 4 years and seeing her music video (duet with Michael Buble) is such a relief that her star is finally rising... if you like jazz, try listening to her...commercial commercial...


the curse is finally broken! 86years after Babe Ruth "cursed" the Boston Red Sox for trading him to the New York Yankees they finally were able to break it when they won the American League Championship...against the yankees at that and at the "house that the babe built"...babe ruth must be cursing at his grave....being a Giants fan there's really not much to celebrate about ..'cept barry bonds i guess...

Fighting temptations:

Temptation #1:
when it itches you don't have to scratch but sad to say and stupid me I gave in...I didn't feel any better afterwards...I even felt..blech!...as Boi_bitch said it was like making love to an uber ugly person..pak the shet...belinda bonks her head with a baseball bat... why did I have to give in to that fucking urge..punyeta ka maria belinda...bonk bonk bonk....next time when it itches DO NOT SCRATCH!...left with the feeling of drowning in a sea of mud....horrible!

temptation #2:
my material weaknesses are shoes bags cds and books...went to M1 last sunday before my usual sunday morning breton ritual and bought miself 3 cds!...another bonk...i should learn how to make tipid...but i can't..really can't..i am weak...i am mapurok...hihihihi :) no new cds muna....argh! as if..hafta fight the urge...it's the devil in me that forces me to give in to my temptation...

i will make tipid! i will make tipid! i will make tipid! i will make tipid! i will make tipid! i will make tipid! i will make tipid! i will make tipid! i will make tipid! i will make tipid! i will make tipid! i will make tipid! i will make tipid! i will make tipid! i will make tipid! i will make tipid! i will make tipid! i will make tipid! i will make tipid! i will make tipid!

temptaion #3:
been eyeing this pair of nike cross trainers for months...finally bought it yesterday...my mom will probably kill me when she gets he cc bill next month..i an almost hear her voice...$73 for a pair of shoe (echo...echo..)...ma, halabyu! i'm your only daughter that i'm sure you miss terribly..momsy! you're so sexy.....chargeback ko kaya? hehehe..bad belle bad belle...

hafta go..kirk will have my head if i don't show up for my basketball game later at 11am!

been itching to update but a myriad of thoughts just circles through my mind....too many thoughts..too many to conjure up just one bubble of thought.....aarrggggghhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!

off to my restday...bad trip..my dsl at home is busted...fuckin' A.

We're on a roll!!!

Reality continues to ruin my life....now why am I not surprised?

my lolo daddy died last October 8, , he was 89 y/o. that's the 2nd death in the family but the 3rd in my immediate circle.

Marc sez that tragedies come in 3's. So i'm guessing that that's the last for this year since that's the third death although if you count by tragedies that would be more than 5 na ata...so isn't that over doing it?

do i have to enumerate them one by one? no more na please

so that's why I haven't really blogged for the last couple of days..been really busy and was in the province since saturday...

got see a lot of my relatives who I haven't seen in ages! some of them I don't even recognize and their parents had to re-introduce them to me...being the eldest apo both in the Perez and Tan family, everyone bows to me...all hail!...hehehehe di naman...they just refer to me as ate even if most of them are way way taller than me...

making lamay had its ups and downs...i now know that sleep deprivation is never the way to lose weight..nope...i thought i'd be able to lose some pounds but ..nope...nothing happen..nil..naa...zilch..zzeeerrroo!...but making lamay gave me the opportunity to get to know some of my relatives...found out that some of them are just born geniuses (now why did I not get that gene?), that one is going through teenage menopousal at the age of 22 (yes, that's the first time I heard that such a thing can happen, too), that I had 2 cousins-twins at that, are currently in the seminary..sayang ang ggwapo pa naman, that one was kulit enough to smoke a joint beside legal smoker me and when one of my gullible tita's asked what he was doing he immediately said that it was just his insaler!..hay naku...looks like insanity runs in the family!

my last post generated quite a number of reactions...just a clarification..Oman was my best friend before work and a man came between us and somehow wedged an imaginary wall between us...i use to have a huge crush on his older bro eric. eric, too, was my friend first before Oman and I got close. he used to tease me that in "friend levels", he ranks 2nd to his brother and that if I had to choose, i'd choose eric instead of him. Hard headed person as he is, he never believed me when I said that he's # 1 and that he's more important to me than his brother (ego..ego...ego...) and now...I miss him...a lot...i miss the old oman who used to take care of me and used to nudged me to smile whenever he'd see me frown...is that romantic love...i don't know...if it is...i don't even want to explore that possibility..why...because i don't think I'd ever learn to trust again....


Pano ka gigising ng umaga kung napakatagal ng gabi?
Pano ka aahon sa kadiliman ng gabi kung ang gabi ang humihila syo pababa?
Pano ka masisiyahan sa umaga kung nilunod ka na ng kalungkutan ng gabi?
Walang bituin sa langit
Lahat sila nagtatago mula syo dahil hindi nila mapawi
ang kalungkutan mo sa bawat hiling na isisigaw mo.
Pano ka na ngayon?
San ka pupulutin?
San ka sisilong sa ulang ng lungkot?
Sa basurahan?
Sa basurahang puno ng maduduming pangako

"We are lovers, not fighters."



wednesday night was spent with my oldest friends...as usual the night yielded no decent pic except for the one that I'm posting. that's Oman. short for Norman Paul. I miss him. a lot. it's been awhile since we last saw each other and things are not so good right now...somehow reality got in the way...work and love built an invisible wall between the 2 of us that it got so high for us to climb...if he only knew...i miss him a lot...he was my sweetest and dearest friend...he'd accompany me everywhere, cut class for me, eat my tira, bring my heavy bag, listen to me even if my kwento was paulit ulit, keep my secrets, be my pillow, always made sure that i was comfortable...everything...he doesnt know about this blog...so i'm safe...if you only knew i loved you more than your brother...

Once, as my heart reign when night seemed forever,
I was with you.

Once, in the care of morning
in the air was all belonging.
Once, when that day was dawning
I was with you.

How far we are from morning,
how far are we
and the stars shining through the darkness,
falling in the air.

Once, as the night was leaving
into us our dreams were weaving.
Once, all dreams were worth keeping.
I was with you.

Once, when our hearts were singing,
I was with you.

i won't say much...lest it be miscontrued...but one thing though...i may be a lot of things to other people but i can say that i would have never hurt anyone intentionally especially friends...i may be tactless at times or had let my mouth do the thinking instead of my mind but i would've never hurt anyone intentionally as i do not want to be hurt too. but for someone to think that i would've or that I was actually capable of doing so hits straight home. but that's ok. i cannot control what other people think and feel about me anyway. i used to think act and feel that every action by another is supposed to be answered by another action. that for every punch someone takes at you that you have to punch back. and this time a bit harder. but i have learned that that is not always the case. i have learned that sometimes you just have to take the punches and roll with it. that sometimes its better to just be the punching bag accepting life's punches than be another boxer. that sometimes its better to just sit down and keep quiet. less talk less mistakes. less action less reaction. passive defense. and it's not because of having a martyr complex or whatever you call it complex. no. absolutely not. i do that because i believe in karma. i do that because i believe that the more animosity, hate and negativity you throw at people the more animosity hate and negativity life will throw back at you. one less person generating such negativity in the world might just help others do the same. too ideal? maybe but someone has to do it because isn't that what we all want? an ideal place to live in. an ideal relationship with everyone around you. that's what i want. we might not have that and i honestly do not have that...yet...but i am trying to get there. albeit struggling. but that's how life is. roll with the punches instead of trying to hit back. sit down and just keep quiet. don't harbor hate and anger from people who have hurt you and have punched you. sit down and keep quiet. they won't get hurt. you won't get hurt. it's a win-win solution and no one's the wiser.

didn't i say i won't say much?

"I keep my ideals because in spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good at heart"

Si Lord talaga

Si Lord talaga alam kung kelan ako babatukan sa ulo. Here He is again trying to get my attention.

Hello! "...busy ka? naku mukha nga...tagal na natin di nagkikita... tagal mo na ako di dinadalaw...alam mo miss na kita...

O sino yang nagtext sa iyo?... buti pa sa kanya nakapagreply ka agad...napansin ko ang dami mong ginagawa talaga...ang dami mo ring things to do diyan sa planner mo ah!

Mapangarap ka talaga noh?... ang dami mong plano.

Nakakatuwa naman na malaman yan. kasama ba ako sa plano mo? ano? naku di ka agad
makasagot...

Sige okay lang alam ko naman kung ano talaga sagot mo...

nakita kita nung Friday, aga mo umalis sa office. Alam mo ba, ang akala ko pupuntahan mo ako. Ooppss! hindi pala! TGIF (THANK God its Friday) pala kayo ng mga friends mo. umaga ka na nakauwi ah? naghintay ako sa'yo.

Pagpasok mo sa kuwarto mo, di mo ako napansin... haaay! kawawa ka naman siguradong
kinabukasan masakit ang ulo mo, tanghali ka na gigising...

Ang dami mong lakad, naghihintay ako na tayo naman ang maging magkasama kaya lang sa
dami ng schedules mo sa trabaho at sa labas ng office parang malabo.

O sige na, balik ka na sa work mo. i might be eating too much of your time maging dahilan pa ako para masira ang plano mo sa araw na ito...

gusto ko lang sabihin sa'yo na nandito lang ako kapag kailangan mo ako...pag hindi ka na busy. totoo yon! walang biro! ayaw mong maniwala? Ganon kita kamahal kasi! ayaw mo pa ring maniwala? Haaay!

Remember this, kahit singit lang ako lagi sa buhay mo, kahit biglaan mo lang na natatawag ako dahil nagulat ka, nasaktan ka, nauntog ka o dahil part ang pangalan ko nung binabasa mo sa text, you will be in my heart always... trial after trial

Isipin mo kasama mo ako na lumalakad, hindi man sa buhangin, kasama mo pa rin ako... sa lahat plano mo, kahit hindi mo ako kasama perfecting it... para mas maging masaya ka...

minsan tayo naman ang mag-usap ha? minsan ako naman ang dalawin mo... miss na talaga kita eh...sa akin hindi ka singit lang..."

not another one...

a grand aunt died last week...my mom asked me to go home...having no PTO's (leaves) left I told her that I can't...my grand aunt along with my maternal grandmother and other relatives took care of me whenever I was in the states since my family was here...when I was a kid i had a close relationship with my grandaunt, some tito's and, of course, my maternal lola. I used to love them more than I did my immediate family. for real. why? maybe because i disliked my mom back then and i used to spend most of my time with my lolas than with my mom, dad or any of my siblings. i could always talk to my lolas and titos just about anything in the world without fear of being reprimanded. i had more freedom being with them than with my family whom i felt stifled me by telling me what I can and cannot do. But of course, things have changed a lot this year. I actually have a relationship now with my mom whom i disliked during my growing up years. But it's just so sad that I wasn't able to see my grandaunt before she died nor have i spent any time lately with my lola. well, being an ocean apart doesnt help either! i miss my lola and my mom and my sister and my dad and my favorite titos...i miss sf and the how the sun's rays warms my cold red face when I open my window in the morning...aaawwww maybe it's time to think about really going home...sshhhh!

Sitting in limbo
( Jimmy Cliff )

Sitting here in Limbo
Waiting for the tide turn.
Yeah, now, sitting here in Limbo,
So many things I've got to learn.
Meanwhile, they're putting up a resistance,
But I know that my faith will lead me on.

Sitting here in Limbo
Waiting for the dice to roll.
Yeah, now, sitting here in Limbo,
Still got some time to search my soul.
Meanwhile, they're putting up a resistance,
But I know that my faith will lead me on.

I don't know where life will take me,
But I know where I have been.
I don't know what life will show me,
But I know what I have seen.
Tried my hand at love and friendship,
That is past and gone.
And now it's time to move along.

Sitting here in Limbo
Like a bird ain't got a song.
Yeah, I'm sitting here in Limbo
And I know it won't be long
'Til I make my getaway, now.
Meanwhile, they're putting up a resistance,
But I know that my faith will lead me on.

I don't know where life will take me,
But I know where I have been.
I don't know what life will show me,
But I know what I have seen.
Tried my hand at love and friendship,
That is past and gone.
And now it's time to move along.

Gonna lead me on now.
Meanwhile, they're putting up resistance,
But I know that my faith will lead me on.
Sitting in Limbo, Limbo, Limbo.
Sitting in Limbo, Limbo, Limbo.
Sitting in Limbo, Limbo, Limbo.
Meanwhile, they're putting up a resistance,
But I know that my faith will lead me on.



temporary happiness

Sa wakas the stars pinned the dhon-keeee!

Here is your horoscopefor Wednesday, September 29:

If it smells good, feels good or makes you think that you'll look better wearing it, you'll gladly shell out lots of your hard-earned pesos to have it. Just don't deplete the bank account.

did some shopping today when I went to megamall. i was planning to buy some "important" stuff lang sana but at the end of the day I wasn't able to buy any of the items on my checklist. The only thing that I was able to cross out was the orientation that I went to which was for Hands on Manila...I get to start next week!!! yey! i get to teach kids!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Love isn’t fucked” she goes on, “It’s just the absence of it that is.”

I usually eat at some restaurant where you don't have to line up and where one can linger to sawa instead i went to Mcdonald's nalng. why? because I wanted to be anonymous...cue mysterious music here...in a restaurant you have to interact with the crew and sometimes with the other people eating in the same restaurant but in the land of sup-ah size me I can be as anonymous as an electric pole. I hate eating alone. may it be sa house or outside. even if i'm eating with someone tapos s/he finishes before I do, nawawalan agad ako ng gana. it's an automatic thing for me. For me it's lonely eating alone. You can't savor the food when you're eating alone because you're trying to eat as fast as you can to be to get out of that resto so you don't have to endure the kawawa-naman-sya-she's-eating-alone stares. I like the chitchats in between mouthfuls. I like the feel of being happy because you're getting stuffed. nothing beats kwentos over a good meal. yum!

GAZZZZZZIIILLLIIOOONNNN thoughts:

a lot of people reacted to my smiley question...sya daw si saddy si frowny at meron pang sumagot with all seriousness: "ang name ni smiley na sad is Mr. Sady Smiley. Smiley yung last name nya." Haaayyyy...***rolls eyes***

my reaction:


Sino sya? hint: hindi sya marunong mag scroll down :D

haven't been blogging religiously...that's how bored I am. Even if I have a lot of things to do sa office I still feel so bo-o-o-red! my mind doesn't function correctly na din...wait..kelan nga ba sya nag function ng tama...gr! (with 1 R)

i had a thought...in the office, I'm the one in charge of doing our sales thingie report and i always include a sales motivational quote in the end for more motivation chicka to...pero what if i, one time lang, put a love quote? What will our manager say?

love quotes/messages:

If I get takot, would you hawak me tight? If I gawa something mali, would you make it right? If I build an apoy, would you bantay the flame? If I sabi I miss u, would you ramdam the same?

" i miss you so much it hurts"

“I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.”

HaLa! Just a thought...a thought that I am seriously toying with...

told you i was bored...and abner too



it's 3am na and i'm still not asleep. how is that when my eyes were all red due to the constant yawning and i'm so sleepy rubbing my eyes thingie when I was at work and here I am at home still awake?

i'm trying to change my template but a quarter way to it I realize that that is so insane...i'm tamad. i don't wanna tire myself out. unfortunately, this is one of those things that my yaya can't do for me...mommy?

i'm going back to my usual self...due to my crummy rest days (wednesday and thursdy) the mall is the gimik place to be for me! Do i sense a hand forming the letter L there? But at least I get to watch old Sharon Movies in the afternoon...little joys

Later i'm going to this seminar with Hands on Manila. It's volunteer group. One things to do off my list. cchheeccckk!

At a talk show after her break-up with Derek Dee, Melanie was asked if she had some words for Derek's mother (whom she partly blamed for the separation). "Oo nga," said Melanie, "pero i-English-in ko para maintindihan niya." She looked into the camera and, with the peremptoriness of royalty, said, "And to you, Mrs. Dee, I have two words for you. Ang labo mo!"

sundays in Makati

i luurrrvvv Makati on sundays. less vehicles less people. sarap. peace and quiet. plus the fact that Makati has sidewalks!

"Everywhere I looked, people were standing in twos
-- it was like Noah's Upper West Side rent-controlled Ark."
(Carrie,SATC)

why is that people always think that you're with someone wherever you go? Go to a resto and the maitre'd wll ask you: Table for 2? Even the servings are good for 2 persons! pak the shet! I'm alone ohh--kkeeeyyyy!

question: pag sad na si smiley? ano na tawag sa kanya? seryosong tanong yan a! pramis!

7am! 7am! (#U$#U%%*#($#$@# punyeta! pwede ba kumuha nalang kayo ng basura at wag na kayong magbulabog ng mga taong gustong matulog pag umaga! fuck it. 10 minutes. pabagalan portion...o fine ayan malayo na..sleep ulet....9am...yaya wakes me up...ang aga naman ya! ...sabe mo 9am ka gisingin..a ganun ba..sige 5 minutes...ya, 5 minutes na ba yun...o fine gumising na at tumayo...kailangan pa natin makita si kraazziiee maglaro...late for the 10am bball game. OMG! si nick! my other crush...fuck...ay si krazzie naglalaro din pala..whatta morning!we won. what else is new..naks!yabang...o red box na...o last song nalang i'll go to work na...neeexxtt!...'Di ba sa simula sinabi mong walang matitiyak ....moon river wider than a mile i'm crossing you in style someday....May isang umagang `di mo hahagkan Ang mata kong `di ka magigisnan Turuan mong ako'y h'wag masaktan Kahit ako para sa `yo Ay `sang hiram At hindi dapat magdamdam....o what! ang squatter no? baket ba! hehehe...o basta next time pag wala akong pasok tara let's ulet!

bored...yes...definitely bored...yes...

o yeah one more kwento...this time its nakakaasar but you just hafta smile kwento...there's this girl who asked me the other day if i really could see or speak to "those we cannot see" (for more mysteriosu effect"...

me: huh? why'd you ask
girl: e kse..yada yada yada yada.....
me: uh...ok lang...
girl: di nga totoo?
me: (inside my mind) lord give me strength!
me: (talking to girl) and? what do you want me to do
girl: baka lang masabe mo sa akin kung bakit ganun
me: (inside my shrinking head) mukha ba ako si jojo acuin or rene mariano
me: (talking to girl) just dont mind it. im sure it nothin

today:
girl: (passed by my table) o mamaya a pag meron tawagin kita
me: ***fake smile*** (talking to my head) ANO BASH! hindi ako spirit questor! hindi ako si madam auring...fuck it....i see braindead people!

"How long must my patience be tested before it is rewarded."

The waiting game...

it is a bit tricky, my dears. you dont' not know if you are to sit or stand or to wait or to give it up or...but what are you to do...what are you to say...you are never given any choices that you can just pick like in a multiple choice test...it is, as always like a wrong minus right exam...you answer or you don't. The waiting game is not an exam or a test...it is not a game of monopoly where you can get a get out of jail card...sometimes, in life, there are no second chances...sometimes in life there are simply no right or wrong answers...sometimes in life there are no multiple choices...sometimes in life there are simply no turning the hands of the time back...sometimes A man does what he can until his destiny is revealed to him and you just have to rely on your self to make the best answer...

SMILE (Though Your Heart Is Breaking)

Smile, though your heart is aching
Smile, even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
You'll get by...
If you smile
With your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just...
Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just...
Smile, though your heart is aching
Smile, even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
You'll get by...
If you smile
Through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile...
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

9 cigs and counting


how long must i wait
before the night ends
before the sun begins its ascent
illuminating a once darkened sky

tonight would be just one of those nights
the cigs and the blackened night would be your best friend
and no one else
....yes no one else my dear

and you are resigned to that fate
that you will be alone
that you will be unhappy
that you will be forever looking at the night sky
waiting for that elusive falling star
waiting for that sun to shine on your wet and cold face
but it will not come
it will not bless you with its warmth
it will leave you cold and stark naked and ripe for loneliness to embrace you
you are alone

and I am 10 cigs and counting....
adnileb

got this from Rocketboy:

Googlism for: belinda

belinda is back and having a ball
belinda is back page 1
belinda is"
belinda is 0
belinda is the ninth of uranus' known satellites
belinda is the ultimate fantasy
belinda is celebrating her 22nd year with the photography
business along with her most successful year in competition
belinda is a senior at charles henderson high school and has been a "serious"
art student for five years
belinda is a 5x7ft shrub with large clusters of repeating hot pink flowers
that have a
belinda is the author of the professional coach's business system? which is being
used by coaches worldwide
belinda is de negende maan van uranus
belinda is the principal nurse advisor to the government of victoria
belinda is a little rabbit with a very big voice that is always getting her into trouble
belinda is a satellite of the planet uranus
belinda is marrier to the son of actor james mason? in fact
belinda is loud and uncouth
belinda is the story of an older man who falls in love with a sixteen year old actress
belinda is currently on leave to take care of shayna
belinda is back
belinda is the ninth of uranus's known satellites
belinda is albei voltydse sendelinge
belinda is 'n fisioterapeut en het vir 6 jaar by unitas hospitaal
belinda is maybe best known for her role as rebecca fisher/nash in home and away but she has
also done a lot of other things after she left the show in 1999
belinda is more familiar as an accomplished actress in 'home and away' and as a television
presenter for the hilarious 'all time greatest
belinda is a catgirl who likes to lose herself in the 80s; an era of pastel colors
belinda is 30" tall
belinda is the essence of soul
belinda is swiss champion in solo
belinda is delerious for two reasons
belinda is a love story but this one is different belinda is a 16 year old runaway and jeremy is
a 45 year old illustrator and writer of children?s books
belinda is performing in japan
belinda is a graduate from radford university
belinda is shown in the center of the small box and has been enlarged in the inset box
belinda is quick to point out that you must look at the
belinda is married to actor/producer morgan mason
belinda is now added to the list
belinda is aiming to maximise the opportunity to contribute to
belinda is justifiably proud of this
belinda is the heroine alexander pope's the rape of the lock
belinda is planning a series of free seminars to address these issues
belinda is working on her next solo album
belinda is the one empowered in the end
belinda is our 'superwoman
belinda is much better looking than gillian anderson
belinda is a limited edition doll
belinda is the focal point of a "strike out ms" program that is a partnership between the
national multiple sclerosis society and teva marion partners
belinda is featured in the tools
belinda is not only the cook from australia's iconic lifestyle programme but its past food editor
belinda is thrown into a state of confusion
belinda is an incredibly dedicated and tenacious person
belinda is the ninth of uranus' satellites
belinda is intrigued and
belinda is a full
belinda is a rich
belinda is always cheerful and willing to help others
belinda is historied and complicated
belinda is
belinda is 31 years old
belinda is a member of the australian institute of company directors
belinda is the declarer and must win five tricks
belinda is a doctor of clinical psychology working for the nhs
belinda is divorced with two children
belinda is working perfectly
belinda is now working on her 7th album
belinda is available
belinda is an actress of high calibre
belinda is just as she is on here
belinda is sent so
belinda is the first one to greet you as you walk into the district office
belinda is in year 10 and is 16 years old
belinda is a total professional
belinda is crooning to in the movie "swing shift"
belinda is a registered psychologist with a background in visual perception
and psychophysical measurement
belinda is a self
belinda is a talented individual
belinda is one of a few australian women to be born with a rare form of muscular dystrophy
belinda is also the tourism officer for scone council and says the centre is now linked with
hunter regional tourism and
belinda is even more intelligent/?french than i thought
belinda is a regular
belinda is introduced in all of the lazy grandeur and ease associated with restoration court life
belinda is taller than albert
belinda is involved in a very interesting program involving canine training
belinda is a registered relocation specialist
belinda is responsible for all financial aspects of running the company including financing
belinda is interested in her first nations community and her surroundings
belinda is writing the questions for the quiz this time
belinda is busier than ever at the moment
belinda is an exceptional employee; always on the job
belinda is nicknamed bel

on our way home from Edwin's surprise birthday party in 9 pizza 7 chicken in Ortigas, we passed by a shop in Wilson selling christmas stuff na...Leo karla and I were all saying that the year has definitely gone by so fast...whooosshhh....swwwiissshhh......whooosshhh....swwwiissshhh......whooosshhh...swwwiissshhh......whooosshhh swwwiissshhh...(o tama na)...and i was just thinking a couple of days back that I don't even want christmas to come (no pun intended)...

"sometimes the worst thing for one's heart is loneliness." (ally Mcbeal)


"Its easy to stay happy in manila. Just lie to yourself all the time."

Dear Maria Belinda,
Here is your horoscope
for Sunday, September 19:

After all that drama, here's a day to bring you peace of mind, and the sureness that everything will work out exactly as it should. In other words, you're over it. Congrats.


Dear Maria Belinda,
Here is your horoscope
for Sunday, September 20:

You can forget about yesterday -- for now, anyway. The universe is seeing to it that everything is working out just fine. In the meantime, forget holding onto a grudge. Or anything else

~there you have it. the stars sez so...

today is the start of a 3day restday for me tuesday-thursday...so it'll be like i didn't go to work for this week...maybe I should do this often...i wish! i'm so tamad right now that all the things to do in my list have been all re-scheduled! blame it on the weather!

tonight I have a surprise party to go to...nice to be with my old friends again :)

it's a hot HOT day!

my mind was having an internal war. do i wake up now or later. 5 minutes. sleepy wins round 1. round 2 do i have to wake up now or can I just adjust my schedule instead so I can wake up later. sleepy does it again. round 3. you hafta wake up now or you won't be able to do anything at all. TING! wake-ity uppity side wins. argh!

M1 GB3:

auto doors open. first rack...cookie monster mode! 4 cds! wait i'm looking for something else...can i listen to this...fuck...can i buy all 5? you can't...control control...pak the shet!...dee-cisions! dee-cisions! dee-cisions!...bought 2 cds...take note of the others you didn't buy..i shall return for you my precioussss!



scene: Breton GB3

Breton girl: Ma'm...is it the same po ba?
Me : I'm sorry?
Breton girl: same order ma'm?
Me : what order? (sige nga wise guy..eerr girl pala)
Breton girl: Mango Banana Crepe with extra powdered sugar po and coke

anyenye (ala aiza seguerra!)

and that ends my boring sunday in the office. bonk bonk bonk.

"the rock candies have melted and now only diamonds remain" (Clarity in Heavier Things)

Dear Maria Belinda,

Here is your horoscopefor Tuesday, September 14:You're looking at that to-do list and wondering where to start. Your first move should be to tackle the project you like the least, or to make the phone call you've been putting off for the longest

I've been trying to make a list and a list of lists..gets? I'm trying to make a list of goals I want to achieve before year end. I'm trying to make a list of goals and things to do every month. So far, I haven't been entirely successful. Why? because I can't finish it!!!

pak the shet!




as marc sez this song is appropos for me

Where Do I Begin
(Chemical Brothers)

Sunday morning I'm waking up
Can't even focus on a coffee cup
Don't even know who's bed I'm in
Where do I start
Where do I begin
Where do I startWhere do I begin
Sunday morning I'm waking up
Can't even focus on a coffee cup
Don't even know who's bed I'm in
Where do I startWhere do I begin
Where do I startWhere do I begin

what a day! what a day!

...what a birthday it has been...

days creeping towards my birthday, i was feeling the usual birthday blues (read: no one cares about me, no one loves me, i'm so alone, i don't know what to do on my birthday dramatics)...i was really in a bind on what exactly to do on my birthday...in one of my previous entries i even had a list of what I was planning to do but nothing definite panned out so i was stuck with the usual treat everyone for my birthday thingie. treated everyone in the office with pizza and palabok (THANKS TO FRANCHIE FOR HELPING ME OUT!!!) and was s'posed to have a quiet nothing definite dinner with some friends on my birthday. Come wednesday, I was so tamad and i slept late. I got up around 12 noon when I got woken up by my yaya when Jets called to greet me. I was chatting with Mitch telling her na maybe we can move the dinner to a lunch or breakfast in tagaytay instead next sunday since I really wasnt able to invite anyone at all. i wanted to have dinner but somehow my heart was in it. but since I wasn't about to displease mitch and tin who "stayed" in the office just for my dinner so sige I went na din. I was bit delayed when Inigo called up just as I was fixing myself. we talked on the phone for almost an hour (57 minutes mobile call ormoc to manila...good luck to my phone bill!) discussing about...aahhmmm...next time nalang coz it'll be something worth blogging about...anyway, tried to hurry up but as i was on my way it kinda bothered me why tin and mitch weren't hurrying me up and being "assumption" me, i thought na baka there was a surprise waiting for me sa Dencio's. When tin texted me na ive to make them sundo sa office, the thought was still there...baka sa office yung surprise...but when i get there...no surprise pala (hundun bonks her head!)...had to work for a minute or two on an SR that I promised to fix for a customer before we finally headed for Dencio's in Paseo Center. When the manong asked us where we wanted to be seated I even asked Tin and Mitch where they wanna be seated. When tin finally said that we had a table na I thought that maybe they called ahead for reservations. when we were lead to our table it took awhile before it dawned on me that it was myls' back that I was seeing. the same myls who told me that she can't go because she has dinner with her family din. But i thought, maybe she changed her mind or maybe her family dinner finished early. but wait, there's ayn (with the nice bangs)...ayn who, in passing, i invited to the dinner that we were planning. again, i wasn't really up to it that's why i wasnt really inviting anyone at all. aba at may gift pa! aawww..thanks for the book and powerbooks giftcard everyone!mwah! when we were seated, i complained, due to my "oc-ness", why we had such a long table! ggrrr iklian natin i can't take the uneven seating and the empty chairs! but wait there's more (again), Jon and athea appeared suddenly. but my mind seemed to be on a time delay mode before it actually dawned on me that this was actually a surprise dinner! i even looked for athea when we were in the office just to invite her for that supposedly quiet dinner that we were gonna have. how quiet and low key it was s'posed to be? i wore pambahay clothes!!! kakahiya! anyway, so that explains the long table :) ...i was happy. for that moment I WAS HAPPY. I was with my closest friends. i was thinking that if my girls, my mom and sister were there i could die right that very moment. there were also planning pala to pay for the bill for that surprise dinner but I offered. i thought it was nothing. of course i'd pay for it. its my birthday anyway but gauging from their reactions they were really surprised that i actually footed the bill...hahaha who got surprised now! we ended around 930 and left Paseo Center. Mitch and tin went home while Marc, who was also there, and i went to his car. We went around as usual. planned to watched a movie but while waiting for the 11pm showing we went to macapagal highway just for a look see. had coffee in starbucks fort then went home na. when I got home, I checked my blog and saw a tag from Meian (summer) that they were in my surprise party but that I wasnt there...what!?!?!?!?!?! i charged my fone and saw several callback alerts from emer and meian and a comeback message from Vianca. OMG!!! they were there pala in Paseo Center. It turns out that Tin (from what summer narrated) was communicating with her about having surprise dinner for me. HAla! kakahiya! kya pala emer called me up to ask where I was. Being in the middle of dinner and since reception was so bad I wasn't really able to talk to her. i brushed it away thinking that she was in makati because of her new work and that she just happened to call to greet me or something...haaayyyyy!!!! so sayang!!!
so i say again, who got surprised now! i think everyone!

haaayyyy!!! what a mix up! what a surprise! just when i was thinking that it was gonna be another BLAH birhthday here comes my friends turning it to be the best birthday of my life. THANK YOU and I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH

with friends like them who needs a boyfriend!?!?!?! ayyy baka may mag react. nah having a guy would just be icing on the cake or maybe extra whipped cream.

sometimes when life deals you a bad card. sometimes when the universe does not conspire to give you your heart's desires. sometimes when people just make your life a living hell. trust God to give you friends who will pull you up from the quagmire that you are living in. trust God to give you friends who will make your heart smile and skip an extra beat. trust God to give you friends who will turn the most depressing day of your life to be the best one that it can ever be.

To everyone who remembered THANK YOU


(l-r) athea jon tin mitch me marc and ayn...myls left na agad :(

...o wlang magrereklamo.blog KO TO!

It's my..drum roll please...27th birthday...what have I achieved so far...not much...my year, as you know, has not been the best..it has been the worst..and being my birthday, i'm not even sure if there's anything to celebrate about...to me, Happy Birthday...or, which i think is more apt, Birthday lang since i'm not so happy naman...so to me, birthday!

Once a year you are given the licensce to be the queen of dramatics and its my turn today. I've got 24 hours and no one's gonna ruin MY day!!!!

my day so far...made libre to the whole floor yesterday...pizza for the afternoon people and pancit malabon (3rd year in a row!) for the gy people...

hafta to go...will make kwento later..have to fix my stuff

* s i g h *

It’s hard to believe
That there’s nobody out there
It’s hard to believe
That I’m all alone
At least I have her love
The city she loves me
Lonely as I am
Together we cry

I don’t ever want to feel
Like I did that day
Take me to the place I love
Take me all the way

-red hot chilli peppers


A kid wrote:

Dear God,

Thanks for giving me a baby brother, but what I was praying for was a puppy>"

God must've smiled when he read this note just as you are now. Do you pray like a child, talking to God with all your heart without pretense? Simply pouring out your feelings and opening your whole self without hiding anything....Tell God want you want...

....you know my heart Lord....you know my heart...

Here is your horoscope
for Sunday, September 12:


You know what they say about the calm before the storm? Well, you're about to enjoy the calm after the storm. It's not like you haven't earned it, either. Take a deep breath, kick back and relax. It's about time.

Yes! it is about time..but where is the calm!?!?!?!?!?!?!


its 2 days before my birthday..hala! why is it that Im not even excited...i feel so..blah!..nada..nothing..nil (football term)...hhaayyy...patty may just be right..birthday blues...

friday: did my monthly grocery with my yaya and bought some new stuff na din. aba! aba! while I was shopping pati yaya ko nag sshopping na din at nauna pa sya sa akin makabili!

was also able to watch...Troy (shit I cried!) and The Passion of Christ...yes! finally. ako nalang ata ang di nakawatch nun e...so at least now i can relate na..ay..no one makes kwento na pala about that movie...too late :)

saturday: had dinner with my girls and as usual "all star cast nanaman kme. Me, mein, kaje and emer. Viancs and beng didnt go. Had fun with them as usual. 2 things that made my night. was able to watch real madrid (beckham and owen...hhaaayyy!) and saw the cutest guy!!! Since sidebar (ElPueblo) had several TVs set up I was able to watch the game while enjoying the night with my girls. The cutest guy naman asa next table. kaso he had blinkers on ata at di man lang sya nag glance sa amin. fucker! hmph! sorry walang sense tong paragraph na to but so what. basta! i had fun yun lang.

sunday: went to work then Fred made me sundo and from Philam Tower we walked to North park in Makati Ave..yes. walked. i needed time to vent e so told him na we should walk nalang.

monday: went to work. was so tamad pa din. wala. nothing significant happened.

sorry if this entry is so boring. told you i feel so BLAH! (with matching sticking out my tongue for more emphasis)...

quarter life crisis? birthday blues. punyeta! birthday ko naman e...

"No. The blues are because you're getting fat and maybe it's been raining too long, you're just sad that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?"
---Audrey Hepburn as Holly Golightly in Breakfast At Tiffany's

finally it's my restday!

plans..plans...hafta to do my monthly grocery with my yaya...buy some stuff (hala! shopping again)...have my yaya fix my room...i swear she's the only one who can fix it up real nice and all in one day! me, i can't even do it in a week...meet up with my girls since it's Kaje's last weekend before she flies to greener pastures...try to watch all the dvds that i bought last week...oh, can I include rest in between?

"i am eternally lost but always optimistic that I'll find my way in this maze called life"

i'm starting to feel restless. i'm starting to hate my work. i'm starting to feel lost. i'm starting to feel that it's time to move on...a new client maybe...i new line of work...a new company...

"Mikhail: is this really how one find love

Carrie: No,its just what we do to distract ourselves until the real thing comes along"

My friend, mahal, is setting me up on a date hehehehe...after my last que horror blind date i vowed that I'll never go out on a blind date ever again...but here I am agreeing...maria agatha belinda bettina eugenie victoria ..que horror! tristan, an officemate, told me to tell my friend to tell the guy to call me first (phonepal?!?!?!) para we can talk daw muna...o and then...shit...hala! sige! Let's do it...one more time...bring 'em on! So if you have a friend that you wanna set me up with I'm free. Wednesday and thursday...woohoo! for more life!

But please, if you really are my friend, you'd know my requirements...ugh..not really requirement(s)...more of...a whatever requirement is the word...he has to speak WELL! no mouse sounding voices...no f for the p. p for the f. d for the v and v for the d tendency. no braindead men. no reynante like men (read: driver or boy look a like) or else my mom will disown me. no..aahhmmm...a man with a good head and a good heart that'll do. shit dating pa nga lang pala...a basta he has to speak well!

for rent: ME! wednesday thursday lang ;P

fuck it! this entry is so squatter!

i am sleepy!

Copacetic (Adjective)

Pronunciation: [ko-pê-'se-tik]. can be spelled as copsetic, too.

Definition: More than satisfactory, fine, running very smoothly, going quite well.
The term is perfect if you want to express an intensified "O.K." without going so far as "excellent" or "outstanding." "That solution isn't just good, it's positively copacetic." This word has overtones of "congenial", too: "Things are not so copacetic at the office right now; the new director is a bit overbearing."


"Don't damn me when I say a piece of my mind coz silence isn't golden when I'm holding it inside" (Guns and Roses)

i don't care who reads this entry. this is my blog. my world. my thoughts.

this is a delayed reaction to what happened during the weekend (one of the many things) that is still brewing as I type. I didn't wanna blog about since i was still angry and my emotions are still going berserk (they still are...). Schedules got change because of promotions and lack of coverage. First sked gets rolled out. I had the worst sked. 3pm wed thursday off. WTF! Everyone got the skeds that was ideal for them and I get a sucky sked?!?!?! Daya. So friday night a colleague and I tried to fix the sked for everyone's benefit. YES! FOR EvERYONE'S BENEFIT. The sked that we proposed got approved. yey! everyone gets the sked that they want including me 3pm fri sat off. not bad na din. at least i didnt have a loser sked. Come sat am skeds got changed. i got the same restdays but my shift was move an hour later while some got good skeds and the others sucky time. So it was but natural for them to make reklamo about it. But what I don't get is why get mad at me? I didn't give them that sked? That's not the one that we proposed and you know it. So what if I made reklamo. if you had a sucky sked, wouldn't you do the same thing that I did? bet you will. it was never my intention for you to get panget skeds. the new sked (the latest) wasn't the one that we proposed and got approved by the tm so why blame me for it? kse i made reklamo? so the theory is now that no one can make reklamo about his/her getting a panget sked if everyone else got the sked that they wanted? Wow. so much for equal benefits. The no replies and the sungit answers that I got was something that i did not deserve to get. maybe you should've asked first what happened before you jumped into your own conclusions. maybe you should thought first if i had the capability to make you kupal about your skeds just as long as i get the sked that i wanted. if you think that I am..teehhee then maybe thats what i should've done na nga lang. sana we didn't waste so much time drafting that sked that we proposed nalang.

i deserve a sorry for what you did. clearly it was a miscommunication. clearly it was flagellating someone just because one tried to speak a piece of her mind.

lesson to self: bawal magreklamo just as long everyone else got what they wanted.

stuck with a 3pm wed thursday off. so much for having a life.

my turn for YOU entries, tin.

happy birthday to myself!

"It is an unpleasant fact of life that one day you look fabulous, you will not run into the person who causes your pulse rate to break the sound barrier. The day you look like a trogolodyte, that's when you see the person. Events conspire to present you to the beloved in the worst possible light."

I'm sorry this didn't happen to me because no matter what you do I am still prettier than that chona girl kahit mag pang bahay ata ako AND I'm sorry insecure! Darkwinter and I caught her staring at me...now that's not my problem!

I decline to make kwento what happened during the weekend...why? because I remember Ces telling me that "someone" might be reading my blog and we don't want to give them the satisfaction of knowing that they occupy space in my life least of all my blog, right? Tama na I got hassled...ggrrr...HHAASSSSLLLEEE!!!

"Between you and an insipid girl who is easy to control, a guy will choose the insipid girl who is easy to control."