Just to help you out (major hint!) 
(updated!)
Books:
Ipod Accesories:
Griffin iTrip 
Xtreme Mac Air Play Transmitter
Navi Pro Ex (for a tamad like me) 
Armband (Pink, please)
DVD:
Aug 13, 2005
Jul 29, 2005
I stumbled on this blog entitled: How To Get Your Ex Back ...i stumbled and stumbled and down hill I went laughing my heart out
Jul 28, 2005
I'm balagoong na! 2 tags in a row
I was tagged again by my OLD friend Tin (who I miss by the way.......) and by the ADOBE and ADOBO master Glyph
what are the things you enjoy, even when no one around you wants to go out and play?
1. shopping alone
2. quiet time
3. watching tv the whooooollllllle day
4. reading a good book
5. dvd marathon
what lowers your stress / bloodpressure / anxiety level?
1. listening to josh groban or secret garden tunes in my ipod...that's it pansit!
tag 5 friends and ask them to post it in theirs.
i quit. i don't wanna play anymore. so I'll spare my friends.
I was tagged again by my OLD friend Tin (who I miss by the way.......) and by the ADOBE and ADOBO master Glyph
what are the things you enjoy, even when no one around you wants to go out and play?
1. shopping alone
2. quiet time
3. watching tv the whooooollllllle day
4. reading a good book
5. dvd marathon
what lowers your stress / bloodpressure / anxiety level?
1. listening to josh groban or secret garden tunes in my ipod...that's it pansit!
tag 5 friends and ask them to post it in theirs.
i quit. i don't wanna play anymore. so I'll spare my friends.
INXS:
Jul 18, 2005
I'm it
three names you go by:
1. Belinda
2. Belle
3. Maribel
...and i can go on and on and on
three screen names you have had:
1. hundun
2. hundun
3. Audrey Hepburn (...sssshh!)
three physical things you like about yourself:
1. i'm panget
2. i'm so panget
3. i'm panget talaga
three physical things you don't like about yourself:
1. height
2. upper arms (blame it on my genes!)
3. my thighs
three parts of your heritage:
1. mulatto
2. spanish
3. chinese
three things that scare you:
1. death
2. growing old alone
3. heights
three of your everyday essentials:
1. alcohol spritzer
2. hand lotion
3. born lippy lip balm
three of your favorite musical artists:
1. Faith Evans
2. Josh Groban
3. jane monheit
three of your favorite songs:
1. moon river (ALL TIME FAVORITE)
2. journey by angela zhang
3. as time goes by (ALL TIME FAVORITE)
three things you want in a relationship:
1. love
2. respect
3. faithfulness
three lies and truths in no particular order:
lies:
1. that i am fat
2. that i am not cute
3. that the world is round
truth:
1. that i am sexy ;)
2. that i am gullible
3. that no matter what I do i would still be pretty
three physical things about the opposite sex that appeals to you:
1. smile
2. way he carries himself
3. does the way he speaks count?
three of your favorite hobbies:
1. reading
2. fixing my stuff
3. is shopping a hobby????
three things you want to do really badly now:
1. a relaxing massage
2. shop till I drop
3. sleep
three careers you're considering/you've considered:
1. criminal lawyer
2. CSI
3. Air Force Pilot
three places you want to go on vacation:
1. Amanpulo
2. Boracay
3. Hilton Maldives
three kid's names you like: (sorry ha malabo ung question, so i'll take it as names i would like to name my kids in the future)
1. rhemarco
2. maritina
3. georgianna
three things you want to do before you die:
1. have my own family
2. breath
3. not die?
three ways that you are stereotypically a boy:
1. this is
2. absolutely
3. absurd
three ways that you are stereotypically a girl:
1. this is
2. absolutely
3. absurd
three celeb crushes:
1. Christian Bautista
2. Chris Evans
3. kevin spacey
my turn to tag...
three people that i would like to see take this quiz:
1. Tin
2. Ace
3. Bagets
three names you go by:
1. Belinda
2. Belle
3. Maribel
...and i can go on and on and on
three screen names you have had:
1. hundun
2. hundun
3. Audrey Hepburn (...sssshh!)
three physical things you like about yourself:
1. i'm panget
2. i'm so panget
3. i'm panget talaga
three physical things you don't like about yourself:
1. height
2. upper arms (blame it on my genes!)
3. my thighs
three parts of your heritage:
1. mulatto
2. spanish
3. chinese
three things that scare you:
1. death
2. growing old alone
3. heights
three of your everyday essentials:
1. alcohol spritzer
2. hand lotion
3. born lippy lip balm
three of your favorite musical artists:
1. Faith Evans
2. Josh Groban
3. jane monheit
three of your favorite songs:
1. moon river (ALL TIME FAVORITE)
2. journey by angela zhang
3. as time goes by (ALL TIME FAVORITE)
three things you want in a relationship:
1. love
2. respect
3. faithfulness
three lies and truths in no particular order:
lies:
1. that i am fat
2. that i am not cute
3. that the world is round
truth:
1. that i am sexy ;)
2. that i am gullible
3. that no matter what I do i would still be pretty
three physical things about the opposite sex that appeals to you:
1. smile
2. way he carries himself
3. does the way he speaks count?
three of your favorite hobbies:
1. reading
2. fixing my stuff
3. is shopping a hobby????
three things you want to do really badly now:
1. a relaxing massage
2. shop till I drop
3. sleep
three careers you're considering/you've considered:
1. criminal lawyer
2. CSI
3. Air Force Pilot
three places you want to go on vacation:
1. Amanpulo
2. Boracay
3. Hilton Maldives
three kid's names you like: (sorry ha malabo ung question, so i'll take it as names i would like to name my kids in the future)
1. rhemarco
2. maritina
3. georgianna
three things you want to do before you die:
1. have my own family
2. breath
3. not die?
three ways that you are stereotypically a boy:
1. this is
2. absolutely
3. absurd
three ways that you are stereotypically a girl:
1. this is
2. absolutely
3. absurd
three celeb crushes:
1. Christian Bautista
2. Chris Evans
3. kevin spacey
my turn to tag...
three people that i would like to see take this quiz:
1. Tin
2. Ace
3. Bagets
Jul 13, 2005
Jul 4, 2005
During a Today's show host Matt Lauer with Tom Cruise, Lauer mentioned Cruise's earlier criticism of Brooke Shields for taking anti-depressants, Cruise told the "Today" show co-host he didn't know what he was talking about.
"You don't know the history of psychiatry. I do," Cruise said.
The interview became more heated when Lauer, who said he knew people who had been helped by the attention-deficit disorder drug Ritalin, asked Cruise about the effects of the drug.
"Matt, Matt, you don't even -- you're glib," Cruise responded. "You don't even know what Ritalin is. If you start talking about chemical imbalance, you have to evaluate and read the research papers on how they came up with these theories, Matt, OK. That's what I've done."
I used to totally luurrvv Tom Cruise...until he left Nicole...I used to still like Tom Cruise...his movie was the reason why I wanted to be a TopGun...why I wanted to go to Fightertown to study...i used to totally be inlove with him (and who wouldn't?!?!?!?) until he argued with Matt Lauer and said that taking anti depressants is "wrong" according to Scientology. This guy obviously doesn't know what he is talking about. Obviously you have never been depressed.
I have and believe you me exercise does NOT help. So shut yer fuckin' trap and just do what you do best...flash your 1,000 watt smile.
Jul 3, 2005
"Did I do anything wrong today, or has the world
always been like this and I've been too wrapped up
in myself to notice?" Arthur Dent / Douglas Adams
For Susan Roces, advice from ‘Sabrina’
By Victor Alfred A. Villano
INQ7.net
NOT BEING a big fan of many Filipino movies, I can't really say whether Susan Roces' June 29 performance—both her speech and her replies to reporters' questions— was one of her best. Yet one cannot help but be of two minds about what Ms. Roces had to say.
On the one hand, her words, passionate and angry, were certainly powerful. That line about Mrs. Arroyo stealing the presidency "not once, but twice" was a real zinger: you could almost feel a blade cutting through the president’s skin, slowly, blood oozing out with every utterance. And that reply to a question about what Mrs. Arroyo called the “sacrifice” that was her husband's impending exile? (Ms. Roces disavowed any knowledge of the president's marital history.) A masterful display of excoriation by ridicule.
On the other hand, Ms. Roces' words could also be seen in a different light: powerful though they may have been, one could see them as expressions of a widow’s pent-up frustrations, finally given plausible reason for release (plausible, because to be fair, Mrs. Arroyo’s guilt has yet to be established). What we saw may well have been the fury of a woman at least thrice scorned—by the courts, by fate (her husband’s death), and now, by the Gloria-gate tapes. Her performance, seen from this angle, was more rabble-rousing rant than speech; more cutting riposte than reflective response.
But whatever one makes of her performance, what was truly striking about Ms. Roces was her evasiveness on the question of what her followers—whom she considers, perhaps a bit presumptuously, to be the entire Filipino nation—should do. Rouse the rabble she may have done, but to what end? To bring the government down? Apparently-- unless you are willing to believe that the point of the whole Club Filipino spectacle (spectacular?) was to allow Ms. Roces some venue for, um, "emotional release."
If regime change was the goal, how did Ms. Roces propose that it be achieved? Mum was the word on that score, at least at first. Say what you must about legal adviser Harriet Demetriou’s hairdo, but the woman knows her law. Ms. Roces mentioned—or maybe hinted--that she left the means for toppling the government to that apparently homogenous--and apparently very, very much affronted--gob called “The People.”
But who are "The People"? Rez Cortez? Elly Pamatong? Me? Oh yes, maybe she meant that other HGLE (homogenous gob-like entity):"The Masses."
At one point in her speech, Ms. Roces cried: "Tuloy ang laban!” The struggle must go on. (Much like "the show?" one wonders). Ms. Roces’s intentions were exposed, to my mind, by her reply to a reporter who asked if she was calling for people to take to the streets. She noted that the reporter seemed quite eager for this to happen, then said something that might well have been a line in one of her late husband’s, or maybe Eddie Garcia's, movies. Voice quivering, she declared: "Umpisahan mo, tatapusin ko!" In other words: let the gob well up in the streets, and then… then I shall lead it!
Showbiz, as we all know, has long ago reached the political big-time in this country. But this is getting seriously ridiculous. Ms. Roces would be well-advised to do what Harrison Ford once told his frantic on-screen mother in his otherwise forgettable remake of "Sabrina": Take a pill.
Afterword
On a lighter note, if "The People" are a "gob", what would one call the individual citizen, a goblin? Given Filipinos' recent political history, one wonders whether we are, all of us, a nation of self-destructive goblins--mischievous and ugly demons.
always been like this and I've been too wrapped up
in myself to notice?" Arthur Dent / Douglas Adams
For Susan Roces, advice from ‘Sabrina’
By Victor Alfred A. Villano
INQ7.net
NOT BEING a big fan of many Filipino movies, I can't really say whether Susan Roces' June 29 performance—both her speech and her replies to reporters' questions— was one of her best. Yet one cannot help but be of two minds about what Ms. Roces had to say.
On the one hand, her words, passionate and angry, were certainly powerful. That line about Mrs. Arroyo stealing the presidency "not once, but twice" was a real zinger: you could almost feel a blade cutting through the president’s skin, slowly, blood oozing out with every utterance. And that reply to a question about what Mrs. Arroyo called the “sacrifice” that was her husband's impending exile? (Ms. Roces disavowed any knowledge of the president's marital history.) A masterful display of excoriation by ridicule.
On the other hand, Ms. Roces' words could also be seen in a different light: powerful though they may have been, one could see them as expressions of a widow’s pent-up frustrations, finally given plausible reason for release (plausible, because to be fair, Mrs. Arroyo’s guilt has yet to be established). What we saw may well have been the fury of a woman at least thrice scorned—by the courts, by fate (her husband’s death), and now, by the Gloria-gate tapes. Her performance, seen from this angle, was more rabble-rousing rant than speech; more cutting riposte than reflective response.
But whatever one makes of her performance, what was truly striking about Ms. Roces was her evasiveness on the question of what her followers—whom she considers, perhaps a bit presumptuously, to be the entire Filipino nation—should do. Rouse the rabble she may have done, but to what end? To bring the government down? Apparently-- unless you are willing to believe that the point of the whole Club Filipino spectacle (spectacular?) was to allow Ms. Roces some venue for, um, "emotional release."
If regime change was the goal, how did Ms. Roces propose that it be achieved? Mum was the word on that score, at least at first. Say what you must about legal adviser Harriet Demetriou’s hairdo, but the woman knows her law. Ms. Roces mentioned—or maybe hinted--that she left the means for toppling the government to that apparently homogenous--and apparently very, very much affronted--gob called “The People.”
But who are "The People"? Rez Cortez? Elly Pamatong? Me? Oh yes, maybe she meant that other HGLE (homogenous gob-like entity):"The Masses."
At one point in her speech, Ms. Roces cried: "Tuloy ang laban!” The struggle must go on. (Much like "the show?" one wonders). Ms. Roces’s intentions were exposed, to my mind, by her reply to a reporter who asked if she was calling for people to take to the streets. She noted that the reporter seemed quite eager for this to happen, then said something that might well have been a line in one of her late husband’s, or maybe Eddie Garcia's, movies. Voice quivering, she declared: "Umpisahan mo, tatapusin ko!" In other words: let the gob well up in the streets, and then… then I shall lead it!
Showbiz, as we all know, has long ago reached the political big-time in this country. But this is getting seriously ridiculous. Ms. Roces would be well-advised to do what Harrison Ford once told his frantic on-screen mother in his otherwise forgettable remake of "Sabrina": Take a pill.
Afterword
On a lighter note, if "The People" are a "gob", what would one call the individual citizen, a goblin? Given Filipinos' recent political history, one wonders whether we are, all of us, a nation of self-destructive goblins--mischievous and ugly demons.
Jul 1, 2005
"You have created a monster, and it will destroy you!" (Dr. Waldman, Frankenstein)
such a telenovela..orchestrated by such a masterful hand with all its twists and subplots all coming into place...and I a mere citizen just my head in utter dismay...NOT AGAIN...
I do not understand why, in God's name (thou shall not take the Lord God's name in vain), should one take into the streets for supposedly "his small voice as a masa" to be heard. I have never believed in taking to the streets for whatever
purpose it may serve...lest its a 10 mile marathon to raise money for some charitable cause...or a street party for happy times like the new year or town fiesta...shouting at the top of your voice has never been an answer to an argument...yes you can be heard amidst the din of all the drum roll and
shouts BUT ARE YOU LISTENED TO? Will it actually make a difference if you parade in one busy boulevard and wave make shift banners with the sentiments of your "heart" etched on it? For the dreary masses, they say that it is. For the street parliamentarians, they it is. Look at EDSA 1 and 2 and ~ugh~ 3...and please no more 4 or 5 or 6...another one would be an utter sacrilage to what martial law generations stood for back in 1986...it would be sacrilage to what the much much much older street parliamentarians stood for back in the days of the Spanish Revolution led by Bonifacio, who, as we know, is also "masa". Take to the streets for a cause that is beyond political and selfish causes..take to the streets beyond your neighbor's or your kumpare's cause..take to the streets because your very living is threatened..take to the streets because you have no option but to do so because lack of action will take away the very basic right of every human being...freedom...freedom to live the life you want...unless that happens..work..for God's sake work..and work hard while you are at it!
.
such a telenovela..orchestrated by such a masterful hand with all its twists and subplots all coming into place...and I a mere citizen just my head in utter dismay...NOT AGAIN...
I do not understand why, in God's name (thou shall not take the Lord God's name in vain), should one take into the streets for supposedly "his small voice as a masa" to be heard. I have never believed in taking to the streets for whatever
purpose it may serve...lest its a 10 mile marathon to raise money for some charitable cause...or a street party for happy times like the new year or town fiesta...shouting at the top of your voice has never been an answer to an argument...yes you can be heard amidst the din of all the drum roll and
shouts BUT ARE YOU LISTENED TO? Will it actually make a difference if you parade in one busy boulevard and wave make shift banners with the sentiments of your "heart" etched on it? For the dreary masses, they say that it is. For the street parliamentarians, they it is. Look at EDSA 1 and 2 and ~ugh~ 3...and please no more 4 or 5 or 6...another one would be an utter sacrilage to what martial law generations stood for back in 1986...it would be sacrilage to what the much much much older street parliamentarians stood for back in the days of the Spanish Revolution led by Bonifacio, who, as we know, is also "masa". Take to the streets for a cause that is beyond political and selfish causes..take to the streets beyond your neighbor's or your kumpare's cause..take to the streets because your very living is threatened..take to the streets because you have no option but to do so because lack of action will take away the very basic right of every human being...freedom...freedom to live the life you want...unless that happens..work..for God's sake work..and work hard while you are at it!
Madeleine: How can we know who is good - and who is evil?
Coulmier: All we can do is guard against our own corruption.
Jun 18, 2005
"So this is love...so this is what makes life divine. I'm all aglow,and now I know. The key to all heaven is mine. My heart has wings, and I can fly. I'll touch every star in the sky. So this is the miracle, that I've been dreaming of... So this is love." (Cinderella)
should love accompanied by ringing bells, flashing signs, goosebumps and butterflies in your stomach? or white smoke perchance?
if it isn't should we be alarmed?
should it make you feel as if you are on Cloud 9...wherever that may be or as if your heart is dancing to a thousand and one beats?
if it doesn't should we run and hide and pray to the heavens above and to all the saints for a sign?
or are those just romantic whatnots that the old romantics had conjured up just to add spice to their tales of love?
are Judith McNaught, Jude Deveraux and Julie Garwood part of some sinister sisterhood that hatches romantic plots to make us believe that all those once in a lifetime-happy every afters-prince charmings and soulmates?
if not...what does it mean? if not...what should one do?
Nash: Alicia, does our relationship warrant long-term commitment? I need some kind of proof, some kind of verifiable, empirical data.
Alicia: I'm sorry, just give me a moment to redefine my girlish notions of romance
Jun 13, 2005
I got this from BoiBitch
The next boi to rock my world better be consistent. Because I don’t think I can handle being hopeful for a second and then being disappointed the next any more.
Anyone Who Had A Heart
Dionne Warwick
Anyone who ever loved could look at me
And know that I love you
Anyone who ever dreamed could look at me
and know I dream of you
Knowing I love you so
Anyone who had a heart
Would take me in his arms and love me, too
You couldn't really have a heart and hurt me,
Like you hurt me and be so untrue
What am I to do
Every time you go away, I always say
This time it's goodbye , dear
Loving you the way I do
I take you back, without you I'd die dear
Knowing I love you so
Anyone who had a heart
Would take me in his arms and love me, too
You couldn't really have a heart and hurt me,
Like you hurt me and be so untrue
What am I to do
Knowing I love you so
Anyone who had a heart
Would take me in his arms and love me, too
You couldn't really have a heart and hurt me,
Like you hurt me and be so untrue
Anyone who had a heart would love me too
Anyone who had a heart would take me in his arms and love me too
Why won't you
The next boi to rock my world better be consistent. Because I don’t think I can handle being hopeful for a second and then being disappointed the next any more.
I hope he doesn’t trifle with my affections. Because I’m not always as strong as I want to be.
I hope he finds joy in the little things. Because the early morning sunshine is more than enough to make me ecstatic.
I hope he eats silly, sings and dances funny, and laughs heartily. Because this world’s in desperate need of more happy people.
Having said all these, I’m saying goodbye to You. I thought you'd save me but I was wrong. Goodbye, Mr. Heartbreaker. I don’t need you anymore
Anyone Who Had A Heart
Dionne Warwick
Anyone who ever loved could look at me
And know that I love you
Anyone who ever dreamed could look at me
and know I dream of you
Knowing I love you so
Anyone who had a heart
Would take me in his arms and love me, too
You couldn't really have a heart and hurt me,
Like you hurt me and be so untrue
What am I to do
Every time you go away, I always say
This time it's goodbye , dear
Loving you the way I do
I take you back, without you I'd die dear
Knowing I love you so
Anyone who had a heart
Would take me in his arms and love me, too
You couldn't really have a heart and hurt me,
Like you hurt me and be so untrue
What am I to do
Knowing I love you so
Anyone who had a heart
Would take me in his arms and love me, too
You couldn't really have a heart and hurt me,
Like you hurt me and be so untrue
Anyone who had a heart would love me too
Anyone who had a heart would take me in his arms and love me too
Why won't you
Jun 11, 2005
Do You Like The Way You Feel?
I'm not because i am being forced from my comfort zone...i am not suppose to feel this way...i should be ok and i know for a fact that I am so why this??? after all this time WHY this? fuckin' A...the world is so fucked up already so why do people like you, you moronic nincompoop still exists??? fuckin a. why should i even be bothered...you are nothing. you amount to nothing in my book. nada. zero. l'eoff. nil. zilch.
Jun 10, 2005
the rains are here...ugh...here comes cold lonely nights...brrrr!
I don't mind
© Cynthia Alexander
does it matter much to me how?
I don't mind
does it matter much to me how?
I don't mind
please don't leave your shadow on the floor
I'll be alright
does it matter much to me why?
I don't mind
does it matter much to me why?
I don't mind
Its for me a little inconvenient
but I'll be alright
I don't mind
does it matter much to me how?
I don't mind
it don't make no difference
I don't mind
you see,
you're only rubbing salt
on my open wounds
it'll only take awhile to be alright
I don't mind
Jun 5, 2005
I don't read Neil Gaiman's books but imma thinking that he's kinda a super genius after I read this from Tin's blog:
"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love."
AMEN
Jun 4, 2005
May 30, 2005
KJ: what's so scary about commitment?
KJ:it's not like he's asking you for forever.
KJ: he's not even asking your hand for marriage, right?
KJ: commitment is good. it's solid. it's stable.
KJ: i like commitment.
hundun: i dont wanna go through all the hurting shit
hundun:you wanna know how scared i am?
KJ:but only if it's the right one for you. you'll feel it.
KJ: how scared?
hundun: the other night
hundun: i was looking through past entries
KJ: belle, try not to think about getting hurt.
hundun: where i expressed my hurt or how deep the pain was
KJ: i dont wanna say it's inevitable, but it's part of loving.
KJ: tapos?
hundun: i was looking for a reason not to love
hundun: or not to get involved
KJ: belle, you have such a beautiful soul. i dont know why you keep torturing yourself. you deserve to be happy. and there's no sure thing in liking or loving someone.
KJ: maybe it will work out, maybe it wont. but what the hell? gasgas na, pero life is too damn short to keep yourself from finding your happiness.
KJ:it's not like he's asking you for forever.
KJ: he's not even asking your hand for marriage, right?
KJ: commitment is good. it's solid. it's stable.
KJ: i like commitment.
hundun: i dont wanna go through all the hurting shit
hundun:you wanna know how scared i am?
KJ:but only if it's the right one for you. you'll feel it.
KJ: how scared?
hundun: the other night
hundun: i was looking through past entries
KJ: belle, try not to think about getting hurt.
hundun: where i expressed my hurt or how deep the pain was
KJ: i dont wanna say it's inevitable, but it's part of loving.
KJ: tapos?
hundun: i was looking for a reason not to love
hundun: or not to get involved
KJ: belle, you have such a beautiful soul. i dont know why you keep torturing yourself. you deserve to be happy. and there's no sure thing in liking or loving someone.
KJ: maybe it will work out, maybe it wont. but what the hell? gasgas na, pero life is too damn short to keep yourself from finding your happiness.
May 27, 2005
unexpected things can happen sometimes...catching you off guard...bewildering your senses...leaving you dumdfounded... flabbergasted...
and you simply just don't know what to do............
"Fear is a powerful thing
It can turn your heart black you can trust
It'll take your God-filled soul
Fill it with devils and dust...."
and you simply just don't know what to do............
"Fear is a powerful thing
It can turn your heart black you can trust
It'll take your God-filled soul
Fill it with devils and dust...."
May 21, 2005
The Hugo Boss commercial got me thinking...Wyl got me all contemplating...
"You know what's wrong with you, Miss Whoever-you-are? You're chicken, you've got no guts. You're afraid to stick out your chin and say, "Okay, life's a fact, people do fall in love, people do belong to each other, because that's the only chance anybody's got for real happiness." You call yourself a free spirit, a "wild thing," and you're terrified somebody's gonna stick you in a cage.
Well baby, you're already in that cage. You built it yourself. And it's not bounded in the west by Tulip, Texas, or in the east by Somali-land. It's wherever you go. Because no matter where you run, you just end up running into yourself." (Million Dollar Baby)
May 15, 2005
Say it's true, there's nothing like me and you
I'm not alone, tell me you feel it too
And I would run away
I would run away, yeah..., yeah
I would run away
I would run away with you
Cause I am falling in love with you
No never I'm never gonna stop
Falling in love with you
Close the door, lay down upon the floor
And by candlelight, make love to me through the night
(through the night, through the night...)
Cause I have run away
I have run away, yeah..., yeah
I have run away, run away
I have run away with you
Cause I am falling in love (falling in love) with you
No never I'm never gonna stop
Falling in love with you...
With you...
And I would runaway
I would runaway, yeah..., yeah
I would runaway (runaway)
I would runaway with you
Cause I am falling in love (falling in love) with you
No never I'm never gonna stop
Falling in love with you...
Falling in love (falling in love) with you
No never I'm never gonna stop falling in love with you
With you, my love, with you...
na ni na ni na na...
(With you, with you, with you, with you)
I'm not alone, tell me you feel it too
And I would run away
I would run away, yeah..., yeah
I would run away
I would run away with you
Cause I am falling in love with you
No never I'm never gonna stop
Falling in love with you
Close the door, lay down upon the floor
And by candlelight, make love to me through the night
(through the night, through the night...)
Cause I have run away
I have run away, yeah..., yeah
I have run away, run away
I have run away with you
Cause I am falling in love (falling in love) with you
No never I'm never gonna stop
Falling in love with you...
With you...
And I would runaway
I would runaway, yeah..., yeah
I would runaway (runaway)
I would runaway with you
Cause I am falling in love (falling in love) with you
No never I'm never gonna stop
Falling in love with you...
Falling in love (falling in love) with you
No never I'm never gonna stop falling in love with you
With you, my love, with you...
na ni na ni na na...
(With you, with you, with you, with you)
May 8, 2005
Apr 20, 2005
Here I am playing with those
memories
again
And just
when I thought time
had set
me
free
Those
thoughts of you keep taunting
me
Holding you, a feeling I never
outgrew
Though
each and every part of me has
tried
Only you
can fill that space
inside
So there's no sense
pretending
My
heart it's not
mending
Just when I thought I was over
you
Just when I
thought I could stand on my own
Oh baby those memories
come crashing
through
And I just can't go on without youOn my own I've tried
to make
the best of it alone
I've done everything I can to ease the
pain
But
only you can stop the rainI just can't live without youI miss
everything
about youIt's just no good without you
Without you, without you,
without
youOh baby those memories come crashing through
And I just can't go
on without youis it right? is it? Jon says to bite the bullet...do what you have to do and see what happens after...Tin says let your mind do the thinking and not your heart...
i pick my battles...i know when to fight and when to run or when to concede...i fight battles that are meant to be fought ...and just like a trusty and seasoned soldier, I make sure that I go into a battle all packed ( not fucked!) and with extra ammunition to make sure that I win or at least I give them hell before I go down...but this time...i go into this battle with nothing but heart...all heart...and nothing else...i know that not all battles are meant to be fought...but this is one battle i pick to fight...and i know that not all battles are meant to be won...and this might be one of them...and yes it is worth it..no matter what the outcome may be...
Apr 17, 2005
April 15:
i surprise myself sometimes... and i get to surprise Tin
so Tin after dragging you to Greenbelt and Glorietta for one hour and half, I hope all the "inis" was worth it... ;)
April 16, 2005:
12 hours...3 inch heels...i am wearing flats next week!
Lisa and Edwin's Wedding
Where: Sanctuario De San Jose
Reception: Manila Polo Club
my invocation goes:
and after the sun has set..may they be found...still the same as today..hand in hand so much in love and thankful that in this world of ours they have found each other...
i surprise myself sometimes... and i get to surprise Tin
so Tin after dragging you to Greenbelt and Glorietta for one hour and half, I hope all the "inis" was worth it... ;)
April 16, 2005:
12 hours...3 inch heels...i am wearing flats next week!
Lisa and Edwin's Wedding
Where: Sanctuario De San Jose
Reception: Manila Polo Club
my invocation goes:
and after the sun has set..may they be found...still the same as today..hand in hand so much in love and thankful that in this world of ours they have found each other...
Apr 6, 2005
feel so fuckin' sick. out of my mind. i just want to lie down and never wake up. yes...it's THAT bad. no matter what I do even if I smile or laugh so that people won't notice it's still there like...an ominous cloud creeping from the horizon...and it dampens my spirit. optimist belle is out for the day..for the week...for the month...and maybe just maybe for the rest of her goddamned natural life.
fuck. punyeta.
"It's really hard to walk in a single woman's shoes -- that's why you sometimes need really special shoes!" (Carrie, SATC)
fuck. punyeta.
"It's really hard to walk in a single woman's shoes -- that's why you sometimes need really special shoes!" (Carrie, SATC)
Apr 4, 2005
#1:
i can't always be the happy happy person that I usualy am...I hardly say no...accomodating to a fault yes but learn to stop when I say no.
#2.
Pray for the Pope.
#3.
What are is stopping you? What are you thinking of? What is it that keeps you from saying everything that you want to say...what is it? I don't read minds...I haven't mastered that ability yet. If I do, I'll let you know
i can't always be the happy happy person that I usualy am...I hardly say no...accomodating to a fault yes but learn to stop when I say no.
#2.
Pray for the Pope.
#3.
What are is stopping you? What are you thinking of? What is it that keeps you from saying everything that you want to say...what is it? I don't read minds...I haven't mastered that ability yet. If I do, I'll let you know
Apr 3, 2005
sedes vacantes.......
Hey John Paul, We can finish the race for you Hey John Paul, We can carry the flame within......(Lifeboat 14)
"Have no fear of moving into the unknown. Simply step out fearlessly knowing that I am with you, therefore no harm can befall you; all is very, very well. Do this in complete faith and confidence."
Apr 1, 2005
...This used to be the place I ran to
Whenever I was in need
Of a friend....
Whenever I was in need
Of a friend....
this placed used be unknown 'cept for people who lived around the area...now I hear people gushing about it ...now I see people I know sitting on the same spot I sat on before...i'm not being selfish..but it's different y'know, having a place of your own.....a place other than your room where anonymity is your bestfriend..now its the playground of other fools like me...
i used to cry at the heavens above it till the wee hours of the morning...i used to....
Mar 29, 2005
pagod na ako...but wait there's more may hinihingi pa.......di ako si wonderwoman no but but but BUT.....teka i need help......i need my alter ego......Ding, ang bato! (Nanette Medved, Darna)
pwede bukas nalang? di na gumagana utak ko e.......di na din gumagana si carrie, anwar at bo bice na paandarin ang utak ko e....ok lang?
pwede?
sige na...
one time lang..........
puhh-lease?
Mar 28, 2005
lss...so apt...
I hear the ticking of the clock
I’m lying here the room’s pitch dark
I wonder where you are tonight
No answer on the telephone
And the night goes by so very slow
Oh I hope that it won’t end though
Alone
Till now I always got by on my own
I never really cared until I met you
And now it chills me to the bone
How do I get you alone
How do I get you alone
You don’t know how long I have wanted
To touch your lips and hold you tight
You don’t know how long I have waited
And I was going to tell you tonight
But the secret is still my own
And my love for you is still unknown
Alone
Till now I always got by on my own
I never really cared until I met you
And now it chills me to the bone
How do I get you alone
How do I get you alone
How do I get you alone
How do I get you alone
Alone, alone
~so tell me...how do I get you alone?
I hear the ticking of the clock
I’m lying here the room’s pitch dark
I wonder where you are tonight
No answer on the telephone
And the night goes by so very slow
Oh I hope that it won’t end though
Alone
Till now I always got by on my own
I never really cared until I met you
And now it chills me to the bone
How do I get you alone
How do I get you alone
You don’t know how long I have wanted
To touch your lips and hold you tight
You don’t know how long I have waited
And I was going to tell you tonight
But the secret is still my own
And my love for you is still unknown
Alone
Till now I always got by on my own
I never really cared until I met you
And now it chills me to the bone
How do I get you alone
How do I get you alone
How do I get you alone
How do I get you alone
Alone, alone
~so tell me...how do I get you alone?
Mar 23, 2005
I do renounce
if there was a way for you to confess all of your sins and the "bad" things that you did to others right at this moment, would you? Then do so...Confess here
"When you take one step toward God, He will take a hundred steps toward you. You may reject God, but He will never reject you."
if there was a way for you to confess all of your sins and the "bad" things that you did to others right at this moment, would you? Then do so...Confess here
"When you take one step toward God, He will take a hundred steps toward you. You may reject God, but He will never reject you."
Mar 18, 2005
Today's Word:
Chimera (Noun)
Pronunciation: [shê-'me-rê]
Definition 1: (1) A fire-breathing Greek mythological monster with a lion's head, a goat's body, and a serpent's tail killed by Bellerophon. (2) An organism or organ made up of genetically different tissue types, usually produced by transplant, grafting, or genetic engineering. (3) A wildly fantastic, almost unimaginable illusion.
Suggested usage: The idea behind today's word is a monster put together of incongruous parts of various animals. Dr. Frankenstein's monster was certainly a chimera. However, a plant with grafted parts is also a chimera. A peaceful planet may also be a chimera, a fanciful illusion no more possible than the original referent of "chimera."
I found a book yesterday...its entitled letting go and laughter....or 'samteeeng' like that...i swear one of these days tlaga I will spend a day or two finishing all of the unread books stacked like a pillar in my room...hay..if i ever get the time..with my rotating sked i can hardly do anything anymore...kainis... but at least I get to spend time with my morning friends (wink wink :D) ..heniway highway, i actually haven't read it but from the title of the book doesn't it make you think that, indeed one of the things that we need to do to help us let go of the things and people we have to let go of is laughter? laughter laughing joking around monkeying around..whatever you call it...however you call it...i do think that laughter helps us forget about our problems, our heart aches, our pains....it helps us remember that no matter how sad the world has become that there are still nooks and crannies that closets sunshines that casts some ominous light in our darkened worlds..the kind of light that we see when sun hasn't awakened yet and the moon is still on OT...it forebears that there is hope after a night full of tears and heartaches and unanswered wishes...a new day has come for us... day full of promises...another day for us to do something....another day that God tells us, here is anotehr 24 hours..do something with your life...go to places you haven't seen...read all the books in your "not-yet-read" box (parinig sa sarili)...listen to music while watching the butterflies flutter around the flowers in the park...dance in the middle of the road...sing under the pouring rain...say sorry and make amends to people you had offended or had hurt...see your friends...tell them how much them mean to you...yes...thats the most important thing that you can do--tell your family and friends how much they mean to you before it's too late
So here I am laughing...despite the loneliness....because I know its the only thing that I must do...I laugh because I must not cry.
"The world is no longer a romantic place. Some of it's people still are, however, and therein lies the promise. Don't let the world win" (John Cage)
Chimera (Noun)
Pronunciation: [shê-'me-rê]
Definition 1: (1) A fire-breathing Greek mythological monster with a lion's head, a goat's body, and a serpent's tail killed by Bellerophon. (2) An organism or organ made up of genetically different tissue types, usually produced by transplant, grafting, or genetic engineering. (3) A wildly fantastic, almost unimaginable illusion.
Suggested usage: The idea behind today's word is a monster put together of incongruous parts of various animals. Dr. Frankenstein's monster was certainly a chimera. However, a plant with grafted parts is also a chimera. A peaceful planet may also be a chimera, a fanciful illusion no more possible than the original referent of "chimera."
I found a book yesterday...its entitled letting go and laughter....or 'samteeeng' like that...i swear one of these days tlaga I will spend a day or two finishing all of the unread books stacked like a pillar in my room...hay..if i ever get the time..with my rotating sked i can hardly do anything anymore...kainis... but at least I get to spend time with my morning friends (wink wink :D) ..heniway highway, i actually haven't read it but from the title of the book doesn't it make you think that, indeed one of the things that we need to do to help us let go of the things and people we have to let go of is laughter? laughter laughing joking around monkeying around..whatever you call it...however you call it...i do think that laughter helps us forget about our problems, our heart aches, our pains....it helps us remember that no matter how sad the world has become that there are still nooks and crannies that closets sunshines that casts some ominous light in our darkened worlds..the kind of light that we see when sun hasn't awakened yet and the moon is still on OT...it forebears that there is hope after a night full of tears and heartaches and unanswered wishes...a new day has come for us... day full of promises...another day for us to do something....another day that God tells us, here is anotehr 24 hours..do something with your life...go to places you haven't seen...read all the books in your "not-yet-read" box (parinig sa sarili)...listen to music while watching the butterflies flutter around the flowers in the park...dance in the middle of the road...sing under the pouring rain...say sorry and make amends to people you had offended or had hurt...see your friends...tell them how much them mean to you...yes...thats the most important thing that you can do--tell your family and friends how much they mean to you before it's too late
So here I am laughing...despite the loneliness....because I know its the only thing that I must do...I laugh because I must not cry.
"The world is no longer a romantic place. Some of it's people still are, however, and therein lies the promise. Don't let the world win" (John Cage)
Mar 11, 2005
"I got a sixth sense that says you ain't worth six cents..."
In the end even when you've given all that you had to give ...even when you had tried your best to be the best version of yourself...it was all for naught...
I've got 3 words for you! BILOG ANG MUNDO!
shiyet...ang meanie nun...sorry...ay hindi..ay oo ok lang maging meanie kse sinaktan mo ko..pero..pak the shiyet...hmft! bad belle bad belle!
You're the seventh son
Of the seventh son
Maybe that's why you're such a strange
And special one
You can't even seem to love yourself
And with a few exceptions
Not anybody else
You can lead a horse to water
But you cannot make him drink
You can give a man your whole heart and soul
But you cannot make him think
You could have been with me
Instead of alone and lonely
You can tell him the day of departure
Exactly the place and the time
He might really wanna be there
But he misses every time
Is he a man or a paper tiger
When you need him will he run
Or stand beside you
You could have been with me
Instead of alone and lonely
You could have been with me
Instead of alone and lonely
.....On another note....a sad note...pray for joey...and for baby shelley
In the end even when you've given all that you had to give ...even when you had tried your best to be the best version of yourself...it was all for naught...
I've got 3 words for you! BILOG ANG MUNDO!
shiyet...ang meanie nun...sorry...ay hindi..ay oo ok lang maging meanie kse sinaktan mo ko..pero..pak the shiyet...hmft! bad belle bad belle!
You're the seventh son
Of the seventh son
Maybe that's why you're such a strange
And special one
You can't even seem to love yourself
And with a few exceptions
Not anybody else
You can lead a horse to water
But you cannot make him drink
You can give a man your whole heart and soul
But you cannot make him think
You could have been with me
Instead of alone and lonely
You can tell him the day of departure
Exactly the place and the time
He might really wanna be there
But he misses every time
Is he a man or a paper tiger
When you need him will he run
Or stand beside you
You could have been with me
Instead of alone and lonely
You could have been with me
Instead of alone and lonely
.....On another note....a sad note...pray for joey...and for baby shelley
Mar 8, 2005
Through the blurry eyes of man lies a great truth
about life about what living really is and what we really are Knowing this truth
is hard to see for only those with innocent hearts can look beyond false images
and reveal the secret path to be So many mistakes so many perfections we intend
to fake our own life shutting the door to the real person
...Why is he...here..
"What are you doing here, Michael?" Sam wasn't sure, but she knew that the disappointment was showing in her face. All day, receiving the roses whenever she went left her with this unexplicable anxiety. She couldn't focus on work, she just kept waiting, wondering, who the roses were all coming from. Of course, at one point she thought that perhaps the roses were coming from Michael. She admits, she even hoped that they were coming from Michael.
But now that he was here, standing in front of her, she was suddenly wishing he was someone else. The sudden realization of how much she misses Tag. And the fact that he was getting married tomorrow, and she was his bestman.
"I wanted to talk to you, Sam."Michael slowly walked towards her. Where is the rose? What is the whole sentence?" Michael, did you..."
"Listen Sam," he was almost just a foot away from her, she could hear him breathing. Michael still had that warm feel in his eyes, like he just woke up and so energized and fresh. She realized that she waited for a long time to have him this close again.
"I'm sorry Sam. I know I was unfair to you... For everything I did. I'm so sorry."She knew he meant it."I never should've pushed you away," he said slowly reaching for Sam's elbows. "I was so stupid. I was so afraid of everything and blinded by my attraction for Carol that I didn't realize how important you are to me." Sam was paralyzed. "You were my bestfriend. And it was totally unfair what I did to you. ""Oh Michael...""Please Sam," Michael sighed and shook Sam a little. Kind of like, trying to wake her up. "I think I'm in love with you." It was like a slice of ice going through Sam's heart. She has waited for this for a long time and ironically, now that it was here, she doesn't know if this is what she really wants. "Please, say something." Michael's eyes were almost pleading that she felt sorry for him."You're right.""What?" Michael asked softly."It was unfair, what you did to me," Sam looked at his eyes and shook herself free from his grasp. Michael looked shocked at this notion. "And why now?" Anger was building up inside Sam. "Why after all this time do you suddenly realize all this. Do you know how many nights I waited for a phone call, message, or even email from you. Do you know how it feels like to know that you're waiting for nothing and still wait? Do you know how hard it is to fall asleep at night knowing you're just one floor below me? How hard it is to keep myself from knocking on your door and see how you were doing? It's been 6 months, Michael.""I know," Michael interrupted. "That's why I'm making up for it now." He sighed. Sam could see defeat in eyes. "Don't you think I've suffered too? I wanted to come to you earlier. But I couldn't because you were always with that Tag Grossdale guy.""Oh I see, " Sam exclaimed. "You see that I was happy and you couldn't bear that?""That's not how...""I've already moved on, Michael," Sam mellowed down. "I could only go too far." "Sam please," Michael pleaded. "I don't want to lose you.""I'm already gone, Michael," Sam said with a shrug. "This is just a dream you will actually wake up from." With that, Sam turned around and walked away. Michael looked like he was about to say something, but stopped himself. She never thought she could do it. But she did. She was happy she did. She realized that she was wrong too. Michael wasn't her only source of happiness.
Carrion
Won't do no good to hold no seance
What's gone is gone, and you can't bring it back around
Won't do no good to hold no searchlight
You can't illuminate what time has anchored down
Oh, honey I've gone away Honey I've gone away I've gone away
Won't do no good to sing no love song
No sound could simulate the presence of a man
Won't do no good asking no questions
Your divination should acquaint you with the plan
Oh Honey I've gone away
Honey I've gone away
Honey, I've gone away
My feel for you, boy, is decaying in front of me
Like the carrion of a murdered prey And all I want is to save you, honey
Or the strength to walk away
Won't do no good to go no distance
The space between us is as boundless as the dark
Won't do no good to throw no fist, babe
You can't intimidate me back into your arms
Because honey, I've gone away I've gone away I've gone away
I've gone away I've gone away I've gone away
My feel for you, boy, is decaying in front of me
Like the carrion of a murdered prey
And all I want is to save you, honey Or the strength to walk away
My feel for you boy, is decaying in front of me
Like the carrion of a murdered prey
And all I want is to save you, honey
Or the strength to walk away
Oh my feel for you boy, is decaying right in front of me
Like the carrion of a, a murdered prey
And all I want is to save you, honey Or the strength to walk away
"Some people believe that holding on and hanging in there are signs of strength. However, there are times in life in which it takes much more strength to just let go."
Mar 7, 2005
"It's different when you love someone and when you’re in-love with someone"
Explanation: Alin nga ba ang mas malalim? Love o In-love?
Marami sa atin ang nac-confuse tungkol dito. Ikaw ba ay may girlfriend o boyfriend ngayon? Mahal mo ba siya pero parang may isang tao na parang mahalaga din sayo. O may mahal ka na akala mo eh mahal mo nga siya pero meron ka pa rin isang tao na minamahal ng totoo. Kapag love mo ang isang tao masaya ka......Feeling mo ok na ang lahat..pero kung inlove ka, masakit yun! Kasi ang mga taong in-love ay ang mga taong nagsasakripisyo at ngpaparaya. Teka bakit ka nga ba nag paparaya? Kasi di ka niya mahal o dahil hindi ka siguradong ok lang sa kanya? Kung yan ang dahilan mo, inlove ka nga sa kanya. Kasi iniisip mo kung ano meron kayo sa ngayon at kontento ka na. Pero isipin mo pano kung mawala ang tao un at tlagang hindi na kayo magusap at magkita, kaya mo ba? Paano kung maguluhan siya sayo at maisipang layuan ka? Pano kung sa sobrang pagiging iba mo sa kanya di ka nya kausapin at tuldukan na kung ano na ang meron kayo? Kaya mo ba? Kung hindi ang sagot mo inlove ka nga...Pano naman pag mahal mo lang, pag mahal mo lang, alam mo na parati kang may choice, ayaw mo siyang mawala dahil alam mong wala ka ipapalit. Yung masaya ka sa kanya pero sa gabi hindi naman siya ang iniisip mo. Mahal mo siya pero aminado ka sa sarili mo na balang araw hindi siya ang pakakasalan mo. Mahal mo siya pero ng puso mo hindi lang para sa kanya.. Mahal mo at masasaktan ka pagnawala siya pero alam mo na kaya mo un.
Ngayon Love lang ba o In-love ka na?
Isang araw magigising ka na lang na in-love ka na pero huli na.
Explanation: Alin nga ba ang mas malalim? Love o In-love?
Marami sa atin ang nac-confuse tungkol dito. Ikaw ba ay may girlfriend o boyfriend ngayon? Mahal mo ba siya pero parang may isang tao na parang mahalaga din sayo. O may mahal ka na akala mo eh mahal mo nga siya pero meron ka pa rin isang tao na minamahal ng totoo. Kapag love mo ang isang tao masaya ka......Feeling mo ok na ang lahat..pero kung inlove ka, masakit yun! Kasi ang mga taong in-love ay ang mga taong nagsasakripisyo at ngpaparaya. Teka bakit ka nga ba nag paparaya? Kasi di ka niya mahal o dahil hindi ka siguradong ok lang sa kanya? Kung yan ang dahilan mo, inlove ka nga sa kanya. Kasi iniisip mo kung ano meron kayo sa ngayon at kontento ka na. Pero isipin mo pano kung mawala ang tao un at tlagang hindi na kayo magusap at magkita, kaya mo ba? Paano kung maguluhan siya sayo at maisipang layuan ka? Pano kung sa sobrang pagiging iba mo sa kanya di ka nya kausapin at tuldukan na kung ano na ang meron kayo? Kaya mo ba? Kung hindi ang sagot mo inlove ka nga...Pano naman pag mahal mo lang, pag mahal mo lang, alam mo na parati kang may choice, ayaw mo siyang mawala dahil alam mong wala ka ipapalit. Yung masaya ka sa kanya pero sa gabi hindi naman siya ang iniisip mo. Mahal mo siya pero aminado ka sa sarili mo na balang araw hindi siya ang pakakasalan mo. Mahal mo siya pero ng puso mo hindi lang para sa kanya.. Mahal mo at masasaktan ka pagnawala siya pero alam mo na kaya mo un.
Ngayon Love lang ba o In-love ka na?
Isang araw magigising ka na lang na in-love ka na pero huli na.
Mar 5, 2005
Hitch <---watch this! Good movie wrong man...well...not THE wrong man..it was just that...basta wrong type of movie to watch with person I was with at that time....
Tangled Up In Me
Skye Sweetnam
You want to know more, more, more about me
I'm the girl who's kicking the coke machine
I'm the one that's honking at you 'cause I left late again
Hey! Hey! Hey!
Can't you see I want you by the way I push you away, yeah!
Don't judge me tomorrow by the way I'm acting
Take the words up with the actions deeal with all for your reaction, yeah!
Hey! Hey!
Get tangled up in me
You want to know more, more, more about me
Got to know reverse psychology
I'm the reason why you can't get to sleep
I'm the girl you never get just quite what you see
You think that you know me (Get tangled up in me)
You think that I'm lonely (Get tangled up in me)
When everything I do is only to get tangled up in you...
You want to know more, more, more about me
I'm the girl that's sweeping you off your feet
Tangled Up In Me
Skye Sweetnam
You want to know more, more, more about me
I'm the girl who's kicking the coke machine
I'm the one that's honking at you 'cause I left late again
Hey! Hey! Hey!
Can't you see I want you by the way I push you away, yeah!
Don't judge me tomorrow by the way I'm acting
Take the words up with the actions deeal with all for your reaction, yeah!
Hey! Hey!
Get tangled up in me
You want to know more, more, more about me
Got to know reverse psychology
I'm the reason why you can't get to sleep
I'm the girl you never get just quite what you see
You think that you know me (Get tangled up in me)
You think that I'm lonely (Get tangled up in me)
When everything I do is only to get tangled up in you...
You want to know more, more, more about me
I'm the girl that's sweeping you off your feet
sapul...
A friend asked yesterday me why I happen to be without a significant other. All I could say was, "eeeee! sa wala e. what can I do naman no?" Then he goes on to ask me, "For someone who
seems to be so great at giving advice to other people, kala ko your love life is doing great as well. Bakit kaya wala kang boyfriend?"
Another friend asked me during one of our madaling araw lunches: "bakit ba Belle what's wrong ba with you?" I sighed..isang malalim at mahabang deep sigh and answered "I dunno...i really dunno.."
"Clementine: Joel, I'm not a concept. Too many guys think I'm a concept or I complete them or I'm going to make them alive, but I'm just a fucked up girl who is looking for my own peace of mind. Don't assign me yours."
A friend asked yesterday me why I happen to be without a significant other. All I could say was, "eeeee! sa wala e. what can I do naman no?" Then he goes on to ask me, "For someone who
seems to be so great at giving advice to other people, kala ko your love life is doing great as well. Bakit kaya wala kang boyfriend?"
Another friend asked me during one of our madaling araw lunches: "bakit ba Belle what's wrong ba with you?" I sighed..isang malalim at mahabang deep sigh and answered "I dunno...i really dunno.."
"Clementine: Joel, I'm not a concept. Too many guys think I'm a concept or I complete them or I'm going to make them alive, but I'm just a fucked up girl who is looking for my own peace of mind. Don't assign me yours."
Feb 27, 2005
Do's and Don'ts
1. If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay!!!
2. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
3. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
4. Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.
5. Slower is better.
6. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
7. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve, then heck no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
8. Don't settle.
9. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
10. Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
11. The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
12 . Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
13. Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
14 . Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.
15. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
16. You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.
17. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more
education or has a better job.
18. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more and nothing less.
19. Never let a man define who you are.
20. Never borrow someone else's man.
21. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
22. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
23. All men are NOT dogs.
24. You should not be the one doing all the bending... compromise is a two way street.
25. You need time to heal between relationships. There is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
26. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you... a relationship consists of two
WHOLE individuals... look for someone complimentary... not supplementary.
27. Dating is fun... even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
28. Make him miss you sometimes... when a man always knows where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.
29. Never move into his mother's house.
30. Never co-sign for a man. (Hallelujah, thank you Jesus!)
31. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
1. If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay!!!
2. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
3. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
4. Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.
5. Slower is better.
6. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
7. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve, then heck no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
8. Don't settle.
9. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
10. Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
11. The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
12 . Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
13. Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
14 . Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.
15. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
16. You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.
17. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more
education or has a better job.
18. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more and nothing less.
19. Never let a man define who you are.
20. Never borrow someone else's man.
21. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
22. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
23. All men are NOT dogs.
24. You should not be the one doing all the bending... compromise is a two way street.
25. You need time to heal between relationships. There is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
26. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you... a relationship consists of two
WHOLE individuals... look for someone complimentary... not supplementary.
27. Dating is fun... even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
28. Make him miss you sometimes... when a man always knows where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.
29. Never move into his mother's house.
30. Never co-sign for a man. (Hallelujah, thank you Jesus!)
31. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
Feb 23, 2005
its been awhile..been itching to update
but unable to. pc's still sira, went to Galera last weekend and for some insane reason just wasnt able to find time to blog..bad blogger bad blogger
so let's see..ano na ba nangyari sa pathetic life ko? work work work work and more work...and more work?
Valentine's...NADA! corny ka kse! you! yes you! hmft!
Submitted my RL...sshh...not everyone knows :)
Dennis' (Den-Den) dad passed away...first time to attend a military burial and funeral..grabe...dameng ceremonies! I cried when my friend cried while giving the eulogy...i never saw him cry or even be sad...but he cried...first death for the year...shit please no more..not a repeat of last year....
Call me Auntie Ganda! My younger brother Ton-Ton's girlfriend gave birth last week to Luis Miguel...kelan kaya ako? I can't wait to see my first pamangkin..pamangkin sa sibling...so please...Call me Auntie Ganda
so yea, after so much planning na puro mga planong hindi at muntik pang di matuloy e natuloy na din ang galera trip 10,000 years in the making. See tin's blog for more info. Im pagod na to make kwento. That was my second trip. The first one was 2 years ago with jerk. Hate Galera on weekends. Next time weekdays na tlaga ako pupunta! Tin, hint hint hint...
but unable to. pc's still sira, went to Galera last weekend and for some insane reason just wasnt able to find time to blog..bad blogger bad blogger
so let's see..ano na ba nangyari sa pathetic life ko? work work work work and more work...and more work?
Valentine's...NADA! corny ka kse! you! yes you! hmft!
Submitted my RL...sshh...not everyone knows :)
Dennis' (Den-Den) dad passed away...first time to attend a military burial and funeral..grabe...dameng ceremonies! I cried when my friend cried while giving the eulogy...i never saw him cry or even be sad...but he cried...first death for the year...shit please no more..not a repeat of last year....
Call me Auntie Ganda! My younger brother Ton-Ton's girlfriend gave birth last week to Luis Miguel...kelan kaya ako? I can't wait to see my first pamangkin..pamangkin sa sibling...so please...Call me Auntie Ganda
so yea, after so much planning na puro mga planong hindi at muntik pang di matuloy e natuloy na din ang galera trip 10,000 years in the making. See tin's blog for more info. Im pagod na to make kwento. That was my second trip. The first one was 2 years ago with jerk. Hate Galera on weekends. Next time weekdays na tlaga ako pupunta! Tin, hint hint hint...
Feb 9, 2005
....friends, allow me to regress...indulge me...
its been a little over a year...when a life turning event changed my life...it changed me....
finally... a year after I am gonna say my piece...but lest the gossip mongers feast on this I tell you now that I am over "it"...it took time, yes...it took A LOT of time...but here I am over and not ever, EVER looking back...it was a year ago when I lost someone I love...someone i trusted...someone who I thought was the one...we made plans to spend our life together..oh yes we made plans...but he made plans, too..but not with me...the one person who i thought would never hurt me did just that...the one person I trusted betrayed me...
no need to go into all the nitty gritty details of that horrendous "event" no use in re-living all the pain...no use in re-living all the hurt...
"...nobody told me that you fell out of love for me
so I'm setting you free..."
that episode taught me a lot of lessons...
1. never give your trust blindingly
2. never trust Cebuanas
3. never discount your friends or forget them or let them feel that they come second best to your man
4. know who your real friends are
5. remember God even in times of happiness...
6. have faith in God and in yourself
7. your tears ...even if they seem like they will never dry up...eventually will...
8. that the male specie do get over someone really fast
9. leave a little bit of love and dignity for yourself
10. fight for someone you love if its worth fighting for
11. know when to say sorry
12. learn from your mistakes
13. learn to appreciate the simple things in life
14. love my mom no matter how she fucked up my childhood
15. when people want to leave you...let them...
16. tell people how much they mean to you
17. say thank you and sorry
18. LIVE EACH DAY AS IF ITS YOUR LAST
19. be extra nice to people...
20. never cheat or lie to anyone esp to people you love
21. be forgiving..............................
...my list can go on and on and on but those are just some of the lessons that I learned...the hard way...
My Happy Ending
So much for my happy ending
Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something You said?
Don't leave me hanging
In a city so dead
Held up so high
On such a breakable thread
You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be
You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
You've got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult
But so are they
But they don't know me
Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me
All the shit that you do
You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be
It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done
its been a little over a year...when a life turning event changed my life...it changed me....
finally... a year after I am gonna say my piece...but lest the gossip mongers feast on this I tell you now that I am over "it"...it took time, yes...it took A LOT of time...but here I am over and not ever, EVER looking back...it was a year ago when I lost someone I love...someone i trusted...someone who I thought was the one...we made plans to spend our life together..oh yes we made plans...but he made plans, too..but not with me...the one person who i thought would never hurt me did just that...the one person I trusted betrayed me...
no need to go into all the nitty gritty details of that horrendous "event" no use in re-living all the pain...no use in re-living all the hurt...
"...nobody told me that you fell out of love for me
so I'm setting you free..."
that episode taught me a lot of lessons...
1. never give your trust blindingly
2. never trust Cebuanas
3. never discount your friends or forget them or let them feel that they come second best to your man
4. know who your real friends are
5. remember God even in times of happiness...
6. have faith in God and in yourself
7. your tears ...even if they seem like they will never dry up...eventually will...
8. that the male specie do get over someone really fast
9. leave a little bit of love and dignity for yourself
10. fight for someone you love if its worth fighting for
11. know when to say sorry
12. learn from your mistakes
13. learn to appreciate the simple things in life
14. love my mom no matter how she fucked up my childhood
15. when people want to leave you...let them...
16. tell people how much they mean to you
17. say thank you and sorry
18. LIVE EACH DAY AS IF ITS YOUR LAST
19. be extra nice to people...
20. never cheat or lie to anyone esp to people you love
21. be forgiving..............................
...my list can go on and on and on but those are just some of the lessons that I learned...the hard way...
My Happy Ending
So much for my happy ending
Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something You said?
Don't leave me hanging
In a city so dead
Held up so high
On such a breakable thread
You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be
You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
You've got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult
But so are they
But they don't know me
Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me
All the shit that you do
You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be
It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done
Feb 7, 2005
Can't blog muna coz my PC's sira...thank you for The King of Sablay for taking time out to go to actually set aside some time to fix my porno filled PC..sige na bati na tayo :D
o sige na nga..something to blog about lang:
I've been tagged!
Madness in Music - Tag Along
I've been tagged by Tin.
Random 10:
1. Can you help me by Usher
2. 1000 Oceans by Tori Amos
3. Blame it on my youth By Jane Monheit
4. All out to see by Jamie Mcullum
5. Karma by Alicia Keys
6. 32 Flavors
7. People are People by D'Sound
8. Here is gone
9. Comfort in your strangeness
10. Blurry
1. What is the total amount of music files on your computer?
...i dunno na...my pc's sira
2. The last CD you bought is:
Live's Greatest Hits
3. What is the last song you listened to before this message:
People are People by D'Sound
4. Write down five songs you listen to a lot or mean a lot to you:
1. Journey by Angela Zhang (Si gay kse!!!)
2. Barely Breathing
3. Selfish N'Sync
4. Love Affair (all time fave)
5. L' Vie En Rose
5. Who are you gonna pass this stick to? (3 persons and why)
Chris , Vitto, Prada Mama ---> too tamad to think of why :D
o sige na nga..something to blog about lang:
I've been tagged!
Madness in Music - Tag Along
I've been tagged by Tin.
Random 10:
1. Can you help me by Usher
2. 1000 Oceans by Tori Amos
3. Blame it on my youth By Jane Monheit
4. All out to see by Jamie Mcullum
5. Karma by Alicia Keys
6. 32 Flavors
7. People are People by D'Sound
8. Here is gone
9. Comfort in your strangeness
10. Blurry
1. What is the total amount of music files on your computer?
...i dunno na...my pc's sira
2. The last CD you bought is:
Live's Greatest Hits
3. What is the last song you listened to before this message:
People are People by D'Sound
4. Write down five songs you listen to a lot or mean a lot to you:
1. Journey by Angela Zhang (Si gay kse!!!)
2. Barely Breathing
3. Selfish N'Sync
4. Love Affair (all time fave)
5. L' Vie En Rose
5. Who are you gonna pass this stick to? (3 persons and why)
Chris , Vitto, Prada Mama ---> too tamad to think of why :D
Feb 3, 2005
i was trying to start a series of posts...but TOO much work got in the way...so before I find the time to be able to start that series (yes, its already in my drafts list!) lemme just say something....
it is a bad day for me...a combination of lack of sleep...too much work...people not doing what they are asked to do...bit off someone's head off (no, that's not you but someone else)...found out that there's this guy is making "the moves" at me...and, as a cherry on top or an extra icing on your cake, the King of Sablays is at it again!
as Jodon would say: champion! ayos!
minsan lang naman ako magka bad day...normally im very indulgent about other people's requests, quirks and whatevers but last sunday was an exception...pero minsan lang naman ako magka bad day...
"We hope someday to be saints," the Don said, "But not martyrs." (The Last Don)
it is a bad day for me...a combination of lack of sleep...too much work...people not doing what they are asked to do...bit off someone's head off (no, that's not you but someone else)...found out that there's this guy is making "the moves" at me...and, as a cherry on top or an extra icing on your cake, the King of Sablays is at it again!
as Jodon would say: champion! ayos!
minsan lang naman ako magka bad day...normally im very indulgent about other people's requests, quirks and whatevers but last sunday was an exception...pero minsan lang naman ako magka bad day...
"We hope someday to be saints," the Don said, "But not martyrs." (The Last Don)
Jan 28, 2005
O Beautiful Affliction
Merciful pain
This mortal wounding bringing me to life again
In suffering there’s healing
This darkness revealing
Silence speaking volumes to my soul
O Beautiful Affliction
Blessed brokenness that makes me whole- David Baroni
This insightful poem of his own creation, obviously gleaned from some pretty painful personal experience. It is so hard for us to get this message, surrounded as we are by other ways of thinking that promise us the opposite of suffering. Everything in our culture seems designed to relieve or avoid suffering and pain—certainly not welcome it with open arms.
Now relieving pain and suffering is an honorable task and something to take advantage of, should we, or those we love, become afflicted with disease or injury. Medical science and nature have provided us with significant pain relievers that I believe are gifts of God to help ease suffering. But the notion that pain and suffering should not be our lot, and there is something wrong if it does come our way, is wrong. Paul went as far as to say that we cannot share in Christ’s glory without sharing also in His suffering and death.
“As a result, I can really know Christ and experience the mighty power that raised him from the dead. I can learn what it means to suffer with Him, sharing in His death, so that, somehow, I can experience the resurrection from the dead” (Philippians 3:10-11 NLT)!
That’s the one thing about resurrection power that we often forget: something has to die for it to be experienced. Resurrection power is not handed out to healthy, well-adjusted successful people. Resurrection power is not a way to add on to your faith. It’s not like going down to the spiritual gym and working out until you build up a good amount of resurrection power. It’s not like adding some power drink or multi-spiritual vitamins to your spiritual regimen. You don’t add devotional time with God in order to burst you spiritual buttons with newly formed resurrection power (Step aside spiritual giants!). No. There’s only one way to get resurrection power. You suffer and die for it. You get cut down, humiliated, slammed in the face, and knocked flat on your back. You don’t get pumped up. Quite the opposite, you get everything pumped out of you, and that’s when you rise again—when there is absolutely no way anything could possibly come from you.
That’s precisely why we can call this a “Beautiful Affliction,” because it brought us to this. This is not some vicarious experience where we imagine ourselves dead and then imagine ourselves alive to Christ. It is a dying experience—a face-to-face encounter with our own mortality from which we do not rise if we do not get help from somewhere else, and our help comes from the Lord.
Merciful pain
This mortal wounding bringing me to life again
In suffering there’s healing
This darkness revealing
Silence speaking volumes to my soul
O Beautiful Affliction
Blessed brokenness that makes me whole- David Baroni
This insightful poem of his own creation, obviously gleaned from some pretty painful personal experience. It is so hard for us to get this message, surrounded as we are by other ways of thinking that promise us the opposite of suffering. Everything in our culture seems designed to relieve or avoid suffering and pain—certainly not welcome it with open arms.
Now relieving pain and suffering is an honorable task and something to take advantage of, should we, or those we love, become afflicted with disease or injury. Medical science and nature have provided us with significant pain relievers that I believe are gifts of God to help ease suffering. But the notion that pain and suffering should not be our lot, and there is something wrong if it does come our way, is wrong. Paul went as far as to say that we cannot share in Christ’s glory without sharing also in His suffering and death.
“As a result, I can really know Christ and experience the mighty power that raised him from the dead. I can learn what it means to suffer with Him, sharing in His death, so that, somehow, I can experience the resurrection from the dead” (Philippians 3:10-11 NLT)!
That’s the one thing about resurrection power that we often forget: something has to die for it to be experienced. Resurrection power is not handed out to healthy, well-adjusted successful people. Resurrection power is not a way to add on to your faith. It’s not like going down to the spiritual gym and working out until you build up a good amount of resurrection power. It’s not like adding some power drink or multi-spiritual vitamins to your spiritual regimen. You don’t add devotional time with God in order to burst you spiritual buttons with newly formed resurrection power (Step aside spiritual giants!). No. There’s only one way to get resurrection power. You suffer and die for it. You get cut down, humiliated, slammed in the face, and knocked flat on your back. You don’t get pumped up. Quite the opposite, you get everything pumped out of you, and that’s when you rise again—when there is absolutely no way anything could possibly come from you.
That’s precisely why we can call this a “Beautiful Affliction,” because it brought us to this. This is not some vicarious experience where we imagine ourselves dead and then imagine ourselves alive to Christ. It is a dying experience—a face-to-face encounter with our own mortality from which we do not rise if we do not get help from somewhere else, and our help comes from the Lord.
Jan 27, 2005
...allow me to stop and think...
Like birds, let us leave behind what we dont need to carry-grudges, sadness, pain,
fear, and regrets.
Let us not think about the pain we went through but the lesson it taught us not how
much we cried and hurt but how much we smiled and loved
Amazing grace comes from the gentle acceptance of life is simply the way it is.
Life has its own season and reasons. Take it as it comes.
Through many dangers, toils and snares,I have already come;
’Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far,
And grace will lead me home.
Like birds, let us leave behind what we dont need to carry-grudges, sadness, pain,
fear, and regrets.
Let us not think about the pain we went through but the lesson it taught us not how
much we cried and hurt but how much we smiled and loved
Amazing grace comes from the gentle acceptance of life is simply the way it is.
Life has its own season and reasons. Take it as it comes.
Through many dangers, toils and snares,I have already come;
’Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far,
And grace will lead me home.
Jan 25, 2005
teka waits!
I just got out of 14 hour shift but been in the office for 16 hours.....my brain's not working anymore...it refuses to work...my back hurts like hell and I'm sleepy...so forgive me if I don't laugh heartily as I used to or if my smile seemed "plastic" or if my face looks like it met Cassius Clay's fast hands....
"I don't get angry very often. I lose my temper rarely. And when I do, there's always a legitimate cause. Normally I have a great lightness of being. I take things in a very happy, amused way. " (Julia Roberts)
I just got out of 14 hour shift but been in the office for 16 hours.....my brain's not working anymore...it refuses to work...my back hurts like hell and I'm sleepy...so forgive me if I don't laugh heartily as I used to or if my smile seemed "plastic" or if my face looks like it met Cassius Clay's fast hands....
"I don't get angry very often. I lose my temper rarely. And when I do, there's always a legitimate cause. Normally I have a great lightness of being. I take things in a very happy, amused way. " (Julia Roberts)
Jan 22, 2005
go to Google and type: perfect woman...labo no?
The Perfect Person
J. M. Whitaker
For as long as I can remember, I have been searching for the perfect girl. Since I was old enough to begin longing for female companionship, I have been on the hunt. I guess it started out as just a simple dream or fantasy, not unlike most of us. The strange thing about it was that it never stayed just a dream or a fantasy. The more people I dated, the more times I was let down, the more I hungered for that perfect person, the one that would fill all of my needs and desires, the one thatwould never let me down. I dated girl after girl. Some of them were great while others got me into some trouble. Some of them made me laugh, but a lot of them made me cry. Through my journey, I found a lot of joy and a lot of sorrow, a lot of happiness and a lot of pain, but never the perfect girl. I had dreamed about her. Dark hair, darker eyes, a slim figure tinted golden brown from the sun. She had an accent and could play the cello. She would love to talk, but wouldn't expect me to talk too much. She would always ask me how my day was and would always have a smile on her face; absolute perfection. I began to devise methods in how I would meet the girls I would date. I knew I wanted an intelligent girl, so I hung out in libraries and museums. I meet this real crazy girl at a library after school one day. She wassmart and sexy and, well? crazy. I would rather not go into a lot ofdetails about it. Let's just say she had some real deep-seated anxieties about our relationship and, consequentially, our break up.
I knew I wanted an artistic girl, so I went to music stores and coffee shops, I even tried a couple of classical concerts. I met this wonderfully cute girl who dressed really dark and loved to write poetry. She was great, we used to stay up all night long talking about the silliest things, but she ended up dumping me for some guy who did drugs and rode a motorcycle.
I got into a car accident with a girl driving a Pontiac Sunfire. She had no driver's license or car insurance, but she did have a really great smile and the prettiest hair. Instead of calling the police, we called in sick and went out to eat. We dated for a while but eventually came across an irreconcilable difference inopinions. She didn't always feel the need to come "straight home" after work. Okay, to be honest, toward the end of our relationship, she rarely came home at all.
Then there was the girl from the International House of Pancakes. She was an exact replica of my personality. I mean if you had met us both over some Internet chat room, you would swear we were the same person using multiple screen-names. Sounds sweet, huh? Have you ever considered marrying yourself? Have you ever thought aboutgrowing old together, just you and yourself? We both found that the whole idea of finding that "perfect person" was to find someone different from yourself to fulfill the empty spots within you.
I searched every where. I left no rock unturned, no leaf moved aside, but to no avail. After much pain and heartache, I began to believe that the perfect girl just did not exist. Then one day,I found her.
Her name was Malia. She was from Hawaii, raised in Italy. She wore silk pajama pants to bed. She had written a novel. She loved the beach and hated cats, just like me. She had silky, dark and curly hair that swayed perfectly if the breeze was right. She had a caramel colored body, etched out of a block of pure perfection, and herface was that of an angel. From the very first time I saw her, I could not seem to take my eyes away from hers. She was like a siren, calling my name, beckoning me closer to her, even when she was asleep. The attraction was complete, with no faults, no annoyances. Every time she spoke she mesmerized me and every timeshe moved she amazed me. She was... well, perfect. Oh, and did I mention she played the cello?
We spent all the extra time we had together. We spent so much time together that we decided to move in together. We were paying rent on two places, but one of them was doing nothing but collecting dust. We would sit on the porch when it rained and hold each other. We would lay on the beach and soak up a sweet combination of sunrays andpina coladas. Life was good. No, life was perfect and I knew it just couldn't possibly get any better than it was right then and there.
Two years later, Malia left me for a career-opportunity at a really prominent university in Europe. There were no harsh words, no angry feelings, not even any sad good-byes. She was so perfect that if she wanted to leave, I wanted it for her. That is, until she was gone.
I cried for days, and began to drink for weeks after that. I felt as if my life was over, that the only reason that I had existed was gone, and every breath I took from that moment on was a futile attempt to hold on to something I later found I never had: The Perfect Love.
Malia was perfect. She was perfect in each and every single way, but I was not. Our love for each other was a deeply committed one, but it was far from perfect. I know that now, but if I could go back in time to tell myself that in an attempt to save myself from all of that pain and suffering, I fear I would not have listenedto myself.
I slept with many women, sometimes a different girl every week. I drank excessively and spent all of my money on temporary satisfaction. Anything to ease the pain. But the pain did not ease, it only grew stronger. It became a vicious circle of self-inflicted torture that eventually brought me to my knees and forced me to open my eyes to the real world. But not before it made me a bitter man. I was wiser, but to this day, the decisions made left a coldness in my eyes that made my heart appear as lead to anyone who dared look. I became a loner, staying home on the weekends, saving my money for a healthy but lonely retirement, having accepted my fate. I was to be alone for the rest of my life. Kathy with a K. Actually, her name is spelled Kathyrn. Quite peculiar, but I didn't think so until later. For the longest time, I never even knew her name. But she was a sight for sore and lonely eyes. I saw her at work. I was her boss (actually, I was her boss' boss) and did not want to risk the chance of even speaking to her. She was justtoo beautiful, and I had become a beast with a past too horrible to mention. I would just watch her as she passed my office every day. She didn't walk, she frolicked, and I would sneak out for a break whenever she did just to watch that frolicking. She smiled every time someone spoke to her, a smile like the early morning sun, and her eyes were so dark that you couldn't see her pupils, only the glimmering from the light that made her eyes look like two bright stars. I was under her spell and I didn't even know her name. One day, watching her outside, I convinced myself to ask around about her. Find out her name and maybe even find out if she was seeingsomeone. Just as I had decided that she spoke to me.
Kathy with a K. She ended up asking me out, you know. I told her I couldn't that night because I had to work late. Actually, I was too scared. I called her and asked her if she wanted to go to Starbucks after work the next day and she agreed. It turned out to be the most romantic night of both of our lives. We were both still pretty new in town and didn't really know our way around. I had no idea what I was going to do or where I was going to take her next so I winged it the whole way. Like I said, it turned out to be the most romantic night of both of our lives. It was perfect. She was not perfect, but neither was I. We both carried a truckload of emotional baggage and we both had a mountain of flaws. But it was perfect. She would always forget to plug in her cell phone at night, but I would always remind her. I couldn't do laundry worth a flip, but she showed me how. She could never get to work on time,and she hated to drive, but we both had to be at work on time so I drove us both there. Whenever she was slacking I was always right over her shoulder, and when I would lose track of what I was trying to do, she would help to keep me focused. We complemented each other in every single way. Neither of us was perfect, butwe were perfect for each other.
When you're out there looking for that perfect person keep these things in mind. People change, no matter how hard they try not to. As you grow older you mature, and with each new level of maturity come different ideas, different needs and wants. The person who was perfect for you at twenty could be the person you hate when you're thirty-five. You have to find some one who will grow with you, change with you, laugh with you and cry with you. A person who fills in where you lack, a person whom you can fill in for when they are lacking. But what about the perfect person, you ask? They do not exist. Even Malia was not perfect because the perfect girl in my dreams was supposed to stay with me.
There are no perfect people, only people who are perfect for each other
Well be pleased world
If this is what you wanted
This young girl is everything that you made
What will she say
Aren't I lovely
And do you want me cause
I am hungry for something that will make me real
Can you see me and
Do you love me causeI am desperately searching for something real
Jan 20, 2005
Hassle ka!
Why is that we always remember when (a) love (affair) ends but seldom remember when it begins....
Saddest Poem
I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
Write, for instance: "The night is full of stars,
and the stars, blue, shiver in the distance."
The night wind whirls in the sky and sings.
I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.
On nights like this, I held her in my arms.
I kissed her so many times under the infinite sky.
She loved me, sometimes I loved her.
How could I not have loved her large, still eyes?
I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
To think I don't have her. To feel that I've lost her.
To hear the immense night, more immense without her.
And the poem falls to the soul as dew to grass.
What does it matter that my love couldn't keep her.
The night is full of stars and she is not with me.
That's all. Far away, someone sings. Far away.
My soul is lost without her.
As if to bring her near, my eyes search for her.
My heart searches for her and she is not with me.
The same night that whitens the same trees.
We, we who were, we are the same no longer.
I no longer love her, true, but how much I loved her.
My voice searched the wind to touch her ear.
Someone else's. She will be someone else's. As she once
belonged to my kisses.
Her voice, her light body. Her infinite eyes.
I no longer love her, true, but perhaps I love her.
Love is so short and oblivion so long.
Because on nights like this I held her in my arms,
my soul is lost without her.
Although this may be the last pain she causes me,
and this may be the last poem I write for her.
-- Pablo Neruda
Jan 19, 2005
...my dearest lolo tatay...he celebrated his 94th birthday last monday...one of the 2 men in my life that I'd drop everything in an instant for...give a limb for...even die for....
Kirkie ;P happy boit-day! for simply being there...
Miranda: He was funny. And cute.
Carrie: Yeah, and in town for a week! What's the point?
Samantha: That IS the point! It's the best possible scenario, because you know he's leaving.
Carrie: But it's like whatever happens, there's an expiration date. It's expiration dating.
Here is Gone
(GooGoo Dolls)
You and I got something
But it's all then it's nothing to me
I got my defenses
When it comes to your intentions to me
And we wake up in the breakdown
In the things we never thought we could be
I'm not the one who broke you
I'm not the one you should fear
We've got to move you darling
I thought I lost you somewhere
But you were never really ever there at all
And I want to get free
Talk to me I can fear you falling
And I won't tempt to be
All you need
Somehow here is gone
I am no solution
To this sound of dispollution in me yah
And I was not the answer so forget you if ever thought it was me
I'm not the one who broke you
I'm not the one you should fear
We've got to move you darling
I thought I lost you somewhere
But you were never really ever there at all
And I want to get free
Talk to me I can fear you falling
And I won't tempt to be
All you need
Somehow here is gone
And I don't need a fall out
Of all the past that's here between us
And I'm not holding on
And all your lies weren't enough to keep me here
And I want to get free
Talk to me I can fear you falling
And I won't tempt to be
All you need
Somehow here is gone
And I want to get free
Talk to me I can fear you falling
I know it's out there I know it's out there I can fear you falling
I know it's out there I know it's out there
Somehow here is gone
I know it's out there I know it's out there
Somehow here is gone
"You're a cynical, exploitive, mean-hearted creep who wouldn't know real love if it bit him in the armpit." (Maggie Carpenter, RunAway Bride)
Jan 18, 2005
What's a meantime girl?
She's the one you call when you're bored because she makes you laugh. She's the one you talk to when you're feeling down because she's willing to lend an ear and be a friend. She's not the one you call when you need a date to your company's christmas party, or to go dancing with on a saturday night. She's the one you spend time with between girlfriends, before you find "the one". You know, the one you keep around in the meantime. She's not one of the guys, not a tomboy, but you don't look at her as a "real" woman either. She's not bitchy enough, moody enough, or sexy enough to be seen in that light. Shes too laid back, too easily amused by the same things your male buddies are amused by. She's too understanding, too comfortable -- she does not make you feel nervous or excited, the way a "real" woman does. But she's cool, and nice, and funny, and attractive enough that when you're lonely or horny and need intimate female companionship, she'll do just fine. You don't have to wine and dine her because she knows the real you already, and you dont have any facades to keep up, no pretenses to preserve. You're not trying to get the intimacy that you need. And you know you dont have to explain yourself or the situation, and that she'll be able to cope with the fact that this isn't the beginning of a relationship or that there's any possibility that you have any real romantic feelings for her. It won't bother her that you'll get up in the morning, put on your pants, say goodbye, and go on a date with the woman you've been mooning over for weeks who finally agreed to go out with you. She'll settle for a goodbye hug and a promise to call her and tell her how the date went. She's just so cool... why can't all women be like that?! But deep down, if you really think about it (which you probably don't because to you, the situation between the two of you isn't important enough to merit any real thought), you know that it's really not fair. You know that although she would never say it, it hurts her to know that despite all her good points and all the fun you two have, you don't think she's good enough to spend any real time with. Sure, it's mostly her fault, because she doesn't have to give in to your needs - she could play the hard - to - get bitch like the rest of them do, if she really wanted to. But you and she both know that she probably couldn't pull it off. Maybe she's too short, or a little too over weight, or has big birthmark on her forhead, or works at taco bell. Whatever the reason, somehow life has given her a lot of really great qualities but has left out the ones that men want (or think they want) in a woman. So she remains forever the funny friend, the steadfast companion, the secret lover, and you go on searching for your goddess who will somehow be everything you ever wanted in a woman. You'll joke to her that she should be the best man at your wedding, and she'll laugh and make a joke about a smelly rental tux. She does not captivate you with her beauty, or open door with her smile. Mainly she blends in with the crowd. She's safe. She does not want to be the center of attention and turn the heads of everyone in the room. But she wants to turn someone's head. She wants to be special to someone, too, we all do. She has feelings. She has a heart. In fact, she probably has a bigger and better heart than any woman you've ever known because, because she's had a front row seat to The Mess That is Your Life, and she likes you anyway. She obviously sees something worthwhile and redeeming in you because although you've given her nothing,
absolutely no reason to still be around, she is.
Anyway, yeah. I'm a meantime girl. Been one more times that one care to admit. I don't know the reason, really, and at this point I don't even care. I just want to let every guy know who's ever had the good fortune to have a meantime girl, that we may be a lot of fun, but we cry too... And someday we won't be around...
I asked you before if I was and you responded: "of course not. baka its the other way around." So now...what was I to you then?
She's the one you call when you're bored because she makes you laugh. She's the one you talk to when you're feeling down because she's willing to lend an ear and be a friend. She's not the one you call when you need a date to your company's christmas party, or to go dancing with on a saturday night. She's the one you spend time with between girlfriends, before you find "the one". You know, the one you keep around in the meantime. She's not one of the guys, not a tomboy, but you don't look at her as a "real" woman either. She's not bitchy enough, moody enough, or sexy enough to be seen in that light. Shes too laid back, too easily amused by the same things your male buddies are amused by. She's too understanding, too comfortable -- she does not make you feel nervous or excited, the way a "real" woman does. But she's cool, and nice, and funny, and attractive enough that when you're lonely or horny and need intimate female companionship, she'll do just fine. You don't have to wine and dine her because she knows the real you already, and you dont have any facades to keep up, no pretenses to preserve. You're not trying to get the intimacy that you need. And you know you dont have to explain yourself or the situation, and that she'll be able to cope with the fact that this isn't the beginning of a relationship or that there's any possibility that you have any real romantic feelings for her. It won't bother her that you'll get up in the morning, put on your pants, say goodbye, and go on a date with the woman you've been mooning over for weeks who finally agreed to go out with you. She'll settle for a goodbye hug and a promise to call her and tell her how the date went. She's just so cool... why can't all women be like that?! But deep down, if you really think about it (which you probably don't because to you, the situation between the two of you isn't important enough to merit any real thought), you know that it's really not fair. You know that although she would never say it, it hurts her to know that despite all her good points and all the fun you two have, you don't think she's good enough to spend any real time with. Sure, it's mostly her fault, because she doesn't have to give in to your needs - she could play the hard - to - get bitch like the rest of them do, if she really wanted to. But you and she both know that she probably couldn't pull it off. Maybe she's too short, or a little too over weight, or has big birthmark on her forhead, or works at taco bell. Whatever the reason, somehow life has given her a lot of really great qualities but has left out the ones that men want (or think they want) in a woman. So she remains forever the funny friend, the steadfast companion, the secret lover, and you go on searching for your goddess who will somehow be everything you ever wanted in a woman. You'll joke to her that she should be the best man at your wedding, and she'll laugh and make a joke about a smelly rental tux. She does not captivate you with her beauty, or open door with her smile. Mainly she blends in with the crowd. She's safe. She does not want to be the center of attention and turn the heads of everyone in the room. But she wants to turn someone's head. She wants to be special to someone, too, we all do. She has feelings. She has a heart. In fact, she probably has a bigger and better heart than any woman you've ever known because, because she's had a front row seat to The Mess That is Your Life, and she likes you anyway. She obviously sees something worthwhile and redeeming in you because although you've given her nothing,
absolutely no reason to still be around, she is.
Anyway, yeah. I'm a meantime girl. Been one more times that one care to admit. I don't know the reason, really, and at this point I don't even care. I just want to let every guy know who's ever had the good fortune to have a meantime girl, that we may be a lot of fun, but we cry too... And someday we won't be around...
I asked you before if I was and you responded: "of course not. baka its the other way around." So now...what was I to you then?
Subscribe to:
Comment Feed (RSS)
