morning kiss..icka girl and not-not-so funny-tita belle =)

got home nga relatively early pero here I am blogging at 230am when i should be resting since i've been very sleepy and tired for the past couple of days...it may not look it but really i am...add that to the fact you constantly worry about things that, as Kaje said, I shouldn't even be worrying about...hassle!

Sullen Girl

Days like this, I don't know what to do with myself
All day and all night
I wander the halls along the walls and under my breath
I say to myself
I need fuel to take flight

And there's too much going on
But it's calm under the waves, in the blue of my oblivion
Under the waves in the blue of my oblivion

Is that why they call me a sullen girl, sullen girl
They don't know I used to sail the deep and tranquil sea
But he washed me shore and he took my pearl
And left an empty shell of me

And there's too much going on
But it's calm under the waves in the blue of my oblivion
Under the waves in the blue of my oblivion
Under the waves in the blue of my oblivion
It's calm under the waves in the blue of my oblivion

"If there's any kind of magic in this world, it must be in the attempt of understanding someone, sharing something. I know, it's almost impossible to succeed, but... who cares, really? The answer must be in the attempt." (Before Sunrise)

when it rains it pours...smiling like a fool as myls said...ikaw lang ang nakita kong naka-smile sa Excel...escalated call nakatawa ka?....

can't blog about it...can but won't is more like it...

Saturday night, was spent in Richmonde Hotel with my friends Meian, Emer, Vianca and Vianca's kids Ique and Icka.

checked out of the hotel around 130pm headed straight for Breton for supposedly a nice and quiet reading time--not! i wasn't even able to finish my food...again, i won't blog about it...such things happen only when you let it get to you..when you let that kind of emotion get the better of you...argh!...i have the choice to feel or what not feel in such situations but...but...fuckin A! use your head Belinda not your heart!

in the office right now, essential tools are down. finally have the time to catch up on my reading...feeling lethargic, confused and kinda sad...one word: HHHAAAAAAYYYYYY!!!!!

I know this is old but I found this as I was cleaning some of my e-mails:

Something to think about . . . .

What would you do if every time you fell in love with someone ...
you had to say good-bye?

What would you do if every time you wanted someone ...
they would never be there?

What would you do if for every moment you were truly happy...
there would be 10 moments of sadness?

What would you do if your best friend died tomorrow ...
and you never got to tell them ...
how you felt?

What would you do if you loved someone more than anything else, and you ...
could never have them?


"If you love someone you say it, you say it right there and then, out loud, or the moment just...passes you by." - My Best Friend's Wedding

still unable to blog. my apologies...still overwhelmed

being the good citizen that i am, I exercised my right to vote for the first time in years! unlike here in the Philippines, one doesn't have to go to the polling place that's swarming with squattery like people as long as you registered before hand that you're overseas. So I submitted my FPCA (Federal Post Card Application) and poof..i didn't even have to leave to comfort of my house...

CNN Update: Bush wins. This means more jobs for those in the callcenter industries.



colds + sorethroat + cough + slight fever= me sick

"A hurting heart is a loving heart. Don't hold back on love just because you've been hurt before; what matters is that you have loved well. You will one day get the love that you truly deserve"

optimist belle. that was what i was called. i never thought of myself as an optimist until someone described me as such. am I really? maybe I am. maybe I'm not.

I always thought, though, that I wasn't. I wonder what made him say that. Is it because of despite my bad experience with men that I still would want to venture to that love dating thing? Is it because despite of the bad things that have happened to me in life that I am able to see the silver lining in the darkest of clouds? Or is it because despite of everything, I still have faith that one of these days I'll be happy?

Oh well...then maybe I am. jeezuz! I wasn't one before but I guess that's what one becomes when one has seen the darkest of nights and the lowest of lows.

"I will be your accident if you will be my ambulance."

so fine call me optimist Belle. I'll be a ray of light in the darkest of days. I'll be the silver lining in the darkest and heaviest of clouds that hover above your life. I'll be the ice cream in your spaketchup party. I'll be the alcohol that'll disinfect your infected life. I'll be the song that'll be your LSS. I'll be the yosi you need to smoke when you feel tensed and overwhelmed by all the negativity that surrounds you. I'll be the wind that'll cool your warm face on a hot day. I'll be the falling star that you can wish on on a starless night. I'll be shore that you are longing to see when your tired body needs a place to rest. I'll be the extra banana in your lunch box. I'll be the shades of your eyes when the sun is shining so bright. I'll be the ambulance of your life and maybe...never mind...

"Have a heart that never hardens, and a temper that never tires, and a touch that never hurts." Charles Dickens





Because I know that Tin wouldn't watch a romantic movie with me and since I'm probably the only person left in Manila who hasn't watched "Before Sunset" is there anyone who wants to watch this movie with me during my fabulous restdays (wednesday or thursday)? I know i'm such a loser..even my guy friends have all watched this movie..

P.S. I'm not gonna make libre oh-key!!!

Before Sunset
12:55 PM
2:50 PM
4:45 PM
6:40 PM
8:35 PM
10:30 PM

Saturday:

People made sure I woke up early for our Mixed Basketball game in RFM gym. We won. Di man lang kme pinawisan. Default kse yung kalaban hehehehe

Sunday:

After my shift, my constant 'date' Tin and I ate in North Park. Got home around 3am and hit the sack as soon as my head felt my bed. Woke up at 7 or 8. saya! kulang sa tulog ulet! Lounged around a bit before I headed to Podium to wait for Jon and Kirk to pick me up.

Mixed basketball. The 2 monster "girls"! We lost :( Kainis. Found out after the game that I hit one of guys I was guarding. He said that I elbowed him and also hit him somewhere that made his voice squeak! sorry :D Nanalo naman kayo so peace na tayo.

Men's basketball. Heard that some people were betting that we'd win the championship. Touted as underdogs and a come from behind team who have never won the championship since the sportsfest started in PS played the most freakish game I've ever seen. At bakit lahat wlang gana!?!?!?! ggggggr (with 1 r!)...we had to settle for 2nd place. not bad na din. pero bad trip pa din.

Over all, it's not so bad. 2nd place for both mixed and men's and a championship in Badminton. yeah!

Below are our boys. short orders lang po girls :D


(l-r) Stan The Man and the original hearthrob, Chris, Nic, Pretty Boi Roy,Hearthrob (?) Chester, William, Raffy (back), Kirk, Mike (46) and Jon (in yellow)

sunday night, after shift I went back to Grilla. Si andrew kse e! stayed for a couple of minutes then had Den-Den, Tom and Kel pick me up coz my chest pains just won't go away. Went to MMC's ER. had some checks--x-ray and ECG and the nurse had to give me some injectable pain reliever. Kel stayed with me the whole time and kept on making me laugh the whole time with his magic tricks and his singing. chest pains and laughter. saya! Got home at 3am again. Next time no strenous activities okei! (Does "S" count?)

last thursday night.....Determind to get a good night and full night sleep, I'm back in my old bed in my mom's bedroom, got a good book (Archer's Sons of Fortune) to read till I fall asleep, a tall glass of water beside me and I'm waiting for the 2 tablets of sleeping pills that I just popped to work its magic on me and I'm off to la la land...nuninuninuninuninuninuni........oops, let's not forget to put the tv on sleeper mode....woke up 6 hours later....still sleepy, drowsy and masungit....it never works...pak shet!

today, i woke up sooo early after sleeping around 3am...kse nag date pa kme ni tintin ulet...for my 11am game...we'd be playing against Elink which has 2 monstrous looking women --women ba sila? or orcs? bengay will be my bestfriend later...

"If you want it you'll find a way. If not, you'll find an excuse." Sunjay Gupta

wrote something awhile back that I'm making some kind of list and I'm happy to tell you that I haven't finished that list until now!

So I'm pressuring myself to make that list on-line...pressure...pressure...pressure!

2004 Goals
1. Lose weight (my forever goal) and do spot toning (dream on!)
2. Take up a sport (is sleeping a sport?)
3. Renovate my room!
4. Fix books..check!
5. Pay off ALL debts...almost there!
6. Travel (pref. via plane to renew frequent flyer miles)
1) Bora
2) HK
7. Go to the beach before year end
8. Get over jerk.....BIG CHECK!
9. Decide what to do after I resign
1) go home (to the states)
2) go back to law school
3) teach

so far ive barely accomplished everything in my list. i'm trying to pursue #1...and I'm done with #s 4 and 8. with 2 months to go i strongly doubt if i'd ever be able to accomplish all of them but then again, there's always next year to waste with list of goals that I never seem to finish...do i hear the clock ticking fast somewhere?


i was that thin before..notice the difference? ;P

i'm cleaning up my Friendster messages and here are the latest funny messages that I got and as usual pang international nanaman ang beauty ko hahahahaha..I'd like to thank Meian (a.k.a Summer and Loneliestperson) for taking THE picture~~taba and all :)

be friend??
Message:
hi wanna friend?im m/30/ukmy yahoo id: ferdaushahmedif want to chat with me welcome
bye
faisal

From: Sameer
Date: June 2, 2004 3:06 PM
Subject: HIYA Message: HI im Sameer hope u dont mind to add me as a friend my yahoo address is yd_devil@yahoo.comTHANKX :)
From:
Sexy
Date:
March 6, 2004 4:43 AM
Subject: Hello Beautiful LADY
Message: Hello,You are nice looking. Why I didnt see a beautiful girl like you when I visit to Philippines?If you send me message I will be very happy. Pls take care. See you....

***I THINK IT'S BECAUSE I HID MYSELF FROM THE LIKES OF YOU, YOU RODENT LOOKING--UGH-PERSON

From:
Trevor
Date:
March 6, 2004 5:31 AM
Subject:
Re: Hi
Message:
Even you dont know me, I hope this site give me a reason to have friends...Thanks and GOD BLESS

Belinda-Maribel wrote:> do i know you?> >

Trevor wrote:> > Just want you to add on my list of friends, can > > we friends? > > > > email: monteros@lycos.com

***I HOPE THIS SITE NEVER GIVES ME REASON TO KILL MYSELF


Message from my first stalker of the year:
From: Ryan
Date: March 28, 2004 4:13 PM
Subject: Re: hi
Message: sorry if na ofend kita , my name is ryan guarino, 25 yrs old, taga pasig, single, work me eastwood call center as a technical support, graduate me ece -engineering sa ue? tatlo kami magkakapatid panganay me hope nakilala mo me kahit papano, ok lang ba kahit cell# mo lang thanks nga pala for calling me sweetee

Same stalker:
From: Ryan
Date: March 29, 2004 11:58 PM
Subject:
Re: hi
Message:
baka pwede mo me bigyan consideration na malaman ko cell# mo???take care

From my second stalker:
From: Xhristian
Date: May 15, 2004 5:29 AM
Subject:
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Message:
ah thats the second NO or the second no reply everytime i ask that question.mind me asking why?why?



From:
Concho
Date:
June 1, 2004 9:11 PM
Subject:
hey
Message:
your one hell of a lady!heaven must be missing an angel.WIsh we could talk formally.got a #?

10 Things:

10 things I enjoy watching
1. CSI (on tv)
2. News! News! (on tv)
3. kids playing
4. Sunsets
5. People
6. Just shoot me (on tv)
7. Will and Grace (on tv)
8. Futbol (Viva Real)
9. Baseball
10. people I love *heart*

10 favorite places
1. Libraries
2. Breton in GB3
3. SF
4. Velasquez Park
5. Greenhills when its not crowded
6. Old Powerbooks in Arnaiz
7. AA Retreat House
8. my old bed in my mom's bedroom
9. my room
10. in the arms of the man i love (wishing out loud )

All curses must end...even if it's Boston...The Red Sox won the World Series after 86 years defeating the Cardinals in a sweep 11-9 , 6-2 , 4-1, 3-0.

I couldn't sleep last night. I got home at 2am from my usual wednesday night out and was not able to sleep till 5am and woke up at 10am...sarap...think i need my sleeping pills again...

took a bunch of quizzes while I was waiting for my mind to sleep and here's one funny test that I took

The Zodiac Match
(TestDate The Right Sign For Your Personality) <----is there even such a thing????? Belinda, the best Zodiac Match for your personality is Cancer

Cancer, the Crab (June 22 to July 22):

This emotional and imaginative partner is just your type. Initially, a Cancerian may catch your
eye because of their romantic ways and dedication to you. But as you get to know them, you're even more likely to be drawn to your Cancer's practicality and ability to nurture you. People born under this sign tend to be true-blue, loyal partners who are willing to devote their hearts and souls to their close relationships. Because of the deep investment they'll put into others, Cancerians can be easily hurt and may seem overly sensitive at times. However, more often, Cancers are simply warm and compassionate mates. In the bedroom, you may find the Crab a bit hard to coax out of its shell — at least at first. Cancers can be somewhat timid lovers in comparison to other signs. Typically, a Cancer's nature is to value family above all else. As a result, if you can make a Cancer happy and earn that familial title, you can be sure that this partner will always be there for you.

I don't think I know a lot of people who were born under this sign...checking my calendar...there's no one that I know who's birthday fall between June 22-July 22 not even any female friends ***scratches head*** ..let's try checking any cute celebrities who's birthday falls under that sign....as if....hehehehehe....brad pitt john travolta? ben affleck...kevin spacey? gabriel bryne? christian bautista...

and so 2 weds ago, it was farting contest inside Tom's built to last batmobile and last wed, it was comparing Ferrino's bibingka in 2 different branches. last night it was going all the way to Mang Jimmy's near UP and eating 3 huge dishes of tapa, porkchop and siZig and 2 gargantuan plates of rice that disapperead in 10 minutes and next week promises to be another interesting wednesday since we'd going to this place they've been going to in Binondo~another girlie bar...hay naku...

eversince i got wednesday thursday off, i've been spending my wednesday nights with 2 of my oldest friends Den and Tom. Oman (from a previous misconstrued post) and those 2 are just part of a 9 boys and 1 girl (?)-that's me barkada...if they hear refer to us as a barkada I'll be the laughing stock of these guys till the next century. Not a lot of people know that I am more comfortable being with guys than with girls. why? because they're easier to deal with. i hated having girlfriends who would flock to the bathroom in throves or spend an hour or two deciding on where to eat. i abhor that kind of "practice". Coming from an all-girls school just makes one wonder why I have this inclination. one word: abner.

Not until I started working in Etel did I meet my would be life long friends...story reserved on a future entry...going back, I have always been comfortable having male friends. maybe it's because I grew up (no pun intended) in an all male household. Until 2nd year HS, I was the only girl in a family of 5. my mom always hated it when I'd play ball with my male cousins who used to live with us and my 2 brothers. That meant learning to play ball or else be stuck playing Barbie and lutu-lutuan all alone. So at a very young age, I've been playing ball---basketball and baseball with my male ensemble. My kuya Angelo-who's now a captain in the US army stationed in Germany, my kuya Mike, my younger bro Ton-Ton and, yes, even Stupid Dog. Stupid Dog is my older brother who I know abhor for being the total embodiment of being kupal and other cousins and their friends who'd always make tambay in our house since we used to have our very own half court at home. Some of those friends were Tom, Dennis, Kel (my some kinda ex), Eric, Oman.....So my all male barkada who used to be friends of my younger bro ton are now my oldest set of friends.

The same barkada who had the guts to make me their messenger and deliverer of notes loveletters and flowers to their girl of the moment-even if it meant, when I was still in GY, not sleeping till 2pm just to make sure that I deliver all of their packages. The same barkada who brought me to live shows and KTVs---these are not your usual red box and IO ktv okei! The same barkada who I have slept with--tabi tabi in one queen size bed. 4 width challenge males (Barnie, Fred, Oman and Rusty), 1 stick size (Tom) and me all sleeping in one dusty bed. Imagine that plus the smell of fart till the wee hours of the morning. They were having a who's fart smelled the "sweetest" contest and I was the judge-B L E C H ! ! ! and li'l o'le me was sleeping at the end of the bed so I was always being bumped off the bed. after that incident, I picked a new bed mate who always made sure na I had my own space-eric. but he snored the loudest! oh well, one can't have her cake and eat it too.


Blues are some of the most loving, nurturing and
supportive personalities. They live from their
heart and emotions. Their purpose for being on
the planet is to give love, to teach love and
to learn that they are loved. Their priorities
are love, relationships, and spirituality.


What Is Your True Aura Colour?
brought to you by Quizilla


I CANNOT SLEEP AND IT'S 5AM!!!

maybe this is my love story...

maybe unlike other people who have been blessed to find their life's soulmate

i am destined to never find that one person who will love me enduringly and faithfully until our dying breath...

maybe fate has other plans for me

maybe no serendipitous moment will ever pass my way or will ever knock at my door...

maybe...

but i would like it to be otherwise...

i would give my life's breath to find my north star

i would give my life's breath to find...to find that one person who will stop the world in an instant just by the mere sight of him

...a love that is always constant and lit even in the darkest of nights

a love that will live for me and only me

a love that will melt all the pain and will dry all the tears

a love that will be like summer snow...warm and cool

a love that is like the wind when you wake up on christmas day...exciting and full of joy

a love that is like the first ray of the sun...pure and warm

a love that will be...just how i feel now...chaotic but purposeful...with so many ideas but just has one intent and that is to love...to love one person until our days have waned and our time has passed...

"Is there anyone out there coz it's getting harder and harder to breathe."

Is it easy for you to show mercy to those who hurt you? It's easier perhaps to make things difficult for them and make them feel the misery we suffer, right?

But the way Jesus deals with difficult people is that of mercy and compassion. He didn't brand or condemn as eveil those who put Him on the spot and accused Him. When your heart finds it hard to show mercy, try again. Look at others with Jesus' eyes. The mercy and compassion we give may be the very ones we need for ourselves!

the dam broke...

I've been listening to Jane Monheit for the past 3 or 4 years and seeing her music video (duet with Michael Buble) is such a relief that her star is finally rising... if you like jazz, try listening to her...commercial commercial...


the curse is finally broken! 86years after Babe Ruth "cursed" the Boston Red Sox for trading him to the New York Yankees they finally were able to break it when they won the American League Championship...against the yankees at that and at the "house that the babe built"...babe ruth must be cursing at his grave....being a Giants fan there's really not much to celebrate about ..'cept barry bonds i guess...

Fighting temptations:

Temptation #1:
when it itches you don't have to scratch but sad to say and stupid me I gave in...I didn't feel any better afterwards...I even felt..blech!...as Boi_bitch said it was like making love to an uber ugly person..pak the shet...belinda bonks her head with a baseball bat... why did I have to give in to that fucking urge..punyeta ka maria belinda...bonk bonk bonk....next time when it itches DO NOT SCRATCH!...left with the feeling of drowning in a sea of mud....horrible!

temptation #2:
my material weaknesses are shoes bags cds and books...went to M1 last sunday before my usual sunday morning breton ritual and bought miself 3 cds!...another bonk...i should learn how to make tipid...but i can't..really can't..i am weak...i am mapurok...hihihihi :) no new cds muna....argh! as if..hafta fight the urge...it's the devil in me that forces me to give in to my temptation...

i will make tipid! i will make tipid! i will make tipid! i will make tipid! i will make tipid! i will make tipid! i will make tipid! i will make tipid! i will make tipid! i will make tipid! i will make tipid! i will make tipid! i will make tipid! i will make tipid! i will make tipid! i will make tipid! i will make tipid! i will make tipid! i will make tipid! i will make tipid!

temptaion #3:
been eyeing this pair of nike cross trainers for months...finally bought it yesterday...my mom will probably kill me when she gets he cc bill next month..i an almost hear her voice...$73 for a pair of shoe (echo...echo..)...ma, halabyu! i'm your only daughter that i'm sure you miss terribly..momsy! you're so sexy.....chargeback ko kaya? hehehe..bad belle bad belle...

hafta go..kirk will have my head if i don't show up for my basketball game later at 11am!

been itching to update but a myriad of thoughts just circles through my mind....too many thoughts..too many to conjure up just one bubble of thought.....aarrggggghhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!

off to my restday...bad trip..my dsl at home is busted...fuckin' A.

We're on a roll!!!

Reality continues to ruin my life....now why am I not surprised?

my lolo daddy died last October 8, , he was 89 y/o. that's the 2nd death in the family but the 3rd in my immediate circle.

Marc sez that tragedies come in 3's. So i'm guessing that that's the last for this year since that's the third death although if you count by tragedies that would be more than 5 na ata...so isn't that over doing it?

do i have to enumerate them one by one? no more na please

so that's why I haven't really blogged for the last couple of days..been really busy and was in the province since saturday...

got see a lot of my relatives who I haven't seen in ages! some of them I don't even recognize and their parents had to re-introduce them to me...being the eldest apo both in the Perez and Tan family, everyone bows to me...all hail!...hehehehe di naman...they just refer to me as ate even if most of them are way way taller than me...

making lamay had its ups and downs...i now know that sleep deprivation is never the way to lose weight..nope...i thought i'd be able to lose some pounds but ..nope...nothing happen..nil..naa...zilch..zzeeerrroo!...but making lamay gave me the opportunity to get to know some of my relatives...found out that some of them are just born geniuses (now why did I not get that gene?), that one is going through teenage menopousal at the age of 22 (yes, that's the first time I heard that such a thing can happen, too), that I had 2 cousins-twins at that, are currently in the seminary..sayang ang ggwapo pa naman, that one was kulit enough to smoke a joint beside legal smoker me and when one of my gullible tita's asked what he was doing he immediately said that it was just his insaler!..hay naku...looks like insanity runs in the family!

my last post generated quite a number of reactions...just a clarification..Oman was my best friend before work and a man came between us and somehow wedged an imaginary wall between us...i use to have a huge crush on his older bro eric. eric, too, was my friend first before Oman and I got close. he used to tease me that in "friend levels", he ranks 2nd to his brother and that if I had to choose, i'd choose eric instead of him. Hard headed person as he is, he never believed me when I said that he's # 1 and that he's more important to me than his brother (ego..ego...ego...) and now...I miss him...a lot...i miss the old oman who used to take care of me and used to nudged me to smile whenever he'd see me frown...is that romantic love...i don't know...if it is...i don't even want to explore that possibility..why...because i don't think I'd ever learn to trust again....


Pano ka gigising ng umaga kung napakatagal ng gabi?
Pano ka aahon sa kadiliman ng gabi kung ang gabi ang humihila syo pababa?
Pano ka masisiyahan sa umaga kung nilunod ka na ng kalungkutan ng gabi?
Walang bituin sa langit
Lahat sila nagtatago mula syo dahil hindi nila mapawi
ang kalungkutan mo sa bawat hiling na isisigaw mo.
Pano ka na ngayon?
San ka pupulutin?
San ka sisilong sa ulang ng lungkot?
Sa basurahan?
Sa basurahang puno ng maduduming pangako

"We are lovers, not fighters."



wednesday night was spent with my oldest friends...as usual the night yielded no decent pic except for the one that I'm posting. that's Oman. short for Norman Paul. I miss him. a lot. it's been awhile since we last saw each other and things are not so good right now...somehow reality got in the way...work and love built an invisible wall between the 2 of us that it got so high for us to climb...if he only knew...i miss him a lot...he was my sweetest and dearest friend...he'd accompany me everywhere, cut class for me, eat my tira, bring my heavy bag, listen to me even if my kwento was paulit ulit, keep my secrets, be my pillow, always made sure that i was comfortable...everything...he doesnt know about this blog...so i'm safe...if you only knew i loved you more than your brother...

Once, as my heart reign when night seemed forever,
I was with you.

Once, in the care of morning
in the air was all belonging.
Once, when that day was dawning
I was with you.

How far we are from morning,
how far are we
and the stars shining through the darkness,
falling in the air.

Once, as the night was leaving
into us our dreams were weaving.
Once, all dreams were worth keeping.
I was with you.

Once, when our hearts were singing,
I was with you.

i won't say much...lest it be miscontrued...but one thing though...i may be a lot of things to other people but i can say that i would have never hurt anyone intentionally especially friends...i may be tactless at times or had let my mouth do the thinking instead of my mind but i would've never hurt anyone intentionally as i do not want to be hurt too. but for someone to think that i would've or that I was actually capable of doing so hits straight home. but that's ok. i cannot control what other people think and feel about me anyway. i used to think act and feel that every action by another is supposed to be answered by another action. that for every punch someone takes at you that you have to punch back. and this time a bit harder. but i have learned that that is not always the case. i have learned that sometimes you just have to take the punches and roll with it. that sometimes its better to just be the punching bag accepting life's punches than be another boxer. that sometimes its better to just sit down and keep quiet. less talk less mistakes. less action less reaction. passive defense. and it's not because of having a martyr complex or whatever you call it complex. no. absolutely not. i do that because i believe in karma. i do that because i believe that the more animosity, hate and negativity you throw at people the more animosity hate and negativity life will throw back at you. one less person generating such negativity in the world might just help others do the same. too ideal? maybe but someone has to do it because isn't that what we all want? an ideal place to live in. an ideal relationship with everyone around you. that's what i want. we might not have that and i honestly do not have that...yet...but i am trying to get there. albeit struggling. but that's how life is. roll with the punches instead of trying to hit back. sit down and just keep quiet. don't harbor hate and anger from people who have hurt you and have punched you. sit down and keep quiet. they won't get hurt. you won't get hurt. it's a win-win solution and no one's the wiser.

didn't i say i won't say much?

"I keep my ideals because in spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good at heart"

Si Lord talaga

Si Lord talaga alam kung kelan ako babatukan sa ulo. Here He is again trying to get my attention.

Hello! "...busy ka? naku mukha nga...tagal na natin di nagkikita... tagal mo na ako di dinadalaw...alam mo miss na kita...

O sino yang nagtext sa iyo?... buti pa sa kanya nakapagreply ka agad...napansin ko ang dami mong ginagawa talaga...ang dami mo ring things to do diyan sa planner mo ah!

Mapangarap ka talaga noh?... ang dami mong plano.

Nakakatuwa naman na malaman yan. kasama ba ako sa plano mo? ano? naku di ka agad
makasagot...

Sige okay lang alam ko naman kung ano talaga sagot mo...

nakita kita nung Friday, aga mo umalis sa office. Alam mo ba, ang akala ko pupuntahan mo ako. Ooppss! hindi pala! TGIF (THANK God its Friday) pala kayo ng mga friends mo. umaga ka na nakauwi ah? naghintay ako sa'yo.

Pagpasok mo sa kuwarto mo, di mo ako napansin... haaay! kawawa ka naman siguradong
kinabukasan masakit ang ulo mo, tanghali ka na gigising...

Ang dami mong lakad, naghihintay ako na tayo naman ang maging magkasama kaya lang sa
dami ng schedules mo sa trabaho at sa labas ng office parang malabo.

O sige na, balik ka na sa work mo. i might be eating too much of your time maging dahilan pa ako para masira ang plano mo sa araw na ito...

gusto ko lang sabihin sa'yo na nandito lang ako kapag kailangan mo ako...pag hindi ka na busy. totoo yon! walang biro! ayaw mong maniwala? Ganon kita kamahal kasi! ayaw mo pa ring maniwala? Haaay!

Remember this, kahit singit lang ako lagi sa buhay mo, kahit biglaan mo lang na natatawag ako dahil nagulat ka, nasaktan ka, nauntog ka o dahil part ang pangalan ko nung binabasa mo sa text, you will be in my heart always... trial after trial

Isipin mo kasama mo ako na lumalakad, hindi man sa buhangin, kasama mo pa rin ako... sa lahat plano mo, kahit hindi mo ako kasama perfecting it... para mas maging masaya ka...

minsan tayo naman ang mag-usap ha? minsan ako naman ang dalawin mo... miss na talaga kita eh...sa akin hindi ka singit lang..."

not another one...

a grand aunt died last week...my mom asked me to go home...having no PTO's (leaves) left I told her that I can't...my grand aunt along with my maternal grandmother and other relatives took care of me whenever I was in the states since my family was here...when I was a kid i had a close relationship with my grandaunt, some tito's and, of course, my maternal lola. I used to love them more than I did my immediate family. for real. why? maybe because i disliked my mom back then and i used to spend most of my time with my lolas than with my mom, dad or any of my siblings. i could always talk to my lolas and titos just about anything in the world without fear of being reprimanded. i had more freedom being with them than with my family whom i felt stifled me by telling me what I can and cannot do. But of course, things have changed a lot this year. I actually have a relationship now with my mom whom i disliked during my growing up years. But it's just so sad that I wasn't able to see my grandaunt before she died nor have i spent any time lately with my lola. well, being an ocean apart doesnt help either! i miss my lola and my mom and my sister and my dad and my favorite titos...i miss sf and the how the sun's rays warms my cold red face when I open my window in the morning...aaawwww maybe it's time to think about really going home...sshhhh!