"It's different when you love someone and when you’re in-love with someone"

Explanation: Alin nga ba ang mas malalim? Love o In-love?

Marami sa atin ang nac-confuse tungkol dito. Ikaw ba ay may girlfriend o boyfriend ngayon? Mahal mo ba siya pero parang may isang tao na parang mahalaga din sayo. O may mahal ka na akala mo eh mahal mo nga siya pero meron ka pa rin isang tao na minamahal ng totoo. Kapag love mo ang isang tao masaya ka......Feeling mo ok na ang lahat..pero kung inlove ka, masakit yun! Kasi ang mga taong in-love ay ang mga taong nagsasakripisyo at ngpaparaya. Teka bakit ka nga ba nag paparaya? Kasi di ka niya mahal o dahil hindi ka siguradong ok lang sa kanya? Kung yan ang dahilan mo, inlove ka nga sa kanya. Kasi iniisip mo kung ano meron kayo sa ngayon at kontento ka na. Pero isipin mo pano kung mawala ang tao un at tlagang hindi na kayo magusap at magkita, kaya mo ba? Paano kung maguluhan siya sayo at maisipang layuan ka? Pano kung sa sobrang pagiging iba mo sa kanya di ka nya kausapin at tuldukan na kung ano na ang meron kayo? Kaya mo ba? Kung hindi ang sagot mo inlove ka nga...Pano naman pag mahal mo lang, pag mahal mo lang, alam mo na parati kang may choice, ayaw mo siyang mawala dahil alam mong wala ka ipapalit. Yung masaya ka sa kanya pero sa gabi hindi naman siya ang iniisip mo. Mahal mo siya pero aminado ka sa sarili mo na balang araw hindi siya ang pakakasalan mo. Mahal mo siya pero ng puso mo hindi lang para sa kanya.. Mahal mo at masasaktan ka pagnawala siya pero alam mo na kaya mo un.

Ngayon Love lang ba o In-love ka na?

Isang araw magigising ka na lang na in-love ka na pero huli na.

Hitch <---watch this! Good movie wrong man...well...not THE wrong man..it was just that...basta wrong type of movie to watch with person I was with at that time....

Tangled Up In Me
Skye Sweetnam

You want to know more, more, more about me
I'm the girl who's kicking the coke machine
I'm the one that's honking at you 'cause I left late again

Hey! Hey! Hey!
Can't you see I want you by the way I push you away, yeah!
Don't judge me tomorrow by the way I'm acting
Take the words up with the actions deeal with all for your reaction, yeah!
Hey! Hey!
Get tangled up in me

You want to know more, more, more about me
Got to know reverse psychology
I'm the reason why you can't get to sleep
I'm the girl you never get just quite what you see

You think that you know me (Get tangled up in me)
You think that I'm lonely (Get tangled up in me)
When everything I do is only to get tangled up in you...

You want to know more, more, more about me
I'm the girl that's sweeping you off your feet

sapul...

A friend asked yesterday me why I happen to be without a significant other. All I could say was, "eeeee! sa wala e. what can I do naman no?" Then he goes on to ask me, "For someone who
seems to be so great at giving advice to other people, kala ko your love life is doing great as well. Bakit kaya wala kang boyfriend?"

Another friend asked me during one of our madaling araw lunches: "bakit ba Belle what's wrong ba with you?" I sighed..isang malalim at mahabang deep sigh and answered "I dunno...i really dunno.."

"Clementine: Joel, I'm not a concept. Too many guys think I'm a concept or I complete them or I'm going to make them alive, but I'm just a fucked up girl who is looking for my own peace of mind. Don't assign me yours."

THIS IS ME

Do's and Don'ts

1. If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay!!!

2. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.

3. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

4. Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.

5. Slower is better.

6. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

7. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve, then heck no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.

8. Don't settle.

9. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

10. Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

11. The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

12 . Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?

13. Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

14 . Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.

15. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

16. You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.

17. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more
education or has a better job.

18. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more and nothing less.

19. Never let a man define who you are.

20. Never borrow someone else's man.

21. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.

22. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

23. All men are NOT dogs.

24. You should not be the one doing all the bending... compromise is a two way street.

25. You need time to heal between relationships. There is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.

26. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you... a relationship consists of two
WHOLE individuals... look for someone complimentary... not supplementary.

27. Dating is fun... even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.

28. Make him miss you sometimes... when a man always knows where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.

29. Never move into his mother's house.

30. Never co-sign for a man. (Hallelujah, thank you Jesus!)

31. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

its been awhile..been itching to update
but unable to. pc's still sira, went to Galera last weekend and for some insane reason just wasnt able to find time to blog..bad blogger bad blogger
so let's see..ano na ba nangyari sa pathetic life ko? work work work work and more work...and more work?

Valentine's...NADA! corny ka kse! you! yes you! hmft!

Submitted my RL...sshh...not everyone knows :)

Dennis' (Den-Den) dad passed away...first time to attend a military burial and funeral..grabe...dameng ceremonies! I cried when my friend cried while giving the eulogy...i never saw him cry or even be sad...but he cried...first death for the year...shit please no more..not a repeat of last year....

Call me Auntie Ganda! My younger brother Ton-Ton's girlfriend gave birth last week to Luis Miguel...kelan kaya ako? I can't wait to see my first pamangkin..pamangkin sa sibling...so please...Call me Auntie Ganda

so yea, after so much planning na puro mga planong hindi at muntik pang di matuloy e natuloy na din ang galera trip 10,000 years in the making. See tin's blog for more info. Im pagod na to make kwento. That was my second trip. The first one was 2 years ago with jerk. Hate Galera on weekends. Next time weekdays na tlaga ako pupunta! Tin, hint hint hint...

....friends, allow me to regress...indulge me...

its been a little over a year...when a life turning event changed my life...it changed me....

finally... a year after I am gonna say my piece...but lest the gossip mongers feast on this I tell you now that I am over "it"...it took time, yes...it took A LOT of time...but here I am over and not ever, EVER looking back...it was a year ago when I lost someone I love...someone i trusted...someone who I thought was the one...we made plans to spend our life together..oh yes we made plans...but he made plans, too..but not with me...the one person who i thought would never hurt me did just that...the one person I trusted betrayed me...

no need to go into all the nitty gritty details of that horrendous "event" no use in re-living all the pain...no use in re-living all the hurt...

"...nobody told me that you fell out of love for me
so I'm setting you free..."

that episode taught me a lot of lessons...
1. never give your trust blindingly
2. never trust Cebuanas
3. never discount your friends or forget them or let them feel that they come second best to your man
4. know who your real friends are
5. remember God even in times of happiness...
6. have faith in God and in yourself
7. your tears ...even if they seem like they will never dry up...eventually will...
8. that the male specie do get over someone really fast
9. leave a little bit of love and dignity for yourself
10. fight for someone you love if its worth fighting for
11. know when to say sorry
12. learn from your mistakes
13. learn to appreciate the simple things in life
14. love my mom no matter how she fucked up my childhood
15. when people want to leave you...let them...
16. tell people how much they mean to you
17. say thank you and sorry
18. LIVE EACH DAY AS IF ITS YOUR LAST
19. be extra nice to people...
20. never cheat or lie to anyone esp to people you love
21. be forgiving..............................

...my list can go on and on and on but those are just some of the lessons that I learned...the hard way...

My Happy Ending

So much for my happy ending

Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something You said?
Don't leave me hanging
In a city so dead
Held up so high
On such a breakable thread

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending

You've got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult
But so are they
But they don't know me
Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me
All the shit that you do

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done

Can't blog muna coz my PC's sira...thank you for The King of Sablay for taking time out to go to actually set aside some time to fix my porno filled PC..sige na bati na tayo :D

o sige na nga..something to blog about lang:

I've been tagged!

Madness in Music - Tag Along

I've been tagged by Tin.

Random 10:
1. Can you help me by Usher
2. 1000 Oceans by Tori Amos
3. Blame it on my youth By Jane Monheit
4. All out to see by Jamie Mcullum
5. Karma by Alicia Keys
6. 32 Flavors
7. People are People by D'Sound
8. Here is gone
9. Comfort in your strangeness
10. Blurry



1. What is the total amount of music files on your computer?
...i dunno na...my pc's sira


2. The last CD you bought is:
Live's Greatest Hits


3. What is the last song you listened to before this message:
People are People by D'Sound

4. Write down five songs you listen to a lot or mean a lot to you:
1. Journey by Angela Zhang (Si gay kse!!!)
2. Barely Breathing
3. Selfish N'Sync
4. Love Affair (all time fave)
5. L' Vie En Rose


5. Who are you gonna pass this stick to? (3 persons and why)

Chris , Vitto, Prada Mama ---> too tamad to think of why :D

i was trying to start a series of posts...but TOO much work got in the way...so before I find the time to be able to start that series (yes, its already in my drafts list!) lemme just say something....

it is a bad day for me...a combination of lack of sleep...too much work...people not doing what they are asked to do...bit off someone's head off (no, that's not you but someone else)...found out that there's this guy is making "the moves" at me...and, as a cherry on top or an extra icing on your cake, the King of Sablays is at it again!

as Jodon would say: champion! ayos!



minsan lang naman ako magka bad day...normally im very indulgent about other people's requests, quirks and whatevers but last sunday was an exception...pero minsan lang naman ako magka bad day...


"We hope someday to be saints," the Don said, "But not martyrs." (The Last Don)

O Beautiful Affliction
Merciful pain
This mortal wounding bringing me to life again
In suffering there’s healing
This darkness revealing
Silence speaking volumes to my soul
O Beautiful Affliction
Blessed brokenness that makes me whole- David Baroni


This insightful poem of his own creation, obviously gleaned from some pretty painful personal experience. It is so hard for us to get this message, surrounded as we are by other ways of thinking that promise us the opposite of suffering. Everything in our culture seems designed to relieve or avoid suffering and pain—certainly not welcome it with open arms.

Now relieving pain and suffering is an honorable task and something to take advantage of, should we, or those we love, become afflicted with disease or injury. Medical science and nature have provided us with significant pain relievers that I believe are gifts of God to help ease suffering. But the notion that pain and suffering should not be our lot, and there is something wrong if it does come our way, is wrong. Paul went as far as to say that we cannot share in Christ’s glory without sharing also in His suffering and death.

“As a result, I can really know Christ and experience the mighty power that raised him from the dead. I can learn what it means to suffer with Him, sharing in His death, so that, somehow, I can experience the resurrection from the dead” (Philippians 3:10-11 NLT)!

That’s the one thing about resurrection power that we often forget: something has to die for it to be experienced. Resurrection power is not handed out to healthy, well-adjusted successful people. Resurrection power is not a way to add on to your faith. It’s not like going down to the spiritual gym and working out until you build up a good amount of resurrection power. It’s not like adding some power drink or multi-spiritual vitamins to your spiritual regimen. You don’t add devotional time with God in order to burst you spiritual buttons with newly formed resurrection power (Step aside spiritual giants!). No. There’s only one way to get resurrection power. You suffer and die for it. You get cut down, humiliated, slammed in the face, and knocked flat on your back. You don’t get pumped up. Quite the opposite, you get everything pumped out of you, and that’s when you rise again—when there is absolutely no way anything could possibly come from you.

That’s precisely why we can call this a “Beautiful Affliction,” because it brought us to this. This is not some vicarious experience where we imagine ourselves dead and then imagine ourselves alive to Christ. It is a dying experience—a face-to-face encounter with our own mortality from which we do not rise if we do not get help from somewhere else, and our help comes from the Lord.

...allow me to stop and think...

Like birds, let us leave behind what we dont need to carry-grudges, sadness, pain,
fear, and regrets.

Let us not think about the pain we went through but the lesson it taught us not how
much we cried and hurt but how much we smiled and loved

Amazing grace comes from the gentle acceptance of life is simply the way it is.
Life has its own season and reasons. Take it as it comes.

Through many dangers, toils and snares,I have already come;
’Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far,
And grace will lead me home.

teka waits!

I just got out of 14 hour shift but been in the office for 16 hours.....my brain's not working anymore...it refuses to work...my back hurts like hell and I'm sleepy...so forgive me if I don't laugh heartily as I used to or if my smile seemed "plastic" or if my face looks like it met Cassius Clay's fast hands....

"I don't get angry very often. I lose my temper rarely. And when I do, there's always a legitimate cause. Normally I have a great lightness of being. I take things in a very happy, amused way. " (Julia Roberts)

go to Google and type: perfect woman...labo no?

The Perfect Person
J. M. Whitaker

For as long as I can remember, I have been searching for the perfect girl. Since I was old enough to begin longing for female companionship, I have been on the hunt. I guess it started out as just a simple dream or fantasy, not unlike most of us. The strange thing about it was that it never stayed just a dream or a fantasy. The more people I dated, the more times I was let down, the more I hungered for that perfect person, the one that would fill all of my needs and desires, the one thatwould never let me down. I dated girl after girl. Some of them were great while others got me into some trouble. Some of them made me laugh, but a lot of them made me cry. Through my journey, I found a lot of joy and a lot of sorrow, a lot of happiness and a lot of pain, but never the perfect girl. I had dreamed about her. Dark hair, darker eyes, a slim figure tinted golden brown from the sun. She had an accent and could play the cello. She would love to talk, but wouldn't expect me to talk too much. She would always ask me how my day was and would always have a smile on her face; absolute perfection. I began to devise methods in how I would meet the girls I would date. I knew I wanted an intelligent girl, so I hung out in libraries and museums. I meet this real crazy girl at a library after school one day. She wassmart and sexy and, well? crazy. I would rather not go into a lot ofdetails about it. Let's just say she had some real deep-seated anxieties about our relationship and, consequentially, our break up.
I knew I wanted an artistic girl, so I went to music stores and coffee shops, I even tried a couple of classical concerts. I met this wonderfully cute girl who dressed really dark and loved to write poetry. She was great, we used to stay up all night long talking about the silliest things, but she ended up dumping me for some guy who did drugs and rode a motorcycle.
I got into a car accident with a girl driving a Pontiac Sunfire. She had no driver's license or car insurance, but she did have a really great smile and the prettiest hair. Instead of calling the police, we called in sick and went out to eat. We dated for a while but eventually came across an irreconcilable difference inopinions. She didn't always feel the need to come "straight home" after work. Okay, to be honest, toward the end of our relationship, she rarely came home at all.
Then there was the girl from the International House of Pancakes. She was an exact replica of my personality. I mean if you had met us both over some Internet chat room, you would swear we were the same person using multiple screen-names. Sounds sweet, huh? Have you ever considered marrying yourself? Have you ever thought aboutgrowing old together, just you and yourself? We both found that the whole idea of finding that "perfect person" was to find someone different from yourself to fulfill the empty spots within you.
I searched every where. I left no rock unturned, no leaf moved aside, but to no avail. After much pain and heartache, I began to believe that the perfect girl just did not exist. Then one day,I found her.

Her name was Malia. She was from Hawaii, raised in Italy. She wore silk pajama pants to bed. She had written a novel. She loved the beach and hated cats, just like me. She had silky, dark and curly hair that swayed perfectly if the breeze was right. She had a caramel colored body, etched out of a block of pure perfection, and herface was that of an angel. From the very first time I saw her, I could not seem to take my eyes away from hers. She was like a siren, calling my name, beckoning me closer to her, even when she was asleep. The attraction was complete, with no faults, no annoyances. Every time she spoke she mesmerized me and every timeshe moved she amazed me. She was... well, perfect. Oh, and did I mention she played the cello?
We spent all the extra time we had together. We spent so much time together that we decided to move in together. We were paying rent on two places, but one of them was doing nothing but collecting dust. We would sit on the porch when it rained and hold each other. We would lay on the beach and soak up a sweet combination of sunrays andpina coladas. Life was good. No, life was perfect and I knew it just couldn't possibly get any better than it was right then and there.
Two years later, Malia left me for a career-opportunity at a really prominent university in Europe. There were no harsh words, no angry feelings, not even any sad good-byes. She was so perfect that if she wanted to leave, I wanted it for her. That is, until she was gone.
I cried for days, and began to drink for weeks after that. I felt as if my life was over, that the only reason that I had existed was gone, and every breath I took from that moment on was a futile attempt to hold on to something I later found I never had: The Perfect Love.
Malia was perfect. She was perfect in each and every single way, but I was not. Our love for each other was a deeply committed one, but it was far from perfect. I know that now, but if I could go back in time to tell myself that in an attempt to save myself from all of that pain and suffering, I fear I would not have listenedto myself.

I slept with many women, sometimes a different girl every week. I drank excessively and spent all of my money on temporary satisfaction. Anything to ease the pain. But the pain did not ease, it only grew stronger. It became a vicious circle of self-inflicted torture that eventually brought me to my knees and forced me to open my eyes to the real world. But not before it made me a bitter man. I was wiser, but to this day, the decisions made left a coldness in my eyes that made my heart appear as lead to anyone who dared look. I became a loner, staying home on the weekends, saving my money for a healthy but lonely retirement, having accepted my fate. I was to be alone for the rest of my life. Kathy with a K. Actually, her name is spelled Kathyrn. Quite peculiar, but I didn't think so until later. For the longest time, I never even knew her name. But she was a sight for sore and lonely eyes. I saw her at work. I was her boss (actually, I was her boss' boss) and did not want to risk the chance of even speaking to her. She was justtoo beautiful, and I had become a beast with a past too horrible to mention. I would just watch her as she passed my office every day. She didn't walk, she frolicked, and I would sneak out for a break whenever she did just to watch that frolicking. She smiled every time someone spoke to her, a smile like the early morning sun, and her eyes were so dark that you couldn't see her pupils, only the glimmering from the light that made her eyes look like two bright stars. I was under her spell and I didn't even know her name. One day, watching her outside, I convinced myself to ask around about her. Find out her name and maybe even find out if she was seeingsomeone. Just as I had decided that she spoke to me.

Kathy with a K. She ended up asking me out, you know. I told her I couldn't that night because I had to work late. Actually, I was too scared. I called her and asked her if she wanted to go to Starbucks after work the next day and she agreed. It turned out to be the most romantic night of both of our lives. We were both still pretty new in town and didn't really know our way around. I had no idea what I was going to do or where I was going to take her next so I winged it the whole way. Like I said, it turned out to be the most romantic night of both of our lives. It was perfect. She was not perfect, but neither was I. We both carried a truckload of emotional baggage and we both had a mountain of flaws. But it was perfect. She would always forget to plug in her cell phone at night, but I would always remind her. I couldn't do laundry worth a flip, but she showed me how. She could never get to work on time,and she hated to drive, but we both had to be at work on time so I drove us both there. Whenever she was slacking I was always right over her shoulder, and when I would lose track of what I was trying to do, she would help to keep me focused. We complemented each other in every single way. Neither of us was perfect, butwe were perfect for each other.

When you're out there looking for that perfect person keep these things in mind. People change, no matter how hard they try not to. As you grow older you mature, and with each new level of maturity come different ideas, different needs and wants. The person who was perfect for you at twenty could be the person you hate when you're thirty-five. You have to find some one who will grow with you, change with you, laugh with you and cry with you. A person who fills in where you lack, a person whom you can fill in for when they are lacking. But what about the perfect person, you ask? They do not exist. Even Malia was not perfect because the perfect girl in my dreams was supposed to stay with me.

There are no perfect people, only people who are perfect for each other

Well be pleased world
If this is what you wanted
This young girl is everything that you made
What will she say
Aren't I lovely
And do you want me cause
I am hungry for something that will make me real
Can you see me and
Do you love me causeI am desperately searching for something real

Hassle ka!

Why is that we always remember when (a) love (affair) ends but seldom remember when it begins....

Saddest Poem

I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
Write, for instance: "The night is full of stars,
and the stars, blue, shiver in the distance."
The night wind whirls in the sky and sings.
I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.
On nights like this, I held her in my arms.
I kissed her so many times under the infinite sky.
She loved me, sometimes I loved her.
How could I not have loved her large, still eyes?
I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
To think I don't have her. To feel that I've lost her.
To hear the immense night, more immense without her.
And the poem falls to the soul as dew to grass.
What does it matter that my love couldn't keep her.
The night is full of stars and she is not with me.
That's all. Far away, someone sings. Far away.
My soul is lost without her.
As if to bring her near, my eyes search for her.
My heart searches for her and she is not with me.
The same night that whitens the same trees.
We, we who were, we are the same no longer.
I no longer love her, true, but how much I loved her.
My voice searched the wind to touch her ear.
Someone else's. She will be someone else's. As she once
belonged to my kisses.
Her voice, her light body. Her infinite eyes.
I no longer love her, true, but perhaps I love her.
Love is so short and oblivion so long.
Because on nights like this I held her in my arms,
my soul is lost without her.
Although this may be the last pain she causes me,
and this may be the last poem I write for her.
-- Pablo Neruda

...my dearest lolo tatay...he celebrated his 94th birthday last monday...one of the 2 men in my life that I'd drop everything in an instant for...give a limb for...even die for....


Kirkie ;P happy boit-day! for simply being there...

Miranda: He was funny. And cute.
Carrie: Yeah, and in town for a week! What's the point?
Samantha: That IS the point! It's the best possible scenario, because you know he's leaving.
Carrie: But it's like whatever happens, there's an expiration date. It's expiration dating.

Here is Gone
(GooGoo Dolls)

You and I got something
But it's all then it's nothing to me
I got my defenses
When it comes to your intentions to me
And we wake up in the breakdown
In the things we never thought we could be
I'm not the one who broke you
I'm not the one you should fear
We've got to move you darling
I thought I lost you somewhere
But you were never really ever there at all

And I want to get free
Talk to me I can fear you falling
And I won't tempt to be
All you need
Somehow here is gone

I am no solution
To this sound of dispollution in me yah
And I was not the answer so forget you if ever thought it was me
I'm not the one who broke you
I'm not the one you should fear
We've got to move you darling
I thought I lost you somewhere
But you were never really ever there at all

And I want to get free
Talk to me I can fear you falling
And I won't tempt to be
All you need
Somehow here is gone

And I don't need a fall out
Of all the past that's here between us
And I'm not holding on
And all your lies weren't enough to keep me here

And I want to get free
Talk to me I can fear you falling
And I won't tempt to be
All you need
Somehow here is gone
And I want to get free
Talk to me I can fear you falling
I know it's out there I know it's out there I can fear you falling
I know it's out there I know it's out there
Somehow here is gone
I know it's out there I know it's out there
Somehow here is gone

"You're a cynical, exploitive, mean-hearted creep who wouldn't know real love if it bit him in the armpit." (Maggie Carpenter, RunAway Bride)

What's a meantime girl?

She's the one you call when you're bored because she makes you laugh. She's the one you talk to when you're feeling down because she's willing to lend an ear and be a friend. She's not the one you call when you need a date to your company's christmas party, or to go dancing with on a saturday night. She's the one you spend time with between girlfriends, before you find "the one". You know, the one you keep around in the meantime. She's not one of the guys, not a tomboy, but you don't look at her as a "real" woman either. She's not bitchy enough, moody enough, or sexy enough to be seen in that light. Shes too laid back, too easily amused by the same things your male buddies are amused by. She's too understanding, too comfortable -- she does not make you feel nervous or excited, the way a "real" woman does. But she's cool, and nice, and funny, and attractive enough that when you're lonely or horny and need intimate female companionship, she'll do just fine. You don't have to wine and dine her because she knows the real you already, and you dont have any facades to keep up, no pretenses to preserve. You're not trying to get the intimacy that you need. And you know you dont have to explain yourself or the situation, and that she'll be able to cope with the fact that this isn't the beginning of a relationship or that there's any possibility that you have any real romantic feelings for her. It won't bother her that you'll get up in the morning, put on your pants, say goodbye, and go on a date with the woman you've been mooning over for weeks who finally agreed to go out with you. She'll settle for a goodbye hug and a promise to call her and tell her how the date went. She's just so cool... why can't all women be like that?! But deep down, if you really think about it (which you probably don't because to you, the situation between the two of you isn't important enough to merit any real thought), you know that it's really not fair. You know that although she would never say it, it hurts her to know that despite all her good points and all the fun you two have, you don't think she's good enough to spend any real time with. Sure, it's mostly her fault, because she doesn't have to give in to your needs - she could play the hard - to - get bitch like the rest of them do, if she really wanted to. But you and she both know that she probably couldn't pull it off. Maybe she's too short, or a little too over weight, or has big birthmark on her forhead, or works at taco bell. Whatever the reason, somehow life has given her a lot of really great qualities but has left out the ones that men want (or think they want) in a woman. So she remains forever the funny friend, the steadfast companion, the secret lover, and you go on searching for your goddess who will somehow be everything you ever wanted in a woman. You'll joke to her that she should be the best man at your wedding, and she'll laugh and make a joke about a smelly rental tux. She does not captivate you with her beauty, or open door with her smile. Mainly she blends in with the crowd. She's safe. She does not want to be the center of attention and turn the heads of everyone in the room. But she wants to turn someone's head. She wants to be special to someone, too, we all do. She has feelings. She has a heart. In fact, she probably has a bigger and better heart than any woman you've ever known because, because she's had a front row seat to The Mess That is Your Life, and she likes you anyway. She obviously sees something worthwhile and redeeming in you because although you've given her nothing,
absolutely no reason to still be around, she is.

Anyway, yeah. I'm a meantime girl. Been one more times that one care to admit. I don't know the reason, really, and at this point I don't even care. I just want to let every guy know who's ever had the good fortune to have a meantime girl, that we may be a lot of fun, but we cry too... And someday we won't be around...

I asked you before if I was and you responded: "of course not. baka its the other way around." So now...what was I to you then?

Manang Rose, the sunflower eating fortune teller, foretold my future via the usual Tarot cards, Palmistry and the Crystal ball all for 100 pesos! She can be found just outside the Quiapo church around 3am.

*ym conversation couple of months back(September)...this ended my insanity stage*

marc: o ikaw, balita.
hundun: eto still the same
hundun: pathetic pa din
marc: bakit naman, ayusin na nga natin 'to? o, what's the problem?
hundun: parang kang daddy
hundun: yes itay
hundun: e kse
hundun: im naiinis na
hundun: why im still affected
marc: at bakit naman....
hundun: i dunno
hundun: basta i still am
hundun: im naiinis na
marc: kailangan mo kasi,at ito ang sabi ni oprah,kailangan mo ng closure"
hundun: i dont wanna be affected pero i am
marc: is it pride?
hundun: oo nga pero where will i get my closure?
hundun: pride??
marc: na-hurt yung pride mo na ginawa yan sa iyo.
marc: so?
hundun: maybe it is
hundun: wouldnt you be?
hundun: what he did was so masakit e
marc: i think that if you want to move on, you've gotta face the real reasons why you can't seem to move on pa rin.
hundun: its bec i still love him
marc: i know, i would be hurt too.
marc: but yun nga, you have to examine it yourself and question yourself why is your pride hurt, and should it really be a question of pride at all?
marc: isa pa yon, don't love him na dude, you're wasting your time, energy, emotions on a loser!
hundun: i've been telling myself that but its not that easy naman to forget e
marc: o sige lets think about it, do you want him back? do you want him to choose you over her?
hundun: i want him back yes
hundun: but its not gonna be that easy
marc: what?
marc: why do you want him back?
hundun : bec i still love him
hundun : and i think its also bec...
hundun : i mean
marc: why do you still love someone who did that to you?
hundun : yung feeling na in the end he went back to me
hundun: i dunno nga e..i know i should be mad and all and i focused on that after i finally was able to open that emotion
marc: are you still looking for the fairytale ending? na he'll realise his big mistake, come to his senses, drop her and beg you back on his hands and knees?
hundun: i guess so
hundun: ***bonks head***
marc: anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering - yoda.
marc: dude, you have to realistic.
marc: i'm sorry to say and it may be hard for you to hear, but i don't think that fairytale ending is going to happen.
marc: that's what you have to let go dude, not him, but that idea of that fairytale ending.
marc: that's the idea you have to let go of, cuz it's still giving you hope that what you once had might come back, that things might return to the way they were.
marc: i don;t think it's realistic to expect that.
marc: and if you really believe it, then how long are you willing to wait?
marc: how long are you willing to gamble that he's going to go back to you?
marc: and another thing, you may think you know him, but he's a different person now. he's not the same person a year ago, two years ago. things change, people change. you have to change too.
marc: you can't get stuck thinking that you know yourself completely, no ones themselves completely. impossible.
marc: no one knows themsleves completely.
marc: up until the day they die, people ae still discovering things about themselves they never knew. and that's why things change.
marc: but that's growth. it's just the process of changing that's difficult. but it has to happen. marc: right now, you're suffering but you're not growing. mali yon. ok lang na mag suffer, that's part of life, but dapat may growth din.
marc: kung walang growth, if you're not moving forward or moving somewhere, your suffering is for nothing.
marc: yan ang sayang, yan ang waste.
marc: astig ko noh? i'm like a hallmark card on steriods!
marc: o what?
hundun: i wanna move nman e. yes i still love him in a way but im opening my doors to other possibilities. other people. kse i dont wanna get stuck being like this forever. at night i pray na for every tear na i cry it washes all my bitterness. i pray na every passing day i love him less and less
hundun: i still have that stupid fairytale stuff in my head
hundun: but i also think about things na why its better this way
marc: then ask yourself why do you still have that in your head? why are you still holding onto that even though you know what you know.
hundun: like: we have diff tastes...he has a different wave length..etc etc...
hundun: i dunno why.....
marc: brb
hundun: me din
hundun: ill buy food lang
hundun: im back
marc: im back
marc: basta ask yourself those questions
marc: you have to know for yourself why
marc: you don't have to tell anyone naman eh. just be honest with yourself.
marc: once you know why you are still holding onto those beliefs, you'll begin to understand yourself better. that helps in becoming stronger and growing out of this phas in your life.
marc: you as you are now, have to change, to get past this.
hundun: ive thought about that....
marc: read my blog nalang para matawa ka
hundun: i did na
hundun: funny nga e
hundun: beeeepppp!!!!!!!
marc: no i have a new entry, now lang.
hundun : a ok
hundun : what about?
marc: my weekend lang, pero galing lang talaga ako magwrite. even the most mundane things become interesting and entertaining.
marc: ya nga pala, i haven't gotten you stoned yet. this week you want?
marc: brb
hundun: i like the beep beep story better
hundun: brb
hundun: im back
marc: back
marc: ya i thought you would.
hundun : im sooooo tamad na
marc: you tell me nalang if you wanna smoke up, no pressure. baka ma-addict k apa.
hundun : teka you're making me BI
hundun: is that gonna fry my brain?
marc: no it won't. yes, it will, but it's just the same as drinking beer and making lasing.
hundun: kaya nga i dont drink e

"Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing" (Anais Nin)

All I see turns to brown, as the sun burns the ground
And my eyes fill with sand, as I scan this wasted land
Trying to find, trying to find where I've been.

Oh, pilot of the storm who leaves no trace, like thoughts inside a dream
Heed the path that led me to that place, yellow desert stream
My Shangri-La beneath the summer moon, I will return again
Sure as the dust that floats high in June, when movin' through Kashmir.

Oh, father of the four winds, fill my sails, across the sea of years
With no provision but an open face, along the straits of fear

A year ago..this is what I wrote:

what I need right now are your prayers. do not ask why but i need them. Agnostic, unbelieving me needs all the prayers right now.

Lord, help me walk another mile, just one more mile.
I'm tired of walkin' all alone.
Lord, help me smile another smile, just one more smile.
I know I just can't make it on my own. I never thought I needed help before.
I thought that I could do things by myself. Now I know I just can't take it anymore.
With a humble heart, on bended knee. I'm beggin' you, please, for help.
~Johnny Cash

A year after...I still need your help... I still am asking for your prayers...but I am not anymore Agnostic or an unbeliever...my faith is stronger...stronger than it has ever been...a year after it still feels that the weight of world is on my shoulders and its sheer weight is biting through my weary shoulder just like that of Hipparchus' Atlas...i still feel that my happy-face-everything-is-ok mask still on... i still feel that I have to live this lie so that people won't see how sad I am...as Len said, I'm funny sad person..so everyday I play the part of the happy girl while inside the pain is gobbling me up....clickity click! Say cheese! and another day starts...



Does it ever get easy?" Buffy once asked Giles, the Watcher who was assigned to mentor and train her.

"You mean life?" Giles asked.

"Yeah. Does it get easy?"

"What do you want me to say?"

Buffy looked up at him, half-formed tears in her eyes. "Lie to me."

Giles considered for a moment. "Yes, it's terribly simple."

He told Buffy. "The good guys are always stalwart and true, the bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats, and we always defeat them and save the day.
No one ever dies, and everybody lives happily ever after."

"Liar."

	Tenderheart Bear You are thinker, organizer, peacekeeper, and leader all in one. You have a power to command attention and people listen to you. However, you are often so concerned about not hurting others' feelings that you don't tell them what they need to hear and this gets you both into trouble. But you always have loyal friends to help you out.
Take the Which Care Bear Are You? Quiz!

"No Man is worth a woman's tears. The only one who's worth her tears is the one who knows he could but would never, ever make her cry."

Whether you believe in the cases or not, that is up to you.


CASE 1: Kelly Sedey had one wish, for her boyfriend of three years, David Marsden, to propose to her. Then one day when she was out to lunch David proposed! She accepted, but then had to leave because she had a meeting in 20 min. When she got to her office, she noticed on her computer she had some e-mail's. She checked it, the usual stuff from her friends, but then she saw one that she had never gotten before. It was this poem. She simply deleted it without even reading all of it. BIG MISTAKE! Later that evening, she received a phone call from the police. It was about DAVID! He had been in an accident with an 18 wheeler. He didn't survive.

CASE 2: Take Katie Robinson. She received this poem and being the believer that she was, she sent it to a few of her friends but didn't have enough e-mail addresses to send out the full 10 that you must. Three days later, Katie went to a masquerade ball. Later that night when she left to get to her car to go home, she was killed on the spot by a hit-and-run drunk driver.

CASE 3: Richard S. Willis sent this poem out within 45 minutes of reading it. Not even 4 hours later walking along the street to his new job interview with a really big company, when he ran into Cynthia Bell, his secret love for 5 years. Cynthia came up to him and told him of her
passionate crush on him that she had had on him for 2 years. Three days later, he proposed to her and they got married. Cynthia and Richard are still married with three children, happy as ever!

This is the poem:

Around the corner I have a friend,

In this great city that has no end,

Yet the days go by and weeks rush on,

And before I know it, a year is gone.

And I never see my old friends face,

For life is a swift and terrible race,

He knows I like him just as well,

As in the days when I rang his bell.

And he rang mine but we were younger then,

And now we are busy, tired men.

Tired of playing a foolish game,

Tired of trying to make a name.

"Tomorrow" I say! "I will call on Jim

Just to show that I'm thinking of him."

But tomorrow comes and tomorrow goes,

And distance between us grows and grows.

Around the corner, yet miles away,

"Here's a telegram sir," "Jim died today."

And that's what we get and deserve in the end.

Around the corner, a vanished friend.

Remember to always say what you mean. If you love someone, tell them. Don't be afraid to express yourself. Reach out and tell someone what they mean to you. Because when you decide that it is the right time it might be too late. Seize the day. Never have regrets. And most importantly, stay close to your friends and family, for they have helped make you the person that you are today.

"Live Each Day As If It Were Your Last... Tomorrow is Not Promised."

From me...I'm not saying that you should send this entry to your friends...its the essence of the entry...what it means...Don't bank on tomorrow because tomorrow might never come...Live today...don't fill your life with what if's, could've been's and what might have been's...