"To meet, to know, to love, and then to part is the sad tale of many human hearts..."

I saw him...up close this time. he passed by where I was talking to someone...and as usual I just looked at him..this time steadily holding his gaze..he had that smirk on his face...a hurting smirk that means....oooohhhhh...i do not know what it means anymore...but that's what it looked like to me...after today...that's the last time I'll be seeing him...my last mind pic of him....


para akong basang sisiw...wandering...with no place to go

"If you have the courage to love, you have the courage to suffer."

how unnerving! to think the amount of time you spent with someone and only to realize that the person who you though he was wasn't the real him...how unnerving to give your heart and soul to someone...only to find out that they didn't do the same...how unnerving to think that you loved someone more than you loved yourself and only to find out that...they didn't know the real meaning of love....

"Desperately Wanting"

Past the road to your house
That you never called home
Where they turned out your lights
Though they say you'll never know

I remember running through the wet grass
And failing a step behind
Both of us never tiring
Desperately wanting

When they pumped out your guts
And filled you full of those pills
You were never quite right
Deserving all the chills
They say the worst is over
Kicked it over and ran
Then they ask what went wrong
When they turn you on again
They turn you on again.

[Chorus:]
Kick them right in the face
Make them wish they weren't born
And if they bring up your name
Well they'll say you won the war.
Baby burst in the world
Never given a chance
Then they ask what went wrong
When you never had it right

Oh the letters have dropped off
Though they say you got them all
I finally figured out some things you'll never know.
Take back your life and let me inside
We'll find the door if you care to anymore.

I remember running through the wet grass
and falling a step behind
Both of us never tiring
Desperately Wanting.


Below is one of my fave singers. forgot to post it together w the song's lyrics yesterday. self portrait of Joni Mitchell

Went to my second CLP "seminar" (if that's what you call it) last night..we had different household from the group I was with last week only 5 of us attended kagabi. Even our household leaders weren't there...sus! It was an okay meeting. Had more fun with the group from last week's meeting. Anyway highway...konti lang yung tao and as usual my radar didn't pick up any cute guys...


My horoscope says:

If you're smart -- and your sign has never been known for anything less -- you'll make plans to spend a few hours this evening with someone who's worthy of your wit, intelligence and elegant company.

---> I'm smart daw...someone worthy...hhmmmmm where are you? where you? come out come out wherever you are!!!

Last song syndrome......

Both Sides Now
(JONI MITCHELL)

Rows and flows of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons everywhere
I've looked at clouds that way

But now they only block the sun
They rain and they snow on everyone
So many things I would have done
But clouds got in my way

I've looked at clouds from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
It's cloud illusions I recall
I really don't know clouds at all

Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels
The dizzy dancing way that you feel
As every fairy tale comes real
I've looked at love that way

But now it's just another show
And you leave 'em laughing when you go
And if you care, don't let them know
Don't give yourself away

I've looked at love from both sides now
From give and take, and still somehow
It's love's illusions I recall
I really don't know love
Really don't know love at all

Tears and fears and feeling proud
To say "I love you" right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds
I've looked at life that way

Oh but now old friends they're acting strange
And they shake their heads
And they tell me that I've changed
Well something's lost but something's gained
In living every day

I've looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life
I really don't know life at all


I wasn't sure if I already did post this...but I'm gonna post it anyway ....

".....You don't have to forget someone you love. What you need to learn is how to accept the verdict of reality without being bitter or sorry for yourself. Believe me, you would be better off giving that dedication and love to someone more deserving. Don't let your heart run your life, be sensible, and let your mind speak for itself. Listen not only to your feelings but to reason as well.

Always remember that if you lose someone today, it means that someone better is coming tomorrow:
If you lose love that doesn't mean that you failed in love. Cry, if you have to, but make sure that the tears wash away the hurt and the bitterness that the past has left with you. Let go of yesterday and love will find its way back to you.

And when it does, pray that it may be the love that will stay and last a lifetime......"

"When I lost you, I was the one who loved you
most, but between us you lost more. For someday I
can love someone the way that I loved you but you
will never be loved again the way that I did."


...so to you....it wasn't my loss but yours...one thing that I take pride, when it comes into relationships, is that all of my ex-boyfriends (seryoso or not, made gago or not) they all wanted to come back...gets? labo. all of my ex-es especially the first guy who made me cry, all of them courted me again and wanted to get back with me. I don't know why. But I guess there really is something in me that they could not see with the other girls they went out with or with th girl(s) na pinagpalit na ko for...I dunno what the future holds for me and him...but....right now...I have to learn how to let go first...to forget him TOTALLY...piece of cake! NOT! how do you let go of someone you loved for the longest time? someone you gave your heart and soul to...someone you planned how many kids and where you were gonna live with? someone your heart told you is the person you wanted to be with the rest of your life...how do you let go...how....

Smile though your heart is breaking - Charlie Chaplin

I was browsing thru some of my old books last night when I found one of my fave books which is actualy a compilation of Pablo Neruda's poems...I so love this poem!!! IF i do get married this poem will be a part of the wedding chorva....the highlighted part is the part where I imagine myself placing my hand and my head on his chest as if saying...I've finally found my true north...my shore where I can rest my weary heart...my soft and easy chair...and until this very day carry a small copy of this poem in my wallet..I read it everty time I'm in my "hopeless romantic" moods...

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
Or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
In secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly;
without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way
than this: where "I" does not exist, nor "you,"
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.



In The Last 48 Hours, Have You:
01. Cried: yes yes yes
02. Bought something: food
03. Gotten sick: yes
04. Sang: yes
06. Been kissed: no :(
07. Felt stupid: yes yes yes
08. Wanted to tell someone you loved them, but
didn't: yes
09. Met someone new: no
10. Talk to an ex: no
11. Missed an ex: yes
12. Talked to someone you have a crush on: no
13. Had a serious talk: yes
14. Missed someone: yes
15. Fought with your parents: no (imma better
daughter now)
16. Dreamed about someone you can't be with: yes

Personal:
01. Who is your role model: my mom
02. Have you ever cried over the opposite sex:
yes!
03. Ever wanted to get revenge on someone because
they hurt you: YES!
04. Rather have a relationship or a "hookup":
relationship
05. Do you want kids: yes..i luurrrvvvvv kids!
06. Do you believe you know the person whom you
will marry at this point in time: i dunno..ask my
broken heart..

07. Are you happy with your life? NO!NO! NO!

[ Current Mood ]: sad melancholic depressed
[ Current Taste ]: bitter
[ Current Annoyance ]: si kups
[ Current thing I ought to be doing ]: nothing
[ Current Favorite Artist ]: vienna teng
[ Current Refreshment ]: coke mango juice coke mango juice


Got the song below from a 13 y/o's blog...

I've been trying to let him go since the time he broke up with me...but why until this very day am I still hoping and hanging on...why until now do i still love him..why I still include him and my prayers...when will I ever be able to let him go and put a period on what we had......

I can still remember yesterday
We were so in love in a special way
And knowing that you loved me
Made me feel oh so right
But now I feel lost, don't know what to do
Each and every day I think of you
Holdin' back the tears, I'm trying with all my might

Because you've gone and left me standing All alone
And I know I've got to face tomorrow On my own....
But baby....

Before I let you go
I want to say I love you
I hope that you're listenin'
'Coz it's true,baby
You'll be forever in my heart
And I know that no one else will do, yeah
So before I let you go
I want to say it.....
I love you

I wish that it could be just like before
I know I could've given you so much more
Even though you know I'd given you all my love
I miss your smile, I miss your kiss
Each and every day I reminisce
'Coz baby it's you
That I'm always dreaming of...

Letting love go is never easy
But I love you so
That's why I set you free And I know
Someday
Somehow
I'll find a way To leave it all behind me
Guess it wasn't meant to be But baby.........

So before I let you go I want to say.......it I love you...




something funny :)

sabe sa Humans For sale

You are worth exactly: $1,160,330.00.

We hope you can find somebody who is wealthy enough to afford you.

Any takers???? Mabait ako at masayahin...at marunong mag behave kung kailangan...marunong din ako humirit ng tama :)

Myles sent this via e-mail (the part below the No One Else) and Jon responded with this:

This is where Family and True Friends come in! No matter how many people you meet or how many people come and go into our lives...you will always your family and true friends to come home to anytime and anywhere you need them! So, stop looking and make them most of what you have!

Any significant other shouldnt be the air your breathe! There' more to a girlfriend or boyfriend..there's more to life!! Naks!!!

No one else
By Mark J. Macapagal

I was talking to a friend of mine and she was ruing the fact that it seemed like no matter how much she went out, or how much fun she had, she would ultimately come home and there would be this sense of emptiness. As if she had just had another evening of fun but in the end, it was really rather meaningless.


Now I had been going through something similar. As some of you readers may know, I've spent the past half year or so in the rebuilding of my life, which naturally includes dating a number of women. All of this has been going well. I have great friends, met some great women, but after all was said and done, I had that same feeling of emptiness.

:::Sana I had some of these lines memorized nung nakipag blind date ako:::

Classy things to say when stressed

1. "Okay, okay! I take it back. Unfuck you!!!"

2.. "You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing?!"

3. "How many times do I have to flush before you go away?"

4. "Well this day was a total waste of make-up."

5. "Well aren't we a bloody ray of sunshine?"

6. "Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after."

7. "Do I look like a fucking people person!"

8. "This isn't an office. It's HELL with fluorescent lighting."

9. "I started out with nothing still have most of it left."

10. "I pretend to work, they pretend to pay me."

11. "YOU!!... off my planet!!!"

12. "Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble plastic is cheap. You choose."

13. "Practice random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control."

14. "Errors have been made. Others will be blamed."

15. "And your cry-baby, whiny-assed opinion would be.....?"

16. "I'm not crazy. I've been in a very bad mood for 30 years."

17. "Sarcasm is just one more service I offer."

18. "Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed."

19. "Do they ever shut up on your planet?"

20. "I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable"

21. "Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realise you haven't gone to sleep yet."

22. "Back off!! You're standing in my aura."

23. "Don't worry. I forgot your name too."

24. "I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?"

25. "I work 45 hours a week to be this poor."

26. "Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it."

27. "Not all men are annoying. Some are dead."

28. "Wait...I'm trying to imagine you with a personality."

29. "Chaos, panic and disorder . . . my work here is done."

30. "Ambivalent? Well yes and no."

31. "You look like shit. Is that the style now?"

32. "Earth is full. Go home."

33. "Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?"

34. "I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert."

35. "A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth."

36. "You are depriving some village of an idiot."

37. "If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport."

Which poem are you? The Mad Girl's Love Song by Sylvia Plath To you, love is desperate and hateful. You're wildly passionate and wildly inventive. You're also likely to start stalking people.

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Which Rugrat are you Chuckie fearful

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Which SpongeBob SquarePants character are you? Squidward Your very mean. You hate everyone. You suck at playing the clarinet, painting, making sculptures and everything else artistic.

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Which LOTR elf are you? Galadriel Wise and beautiful. Many fall in love with you, but you merely chuckle at them.

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Which Drug Addict Are You? The Enhancement Smoker You're straight out of the movie Half Baked. You think smoking certain herbs makes everything from movies to music even to sex just that much better.

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What soda are you? Coke You are just like everyone else. Not too original, but classic.

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someone told me that I shouldn't be hiding...that I shouldn't running away...that I should stay...that I should not (do it)...

If you lived here, you'd be home now....

Yesterday was a fairly good day for me...look ma, no tears! So I thank God for that and prayed that there'll be no more bad days for me. But alas, today, when i woke up...the same shit...same pain...same thoughts...So I turned to God again and prayd for Him to vanish all thoughts from my mind...please no more pain, Lord...when will all the pain vanish? When wll all the hurt fade away? When will all the suffering end? Why must I still be in love with a man--not he was not a man but a boy-a boy who broke my heart and trampled on it?

The Trouble Tree

I hired a plumber to help me restore an old farmhouse, and after he had just finished a rough first day on the job, a flat tire made him lose an hour of work & his electric drill quit, his ancient one ton truck refused to start. As I drove him home, he sat in stony silence.

On arriving he invited me in to meet his family. As we walked toward the front door, he paused briefly at a small tree, touching the tips of the branches with both hands. Upon opening the door he had undergone an amazing transformation. His tanned face was wreathed in smiles and he hugged his two small children and gave his wife a kiss.

Afterward he walked me to the car. We passed the tree and my curiosity got the better of me. I asked him about what I had seen him do at the little tree.

"Oh, that's my trouble tree," he replied. "I know I can't help having troubles on the job, but one thing's for sure, those troubles don't belong in the house with my wife and the children. So I just hang them up on the tree every night when I come home and ask God to take care of them. Then in the morning I pick them up again." Funny thing is,"
he smiled, "when I come out in the morning to pick them up, there aren't nearly as many as I remember hanging up the night before."


You are... Grissom


Who Are You? (CSI Quiz - My Version)
brought to you by Quizilla

River of Tears!

It's three miles to the river
That would carry me away,
And two miles to the dusty street
That I saw you on today.

It's four miles to my lonely room
Where I will hide my face,
And about half a mile to the downtown bar
That I ran from in disgrace.

Lord, how long have I got to keep on running,
Seven hours, seven days or seven years?
All I know is, since you've been gone
I feel like I'm drowning in a river,
Drowning in a river of tears.
Drowning in a river.
Feel like I'm drowning,
Drowning in a river.

In three more days, I'll leave this town
And disappear without a trace.
A year from now, maybe settle down
Where no one knows my face.

I wish that I could hold you
One more time to ease the pain,
But my time's run out and I got to go,
Got to run away again.

Still I catch myself thinking,
One day I'll find my way back here.
You'll save me from drowning,
Drowning in a river,
Drowning in a river of tears.
Drowning in a river.
Feels like I'm drowning,
Drowning in the river.
Lord, how long must this go on?

Drowning in a river,
Drowning in a river of tears.

Although it might flare up instantly, love dies with excruciating slowness. You may decide at this very moment that you are no longer in love, and your brain might understand perfectly, but the rest of you will take time to grasp this radical concept. The heart and
the stomach are particularly slow to learn. And so you may be sure that the affair is over. And still feel a stabbing pain the area of your heart when someone mentions his name. You may have exorcised him from your life, and still feel a punch in the gut when
you meet him accidentally.

This is one of the old e-mails that I never deleted. it was sent to me on June 19, 2003 by a friend and I kept it coz I was thinking na I was hanging on to my old relationship (carroll) and now its for him.

Hanging on to Old Relationships

We want to travel baggage-free on this journey. It makes the trip easier.
Some of the baggage we can let go of is lingering feelings and unfinished business with past relationships: anger; resentments;
feelings of victimization, hurt, or longing.
If we have not put closure on a relationship, if we cannot walk away in peace, we have not yet learned our lesson. That may mean we will have to have another go-around with that lesson before we are ready to move on.

We may want to do a Fourth Step (a written inventory of our relationships) and a Fifth Step (an admission of our wrongs). What
feelings did we leave with in a particular relationship? Are we still carrying those feelings around? Do we want the heaviness and impact of that baggage on our behavior today?
Are we still feeling victimized, rejected, or bitter about something that happened two, five, ten, or even twenty years ago?

It may be time to let it go. It may be time to open ourselves to the true lesson from that experience. It may be time to put past
relationships to rest, so we are free to go on to new, more rewarding experiences.
We can choose to live in the past, or we can choose to finish our old business from the past and open ourselves to the beauty of today.

Let go of your baggage from past relationships.

Today, I will open myself to the cleansing and healing process that will put closure on yesterday and open me to the best today, and tomorrow, has to offer in my relationships.

-June 14 reading, "Language of Letting Go"

Letting Go of Timing; When the time is right, child. When the time is right.

How often have we heard those words -- from a friend, a sponsor, our Higher Power? We want things so badly -- that job, that check, a relationship, a possession. We want our life to change. So we wait, sometimes patiently, sometimes anxiously, wondering all the while: When will the future bring me what I long for? Will I be happy then?

We try to predict, circling dates on the calendar, asking questions. We forget that we don't hold the answers. The answers come from God. If we listen closely, we'll hear them. When the time is right, child. When the time is right.
Be happy now. Today, I will relax. I am being prepared. I can let go of timing. I can stop manipulating outcomes. Good things will happen when the time is right, and they will happen naturally.

last thursday nag half day ako...last week naman, thursday din, i didnt go to work..thursday sickness na ito...
i woke up early naman but my mind and body just couldn't stand up...yknow that feeling na you just wanna lie down and die...that's what I've been feeling every single day...lethargic...sad...tired...sleepy...can i just die nalang???

"Courage does not always roar. Sometimes it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, 'I will try again
tomorrow'."

I met up with Aries last thursday in Glorietta. MAN! I am not gonna go on another blind date! it was disastrous...not the situation but his looks...ang panget nya! period that's it. panget na nga sya he doesn't talk that much pa and when he does puro nonsense naman.bwisit. i had to ask my guy friends norgy and den to fetch me. God bless their souls. kaso nga lang nagpalibre sa akin as payment...hahaha...you might be saying na I'm mean and that I didn't give the poor guy a chance..pero hello ...one: he wanted me to go with him to his friend's party in Sybil..the place plang..yuck..i never go there...he also prononced it as "ci-vil". second: when we were in Powerbooks and it so happened that he found me browsing through the Psychology section he asked what course I took up and said na" "siguro ang dame mong gusto pag aralan na utak no?" DU-UH!!! Is there a stupid express??? and lastly, he kept on saying "ganun ba yun." which irritated me..parang he was patronizing me...Gawd! So next time if any of you guys will make me pa date sa nga friends nyo make sure na they speak well naman ok? a brain comes handy too, yknow...good looks din is a plus...PIMP ME! PIMP ME! PIMP ME! hehehehe

RAINBOW
by south border

fallin out fallin in
nothings sure in this world no no
breaking down breaking in
never knowing what lies ahead
we can really never tell it all no no

say goodbye say hello
to a lover or friend
sometimes we could never understand
why some things begin with just love
we can never have it all
no no no ohh

but oh, cant you see
that no matter what happens
life goes on and on
and so baby just smile
coz im always around you
and i'll make you see
how beautiful life is for you and me

take a little time baby
see the butterflie's colors
listen to the birds that sent to sing for me and you
can you feel me
this is such a wonderful place to me

even if there is pain now
everything will be alright
for as long as the world still turns
there will be night and day
can you hear me
there's a rainbow always after the rain

hittin high hittin low
win or lose you should go
yeah yeah
getting warm getting cold
weather can be so good or bad
but baby this is life so dont get mad
no no no

coz ohhh
can't you see
that no matter what happens
life goes on and on
and so baby just smile
coz im always around you
and i'll make you see
how beautiful life is for you and me

take a little time baby
see the butterflie's colors
listen to the birds that sent to sing for me and
you
can you feel me
this is such a wonderful place to me

even if there is pain now
everything will be alright
for as long as the world still turns
there will be night and day
can you hear me
there's a rainbow always after the rain

life's full of challenges
not all the time we get what we want
but dont despair my dear
you'll take it each trial
and you'll make it through the storm
coz youre strong
my faith in you is clear
so i say once again
this world's beautiful
let us celebrate life that is so beautiful
so beautiful...

take a little time baby
see the butterflie's colors
listen to the birds that sent to sing for me and
you
can you feel me
this is such a wonderful place to me

even if there is pain now
everything will be alright
for as long as the world still turns
there will be night and day
can you hear me
there's a rainbow always after the rain

I so love this song..got this from Amgine's blog:

CoMe oN In OuT of ThE RaiN

You said you believed that we'd Find love together
happily After all the wrong I've done You feel that I'm
still the one To give your loving to So bring it home to you
You told me that you'd love me if I'd ever change
Welcome me into your arms again Come on in out of the
rain, hey There's a place in your heart to love me
again Happiness and joy you bring When you call my name
Come on in out of the rain
I loved no one but you But I strayed, I know I made you
blue You spoke unto my very soul You warmed my heart
that once was cold Now I'm so glad to know
You told me that you'd love me if I'd ever change
Welcome me into your arms again Come on in out of the
rain, hey There's a place in your heart to love me
again Happiness and joy you bring When you call my name
Come on in out of the rain
Some people spend a lifetime looking for love And I had
love right here all the time Why did I try to deny it
Deep inside I just couldn't fight it You turned my life
around The love I lost is found So let the rain come down
You told me that you'd love me if I'd ever change
Welcome me into your arms again Come on in out of the
rain, hey There's a place in your heart to love me
again Happiness and joy you bring When you call my name
Come on in out of the rain
(Come on in out of the rain) Ooooo-oh-ooo, yeah, yeah,
yeah (Come on in out of the rain) Baby, come out of the
rain

You are Slinky Heels! You're an uptown, well put together woman But you're not too uptight to enjoy a hot club You're always the best dressed chick in the room And you'll only settle for the best in men What Shoe Are You? Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

You Are An Intro-Extrovert! Sometimes you're social - sometimes you're shy You've got a bit of an Introvert / Extrovert split going on You enjoy all sorts of situations. Parties, small groups, and alone time. Too much of one, and you'll long for the other. You need varity! Chances are, you've got both serious and fun friends - and they don't get along. Are You An Extrovert or Introvert? Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

1. What do you do for a living?
***I cry for a living***

2. What do you like most about your job?
***the people I'm with

3. What do you like least about your job?
***my ex is in the same place

4. When you have a bad day at work it's usually because _____...
***something or someone broke my heart

5. What other career(s) are you interested in?
***I've always wanted to be a pre school teacher..I LOVE KIDS!!!

“....and it sucks because I know he’s out there falling in and out of love with girls...that aren't me.”

I finally passed it. this time I gave to my TM para derecho na agad. it was something that I did not want to do but I HAVE to do. for my peace of mind...for my heart...

my TM told me to take a breather muna...time to think para I'll know what I really want...what I really want is to stay...what I really want is for me not to get hurt anymore...what I really want is........but there are somethings that you have to do to keep your sanity...there are some things that you have to do keep your heart from bleeding more and more...

somebody texted me agad to ask if i was resigning..how news travel so fast...tm palang and smes ang nakakaalam nakaikot na agad..oh well ganyan tlaga..buti pa ibang tao may paki...but the one person who you thought you shared something special with....wala...i guess thats the story of our lives...meeting...and parting...and meeting again...

spoke to someone kanina...the girl said na...the reason why we broke was because we had unresolved issues. Because I didn't talk when something was bothering me. Sakit. I know na that was the reason before pero sa dame na ng nangyari di ko na alam kung ano ang totoo. sakit na malaman sa ibang tao. sakit na tlagang he gave up on me when I didn't give up on him kahit na on his part meron syang mga mali din naman na tiniis ko. masakit kse bakit ako lang ang nag try na i-work out lahat tapos sya..wala...ayaw nalang...i valued him kaya I changed tapos sya ...nothing....i guess that's what you get when you love someone so much...when you give your heart to someone na walang ka nang tinira sa sarili mo...i'm paying for my sins...sana lang yung bayad di ganito kasakit...sana sa iba nalang kse kunin pa yung kaisaisang tao na minahal mo ng lubos lubusan.....sana....sana....




Lord, ikaw na bahala...



"With all due respect...Men I may not know. But shoes? Shoes I know!"~Carrie

Yesterday, met up with Rica and Nina in their clinic in Ortigas waited for Alex, Nin's very funny boyfriend then went to Eastwood na for the CLP (Christian Life Program). They asked me if I wanted to join especially since I am going through a lot now. Last night's talk was the 4th na pala in a series of 13 talks. So I have to make up daw for the first 3 that I wasnt able to attend. The talk was long and talks about repentance and sin..nyakrs apt na apt a...and the speaker was Jojo...ok naman din..then after an hour long talk ata we broke into groups called households for sharing sharing...at first I didnt like the griup I was with. puro girls kme. the facilitator kse kept on laughing and laughing na parang nawawala tuloy yung seriousness nung whatever it was that we were s'posed to talk about. I was the 2nd to the last person na nag share. I almost cried but I didn't (thank God!). I wasn't able to make kwento the whole thing kse the girl kept on interrupting me. Everyone was so supportive. Sobra. Almost everyone went through the same thing as I did. Yung iba mas grabe pa. One girl stayed with a guy for 7 years and ..pooffff...nothing din...In the end, I decide to keep an open mind and heart about the whole thing...its a support group...beats paying for a shrink a couple of hundreds per hour..but I still need to go to my shrink for the meds...see! how destructive love can be...bakit pa kase kailangan magmahal....

Learning Patience With God


My mother was dying of leukemia. My two older sisters, father,and I had shared the last three weeks in the hospital room with her. In two years, she had gone from a strong matriarch to a helpless
invalid.

For the last three days, she had been in a semi-conscious state of moaning and lifelessness. She could no longer speak through her dry, swollen lips. Her eyes had the blank void of a moonless midnight.

On the night of the third day, I knew what I must do. I must cease being the selfish, clinging son. I sped purposefully to the chapel. There I gave God permission to take my mother. I could no
longer stand to see her suffer, so I prayed for the permanent healingthat only death can bring.

I returned to the room with a peaceful heart for I knew by the next morning my mother would also be at peace. I had the best night's sleep in weeks. The next morning, as the sun broke through
the window, I awoke. My first thoughts were, "It's over". But then a noise, a stirring directed my attention from the window to the bed.
A small movement made me realize that my mother was still alive. It was all I could do to keep from screaming aloud, "God, how can You do this to me? I became a selfless son, and gave You permission to
end this, and You still kept her in her misery." But before I could have exclaimed this, I was shocked to see that there was more than just a movement.

My mother rolled onto her side, and looked into the glare of the newly risen sun. Then, as the sun made sparkling starbursts in her eyes, she licked her parched lips, and said "Gee, it's going to
be a beautiful day today". Needless to say this got our attention
quickly.

Being the youngest, and fastest, I was first to her bedside. "Mom, it's me, Jerry, do you recognize me"? "Of course I do Jerry",she replied.

We all took our turns talking to her. Other relatives came and were able to talk to her, as she answered not in her old voice, but rather in the voice of a child. The doctor's explanation was that
the brain stem was being destroyed, accounting for the sudden change. It was a joyous day of laughing, and celebrating life with our family. That night we all went to sleep peacefully.

The next morning, we were awaken to the stirring of angel's wings, and my mother was finally healed of her suffering. She had awakened to the Risen Son.

The next few days were hectic with funeral plans. It was only after the funeral that I stopped to think of what had happened. If God had answered my prayer, in my time, in my way, my final memories
of my mother would have been that of a helpless invalid, with void eyes, lying motionless in a deathbed. Instead, God answered my prayer in his time, in his omniscient way.

Now, my memories of my mother are of a day of laughing and rejoicing. Since that time I have had many rocky roads. Financial failure. A divorce. The loss of my father. But throughout it all, regardless of how stormy the night might be, I know that through God's love, and perfect timing, I can awaken the
next morning to a newly risen sun, or to the Risen Son, and say "Gee, it's going to be a good day."

"NOBODY HAS EVER MEASURED, EVEN POETS, HOW MUCH A HEART CAN HOLD."

how much more pain Lord....how much more...

"If two people love each other, but just cant seem to put things together, when would that point be.. when one would say enough is enough? NEVER."---THE MEXICAN

Today when I woke up, I had the pain feeling again...i almost didn't go to work and just wanted to stay in the comfort of my bed and sleep all day and night and day and night...forever, if you please...but I propped myself up and tried my best to cheer up but before that I whispered a silent prayer to God to let this day be a good day...to give me strength and again to hear my heart...

Tin posted this sa bulletin board ng friendster. its nice. very nice.

There was a young woman who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness and had been given three months to live. So as she was getting her things "in order," she contacted her Rabbi and had him come to her house to discuss certain aspects of her final wishes.

She told him which songs she wanted sung at the service, what scriptures she would like read, and what outfit she wanted to be buried in.

Everything was in order and the Rabbi was preparing to leave when the young woman suddenly remembered something very important to her.

"There's one more thing," she said excitedly.

"What' that?" came the Rabbi's reply.

"This is very important," the young woman continued. "I want to be buried with a fork in my right hand."

The Rabbi stood looking at the young woman, not knowing quite what to say.

That surprises you, doesn't it?" the young woman asked. "Well, to be honest, I'm puzzled by the request," said the Rabbi.

The young woman explained. "My grandmother once told me this story, and from there on out, I have always done so. I have also, always tried to pass along its message to those I love and those who are in need of encouragement.

In all my years of attending socials and dinners, I always remember that when the dishes of the main course were being cleared, someone would inevitably lean over and say,

'Keep your fork.' It was my favorite part because I knew that something better was coming...like velvety chocolate cake or deep-
dish apple pie. Something wonderful, and with substance!'

So, I just want people to see me there in that casket with a fork in my hand and I want them to wonder "What's with the fork?" Then I want you to tell them: "Keep your fork ..the best is yet to come."

The Rabbi's eyes welled up with tears of joy as the hugged the young woman good-bye. He knew this would be one of the last times he would see her before her death. But he also knew that the young woman had a better grasp of heaven than he
did. She had a better grasp of what heaven would be like than many people twice her age, with twice as much experience and knowledge.

She KNEW that something better was coming.

So the next time you reach down for your fork, let it remind you ever so gently, that THE BEST IS YET TO COME.

This is an all time favorite song of mine. I love the video too!

These tears I've cried, I've cried a thousand oceans.
And if it seems I'm flo...o...ating in the darkness, well,
I can't believe that I would keep, keep you from flying.
And I would cry a thousand more if that's what it takes to sail you home.
Sail you home. Sail you home.

I'm aware what the rules are, but you know that I will run.
You know that I will... follow you.
Over Silbury hill through the solar field.
You know that I will... follow you.

And if I find you, will you still remember m-playing at trains,
Or does this li-little blue ball just fade away?
Over Silbury hill through the solar field.
You know that I will... follow you.
I'm aware what the rules are, but you know that I will run.
You know that I will... follow you.

These tears I've cried, I've cried a thousand oceans.
And if it seems I'm flo...o...ating in the darkness, well,
I can't believe that I wouldn't keep, keep you from flying.
So I would cry a thousand more if that's what it takes to sail you home.
Sail you home. Sail you home. Sail... Sail you home...

JB was trying to cheer me up and bolster my self esteem the whole morning via text and some of his messages were:

"i'll be a lifeline for you...but you should help yourself too!"

"when you feel its too much for you..then just forget it...ok? That way you'll get over it."

"you don't fail all the time."

"life doesn't end where our heartaches begin..ayt?'

"Don't worry, the winds of change will push the clouds away...in time..remember there's always a rainbow after a storm."

But the most touching message that he sent and the one that almost made me cry:

"You will honey...you will...."

I sorely miss that. fucking a. to be someone's honey. to be someone's baby. to be someone's sweetheart or darling no matter how corny it sounds...because to that one person you are the world...his everything...because to that person the world is a better place because you are there...how i sorely miss that

You are Ready to Date Again

If you're not out there already, you should be.

Your ex is long gone from your heart, and you are ready for another relationship.

Any guy you meet gets a clean slate - and no emotional baggage.

Congratulations, you've gotten completely over him.

Now, on to a better guy :-)



Are You Ready to Date Again?
Take This Quiz :-)



Find the Love of Your Life
(and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.


I am??? Then why am I still crying?

last night, met up with Karla, Rica and Nina. except for Karla, we were all ex-es of a group of guys belonging to one barkada. Rica used to be with Inigo. Nina used to be with Edwin. Me with Carroll. Going strong pa din si Karla with Leo. Sana they end up together na nga. No more heartaches please. It was a night of kwentos and kwentos and kwentos. Mainly about "our boys". The ex-es and other boys as well. It was nice being with them again. They seem to be a breathe of fresh air in an otherwise smog filled room. There we were 4 girls talking about our lives loves and faith. How nice. If I'd grow old, they would be the group I'd be having tea with during afternoons. a bunch of nice girls we were. all wanting the same thing. a nice man to be with for the rest of our lives. how simple yet hard.

have you ever woken up and the first thought in your mind was something bad? I did. just this morning. it wasn't more of a thought but a feeling. pain. we're the best of friends now, yknow...he visits every so often...its been a bad week...very bad week...prang back to square one ako ngayon...i'm so lost...dazed...hurt...i am suffering...when will this stop? when will the tears just dry up...kelan ako mamamanhid? its been 3 months and its stil the same...will it ever stop...it's so painful that i literally crumple to the floor..writhing in pain...and at the same time trying to breathe...ayoko nang masaktan...ayoko nang umiyak...ayoko na! ayoko na! but how can you tell that to someone...to someone like me...its so easy for you to say: get up and move on! don't think about it, forget about him he's a loser...it's easy for you to say that because hindi kayo yung nasasaktan...if i can show you how my pain looks like or or how it feels, the mere sight of it is something that will give you nightmares...the feeling will literally knock you off your feet...words cannot properly express how i have been feeling...masyadong masakit...and i have been feeling that for 3 months na...and counting....as i've said before I will never wish this kind of pain to anyone...another person will not be able to live it through...i can't...i'm already on borrowed time, i suspect...i already attempted twice...the last one just last week and that was already the worst...a third attempt might be the successful one...

I used to pray for God to give me strength..I didn't pray for us to get back together anymore if God doesn't want to....but lately....i accepted that I still love him and would still want to try it out with him kaya now I pray for us to be able to get back together (soon) if only he deems it so a=or if he thinks that it will do us good...but aside from that I'm bargaining with God to give us one more chance and promising that we will be both better Christians, sibling, son and daughter..better person...just one chance to correct our mistakes...and if after that one chance it still does not work out then we will let go of each other...all i'm asking is for one chance.....i don't know if God will say yes...and if he does when .....i hope sometime soon...very soon...Lord, just one chance is all I am asking...wouldn't you pray with me, dear?


This made my blue sunday a bit brighter. A testimonial from Jon in friendster: thank you Jon...God wanted me to smile for a minute and this is what he sent.... :)

She just simply brightens up our day in the office! Good mood ako when she's around!ü heheü Take a picture of her using a black and white roll of film....it'll come out colored!! naks!ü She casts a glow effortlessly and adds color to everything! Just imagine how many people have bad days whenever she's having one herself! So don't let anything or anyone take that glaring smile off your face k!?


Got this Ayn's from blog:

(The song whose lyrics I have included below is the translated song from the movie My Sassy Girl. The song
is originally sung in Korean.)


I believe


I believe
That although you are gone
This cannot be the end, can it?

I believe
That your journey back to me
Is just delayed, isn't it?

I remember so well
That I hurt myself as I cry
I hope you don't cry as I do
I hope you won't cry as you leave
I know you will return someday
Because I believe
I will wait for you, just you

I believe you should not cry
When you think about my pain
I believe my tears will bring you back to me
My eyes cannot forget
That it is you who made them cry
I hope you don't cry as I do

(Chorus)
My tears will bring you back to me
My eyes cannot forget
That it is you who make them cry
The world was not so beautiful
Beneath the same sky
All alone I cry
But I will wait here
Just for you
Even if waiting is hopeless
It's already enough
To think of love
Time means nothing to me
I will wait for you, just you

Just you...

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

2 people sent this to me yesterday....and somehow it lifted my spirits.....to feel that you're needed...to feel that someone out there thinks and loves you.....its such a heartwarming thought......it makes me feel that my life has purpose...in the end..under all the pain the tears the suffering...all i wanted was to love and to be loved in return...is that too much to ask for...

You are Everything To Somebody
Right now at this very minute-----------


someone
is very proud of you

someone
is thinking of you

someone
cares about you

someone
misses you

someone
wants to talk to you

someone
wants to be with you

someone
hopes you aren't in trouble

someone
is thankful for the support you have
provided


someone
wants to hold your hand

someone
hopes everything turns out all right

someone
wants you to be happy

someone
wants you to find them

someone
is celebrating your successes

someone
wants to give you a gift

someone
think you ARE a gift

someone
hopes you are not too cold, or too hot

someone
wants to hug you

someone
loves you

someone
wants to lavish you with small gifts

someone
admires your strength

someone
is thinking of you and smiling

someone
wants to be your shoulder to cry on

someone
wants to go out with you and have a lot of fun

someone
thinks the world of you

someone
wants to protect you

someone
would do anything for you

someone
wants to be forgiven

someone
is grateful for your forgiveness

someone
wants to laugh with you about old times

someone
remembers you and wishes you were there

someone
is praising God for you

someone
needs to know that your love is unconditional

somebody
values your advice

someone
wants to tell you how much they care

someone
wants to stay up watching old movies with you

someone
wants to share their dreams with you

someone
wants to hold you in their arms

someone
wants YOU to hold them in your arms

someone
treasures your spirit

someone
wishes they could STOP time because of you

someone
praises God for your friendship and love

someone
can't wait to see you

someone
wishes that things didn't have to change

someone
loves you for who you are

someone
loves the way you make them feel

someone
wants to be with you

someone
is hoping they can grow old with you

someone
hears a song that reminds them of you

someone
wants you to know they are there for you

someone
is glad that you're their friend

someone
wants to be your friend

someone
stayed up all night thinking about you

someone
is alive because of you

someone
is remorseful after losing your friendship

someone
is wishing that you would notice them

someone
wants to get to know you better

someone
believes that you are their soul mate

someone
wants to be near you

someone
misses your guidance and advice

someone
values your guidance and advice

someone
has faith in you

someone
trusts you

someone
needs you to send them this letter

someone
needs your support

someone
needs you to have faith in them

someone
needs you to let them be your friend

someone
will cry when they read this

Real loss is only possible when you love something more than you love yourself.”
-Good Will Hunting

i am trying to help myself and I am trying to help you because I can't do it alone....

How to Help Someone Who is Feeling Suicidal
When a friend or loved one is feeling suicidal, this can be a frightening experience. There is no fool-proof formula to prevent a suicide, but the following are steps compiled from what most suicide prevention organizations recommend

Here's How:
1. Be aware of the warning signs: depression, final arrangements, giving away of possessions, sudden elevated mood, self-destructiveness, and talk of suicide.

2. Be calm and accepting.

3.Give them your full attention; show that you take their feelings very seriously. A suicide attempt is never just a ploy for attention. It is a cry for help.

4. Do not be afraid to ask if they are thinking of suicide. You are not giving them ideas that they haven't already had.

5. Ask if they have a plan and a means to carry out a suicide. Those who have a definite plan are in the most immediate danger.

6. Don't leave them alone. If you must leave, contact someone you trust to take over.

7. Listen attentively and encourage them to share what they are feeling. Allowing them to vent will lessen some of the pressure they feel inside.

8. Avoid the urge to problem-solve or offer judgment on how bad things really are. How serious the problem is is less important than how serious it feels to them.

9. Keep them talking. As they tire, they will lose momentum and be less likely to act on their feelings.

10. Offer them a reason to go on in whatever form they will accept. Love of their children, hope that they can get well, even fear of a failed suicide attempt: all can help them hang on a bit longer until they get the treatment they need.

11. Encourage them to seek professional help as soon as possible. Let them know that depression is an illness and that it is very treatable. Help them make arrangements and take them to their appointment if necessary.

12. If you feel they are in immediate danger, don't hesitate to the emergency number in your area. It is not a betrayal of friendship to get your loved one help. They may feel angry at the time, but this will pass.

Tips:
There is no right or wrong thing you can say. Just be yourself.
Seek support for yourself afterwards to talk about your own feelings.
Places you can take a suicidal person for help: a crisis center, ER, mental health center, or their own psychiatrist or family doctor.


What do people who feel suicidal want?

Someone to listen. Someone who will take time to really listen to them. Someone who won't judge, or give advice or opinions, but will give their undivided attention.
Someone to trust. Someone who will respect them and won't try to take charge. Someone who will treat everything in complete confidence.
Someone to care. Someone who will make themselves available, put the person at ease and speak calmly. Someone who will reassure, accept and believe. Someone who will say, "I care."

What do people who feel suicidal not want?

To be alone. Rejection can make the problem seem ten times worse. Having someone to turn to makes all the difference. Just listen.

To be advised. Lectures don't help. Nor does a suggestion to "cheer up", or an easy assurance that "everything will be okay." Don't analyze, compare, categorize or criticize. Just listen.

To be interrogated. Don't change the subject, don't pity or patronize. Talking about feelings is difficult. People who feel suicidal don't want to be rushed or put on the defensive. Just listen

****
Ambivalence is a marked feature of a suicidal person. Many don't want to die, but simply want a way to escape an unbearable situation.

Emotionally you're an idiot.

Almost didn't make it last wednesday...almost didn't...I almost lost it if it weren't for my persistent friends and for the prayers of everyone...i already disconnected the phonelines...made sure I was alone...fixed my stuff...wrote my goodbye letter...prayed the rosary and 300 "souls in the purgatory prayer"...and I asked God for forgiveness...until someone made a desperate attempt to reach out to me...God bless his soul ( and mine na din...)...I was crying and crying the whole night...asking God to take away the pain and the hurt...bargaining with him that if he does I'd be a good girl for the rest of my life...and he did. just for that night lang naman, he took away the hurt because he made me sleep and the next thing I know I had the sun in my face...

That episode was my cry for help...it means that I really don't want to die but I need help...it means na i want to die because the pain and hurt was so unbearable........and because I feel that I am already a burden to everyone...an emotional vampire...and i never want that to happen...it means na...i need help because I can't help myself

"Sometimes an attempted suicide is, in effect, a cry for help. And surely family members and friends want to do the right thing for the one who has lost hope. Of course, it will not help to use expressions such as: "Stop feeling sorry for yourself," "A lot of people are worse off than you are" or, "All of us have a bad day now and then." Instead, why not be a real friend and a good listener? Yes, try to help the despondent one to see that life is worth living.

French author Voltaire wrote: "The man who, in a fit of melancholy, kills himself today, would have wished to live had he waited a week." Well, then, how can people in despair discover that life is worthwhile?

"Suicide is not about dying, it's about stopping pain,"

In the future...if this happens again...say a prayer for me...whenever you have time..say the Souls in the purgatory prayer..you never know..It might be my soul you're helping.....

"ETERNAL REST GRANT TO THEM, O, LORD AND PERPETUAL LIGHT SHINE UPON THEM."

*******
I will dedicate and sacrifice my every thing for just a second's worth to find my story's ending.
And I wish I could know the directions that I take,and all the choices that I make,
will end up all for nothing.

Show me what it's for, make me understand it.
I've been crawling in the dark, looking for the answer.
Is it something more than what I've been handed?
I've been crawling in the dark, looking for the answer.

Help me carry on.
Show me it's ok to use my heart and not my eyes
to navigate the darkness.
You'll be ending me, if I come in suddenly.
Will I ever get to see the ending to my story?

Show me what it's for, make me understand it.
I've been crawling in the dark,
looking for the answer.
Is it something more
than what I've been handed?
I've been crawling in the dark,
looking for the answer.

So when the hell will I know (know know know know know know...).
How much further do I have to go?
And how much longer 'til I finally know?
'Cause I'm looking and I just can't see what's in front of me,
in front of me!

Show me what it's for, make me understand it.
I've been crawling in the dark, looking for the answer.
Is it something more than what I've been handed?
I've been crawling in the dark, looking for the answer