where do you hang on to if you're drowning in the middle of the sea?

50 thousand tears I've cried

Screaming Deceiving and Bleeding for you

And you still won't hear me(I’m going under)

Don't want your hand this time

I'll save myself

Maybe I'll wake up for once

Not tormented daily defeated by you

Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom

I'm dying again

Segue:

why o why?


Have you seen the Adidas commercial? The Impossible 11? Superb.

***SPOILERS AHEAD***

Ang laging tanong sa akin lately is kung "kumusta ang/si mommy". Ang lagi ko naman sagot is ok lang pero iniisip ko tuloy pag tinatanong ba ako ng "kumusta ang/si mommy" ang ibig sabihin ba nila ay kumusta ako mismo or kumusta ang pagiging ina? Wla naman akong iniisip na masama sa tanong na yon ang sa akin lang is napapaisip lang ako...so kumusta nga ba si mommy?

Kung ako mismo..mabuti naman ako. buhay pa pagkatapos ng 3 araw na labor. Pina admit ako sa hospital nung june 2, friday, kse 40 weeks anf 1 day na ko nun. di pa nanganganak. ni 1 cm wla pa at mababa na ang amniotic fluid ko (read: tubig sa bahay bata). so nung june 2 inumpisahan ang pag induce sa akin. Nang pinasok ako sa DR nung tanghali ng June 2, napakaraming babaeng buntis sa DR. Ni check ang vital signs at nilinis ang tyan. Pinasok sa LR 2. Isa itong kwarto na mala aquarium dahil glass ang asa isang gilid nito. 12 hours akong asa LR 2 sa aking unang araw. Ako lang mag isa. naka dextrose at wlang makausap o ni mabasa. Ang tanging pampalipas oras ay ang pagbasa ng numero sa fetal heart rate machine, ang pagbasa ng nakalagay sa dextrose na baliktad at ang pag tingin sa maliit na bintana sa may taas ng aking ulo--ang nakikita ko nga lang sa bintana nito ay ang parking lot ng hospital...so lahat ng labas pasok sa parking lot nakikita ko. Sayang at wla akong nakitang nagpatayan o nag sex man lang sa loob ng sasakyan para man lang masiyahan ako ng konti. So ayun, 12 hours akong mag isa. 12 hours din akong wlang kinakain o iniinom. leche. gutom na kme ng anak ko. nang matapos ang first level ng pag induce or induction, sa awa ng dyos 1 cm pa din ako. ayaw lumabas ng bagets. napansin ko na lahat ng kasabayan ko na pumasok sa DR nung tanghali ng friday e wla na sa DR. champion. pinagpahinga ako sa kwarto ko na asa labas ng DR (hay salamat!) pero bawal pa din daw ako kumain. Pero wag ka, may panakaw na subo ako ng yang chow rice ng chowking. Aba! ikaw ba naman ang di pakainin no. Binalik ako ng umaga ng June 3 sa DR. eto nanaman kami~another 12 hours . Nung hapon ni biopsy ang tyan ko. Aba tumaas daw ang amniotic fluid ko. hindi sya abot ng 7 which is the normal and safe # pero tumaas ng 6 mula sa dating 5.5. Sbe ng OB pwede daw ako umuwi. Sa loob loob ko, LECHE! pagkatapos nyo kong gutumin ng 12 hours e biglang papauwiin nyo ko! Buti nalang somekinda matalino si ob at sinabe na since asa hospital nalang din ako e mag all the way na kme. ehem. sa pag induce po. so sya sige manganak na kung manganak para one time big time. Humingi muna ako ng time out. feeling ko para akong ieechagaray. binigyan ako ng reprieve ng 2 hours bago umpisahan ang 3rd and last attempt of induction. after 2 hours binalik na ulet ako~this time 8 hours nalang daw DAPATT. so buong gabi ng sabado go nanaman kme. masakit po ang pag induce. baka akalain nyo na dahil naka 3 induction ako na ganun ganun lang yun. masakit po sya at nakaka lungkot dahil mag isa lang kayo at wlang kausap at wla pang makain. Nung mga 3am, 1 cm pa din ako. Wla na atang pag asa na lumuwag pa ang aking sipit sipitan. Nung mga 5am, sa sobrang inis ko, nag prisinta ako sa ob resident if pwede ako maglakad lakad ng onti. kaya ayun namasyal ako hila hila ang aking dextrose sa loob ng delivery room na may patingin tingin sa pinto ng DR na may malaking window nangangarap na may makikitang kakilala. Ang pinto na ito ay malayo kung asa ako nun so halos di mo na makikilala ang taong asa kabila ng pinto na to. Mga 7am tiningnan ulet ako at sinabi na sa wakas ng 3cm na ko. Wow! akala mo ang laki pero hello sa tagal na wlang nangyayari e ang pag 3cm ko ay welcome change. Binutas na ang water bag ko para ma force na lumabas si bagets at dun na nag suklob ang langit at lupa. kung nasasaktan ka sa dysmenorrhea..goodluck pag naglalabor ka. may nag taray pa sa akin na ob resident kse humihingi ako ng painkiller. di daw pwede kse sa monitor bumababa na ang heart rate ni baby. gusto ko sana sigawan. ikaw ang mag labor at mag tiis sa sakit. kaso sa sobrang sakit di na ko nakapag react. iyak, hawak sa kama at ang pag tawag sa lahat ng santo ang inatupag ko nalang nun. sa oras na yun ready na din ako mag give up. ikaw ba naman ang mag labor ng 3 araw at di kumain ng ganun katagal ewan ko nalang kung may lakas ka pang umire. sa wakas nag desisyon na din ang doctor na i-CS na daw ako. bumababa na ang heart rate ni bagets at ayaw na nila na pati ako e bumaba na din ang vitals. Pinasok ako sa operating room at hiniga sa operating table (langya mas nakakatakot pala dun. sino ba ang interior designer ng kwarto na yun!?!?!?! tama ba naman na naka display yung mga sinaunang gamit sa pagpapanganak) kaso nilabas ulet kse ang asawa ko daw gusto ako kausapin. haaaayyy masakit na po! Pagbalik ko sa operating room na notice ko ang hinihigaan ko...tama ba naman na ang operating table e gawa sa leather na itim at hugis pa cross?! wuzdameaning ito! so sa madali't salita nanganak na ko. so sa tanong na kumusta ako mismo...ok ako. buhay pa sa awa ng Dyos. salamat sa pagtanong.

Pero kung ang tanong ay kung kumusta ang pagiging ina ... masaya..masarap...nakakapagod...fulfilling...mahirap i explain basta masaya...pag sinabi ko na masaya meron pa bang explanation yun? hindi maiintindihan ng isang tao ang pakiramdam unless isa syang ina or isang ama na naghirap sa anak...para ka na din sigurong nanalo sa lotto...jackpot. one time bigtime ang feeling....ngayon kung ngingiti lang ang anak ko para sa akin solb na ang lahat....

na miss kita

a rollercoaster ride that's how I can describe my pregnancy... from "still-not-pregnant" announcements to pregnancy complications to buy me this kind of food at this restaurant or else to non fetal movement scare (turns our antukin lang pala like his dad) to a 3 -day labor (yes, 3) to fetal heart rate decline to finally...this

Meet my "bunso"

Alessandro Raphael Antonio Agnello Perez-Aniciete

a.k.a kurdapyo (wla pang nick e)

For something I've always wanted and for something I've always dreamt of..there were times that I almost gave up...but of course I didn't. It was a difficult pregnancy but at the end it was all worth it...when you see that little bundle sleeping in your arms despite the sleepless nights..the dozing off while you're breastfeeding...in the end it was all worth it..would I go through it again...ahem..that's why I call my only son bunso

ditdiritditditdit (ala am radio)

nanganak na po ako. SA WAKAS. updates soon

ditdiritditditdit (ala am radio)

sa lahat ng nagtatanong at naghahanap sa akin...hindi pa po ako nanganganak...hindi pa type ng bagets na lumabas sa aking tyan na akala nya ata e kasing laki ng soccer field sa kakasipa at kakagalaw nya

B O R E D

a few weeks to go.....i'm on my 34th week. doctor sez that I can give birth between the 11th of May to June 8...i can't wait...i'm at the brink already...i hate being pregnant...i hate the dependency...the all day sickness....the no smoking..the no coke..errrr...the konting coke pala....

How does one measure friendship?

is it in the number of years?





is it in the number of trials that you both went through?

indeed, how does one measure friendhsip?

i think we've nailed...first it was Rhemarco Ace Agnello Moreira then Franco Ace Antonio Agnello now, and hopefully, the last, its Martin Ace Antonio Agnello :)

i'm in my 7 month...just a couple of weeks before the small guy says hello to mommy...i'm gonna enroll my kid in soccer camp because he's been kicking me so hard everday! .....going to work nowadays is such a burden...i am so tamad and when I'm at work I'm so sleepy naman...can't wait when i start my maternity leave by that time naman I'd probably be too bored naman sa house that's why now palang i'm trying to compile everything that I can so that I can start a scrapbook thingy...

How would you feel if I kept something secret from you and you had to find out through other people about it?

now we start thinking of boy names...we were really hoping for a girl but a boy's a welcome gift too :) (Please no Ace Jr!)

what's in a name

yciar
lucia
jacinta
belinda
carissa
martha
ingrid
helene'- margaruite
georgianna
christianne
bettina
bambina........

what if it's a boy?????

What profits a man if he gains the world, but loses his soul?

i wanted to blog about what happened yesterday...nope, nothing big or serious..but it was just one 'em days...but writer's bloc got the better of me...i've been trying to compose something that would begin to describe how my day was yesterday but i couldn't simply explain it...adjectives went on an early summer vacation...so i leave at that...it was just one o' 'em days...

sakit ipin ko

Mother doesn't know where love has gone,
she says it must be youth that keeps us feeling strong.
See it in her face that's turned to ice,
and when she smiles she shows the lines of sacrifice.
And now I know what they're saying as our sun begins to fade,
and we made our love on wasteland and through the barricades.

may mga desisyon sa buhay na kailangan gawin ng tao....kung ano ang desisyon kailangan nila respetuhin...wla ka naman magagawa...wla ka nanaman masasabe...basta kung saan ka masaya....

Turn around and I'll be there,
well there's a scar right through my heart but I'll bare it again.
Oh, I thought we were the human race but we were just another borderline case,
and the stars reach down and tell us that there's always one escape.
Oh, I don't know where love has gone,
and in this troubled land desperation keeps us strong.
Friday's child is full of soul,
with nothing left to lose there's everything to go.
And now I know what they're saying,
it's a terrible beauty we've made,
so we make our love on wasteland and through the barricades.
And now I know what they're saying as our hearts go to their graves,
and we made our love on wasteland and through the barricades

 

its a day late but I'm sure wishes don't have expiration dates...so from my family to yours (family: Ace, hundun plus 1), we wish you a Happy Christmas and may the Holy Spirit fill your Christmas with heavenly bliss and happiness

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Finally! after a long absence

i'm in between mg 8th and 9th week of pregnancy.it hasn't been the best pregnancy...everyday seems to be a struggle~an uphill battle that is. from the moment i wake up to the moment I close my eyes. in the morning I feel sick. i am hungry~ravenous at that and there's that quesy feeling of ...vomiting and nausea. at night, I have difficulty sleeping and my sleep is always interrupted with frequent trips to the banyo and the pangs of hunger. poor ace, he has to contend with all that..he barely has time to sleep and rest on his own plus the fact that I don't even want him to touch me..hold my hand, hug or kiss me..blech! but despite of all that you will not hear any tinge of regret or anger or any negative feeling or comment...even when he is pissed na with me he'd still manage a smile for me even when I'm scowling back at him.

There are nights when I just cry because of all the pain...when I just utter why all these pain for something that I've always wanted...
Don't mistake all these for regret. absolutely not. despite all the pain and the tears..everything..i still want and love my baby. we both do. I've waited for so long to have one and I'm gonna try to stick it out till the end.

well, that's it. nothing much to say.

i'm back

just a rundown...but i'll keep the biggest news last :)

1. I found out my lola is now bedridden. she's a type2 diabetic and she fell down a couple of weeks ago. my mom is taking care of her coz she's a feeder. hopefully her health improves

2. I had a fever a week ago for 2 days. then it re-curred last thursday so I had to to the ER to have myself checked since I registered a 38.5. I stayed there from thursday to yesterday. They found out that I had a systematic viral infection and another finding that'll leave to item #3. Then last night I had to go the ER again due to chest pains. This time I went to Makati Med since staying in Cardinal Santos left a bad taste in our mouths. They found out that I had an inflammed ribcage. Cure: paracetamol and bedrest. that was it. and there I was thinking na I had some sort of a heart problem. whew!

3. And the last kwento:

From today: she (we want a girl) is 5 weeks and 6 days old!

Unfortunately, its gonna be a tough ride for me. Doctor says that reason why I had backpain was due to the baby. She gave me medicines to make sure that my baby's stay in my womb is peaceful. the term that she used was: threatened abortion. hopefully, my baby remains to be a good girl and just stays where she is until june of next year. Mommy would be sad if she doesn't